


Arranged Coincidence

by boneswrites



Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: AU, Actor!Erik, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, professor!charles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:25:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 122,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2561246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles Xavier, Professor of Genetics at New York University and Hollywood star Erik Lehnsherr meet by coincidence at a coffee shop. After said encounter, Charles is able to continue on living with not much thought directed towards their meeting. However, the same cannot be said for Erik; Charles is all he can think about. Charles doesn’t believe in fate, but can Erik change said fact? And when Charles's troubled past begins to haunt him once again, will Erik be able to help Charles overcome it, or will it build a permanent bridge between them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys! Yes, another fic hehe! Cherik is my guilty pleasure so I've wanted to write a fic for them and my friend, Keith (bless him) gave me this idea. Erik's filmography in the fic will be Michael's and some actors might make an appearance here and there. I'm really excited for this fic and I hope you guys enjoy! Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

“I booked us two tickets!” Raven exclaimed as soon as Charles walked in the kitchen with bed-ridden hair as the clock ticked past 8:11am.

Charles stared at his sister for a good thirty seconds before attempting to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes. “Wh-what? Booked for what?” Charles’s voice was rough.

“To see 12 Years a Slave, of course!” Raven answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Uh, Raven,” Charles began as he dropped into one of the chairs surrounding the dinning table in the middle of the kitchen, “I really don’t have time to go to the movies.” 

Charles Xavier is a professor of genetics currently employed at New York University, needless to say, such a professor wouldn’t have the luxury of free time and the ability to spend said time however he may wish. Even in the rare times that Charles does indeed get some free time, it is often taken up by his students. Whether he would be helping them if they were having difficulty with the curriculum, or if that time were spent grading papers and giving feedback, overall, his free time was never used for his own benefit, or for his own priorities. But in a way, his students were his priority. They always came before he did.

“Charles,” Raven’s tone switched to a serious one, “you have to let go a little. You’re always working, you’re always in your office buried in papers and truth is, you never do what you want.”

“I am doing what I want, and what I love,” Charles defended.

“I know that, I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that there has got to be other things you enjoy doing that you’d like to do aside from your work, right? Besides, you’ve got to go out. You need human contact,” Raven expressed.

“I do get human contact.”

“With other people besides your students?” Raven raised an eyebrow.

Charles went silent for a moment or two. His mind went back a few years, trying to recollect any events he’d attended that didn’t include his students. Three events, over the span of five years. Much to his dismay, Raven is right.

“Fine, we’ll go,” Charles sighed with defeat.

“Yes!” She got up and kissed Charles’s cheek. “And for a bonus, Erik Lehnsherr is in it,” she smirked and walked out of the kitchen.

“He’s your crush, not mine!” Charles yelled after her.

\---

The sunbeams hit Erik’s closed eyelids, causing him to twist and turn a few times before finally opening his eyes. Blinking a few times to focus on the clock sitting on his nightstand: 9:08am. Erik closed his eyes once again and rubbed his face with his hands, running one through his messy hair. He slowly sat up in his bed and tried to remember what day it was.

It’s his day off. No wonder the alarm didn’t blare at seven in the morning.

Erik walked into the kitchen in nothing but his boxers and spotted his sister reading a book and eating cereal on the dinning table. He approached her and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“Good morning.”

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she smiled.

“What? No university today?” Erik asked, making his way towards the fridge. He pulled out a box of orange juice and poured some into a glass cup.

“Nope,” she shook her head. “I woke up at eight and I was getting ready but then I checked my mail. Professor number one sent an email saying there won’t be class today cause it’ll be conferences and we just took a midterm yesterday for professor number two, so he told us to take the day off. And from the looks of you, you have nowhere to be today so I guess we’re stuck together.”

“Guess we are,” Erik chuckled.

Alice is an undergraduate student studying Journalism at New York University. She’s determined, strong-willed, passionate and most importantly, stubborn. She’s probably the most stubborn person Erik knows. And Erik knows a lot of people. That being said, Erik knows exactly when to argue with her and when to draw the line. More times than most, he lets her have her way, that being more time than most, not all the time.

Erik was flipping through the newspaper, with no headlines grabbing his attention, he threw it to the side and looked at his sister. “So, what shall we do today, Allie?”

“We could stay in, go on a Lord of the Rings marathon and order Chinese, maybe?” Allie flashed an angelic smile.

“You may he given this a little more than just a thought, huh?” Erik teased.

“Maybe,” her smile grew wider.

“Including the Hobbit films?” Erik asked.

“Absolutely! Always go in order,” she reminded her brother.

“Always,” Erik repeated with a smile as he got off the couch, drew the curtains shut and fumbled for the Hobbit trilogy in the huge DVD library he owned.

Simultaneously, Allie got up from the dinning table, took her empty bowl and Erik’s empty glass to the sink and rinsed them quickly before opening one of the cupboards and grabbing two popcorn packages. “Butter or caramel?”

“Uh, both,” Erik answered.

“Awesome.”

A few minutes later, the siblings were seated on the couch each hoarding a bowl of popcorn in their laps as Erik pressed play and An Unexpected Journey started playing. Erik was already cherishing the day yet to begin. He rarely got days like this.

\---

Raven blasted through the mansion’s front door and marched into Charles’s office, only to see him still dressed in his sweatpants and his faded grey NYU shirt.

“Seriously?” Raven glared.

“What?” Charles questioned, looking up for split second before returning his attention to the paper he’s grading.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m grading?” Charles looked up.

Heat was radiating through Raven’s eyes as she threatened to rip his head off. “Do you know how hard it was to get those tickets?” she finally spoke.

Charles froze for a few seconds before checking his watch. And he should have been ready…thirteen minutes ago. “I am so sorry, I didn’t—time flew by.” Charles let go of his pen and walked towards Raven. “I’ll be ready in five minutes!” He kissed her cheek and ran for his life, taking two steps of stairs at a time, partially because his life did depend on it.

\---

“I should have bought you two extra tissue boxes,” Charles teased Raven, who was clenching onto his arm like a lifeline, which is probably what it was. Charles feared that if he let go, Raven would tumble to the ground.

“Don’t make fun of me,” Raven hissed in between sniffs. “I cannot believe that didn’t shake you, that ending. You’re a heartless man, Charles.”

“Very much, indeed, I might be,” Charles chuckled.

“Oh, my God,” Raven shook her head and used her free hand to dry her cheeks. “You’re unbelievable. But that was something, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it was,” Charles agreed. “Truly incredible.”

“What did you think of Lehnsherr’s performance?” Raven pressed.

“To be quite honest, I was in awe. I think this is the first time I’m torn between whether to sympathize or hate the character. The way he turned from the victim to the victimizer caught me, and I have to admit, his performance was spectacular.”

“I’m glad you like him,” Raven teased.

“I do not like him, Raven, I don’t know him. And I’m not even sure I like his character, either,” Charles justified.

\---

“I’m running late,” Charles shouted so Raven could hear him, “I have back-to-back meetings all day long, so I have absolutely no idea when I’ll be back!”

“Have a good day!” Raven greeted, a few moments later, she heard the front door slam loudly.

\---

“Thank you very much,” Charles smiled at the barista as he took his coffee. He placed it beside the pile of papers—worksheets for his students. He turned to grab a handful packs of sugar just as someone bumped into him, causing his arm to swing across the table, hit the cup of coffee, which immediately started to saturate the papers.

“Brilliant,” Charles muttered under his breath.

Meanwhile, the mystery person grabbed a bunch of tissues and started drying off the coffee that was spreading across the table.

“I’m sorry, you can’t control the domino effect,” a German accent spoke.

“It’s quite all right,” Charles said, busy removing the paper to look at the mystery face.

“Mind if I buy another cup?”

“I wouldn’t want to cause you any—“ Charles was silenced the moment he looked up at the mystery face. Blinking rapidly, he was staring into the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, “—trouble.” It came out a whisper.

It was Erik Lehnsherr.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! I'm so sorry this is super late but uni got busy busy. I'm actually very happy with the response for this fic and I'm very excited! Feedback is greatly appreciated! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Charles stared into the magical eyes of Erik, still trying to comprehend the fact that it was _him_.

“It’s no trouble at all,” Erik smiled majestically at Charles, unaware of the professor’s current dilemma.

Charles broke the eye contact and focused his eyes on his watch. Yup, he was running late. “Uh,” he looked up once again, “it’s really not a big deal, and I’m running a bit late. You can’t control the domino effect.” Charles flashed a small smile, grabbed his bag and wet papers and walked out of the busy coffee shop.

Erik’s eyes followed Charles’s swift movements, his eyes remaining on the door far long after Charles has disappeared into the big city. He didn’t notice the goofy smile he was wearing.

 _Wow_ , he thought. _What are the odds I’d see him again?_ Erik shook his head. _Probably never_. Erik grabbed his own cup and followed in Charles’s footsteps. Erik, being a celebrity, liked crowded places, unlike every other human soul. But he had his reasons, and very good ones, to stay. People don’t look at other people in crowds, they simple move without paying much attention to the others around them, too many people. Unlike when it’s not crowded. People tend to stare at every person that walks passed them on the sidewalk which means the odds that Erik would get recognized is much higher if he were in a place that wasn’t crowded. Not that he didn’t like getting approached, but sometimes, he needed space. And today was one of those days. He needed space so he could think about Charles, the name of the man unknown to him.

All Erik could think about were Charles’s cerulean blue eyes and his bright red lips that contrasted beautifully with his skin tone. His dark brown hair that flowed gracefully over his forehead and in the moment, it occurred to him just how much he wanted to run his hand possessively through those locks.

Erik is going to have much difficulty getting through this starting day.

\---

Charles walked into his classroom, seeing that most of the students were already in their seats, getting out their notebooks and pens, getting ready for the class. Charles noticed a small group of his students clustered close together, hovering over something Charles couldn’t see. As he passed by them, he saw they were gathered around an iPad, watching some sort of interview.

“Good morning, Professor,” Jean looked up from the source of attention.

“Morning, Jean,” Charles smiled.

“It’s pretty clear you have both the attention of men and women,” the interviewer chuckled, “so tell me, what qualities do you look for in a potential partner?”

Charles wasn’t paying attention to what the students were watching but once the interviewee started talking, Charles directed his attention to the voice blasting through the iPad speakers. He knew that voice.

“Well, someone loving and passionate, someone who would be able to understand my hectic schedule and would understand that some sacrifices have to be made. I think overall, the bond between us must be stronger than what life throws at us,” Erik explained.

For some unknown reason, Charles’s mind began to think about those qualities and if possess them. The chatter of the children snapped him out of his thoughts.

“How many women do you think want to have a piece of him?” Jean asked.

“Many, I imagine, but they won’t get what they’re after,” Darwin answered.

“You know he’s gay, right?” Alex raised an eyebrow.

 _He’s gay?_ Charles thought. That’s a new piece of information, information that he will never need, really.

Charles checked his watch, and saw it was almost time for class to begin. “All right, guys, put that away and we’ll start shortly.”

“Are we getting the worksheets today?” Alex asked.

“Unfortunately, due to an incident with coffee this morning, the worksheets have been ruined, but how about we go through the first two sections and see if you have any problems?” Charles proposed.

“Sounds like a plan, prof.” Alex nodded.

\---

“You seem…different,” Raven looked over at her brother.

“What?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“I worry about you,” Raven confessed.

“No need to worry, I’m perfectly fine, thank you,” Charles said.

“Not that way, Charles. Are you really that close-minded?”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you really going to spend the rest of your life all by yourself? I mean, come on Charles, you need someone. You need someone in your life to help you, be there for you, care about you, love you,” Raven said with a sincere tone.

“Well, I have you….and what brought this on, all of a sudden?” Charles asked.

“First off, it’s not me. And second, it wasn’t brought up suddenly, I’ve been trying to talk to you about it for a long time but you always either change the subject or block it out completely,” Raven answered honestly.

“I’m perfectly happy where I am at the moment,” Charles tried to convince Raven.

“Charles, please. You haven’t dated anyone in well over five years, and that’s not healthy. I don’t know if you’re ignoring it or what you’re trying to do exactly, but I can see it every time I look at you.”

“See what exactly, if I may ask?” Charles shrugged.

“You’re crumbling away, Charles. Slowly, but surely. And it kills me to see it happening without being able to stop it. I love you more than anything in this world, and I’m begging you, we need people in our lives, Charles, and you’re no different,” Raven’s eye fell on the ground.

Sighing, Charles extended his hand to Raven. “Come here.” She took his hand and leaned into him. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, Charles planted a kiss on Raven’s head.

“I just don’t want you to be a loner, that’s all,” Raven’s voice was muffled by Charles’s cardigan.

Charles chuckled without saying a word. There wasn’t anything to be said.

\---

Charles kept twisting and turning in his bed, checking the clock on his nightstand repeatedly, with no significant time passage. Sighing deeply, he ran his hand over his tired face and started to think about Raven’s words. It wasn’t that Charles doesn’t like people, or that he thinks he’s too good for them, it’s the exact opposite, actually. But it’s not as easy as Raven made it seem, and finding someone isn’t that easy for him. Charles isn’t the kind of person to depend on others for anything. Ever since his parents died when he was twelve and he was left alone to raise Raven, he decided that relying on other people was not the way to do things. If he wants to do something, he does it himself, otherwise, it wouldn’t be done right. He understood where Raven was coming from, but he couldn’t specify a certain flaw in his life; he was in good health, had a stable house, good money, a sister who he loved dearly, a position he wouldn’t have dreamt of. Everything is perfect for Charles Xavier. However, he couldn’t shut out that little voice in the back of his head, repeatedly reminding him that this isn’t his life—not his full life, anyway. If he loses all of those things, what will he have left? Yet again, after what happened…Charles shook his head roughly, kicking the thought out of his head. He won’t go down that road again.

\---

Unknown to Charles, Erik was going through the same dilemma in the heart of the city. But unlike Charles, Erik wasn’t in denial whether he wanted someone or was better off alone; wanting Charles was the reason he was wide awake. He couldn’t explain it really, but there was a feeling he couldn’t shake off. The moment his eyes met Charles’s, peace took him over, warmth, the feeling that all he ever needed and wanted was clustered into the being of which he does not know what to call. He needed to know more about the stranger who might have stolen his heart at first glance.

\---

Erik was able to grab a few hours of shuteye before the blaring alarm startled him from his sleep. He groaned as he rubbed his face, forcing his eyelids open and taking a few moments before finally focusing on the ceiling. He had to know more about that beautiful stranger. It was all he could think about, awake and asleep.

Erik looked around the apartment, he couldn’t see his sister anywhere so he walked over and grabbed the newspaper sitting on the coffee table. He read the headline and his jaw fell wide open.

‘Professor of Genetics Charles Xavier to be commended for accomplishments in the field at NYU.’

Under it was a big picture of a smiling Charles and Erik could swear it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Erik was in awe. His prayer had been answered. The stranger, he now learned, goes by the name of Charles Xavier.

“Morning,” Allie said, as she walked into the kitchen.

Erik moved the paper so Allie could read the headline. She nodded. “Professor Xavier? He did some huge thing in the genetics field. He’s the head of the genetics department at university.”

“Xavier,” Erik whispered.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Allie raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” Erik replied quickly. “Are you going to the ceremony?”

“Yeah, I am. Why?”

“Great, I’ll pick you up.”

“I was gonna go home with my friends, but that sounds good,” Allie nodded.

\---

“Are you excited?” Raven asked, as she fell backwards on Charles’s bed.

“Not really,” Charles answered from the closet.

“What? You’re insane,” Raven scoffed. “How could you not?”

“I just don’t see the point of it, that’s all.”

“The point? Charles, you achieved a huge thing in the field of genetics. You are getting recognized, it’s great!”

“I don’t want recognition, I just want to do good,” Charles confessed.

“And you did, Charles. And now you’re getting patted on the back for it.”

“How wonderful,” Charles kissed Raven’s cheek and walked out. “Don’t be late!”

“Would I ever!” Raven teased and a few moments later, she heard the mansion door slam.

\---

“I am so proud of you!” Raven clenched hard to Charles backstage after he received his award.

“Thank you,” He smiled while returning the embrace.

“This is going to look beautiful on your desk,” Raven said, as she grabbed the statue from Charles’s grip.

After shaking hands and taking pictures, Charles was finally able to make it out the gate. Within the sea of people, he noticed a familiar face standing not too far away. He raised an eyebrow as he observed. One of the students was making her way towards him; he was looking down, hiding his face. As soon as his face was visible from under the Yankees cap he was wearing, Charles’s heart either stopped beating or raced faster. It was Erik Lehnsherr. Again.

Erik looked straight at Charles, as if they were the only ones in the world. He didn’t break eye contact, giving Charles a small smile and a nod. Charles remained still, his facial expression of surprise unchanging. It wasn’t until the girl tugged at Erik’s arm, forcing him to break the connection between them that Erik finally looked away and walked around his car. With one quicker glance at Charles, he got in, so did the girl, and Charles watched the car as it drove out of sight.

“Oh. My. God,” Charles heard Raven speak. “Was that Erik Lehnsherr?”

“Yes, yes it was,” Charles answered absentmindedly, his eyes still locked at the empty parking space.

\---

“Wait, wait, hold on a second,” Raven silenced Charles as they walked through the front door of the mansion. “You _met_ him before?”

“Yes, I did. Only briefly,” Charles took off his jacket.

“When?” Raven raised her hands in the air.

“A few days ago, I was getting coffee, he bumped into me, I split my coffee, he tried buying me another one, I said it was all right and walked out,” Charles explained.

“You did _what_?” Raven raised her eyebrows. “Oh, no, you didn’t. And you didn’t even tell me!”

“It’s not big deal,” Charles chuckled.

“It’s a huge deal! That’s Erik Lehnsherr we’re talking about here, also known as the most handsome man in the world.”

“So? Like I said before, I don’t even know him.”

“This is the part where you get to know him.”

“Raven, again, he’s your crush, not mine,” Charles reminded his sister.

“Well, I don’t have much of a chance because, you know, female,” Raven gestured to her body.

Charles rolled his eyes and started walking towards the stairs. “Good night, Raven.”

\---

“So that’s why you were so eager to pick me up,” Allie teased Erik as she fell back on the couch next to him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” a light blush appeared on his cheeks.

“You’re blushing!” Allie laughed. “Don’t be a jerk and spill!”

Erik told his sister about the heavenly day he met Charles Xavier, the excitement never leaving his face as the story concluded to the events of tonight. “And here we are. I don’t know why, but I feel like he’s different.”

“That’s cause he is,” Allie said.

“What do you know about him?”

“I just hear things, mostly. I never took a class with him and I highly doubt I will. But from what I heard, he’s practically an angel. They say he’s got a heart of gold,” Allie smiled.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Erik teased.

“I’m not, that’s what they say, I swear,” she shrugged. “And besides, Professor Xavier is one hell of a good looked guy,” she winked.

“Oh, please, he can’t stand me,” Erik rolled his eyes.

“Erik, half the word can’t stand you. It’s because they don’t know you,” Allie said honestly.

\---

Erik woke up before his alarm and decided to go for a walk, not knowing or caring where his legs were taking him. He loved the city in the morning. The crisp air colliding with his skin, the smell of the mist in the air around him, and how peaceful the city looked and felt. He came to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk and closed his eyes, taking a moment to absorb the beauty he was engulfed in.

“Are you stalking me?” a voice snapped Erik out of his comfort zone as he slowly turned around to face the source of the voice: Charles Xavier.

Erik looked up; he was standing in front of the NYU gate.

 _Way to go, legs._ Erik thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! Sorry it took a while to updates, uni's been a pain (per usual). But I'm so thrilled of the response for this story, and I'm really excited! In this chapter, we're finally getting somewhere with stubborn Charles and determined Erik! Hope you guys enjoy! Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Erik gazed around the empty street before turning his attention back to Charles, a small chuckle escaping his lips. “Believe it or not, I’m not.”

“So you mean to tell me that you stumbled here?” Charles’s eyebrow shot up.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Erik nodded.

Charles’s unimpressed expression didn’t change as he folded his arms in front of his chest.

“Honest,” Erik raised his hands in defense as a small laugh echoed through the empty street.

“All right,” Charles nodded, “I should get going, though. I’ve got a bunch of paperwork waiting for me at home,” Charles strode past Erik.

“Paperwork can wait?” Erik suggested as Charles stopped and turned to face him, their faces inches apart. Erik’s breath caught in his throat at the ravishing beauty of Charles Xavier. The control Erik had to summon not to run his hand through those soft brown locks of hair was tiring him out already.

“It was nice seeing you again, Mr. Lehnsherr,” Charles whispered and began to walk away once more.

“Come on, at least give me a chance,” Erik said after him. Charles didn’t turn back. “All right, then, congratulations on your award!”

Charles’s head turned briefly towards Erik, but he didn’t stop walking. “Thank you!”

“I really am not stalking you!”

Charles chuckled as he turned his head towards Erik again, and gave him a small nod. Still feeling Erik’s blazing gaze at him, Charles didn’t stop and look back. But something in him wanted to.

\---

Erik threw his keys on the side table as he closed the front door behind him. He peeled off his jacket, leaving it on one of the armchairs sitting in front of the television as he let himself fall back on the couch. He sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair.

“Where were you?” Allie asked, emerging from her room.

“I ended up in front of NYU,” Erik said.

“And?” Allie pressed.

“And Charles was there,” Erik continued. “And he thinks I’m stalking him.”

“Are you?” Allie asked, plopping next to Erik on the couch.

Erik shot her a look.

“Sorry,” she chuckled, “I had to ask.”

“He isn’t coming around,” Erik said defeated.

“Give him some time,” Allie placed her hand on Erik’s shoulder.

\---

Charles was sitting in front of the blaring television, not really paying attention to what was happening on the screen. Instead, his thoughts were focused on the earlier encounter he had.

“Can I trust him?” Charles asked, absentmindedly as Raven sat next to him.

“Who?” She asked.

“ _Him_ ,” Charles pressed. “I bumped into him again today.”

“Seriously?” Raven’s eyes widened. “Well, hell, if that ain’t the world’s way of telling you to give the guy a chance, I don’t know what it is. What did you tell him?”

“I accused him of stalking me,” Charles said in a small tone.

“Of course you did,” Raven sighed. “But now you’re thinking about it.”

Charles nodded with a sigh.

“On a serious note, though, you’ll never know if you never try. I mean, how will you ever get to know someone and eventually trust them if you’re always locked away, either here or at the university. I’m not saying you should open up to the guy completely, but at least take him up on his coffee offer, if it still stands.”

“I think it still does.”

“If you don’t start somewhere, this guy will pass by, so will the next and the next. And soon enough, the world will be out of men.”

Charles rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Shut up, you love me,” Raven kissed Charles’s cheek and stood up. “Oh, and I am definitely going out with you the next time you leave because you seem to bump into him at every corner of this city and I would love to see his beauty in real life. Don’t you think that it’s maybe fate that’s drawing you two together?” she asked.

“I don’t believe in fate,” Charles said simply.

\---

As promised, Raven accompanied Charles to various parts of the city, but unfortunately, they didn’t bump into the star. As the days went by, Charles started to believe that the entire randomly-bumping-into-Erik-Lehnsherr campaign was over. He pushed the man to the back of his mind and devoted his attention to his work and his students. But, the fact that Charles doesn’t believe in fate doesn’t dismiss it as the key element that always brings those two men together.

Charles had an extra hour to waste before heading to the university, so he decided to drop by his favorite coffee shop and have a drink before making his way to NYU. He walked into the not-so-busy space and looked at the menu that listed the day’s specials, unaware of the people around him.

“Now are you the one stalking me?” a voice spoke from behind Charles.

Charles jumped and turned around in a heartbeat. Of course, it was Erik.

“I was here first,” Erik smirked.

“Yeah, of course you were,” Charles inspected the handsome face. “And no, I wasn’t stalking you.”

“Are you sure?” Erik raised an eyebrow.

“I see what you’re doing, and yes, I’m sure. I’m sorry I accused you of stalking me before,” Charles nodded.

“Don’t worry about it,” Erik whispered as he felt himself gradually getting lost in the other man’s blue eyes. “I imagine a man like you doesn’t have time to waste,” Erik snapped back to reality, “grabbing a coffee and taking off?”

“Actually, no,” Charles shook his head. “I have an hour to waste.”

“Well then, I’m here and you’re here and we’ve got time, can you let me buy you that very-much-overdue-coffee?” Erik smiled.

Charles froze for a moment, his mind going in a million directions, looking for ways to weasel out. But Raven’s words taunted him. He felt himself slowly nodding. “Sure.”

“What were you doing at the ceremony?” Charles asked, after both men grabbed their coffee and settled on a table in the far corner of the coffee shop.

“My sister goes to the university, so I thought I’d drop by and show some support,” Erik shrugged as he took a sip from his coffee.

“You don’t even know me,” Charles frowned.

“Do I have to know you to support the great things you’ve achieved in your field?” Erik smirked.

Charles stayed silent.

“Your coffee will get cold,” Erik remarked.

Charles took a long gulp.

“Why are you so stiff? I mean, none of this was planned,” Erik said.

“Planned?”

“All of our meetings, it was merely coincidence, fate, maybe,” Erik expressed.

“I don’t believe in fate,” Charles scoffed.

“You don’t?”

“No,” Charles shook his head, “I think that everyone is capable of creating their own destiny, nothing is written down and is set to happen. I believe that everyone has the ability to choose how their life pans out, how it unfolds, it’s in our hands, not the hands of another…thing,” Charles explained.

“That’s a way to look at it,” Erik nodded.

“Why do you believe in fate?” Charles gave Erik a small smile. And Erik melted.

“I believe that the universe has its way of pulling people together.”

“So we don’t have a choice?” Charles arched his eyebrow.

“No, we do have a choice. It’s a choice of whether to go with it or not, to either stay or walk away.”

“And if you walk away?”

“The universe works in mysterious ways,” Erik smiled.

“So, you mean to say those two people will end up together no matter what?” asked Charles.

“I like to think so,” Erik nodded, “maybe they won’t be together tomorrow, or in a year. Maybe in ten, or twenty years.”

“That’s a long time,” Charles chuckled.

“Yes, yes, it is,” Erik joined the laughter.

“Why do you believe so hard in this?”

“Because I like to believe there’s a reason behind meeting the people we cross paths with, that there’s a reason we see the people we see. I think it makes us who we are, and if it’s just completely random, then what does it mean, all of it? I like to believe that there’s a hidden story behind our every move, a gift in disguise, maybe. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for the people I met yesterday, and that means something to me,” Erik’s eyes glittered with each and every word and Charles felt himself smile adoringly at how Erik was explaining what he so firmly believed in. It was beautiful, breathtaking even.

Charles’s heart fluttered when Erik smiled at him.

“What?” Erik said through his parted lips.

“Nothing,” Charles shook his head. “I like how firmly you believe.”

“But you don’t,” Erik remarked.

“I don’t,” Charles repeated. “I think it’s all coincidence. It’s up to us to turn it into something meaningful. We choose what to hold on to and what to let go of, and that’s how we unveil the stories.”

“So there are stories?” Erik smirked.

“Yes, there are stories,” Charles smiled. “Coincidence.”

“Arranged coincidence?” Erik suggested.

“Sure, we can go with that,” Charles nodded.

The chuckles of both men slowly evaporated into the atmosphere around them as they settled into a comfortable silence. Their eyes connected and Erik saw a small spark flicker across Charles’s eye, making him flash a big smile.

“What?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“A spark,” Erik shrugged.

“Now you’re making no sense,” Charles said.

Erik chuckled to himself and said nothing. Charles didn’t ask.

 _One day, I will remind you of this moment, Charles,_ Erik thought.

 

They fell into comfortable silence once again, Charles’s eye darting every inch of Erik’s face. Suddenly, something struck him. Erik’s complexion is not one of an American. Charles just always assumed Erik was American, but the striking green eyes, with the light brown hair and snowy white combination wasn’t one he saw frequently on the streets of New York City.

“What?” Erik gave a shy smile.

“You’re not American,” Charles said, as if it were the most obvious fact in the world.

“I’m not..” Erik neither confirmed nor denied said fact, making Charles frown with confusion. “I’m German.”

“That explains it,” Charles nodded.

“Explains what?” Now Erik was the confused one.

“Your face,” Charles smiled.

Erik chuckled. “I’m glad it does.”

“When did you move here?” Charles asked.

“A year after I graduated from university. I’ve always been interested in acting, so I thought I’d try my luck out here,” Erik answered, the smiled to himself. “I just noticed this is the first time my career is brought up since we sat down.”

“Is that a problem?” Charles found himself getting worried.

“No, no,” Erik quickly shook his head. “It’s nice, having it casually brought up, and it not being the center of the conversation.”

“I’m guessing you get that a lot?”

“More than you think,” Erik sighed. “I’m always reminded of who I am, the actor, and for a while it seemed like all people cared about was that I’m famous, they didn’t care to know what’s on the inside, to actually get to know me, but not you. I have a feeling you don’t even give the famous part a thought,” Erik thought out loud.

“I didn’t,” Charles shook his head, “I believe it’s just a cover, the fame, and there’s a person underneath that cover, and I would like to get to know that person,” Charles smiled.

Erik reflected Charles’s smile. “I’d like that, too.”

\---

The free hour Charles had unfortunately ran out, as he began to make sure his things were in order.

“I’m afraid that’s all the time I have today,” Charles announced.

“Already?” Erik frowned.

“I’m afraid so,” Charles nodded as he stood up, Erik quickly following him. “Thank you for the coffee,” Charles extended his hand.

“Thank you for agreeing,” Erik shook Charles’s hand firmly and wanted to hold on forever.

Charles smiled as he grabbed his bag and pushed his chair in.

“We should do this again soon,” Erik blurted the words before he could stop himself.

“Arranged coincidence,” Charles replied simply before flashing a small smile and walking out of the coffee shop, his face a little bit brighter than when he walked in.

Erik sighed loudly as he fell back on his chair. He stared dreamingly into the distance, about the man who was with him seconds ago. His mind couldn’t comprehend it, but his heart knew exactly what is. He’s head over heels for Charles Xavier.

Erik smirked to himself, knowing he’ll be seeing Charles again. After all, he never said no.

\---

After being a safe distance away from the coffee shop, Charles stopped and turned around, looking in the direction of the shop. Something felt different, something felt lighter. It felt like there is a reason for waking up, a strong feeling that everything was about to change, change to the better. He couldn’t exactly put his finger on it, but he was overwhelmed with the feeling of purity. He took his phone out of his pocket and opened a new text.

_\- You win. I took the coffee offer._

Less than a minute later, his phone pinged.

\- _YES YES! DETAILS!!!!!!_

Charles chuckled as he typed.

_\- Later. I have back-to-back meetings all day._

\---

Erik walked into his apartment, throwing his keys on the nearby table and taking off his jacket, dropping it on the armchair as he let himself fall back on the couch. Sighing happily, he ran his hand over his face, unaware of the presence of his sister.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Allie hugged Erik from behind, resting her chin on the top of his head.

“Someone is,” Erik smiled, as Allie kissed the top of his head. “Charles took me up on the coffee offer.”

“Really?” Allie swayed around the couch and jumped on Erik. “Tell me everything!”

“He didn’t care,” Erik began as Allie raised an eyebrow in confusion, but waiting for her brother to continue. “He didn’t care that I was famous. It’s like it didn’t even cross his mind. He had coffee with me simply because he had time,” Erik smiled.

“But I have a feeling that isn’t what you like most about him,” Allie said.

“It isn’t,” Erik shook his head. “There’s this vibe, he’s pure hearted and even though he doesn’t believe in fate, meeting him made me believe in it all that more.”

“He doesn’t?”

“No, but I’m bound to change that.” Erik smirked.

\---

“Charles!” Raven yelled once she heard the keys rattling on the other side of the door.

“Oh my God, Raven, I could hear you through that extremely thick door,” Charles commented once he was standing in front of his sister.

“Details!” Raven said excitedly.

“Yes, alright, just give me a second to breathe,” Charles chuckled as he put his suitcase on the floor and took off his jacket, tossing it on the armchair.

“Sit,” Raven patted the empty seat next to her, Charles obeyed. “Tell me!”

“I walked into the coffee shop, we bumped into each other. I had an hour to spare, so I took him on the offer,” Charles said.

“What part of ‘details’ don’t you get, Charles?”

“We talked about random stuff, after establishing the fact that he wasn’t stalking me, we mostly discussed fate.”

“What about it?” Raven asked.

“That I don’t believe in it, yet he firmly believes in it. It’s rather beautiful, actually,” Charles smiled. “How he expressed it with such passion and complete faith that even though you can’t see faith, he knows it’s there.”

“Seems to me like someone likes him,” Raven teased.

“Raven, please. I had a good time, that doesn’t mean I’m heads over heels,” Charles defended.

“You’re bound to be.”

\---

Charles was walking through one of university corridors a few days later, when he noticed most of the students gathering around the windows and whispering.

“Is it him?”

“What is he doing here?”

“I heard his sister is a student here!”

“He’s even more handsome in real life!”

Confused, Charles peeked over the students’ shoulders and his eyes widened.

 _Oh no, he didn’t_. He thought.

“What are you doing here?” Charles said once he walked through the main entrance of the building. His arms crossed over his chest.

“I can’t drop off my sister at the university she attends?” Erik asked slyly.

“Sure, if it was the only reason,” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“Is it,” Erik answered hesitantly.

Charles said nothing, but narrowed his eyes at Erik.

“Fine, fine,” Erik sighed defeated. “Sue me for wanting to see you. And you never gave me your number,” he shrugged.

Charles chuckled as he shook his head. “Pass by after my classes are over. I reckon you know the time.”

All Erik did was wink and watched as Charles waved and walked back into the building.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles is expecting a visitor. And Raven is being Raven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi hi! I'm so very sorry this is taking forever, but I want you guys to know that I do not forget about my stories, and I'm always writing. Life gets in the way sometimes (ugh) but I promise to start updating regularly. I've settled into uni now, so hopefully no more bumps ahead! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and feedback is more than appreciated!

Charles walked through the hallway rather quickly, as more and more eyes focused on him and followed his moves. The students saw the encounter between Charles and Erik and they were probably in state of shock.

Charles wiped the goofy smile off his face before speaking. “All right, everyone back to class.” He gestured to the wide-open classroom doors before walking into his own. Needless to say, empty seats greeted him. Sighing loudly as he walked between the chairs to reach his desk. _Of course they aren’t here,_ he thought.

Ten minutes later, the classroom door sprung open and his students walked in, chattering among themselves. Charles was leaning against his desk, legs slightly apart as he balanced his weight on them, his arms crossed over his chest as he wore an unimpressed expression on his face.

“You’re late. Very late, actually,” Charles spoke out, finger pointing to the clock sitting on the wall above his head.

“Is it true?” Alex approached his professor, his face filled with curiosity.

“Is what true, Alex?” Charles pretended he hadn’t a clue what Alex was possibly talking about.

“That you know him? Erik Lehnsherr?” Alex eyes went wide with excitement.

“Everyone is saying they saw you talking to him on the steps,” Jean cut in.

“My personal life is personal, now isn’t it?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“Come on, prof, give us anything,” Sean pleaded.

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, all of you, but you have work to do.” He set his palm on a stack of ink-free paper on is desk. A series of loud groans echoed through the classroom. “Come on now, it is not that bad.”

“You have no idea,” Sean frowned.

Charles chuckled, clasping Sean on the back. “Take your seats, everyone.”

A few minutes later, the now-depressed students were in their seats, each student had a thick packet of paper in front of them as they worked silently. Charles’s eyes were fixed on his students, but not focused. No, his mind was focused somewhere else. Or rather, on someone else.

As the class period was coming to an end, Charles was wearing a smile he was not yet aware of. The loud siren for a bell jolted Charles upright as the students began collecting their belongings.

“Do we keep these?” Alex asked Charles.

“Yes, Alex,” Charles answered absentmindedly. “Work on them and we’ll go through them next time,” He instructed his class as they filed out.

Alex, Jean and Sean were the last to leave the room, Jean turned towards Charles. “Professor?”

“Hmm?” Charles looked up from his phone.

“He seems like a really nice person,” Jean smiled and walked out, neither expecting a response nor saying anything else as Sean and Alex followed her out.

Charles chuckled and looked at his watch. _Only a few more hours to go,_ he thought.

Out of those said three hours, Charles had the first hour a free one, which he spent the first fifteen minutes of getting his hands on a club sandwich and soda from the cafeteria and the rest of the hour was spent in his classroom as he reviewed several flipcharts to help his students study for their coming exam. The semester was passing by with a swift and Charles was secretly thankful for that. He needed a vacation, and winter break was just around the corner.

Forty-five minutes into his free hour, his classroom door was pushed opened and Charles didn’t bother to look up from the computer screen.

“God, you look ridiculous.”

Raven.

“Hello, Raven,” Charles greeted his sister, eyes still glued on the screen.

“A peek would be nice,” Raven commented, as she strode swiftly through the chairs that littered the room. “I’ve never seen your class this messy before.”

“Huh?” Charles finally looked up, then darted is eyes around the space before him, and my god, it was messy, very messy, indeed. “Right.” Charles studied the mess, not quite remembering when or under which circumstances a hurricane managed to trample his room. “I’ve been….pre-occupied,” Charles shrugged and went back to changing minor details in the presentations.

“Sure you were,” Raven said under her breath.

“I heard that,” Charles said sternly.

“Of course you did,” Raven teased.

“What, if I may ask, is the purpose of you dropping by?” Charles asked.

“I was free, so I thought I would drop by and see how’s it going,” Raven approached Charles’s desk. She kneeled down, resting her elbows on the wood then her chin on her open palms. “How’s it going?” Raven’s smile touched her eyes.

Charles looked up once again, his face only inches away from his sisters while he studied her face closely. “Fine, thank you.”

Raven rolled her eyes and pulled away. “You’re no fun.”

“As you so often keep reminding me,” Charles teased. He glanced at her watch. “I have class in a few minutes.”

“Very polite way of kicking someone out,” Raven huffed as she made her way towards the classroom door.

“Raven?” Charles called after her. “You might want to hang around until the end of the day,” he winked and went back to the screen.

Raven’s frowned confused at Charles’s statement. But within seconds, that confusion faded and we replaced with excitement.

After all, it’s the least Charles could do.

\---

Miraculously, Charles made it through his final class of the day without exploding into a million pieces. He had no idea why he was both acting and feeling this way. Truly, he hadn’t the slightest clue. Last time he checked, he was not falling heads over heels for Erik Lehnsherr. But at this very given moment, that was not quite the case, to say the least. He could not wait to lay his eyes on that man, and it was driving him mad. _Get it together, Charles,_ he hissed at himself.

A few moments later, the students were filing out of the classroom door sharing Charles’s enthusiasm of the day finally ending. Charles watched as his own hands worked quickly to pack his work without him giving any order of such action. Just then, Raven blasted through the door.

“I am this close to jumping out of my skin!” She exclaimed. “And as I can see, so are you!” Raven smirked.

“What?” Charles froze and looked up at his sister, telling himself to take deep breaths. _In, out, in out,_ he repeated in his mind. He immediately slowed down the process of packing. Felling the energy literally radiating off Raven, Charles chuckled. “Please do not run on the walls, because at this moment, I feel like you just might.”

Raven rolled her eyes and took a seat on top of one of the desks.

“On a serious note, please do not freak him out. And don’t throw yourself at him. He knows that I don’t care about the fame at all, so don’t scare him away,” Charles pleaded.

“I’m not _that_ crazy,” Raven scoffed.

 _That is to be seen, sister mine,_ Charles thought but didn’t speak.

Shorty after, just as Charles was unplugging his laptop’s charger and placing the laptop safely in the protective bag.

“You know,” a voice echoed through the classroom, “I thought they’d give you a bigger room.”

Charles immediately looked up and smiled. “Feel free to take it up with the administration.”

“Seriously though,” Erik looked around, “I thought it would be an auditorium. You know, thousands of students.”

“Who said anything about _thousands_ of students?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“I just assumed since you’re one of a kind,” Erik smirked with a shrug.

“No, no,” Charles shook his head, a slight blush staining his cheeks. “I have around seventy students. And as you can see, they’re disastrous.” He gestured to the messy class, and his eyes landing on Raven who was so cleverly trying to keep her eyes off Erik by gluing them to her phone. “And this is Raven, my sister.” Charles introduced as he walked over and squeezed her shoulder muscles as she looked up.

“Hi,” she smiled from ear to ear, extending her arm as Erik approached. Charles smiled and shook his head slightly as he felt his sister tremble beneath his hands.

“Hello Raven, I’m Erik,” He smiled back, taking her hand into his.

Raven was about to say, ‘I know’ but stopped herself. It was pretty clear she knew exactly who Erik was but introducing himself was just respectful towards her since it would only be arrogant to assume everyone knows who he is. Just before Raven could say something that would potentially embarrass herself with, Erik began to speak.

“I see that beautiful genes run in the family,” Erik blushed slightly as he moved his eyes to meet Charles.

“Indeed,” Charles agreed, planting a kiss on Raven’s head.

A poster hanging on the wall behind Charles grabbed Erik’s attention, so he swiftly walked up towards it and started reading the bits of information scattered on the cardboard.

Just as Erik walked away, Raven turned and faced Charles, mouthing _Oh. My. God._

Charles chuckled. “You can breathe now,” He whispered in Raven’s ear.

After a few minutes of exploring the poster with his eyes, Erik turned back to Charles. “Genes are interesting.”

“Most people think they’re boring,” Charles admitted. “But I think they’re absolutely beautiful.”

Erik blushed and scratched the back of his neck.

“Shall we go? I mean, if you’d rather stay in this…chaos, it’s no problem,” Charles suggested.

“I’d imagine you’re utterly bored from this place,” Erik guessed.

“Quite right,” Charles was quick to nod.

“Then leaving would be the logical action.”

“Leaving it is,” Charles grabbed his suitcase and pushing his phone into his pocket.

“Let me check the hall real quick,” Raven said before hurrying to make sure the hall was clear.

“Raven, it’s been twenty minutes, I’m sure there’s not a single soul out there,” Charles said.

“And right you are,” Raven popped her head back into the room. “Coast is clear.” She pushed the door wide open, hearing the door stick to the magnet.

Instead of extended his arms this time, Erik wrapped his arms around Raven in a soft embrace, which she returned after gathering that Erik Lehnsherr currently had his arms around her. “It was very nice to meet you,” He said when they parted.

“Right back at you,” Raven nodded. “I hope to see you again soon.”

“As do I.”

“Would you might locking up?” Charles asked, handing the keys to his office, which Raven took. “I’ll see you later, love.” Charles kissed her cheek.

“After you,” Erik gestured to Charles with his arm, giving him a small smile.

Giving him a small nod, Charles took the lead as both men walked side-by-side towards the parked car.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Erik spend some time together in Central Park, getting to know one another through very random questions. And they each walk away with something they didn't have before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm back! I know it has been an eternity since I updated and y'all can yell at uni for that. But I am happy to announce that summer vacation has started (meaning that I have miraculously survived my first year) and I shall be updating weekly now! I have a bunch of ideas for where this story will go, and I'm happy I'm over my writer's block, so please, do enjoy this chapter! As usual, feedback would be greatly appreciated! 
> 
> (And if you have any questions, you can reach me on my tumblr: ianmackellen)

Erik clicked on the button with a drawing of an opened lock on his remote, hearing the doors unlock, Charles opened the passenger seat and got in. He watched as Erik circled around the front of the car, getting into the driver’s seat himself. He turned the key in the ignition and soon enough, the engine was running smoothly. Making sure the master lock was on, Erik gestured to the AC control.

“AC?” He asked Charles.

“Please.”

Erik smiled as he set the fan on level three, took a quick glance on his left for oncoming traffic and started driving.

“Got a place in mind?” Charles asked, looking out his own window.

“Not really, anywhere with you is great,” Erik stole a glimpse at Charles before focusing on the road again.

“Do you feel like pizza?” Charles suggested.

“Pizza sounds delicious.”

“I know this amazing place near Central Park, the pizza is beyond words,” Charles said excitedly.

“Alright, let’s try your taste then,” Erik smirked and took the first U-turn, and started heading towards Central Park.

After a few minutes of darting his eyes around Erik’s car, Charles noticed something hanging around the rearview mirror.

“Is that the One Ring?” Charles moved his hand to touch the golden object.

“Don’t tell me you have a thing for Tolkien…” Erik’s eyes widened.

“I might,” Charles smiled sheepishly.

“Be careful, I might end up marrying you.”

Charles moved his head further towards his window, trying to hide the blush that took over his face.

“We are going to have a very long and deep conversation about this. There is nowhere for you to hide,” Erik remarked.

“About the One Ring or me marrying you?” Charles teased.

\---

It took them about ten minutes to reach Central Park, Erik slowed down the car and looked over at Charles.

“Where shall I park?” Erik asked.

“Anywhere, it’s a walking distance from here.”

“Everything is in this city,” Erik chuckled, so did Charles.

After Erik found a parking space, both men walked side-by-side and it took every ounce of Erik’s control not reach out for Charles’s hand. It simply felt like the natural thing to do. They reached the pizza stand; a few people were in front of them so Erik looked over the menu stuck at the top of the stand.

“What do you suggest?” Erik asked Charles.

“The pepperoni is out of this world,” Charles nodded.

If the people in line recognized Erik, they didn’t show it and for that, he was thankful.

“Two pepperoni slices, please, Matt,” Charles ordered.

“It’s nice to see you again, Charles,” The young man smiled. “Two slices coming right up.”

After Charles paid (following a slight argument between himself and Erik), they took the slices and walked into Central Park.

“I got the next one,” Erik promised.

“Alright, you got the next one,” Charles agreed.

They walked next to each other, each man holding his slice in silence in an almost-empty Central Park. They sat on a wooden bench, under a huge tree for its shade.

Charles waited and watched as Erik took a bite from his own slice. “So?” He prompted.

Erik swallowed and nodded, his eyes wide. “Holy…wow. I trust you with my food choice from now on,” Erik smiled. “And that privilege hasn’t been given to anyone before.”

“I am very honored then,” Charles returned the smile, a faint color of pink decorating his cheeks. “And you shall not be disappointed, my friend.”

“Have you ever tried pizza dipped in barbeque sauce, though?” Erik arched an eyebrow.

“No, I cannot say I have,” Charles chuckled.

“Well, we have to try that out then.”

“Yes, we do. Do you add crazy toppings to your pizza?” Charles wondered.

“I’m flexible, I haven’t tried anything too crazy before, but I would be up for it. I mean, crazy is relative,” Erik teased.

“I shall surprise you, then.” Charles promised.

“I’m counting on it,” Erik smiled from ear to ear.

They chitchatted for a while about small things, each man making the other laugh. After finishing their slices, Erik suggested they stretch their legs and burn the calories. It was a beautiful day, the sunrays shimmering magically through the clouds, the green grass swaying with the wind, the sun reflecting off the leaves and spreading joy to each corner of the city.

“If you unexpectedly find treasure, where would you hide it?” Erik looked at Charles.

“That’s random,” Charles chuckled and looked at Erik.

“I always wonder because there are so many places where you can hide treasure, but no one really thinks of them,” Erik shrugged.

“So this is a question you ask anyone you meet?” Charles teased.

“Just the special ones,” Erik admitted, looking straight into Charles’s eyes.

“Ah.” Not breaking the eye contact, Charles laughed, somehow turning even more beautiful in Erik’s eyes. “I’d hide it in the freezer,” Charles nodded.

“Freezer?” Erik repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Are you mocking me?”

“I am not,” Charles guaranteed. “The treasure would be wrapped in cooking paper, and stuffed into a plastic bag with ‘veal’ or ‘drum sticks’ written on the bag. So when the burglar looks in the freezer, he’ll think it’s food and won’t touch it,” Charles explained proudly.

“There’s just one thing that’s bothering me.” Erik stopped walking and stood in front of Charles. “Why on earth would a burglar look inside your freezer?”

“Isn’t that one of many scientific questions that are asked daily?”

“You’re gonna kill me, Charles,” Erik groaned.

“Don’t die on me, please,” Charles chuckled.

“No promises,” Erik ran his hand through his short, light brown hair.

Charles, watching as Erik’s hand moved swiftly between the soft hair locks, found himself wanted to stretch out his arm and feel Erik’s hair against his skin. He quickly cleared his throat and looked down at his feet.

“Seriously, he might be hungry,” Charles suggested.

“The burglar? There’s nothing serious about that, Charles.”

“You never know. Alright, stop giving me crap about my answer and tell me where you would hide the treasure,” Charles nudged Erik’s side with his elbow playfully.

“Trap door in a dog’s house,” Erik answered immediately, as if he had said that answer hundreds of times before.

Charles stared at Erik for a few moments without saying anything.

“Earth to Charles,” Erik waved his hand in front of Charles’s face.

“Trap door? In a dog’s house?” Charles repeated slowly. “Do you even have a dog, Erik?”

“Nope,” Erik smiled.

“So you’re telling me that you having a dog house but no dog will not look suspicious to the burglar?” Charles arched his eyebrows.

“The burglar won’t know that,” Erik defended.

“He’s breaking into your house, Erik, he’s bound to find out you don’t have a bloody dog,” Charles raised his arms in the air.

“The dog might be out with me,” Erik shrugged.

“You’re hopeless, and quite crazy, need I say,” Charles shook his head, dropping his arms back at his sides.

“Crazy is relative,” Erik teased.

“Alright, crazy man, say in the mean time, you don’t have a dog house or a dog, where would you hide it?”

Erik frowned. “I had not thought about that.”

“Dear God. _You_ are going to end up killing me now.”

\---

Time had gotten away from both men, and they found themselves walking back towards Erik’s car, their shoulders bumping and their hands brushing against each other. A tiny smile crept on Erik’s face, warmth spreading through his veins.

“Can you drop me off at the university? My car’s there,” Charles asked once they both got into their seats.

“Absolutely,” Erik nodded and drove off.

Erik drove in silence for a while before Charles cut the silence.

“Do you cry in movies?”

“Who’s asking the random questions now?” Erik chuckled, his eyes on the road.

“I just wonder how actors feel about that, either watching their own films or other ones,” Charles shrugged.

“I don’t recall ever crying watching a film of mine, some of them were heavy, but I never cried, I think. But that can’t be said for The Lion King,” Erik admitted.

“You cried during The Lion King?”

“Come on, Charles, everyone cried in that film,” Erik snuck a look at Charles before concentration on the road again. “I think Mufasa’s death was the most heartbreaking death in the history of heartbreaking deaths.”

“That’s a lot of heartbreak,” Charles chuckled.

“Yes, yes it is indeed,” Erik nodded. “What about you? Do you cry in films?”

“I’ve never bawled my eyes out, no. Maybe I tear up, but I don’t turn into a mess,” Charles answered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Erik fake-gasped.

“It means that you’ll have someone to comfort you when you cry during films,” Charles said quickly.

“Nice save, professor.”

A soft giggle escaped from Charles’s lips, making Erik smile.

They sat in comfortable silence until Erik pulled up in front of the university gate where he had been parked earlier in the day.

“Here we are,” Erik announced.

“Here we are,” Charles repeated.

“I had a great time,” Erik smiled softly.

“So did I, thank you,” Charles nodded, a brown curl falling on his forehead.

Erik took the chance, extended his arm and pushed the curl back up with the rest of Charles’s beautiful silky locks. Erik noticed a very light pink color Charles’s cheeks as Charles looked down shyly.

Charles cleared his throat and pulled his phone out of his back pocket, placing it on Erik’s lap. “Enough coincidentally bumping into each other.”

“I’m with you there,” Erik punched in his phone number and gave the phone back to Charles. After saving the number, Charles dialed until he heard Erik’s phone ringing. “Should I answer?” Erik pretended to think, and received a light-hearted punch to his arm. Erik grabbed his phone and declined the call, saving Charles’s number.

“Right then,” Charles said, unmoving. He knew he should be getting out of the car but he found that he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to tell Erik goodbye.

Sensing that Charles didn’t want to leave, and not wanting him to leave either, Erik smiled and kept looking at Charles, trying to memorize every inch of his breathtaking features.

Charles pushed the passenger seat open, the central light switching on. He grabbed his bag and turned to Erik before stepping out. “Today really was a splendid day. I look forward to many more,” Charles smiled.

“So do I.”

“I’ll see you later,” Charles finally stepped onto the pavement.

“Drive safe,” Erik reminded him.

“You too,” Charles nodded before closing the car door. He waved as Erik drove away, Charles’s eye following the car until it made a left turn and disappeared. Charles found himself wishing he were still sitting next to Erik in his car.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles is overly-tired the day following his meeting with Erik. We get a peek at Charles's past, and a new character is introduced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! Seems I can't stop myself from writing this story! So a new character is introduced and so is a character arc--but you have to keep an eye out because it is mentioned very briefly. Also, this is a Charles-centric chapter, so sorry for the lack of Erik but the next chapter will be an Erik-centric one so you'll get plenty of him next. This chapter is also a bit longer than previous ones. I hope you like it, and feedback is greatly appreciated, as usual.

A blazing sound near Charles’s ear tore him away from the dream he was having, a dream he was not going to remember later. With much effort, Charles opened one eyelid halfway and peeked at the clock: six-thirty am. Groaning as he continuously pressed against the alarm clock to shut it off, and after missing quite a few times, the room retreated to its original quietness. Besides the ringing voice in Charles’s ear, at least, which left Charles grumpier than usual.

After lying in bed for a few minutes, Charles watched as the minutes on his digital clock turned from thirty-eight into thirty-nine, he pushed the cover off his body with his legs and sat on the edge of the bed. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, stiffed a yawn, while stretched his arms everywhere.

Fifteen minutes later, Charles was leaning against the kitchen counter, a bagel in one hand, and a huge coffee mug in the other with the newspaper spread across the counter as Charles’s eyes ran quickly through the headlines, he ended up skimming through the articles he found interesting. Charles was wearing a dark suit, with a grey cardigan underneath, which covered a classic white shirt. His hair was neatly styled backwards, his curls disappearing along the ends of his hair, making it all wonderfully blend together. His favorite cologne was evident on his neck and wrists, shaking the sleep out of Charles’s body.

Turning the page, Charles starting going through the media headlines: who-married-who-in-a-ridiculously-expensive-wedding. Which-film-starring-which-big-actors-is-getting-way-too-much-attention-than-it-deserves. However, a headline caught Charles’s attention, and he found himself reading every word in the article. _12 Years a Slave, starring Chiwetel Ejiofor, Erik Lehnsherr and Benedict Cumberbatch, directed by the acclaimed Steve McQueen, grosses almost one million dollars during its opening week._ Charles found his lips curling into a smile, a warm feeling of pride shooting through his heart. As he continued to read, he discovered that there was quite a lot of Oscar talk around the film and its actors, possibly leading each one an individual nomination in the prestigious award show. Excitement grew within Charles, a week or two ago he might have thought it was weird or out of place to feel such as he did at the moment, however right now, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. However, something was not settling in the right place deep down in Charles’s gut. He pushed it to the side, for the time being.

After jugging down the rest of his coffee like his life depended on it (because honestly, his life does depend on it), he placed the mug in the sink, filling it with tap water. He closed the newspaper and placed it near the coffee maker; Raven might want to take a look when she wakes up.

Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, Charles reached for it. _2 unread messages_ , he saw written on the screen. Charles opened the one that had just arrived: it was from Moira.

Moira MacTaggert is Charles’s closest friend, and a fellow professor of Psychology at NYU. They had met when they were children, Moira had grown up five minutes away from the Xavier Mansion. Charles, being two years older than Moira, had moved away before her. He was accepted to Harvard University, the best university that offered genetics and molecular biology in the world. After more than a few arguments with his parents about moving away, he was finally able to pack his bag and leave home for a good few years. His parents didn’t seem to be too broken up about it, but Charles couldn’t find it in him to care. Moira, however, was a mess the day Charles was leaving. She hugged Charles for five minutes straight, not willing to let go. Every time she would stop crying, more tears would somehow make their way down her bright red cheeks. _It’s going to be all right,_ Charles had said. _It’s not like I’m moving to another country, it’s just a train ride away, love._ Charles tried to calm her down, but caused her only to burst into tears once again. After what felt like forever, Moira was able to stop the flowing tears and smile at her best friend. _Promise you won’t forget about me,_ she wiped away her tears. It was more of a statement than a question, really. _I would never,_ Charles promised as he drew her close once again, and placed a kiss on her forehead when they pulled apart.

Approximately two years later, Charles was working on one of his many final papers. The digital clock that sat next to him kept reminding him that it was three in the morning and the paper was due by nine. And Charles didn’t even know where to begin writing. His cell phone started ringing, torn between thanking God for the distraction and cursing for cutting his train of thoughts short, Charles picked up without looking at the caller ID. _You better kick out your roommate because guess who’s moving in with you, Xavier._

Moira had been accepted to Harvard, as well. And that sentence was just about the only one Charles could understand. The rest of the conversation consisted of Moira’s overexcited screeches, her indefinable blabbing, and in that moment, Charles remembered how much he truly missed his best friend. He still didn’t know whether Moira was this excited because she got accepted to Harvard, or because she was this close to being reunited with Charles again. But frankly, he didn’t care. His best friend would be with him again in no time.

Moira arrived halfway through the summer, moving in with Charles the only thing on her mind. But much to her disappointment, it was not as simple as she had previously thought. There was a strict rule that stated that boys and girls could not roommate together. However, after extensive measures, including signed consent from both their parents, (Charles had asked his parents with a cold tone, clearly telling them that he meant nothing to them but he meant everything to Moira, _so please don’t take that away from me, too._ They didn’t argue). And on the account that, Charles was in fact, gay, the university board reluctantly agreed to let them roommate together. Neither Charles nor Moira remember being happier.

The years flew by, Charles graduated top of his class. His father didn’t attend his graduation. It hurt more than Charles had expressed. When Charles left Harvard, it was different than all those years ago. Moira didn’t cry, she did tear up, but she didn’t cry. She hugged Charles tightly, telling him how proud she is of him for the millionth time. This time, Charles was the one who didn’t want to let go.

Charles rented an apartment when he moved back to New York, wanting to stay away from the Xavier Mansion as much as he possibly could. He started working on his PhD as soon as he was settled in. Two months later, he received a phone call from his mother telling him that his father had passed away. He still wasn’t bothered to move back in with his mother. He paid her the occasional obligatory mother visit, not staying more than thirty minutes every time. _I have a lot of work to do,_ he would say.

Soon enough, Moira was graduating top of her class, just like Charles. They shared Charles’s apartment for three more years. Charles was officially a professor of Genetics by the second half of the second year.

Charles finally moved back into the Xavier Mansion when his mother passed away a year later. He had offered Moira a room, God knows he had the space, but she declined. She went out and found her own place in the city. She took work anywhere and everywhere that involved the work of psychology, gaining experience before finally starting to work on her PhD.

Charles found himself employed at NYU six months after moving back into the mansion. Once Moira finished her PhD and gained the title ‘professor’, she joined Charles in the faculty of NYU. Just like that, it was like old times once again. But they didn’t live five minutes apart.

 

-       _Don’t forget the meeting after classes are over, Charles._ He read. And then groaned.

-       _Thank you for reminding me, I had forgotten_. He typed and sent.

-       _Of course you did_. _What would you do without me?_ Charles could almost see the smirk Moira was wearing as she typed.

-       _I haven’t a clue_. He shook his head and sent.

 

He had almost forgotten to check the other mysterious text. He opened it without much interest, thinking it might be spam or one of those ‘Free iPhones and iPads for one day!’ messages. But as soon as he read the sender’s name, his eyes widened. It was from Erik.

-       _Morning. :)_ It simply said. Charles checked the received time: four fifty-six am.

-       _Morning. What on God’s green earth were you doing up at five in the morning?_ Charles teased at he typed. He was about to slide his phone back into his pocket, but it vibrated in his hand.

-       _Work stuff. Boring work stuff, actually. I’m on my fifth cup of coffee._ Charles read.

-       _I’ve had a copious amount of coffee myself just now, so I totally understand._ Charles debated whether to mention the whole film-grossing-one-million-dollars thing and congratulate Erik, but he decided it was better face-to-face so he sent the message as it is.

Charles slid his phone in his pocket and grabbed his bag as he checked his watch: seven forty-seven. He wasn’t early or late, per se, but it was time to get moving. Raven had walked into the kitchen as Charles was walking out.

            “Morning.”

            Raven grumbled in response.

            “Coffee is warm, interesting things in the paper.” Charles kissed his sister’s forehead and walked towards the front door. “Have a good day, love,” Charles yelled for Raven and chuckled as he received what might have been a ‘you too’ from Raven.

            He got into his car, placing his bag in the passenger seat and pushing the key into the ignition and turning it, hearing the engine starting to hum softly. He received a text just as he placed his phone behind the handbrake.

-       _I need a bed. Dire need. Charles help._ Charles chuckled as he read, shaking his head.

-       _I would love to help you, my friend._ _And keeping you company is what I would rather be doing, but driving and texting isn’t ideal, and since I need to drive to get to my workplace, I’ll have to help you later._ Charles explained and sent.

-       _…_. _You lost me in the beginning. Too many words, Charles. I’ll talk to you later._ He read.

\---

Charles parked his car in his designated spot. He grabbed his bag from passenger seat and got out of the driver’s seat, locking the car behind him. Making sure he didn’t forget anything in the car, he made his way to the staircase, spotting someone waiting for the elevator to arrive. He approached quietly.

“Oh, fancy meeting you here.”

The person jumped and clutched their chest. “Oh, damn you, Charles, you’re going to give me a heart attack one day.”

“Morning to you, too, dear,” He smiled sheepishly.

“It’s not funny.”

“I was always amazed how easily you’re shaken up since we were kids, Moira,” Charles shrugged.

“It’s eight fifteen in the morning, Charles. I’m running on a nearly-empty energy box here, so yes, excuse me if I’m a bit jumpy,” Moira poked Charles’s side, making a giggle escape his lips.

“You didn’t sleep well?” Charles asked with concern.

“I didn’t sleep period. Why can’t the mid-term papers just grade themselves for once?” Moira groaned.

“I don’t understand why your department decide to give the students the mid-terms weeks after the rest of the entire bloody university.”

“ _My_ department?” Moira emphasized. “Now you’re just being classist, Xavier.”

“Classist? How on earth am I being classist? My God, you really do need some sleep,” Charles chuckled as the elevator doors opened.

Moira stepped in and waited for Charles. “Aren’t you getting in, Charles?”

Charles took a quick look at the stairs, then back at the elevator, Moira raising her eyebrow in confusion. But Charles stepped into the elevator. “Ah, I was thinking of taking the stairs because, you know, heart health. But it’s going to be a long day,” he explained.

 

They parted ways in the lobby: Charles had to pick up some essay samples for his class that started in ten minutes, while Moira, having her first class of the day at ten, decided to go to the lounge, make herself a respectable coffee mug, and continue grading the mid-terms. She knew that if she had stayed home, she would definitely have fallen asleep, and that was not going to be a good thing.

After picking up the papers Charles needed, he made his way to his classroom. A fresh breeze collided with his face as he walked through the door, air freshener hanging in the air, it was most probably lavender, one of Charles’s favorite smells.

He walked over to his desk, removing his laptop from his bag and turning it on to take one last look at today’s presentation. Charles dreaded the thought of the day to come: back-to-back classes until two pm, then he had to wait around until three thirty for the meeting with the other heads of departments to discuss God knows what. There was no telling when he’d be back home tonight, no telling at all. He pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaustion taking over his body already. Charles was snapped back to reality as the door opened, and his chattering students walked in. Charles always wondered what they could talk about at such an early hour, the day had just started. 

Jean, Alex and Darwin slid into their usual seating, each mumbled a ‘good morning’ to their professor.

“Good morning to you, guys, too,” Charles nodded. He turned his attention towards the projected slides and gave his instructions. “We’re almost done with last class’s presentation, so we’re going to go through the remaining slides and then I have some essay samples to give out that will help you with your essays. You can take a look through them and we can discuss them today so you all would be familiar with what is expected of you.”

\---

Charles watched the clock in agony for the hours to pass. It seemed like it took forever and a few more years until it was finally time for his break. He had continuous classes and had one more two-hour seminar ahead. He let his head fall against his wooden desk, albeit a little harder than he meant, but he was honestly too tired to care. He was not looking forward to speaking for two straight hours in front of students who looked like they had absolutely no idea what on earth he was talking about.

Charles heard a knock on his closed door. A quiet groan escaped from the bottom of his throat and Charles prayed it was enough for whoever was on the door to get the hint and enter. He was pretty sure, however, that he did not make his point clear. Regardless, Charles heard the door opening a few seconds later, shutting once again.

“I see you’ve been zombiefied, as well.”

Moira. Of course.

“I’ve been ‘zombiefied’ since this morning,” Even though the desk muffled Charles’s words, Moira could clearly hear the air quotations in whatever she was able to grasp. She was rather tired, too.

“You looked fine this morning,” She walked towards Charles’s desk.

“It was a cover, Moira dear,” Charles raised his face, but kept his chin resting on the desk. “One of those maybe-if-I-look-good-I’ll-feel-good-too acts. But as you can see, it was clearly unsuccessful. I do look dashing today.”

“Coffee?” Moira suggested, rolling her eyes at Charles.

“Yes, please,” Charles’s eyes lit up at the suggestion.

“You’re coming with me,” Moira practically read Charles’s thoughts.

He groaned as he stood up, they walked side-by-side to the cafeteria, both too tired to make small talk. After they grabbed the biggest coffee cups they could find and each bought a sandwich, they found an empty table near the windows at the back of the cafeteria, both simultaneously made their way towards it and dropped on chairs opposite each other.

After finishing his sandwich at the slowest pace known to Man, Charles pulled out his cell phone, finding himself wishing to find a text or a missed call from a certain someone. To his disappointment, he found nothing. He opened a new message and began to type.

-       _Now it’s your turn to save me. I had no idea I would be this tired already. Seems I’m growing old very fast._ He sent it without rereading it.

 

“Charles, what is it?” Moira asked ten minutes later.

“Hm?” Charles looked up, clearly detached from the world where he sat.

“You’ve been checking your phone every thirty seconds,” Moira pointed out.

“Oh,” Charles hadn’t even realized he was doing it. “It’s nothing.”

“Uh-huh,” Moira was clearly not convinced. “Is there something you aren’t telling me, Xavier?”

Whenever Moira called Charles ‘Xavier’, he knew she was not dropping the subject until she was satisfied.

Charles was passed arguing and trying to convince Moira it was nothing. It would be so much easier to just tell her, and it would take less effort, too. He sighed and moved closer to Moira.

“If I tell you, promise me you will not freak out?” Charles asked. Moira nodded. “You know Erik Lehnsherr, right?”

“The actor?” Charles nodded. “Of course, I’ve seen all his films. Oh, wait,” Moira stopped Charles before he could continue. “It’s him, isn’t it? The one you texted when we sat down,” Moira’s eyes went wide.

“…Yes,” Charles confirmed.

“So it was true!” Moira exclaimed in a quiet tone.

“What’s true?”

“I’ve heard that he passed by the university and you talked to him. Did you know him then?” Moira asked with curiosity.

“Yes, I did. I had bumped into him a few times before then,” He elaborated.

“Bumped?”

“Yes, and it was quite literally the first time. I spilled my coffee on the worksheets for the kids.”

“I bet that’s not all you spilled, Xavier,” Moira smirked.

“Moira, please,” A light blush appeared on Charles’s cheeks, making Moira grin even wider. “Then I found him at the university gate and I accused him of stalking me.”

“Seriously, Charles?” Moira raised an eyebrow.

“We—well he—made it perfectly clear that he was not and we left it at that.”

“So, how’s it going?” Moira couldn’t contain her excitement. “Does he smell good, by the way?”

“Excuse me?” Charles chuckled. His thoughts went back to the events of the previous day, and smelling Erik’s intoxicating cologne up close, well, in a way. He could smell it right now, actually, he hadn’t realized he had somehow memorized it. “He smells good. And it’s going fine.”

“You have got to give me more than that.”

“There’s nothing more to tell. We met and we spent some time together, we both had a good time and then he dropped me off at the university.”

“I sense a but coming,” Moira’s creased her eyebrows.

“ _But,_ ” Charles pressed, “I can’t let myself get close.”

“Charles...” Moira’s face softened.

“I can’t,” Charles shook his head. “I can’t allow for something to happen again. I can’t take the chance.” He swallowed the tight knot forming in his throat.

Moira leaned back in her seat and watched as Charles stuffed the phone into his pocket without looking at the screen. She sighed softly, gathering their trash. She knew better than to push Charles, especially on a subject such as this.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some insight into Erik's day, and snippets of his past along the way. Another character is introduced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! As promised, the Erik-centric chapter has arrived! Sorry it took me a little longer to write this one, I've been going out a lot lately. Anywho, as usual, feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoy this one! 
> 
> (On a side note, if you want to reach me on tumblr, I have changed my url to 'fassbendcr' because fassy hehe)

Erik’s day had turned out to be a little different than Charles’s. He got roughly two hours of sleep, since he was up thinking about Charles and how much he wished he’d be in his bed next to him. Erik didn’t feel his eyes droop and eventually drift off to sleep just to be startled awake two hours later by his cell phone alarm. Needless to say, Erik was far from pleased. However, he still found himself longing for Charles. Knowing that there would be a huge possibility that Charles would end his—well, Erik wondered what their relationship was to be called at the moment. Acquaintances? No, too formal and snobbish in Erik’s opinion. Colleagues? They don’t work together. Friends? Erik nodded his head, that’s more like it. Erik knew that it was a huge possibility that Charles would end their friendship if he had called him at such an ungodly hour, so he settled for a text message for the time being.

Erik threw on black sweatpants, a warm hoodie and his favorite sneakers. It was going to be a long day, so he might as well be comfortable.

Erik had a meeting with Steve McQueen and the rest of the _12 Years a Slave_ cast at the Paramount Studio to discuss the promotional tour for the film, which meant that it would take all day. They were going to tour the States first, come back for two days and then continue the tour all over the world until it was time for the Oscars, that much he knew. But there were details that needed to be sorted out. Most of the time, Erik would say, ‘I can work with anything, so whatever works for you works for me’ and he would leave all the planning to everyone else. Not that he didn’t want to work, but mainly because planning isn’t his strongest suit, he leaves it to the professionals. However, he had to be present this time. He grabbed one of his Thermos mugs and filled it with coffee. This better does its job and keeps him awake.

Erik didn’t trust himself to drive at such an hour, fearing he would fall asleep behind the week, so he opted for the subway. He covered his head with the hood, and was thankful for the lack of people on the streets of New York City. He pushed his earphones into his ears and played Dire Straits on shuffle.

Erik spotted a few people he knew as he walked into the building, he gave them a small wave and a nod, saying ‘good morning’, they nodded back. He held the empty Thermos mug—he had quite literally gulped down the dark liquid and he still didn’t feel any more awake that he had felt leaving his apartment. He pulled his earphones as he walked into one of the waiting rooms—he was a bit early—and scoffed when he saw who was sitting on the couch, going through a magazine a little too quickly be actually reading anything.

“Look who it is.” Erik spoke.

The man’s eyes moved from the magazine to Erik. He closed the magazine and threw it carelessly on the table in front of him. “Lehnsherr.” He said as he stood up and walked towards Erik. “Been a while.”

“Yes, it has been.” Erik agreed, giving the man a quick hug. “How’ve you been, Howlett?”

“Buff, as you can see.” Logan commented, taking his seat on the couch once again.

“I can see that.” Erik chuckled. “Can I call you Wolfie?” He teased. He spotted a coffee maker on a counter near the fridge at the back of the room, he quickly hurried over, feeling his body cry for more caffeine.

“I will end this if you ever do.” Logan moved his finger back and forward between him and Erik.

“Press tour?” Erik asked.

“Yeah.” Logan nodded. “I can’t bring myself to think about it, man, I’m too tired.” Logan watched as Erik took yet another large sip of the coffee. It was still steaming, but clearly, Erik didn’t care.

“Aren’t we all?” Erik sighed, joining Logan on the couch. It wasn’t the most comfortable couch in the building, but Erik felt like he was going to fall through, regardless.

Logan Howlett, a fellow actor, is one of the very few people who are close to Erik. Even though they don’t see each other much lately because of their filming schedules and more times than not they’re in different countries, but Erik confidently called Logan ‘his family’ on more than one occasion. They had met in the beginning of both their careers, but they had the privilege of working together briefly for the first time on _X-Men: First Class,_ and then had a real go on the sequel, _X-Men: Days of Future Past_ and that just strengthened their friendship. Erik is known to take on heavy roles, roles that are both psychologically and emotionally demanding and he had struggled after he finished filming those roles. He amerced himself whole-heartily in the shoes of the characters, he had difficulty moving on after production was over, the connection was too strong. Logan was one of the very few people who had seen that, and even though everyone else stood on the sidelines, Logan had stepped in and helped Erik through it. And for that, Erik could not express his gratitude enough.  

“What’s going on with you, man?” Logan cut the silence.

“What do you mean?”

“There have been rumors flying around, and you know how fast they get around.” Logan reminded Erik, getting up and pouring some coffee for himself. He offered Erik some more coffee, which he did no refuse.

“I know.” Erik nodded slowly.

“They say that there’s someone.” Logan smirked and from the blush that crawled on Erik’s cheek, he knew he was right. “Son of a bitch, who is it?”

“Genetics professor.” Erik admitted, knowing that Logan would be able to see through him if he denied it.

“Very professional.” Logan teased. “Tell me about him.”

“He’s…” Erik paused, trying to find the right word. “Mesmerizing.” A smile crept on Erik’s lips. “He’s genuine, pure, breathtaking.” A picture of Charles from Erik’s memory was being drawn in front of his eyes. The striking blue eyes, and bump red lips that contrasted his pale skin. Somehow creating perfection. The crest of Charles’s eyes whenever he smiled, and the way he nose wrinkled when he laughed.

“Someone’s falling hard.” Logan chuckled lightly.

Erik smiled, and didn’t deny. He had finished his third coffee serving and he was starting to feel something. Erik wasn’t quite sure if thinking of Charles or the coffee was the reason. But he did need more coffee.

“Slow down with the coffee, bub.” Logan warned as he watched Erik pour yet another cup of coffee. “You’re gonna collapse once the caffeine wears off.”

“What caffeine?” Erik scoffed. “I don’t think it’s working.”

Logan shook his head and raised his arms in defense. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 

Fifteen minutes later, Logan had to leave Erik because the director and cast of _The Wolverine_ (the film Logan was promoting) had arrived. He patted Erik on his shoulder when he stood up, promising to see him later. Erik nodded his goodbye. Leaving Erik alone is not the brightest idea, he reckoned, seeing that he might fall asleep at any given moment, despite the unreal amount of coffee he had in his system. Erik picked up the same magazine Logan was skimming through and flipped the pages, hoping there was anything in there to grab his attention and keep him awake. Sadly, there wasn’t. He sighed as he threw the magazine next to him on the empty couch. He pushed himself off the couch once again and filled up his Thermos with his fifth coffee serving.

By the time Erik finished his coffee, he had completely lost track of time. He was staring into the distance when his phone pinged, dragging him back to reality. He checked the screen: one new text message. Erik smiled as soon as he saw that it was from Charles.

Steve McQueen walked into the waiting room just as Erik and Charles exchanged a few texts, and Erik being too out of it to understand what Charles was saying. He sent Charles a text saying he’ll talk to him later and buried his phone in his pocket.

“You look like crap.” Steve looked at Erik.

“Good morning to you, too, boss.” Erik chuckled.

“Shall we begin?” Steve gestured to a conference room nearby.

“Please, before I lose all consciousness.” Erik pleaded.  

 

            Growing up, Erik’s parents weren’t always so supportive of his career choice. Even though Erik had the talent, and it was quite clear from an early age that he had the ability to act, his parents still tried to push it away. However, as Erik grew older, he grew attached to acting and ultimately fell in love with it. _It’s who I am, it’s how I see myself_ , he would tell his parents. _Nein, es's nicht, Erik. Es's nur ein Traum. Sie gehören hier, Arbeiten mit ihrem Vater,_ his father would argue back. _No, it’s not, Erik. You belong here, working with your father._ Erik’s father always wanted his son to run the family company with him. He built it for Erik and to sustain his son’s future, Erik understood that. And he understood how hard it must have been for his father to learn that running the family business is not what Erik had in mind for himself. It created a drift between Erik and his father, one that Erik didn’t like, but could do nothing to resolve it. As much as he loved his father, he was not going to give up his acting career.

            Erik’s mother, however, was a slightly different story. Erik knew she disagreed with his father’s belief, yet that was just so much she could do. She would cheer Erik on before his auditions, and celebrate with him whenever he landed a role in a play or a short-film. His father would just shake his head from his seat on the couch, and continue doing whatever it is he was doing. Erik never knew if his father was a hard man by nature, or if he didn’t like his son, but not once did his father say he was proud of him.

            Erik avoided his father through his university years, and focused on what he wanted to do with his life. His father got sick during his senior year. After he graduated, he hung back for another year before deciding to move to New York. Erik doesn’t quite remember the last conversation he had with his father. He remembers squeezing his father’s hand gently before letting go and walking out the door, never to look back again. What he does remember, however, is the look in his mother’s eyes. He couldn’t make out her feelings then, and up until now, it’s all a mystery to him. _Don’t let me leave like this, bitte,_ he begged his mother. _Please._ He watched as she extended her arm and brushed his hair back in place and cupped the left side of his face. Erik closed his eyes, and leaned into his mother’s touch. Warmth and love spread through his body. _Go, my son. Do what you were born to do. Always know it in your heart that I am so proud of you,_ she gave him a sad smile. Erik wrapped his arms around his mother tightly, engulfing her small body against his muscular own. Tears gathered in his eyes when he walked away. His mother deliberately didn’t bring up his father.

            Erik returned to Germany seven months later to attend his father’s funeral.

           

            “Erik, you with us, brother?”

            Erik’s head snapped towards Steve, he blinked rapidly. “Yeah, yeah.” He cleared his throat.

            “We leave for the States Press Tour on February second and we come back on the fourteenth, then we leave again on the sixteenth for the World Press Tour, and return on the twenty-ninth and then finally, the Oscars on March second and that’s all, folks.” Steve finalized.

            “That’s _all_.” Erik chuckled as he wrote down the dates. He could not rely on his memory at the moment.

 

Steve politely kicked everyone out of the conference room some hours later because he had some business to take of with the executive producers of the film. With the speed of a turtle, Erik returned to the waiting room he occupied earlier with Logan. The surge of energy from the overflowing coffee supply he had in the morning wore off pretty quickly, true to Logan’s words, so the moment Erik hit the couch, he was fast asleep. He didn’t feel his phone vibrate in his pocket.

Erik’s eyes opened slowly to someone nudging his foot. He groaned, rubbing his eyes slowly. It took him a few seconds before he squinted his eyes and looked up. Logan.

“Not the most comfortable place to grab a nap, Lehnsherr.”

Erik chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t care.” He said with a raspy tone.

“When are you off the hook?” Logan sat down on one of the armchairs.

“In a bit, I guess. Steve told us we’d continue in—“ he checked his watch, “seven minutes. Shouldn’t take long.”

“I’ll hang back and we can grab a drink when you’re done?” Logan offered.

“Sure.” Erik nodded and fished for his phone in his pocket. A wide smile took over his face when he saw the text from Charles. If Logan noticed, he didn’t say anything.

-       _I fell asleep on the couch in one of the waiting rooms. I think we need someone to save us both, Charles. You surviving?_ Erik wrote and sent.

 

As promised, Logan was waiting for Erik when he was done with his meeting outside the building. Erik shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket and walked towards his friend.

“You ready?” Erik asked.

Logan nodded. “My car of yours?”

“Seeing that I didn’t drive here, your car would be the best solution.” Erik teased.

“You don’t have to make it sound so dramatic.” Logan playfully pushed Erik.

Once they arrived at their favorite bar The Dead Rabbit, they walked in and grabbed their seats at the bar. They were thankful for the crowd, which meant that they wouldn’t get noticed, more or less of course. The crowd always served as a disguise. Erik grabbed his phone from his pocket and placed it on the bar in front of him, checking the screen. Nothing.

“What can I get you, folks?” The bartended who looked too young to be bartending asked Logan and Erik.

“I’ll have a beer.” Logan answered.

“Uh,” Erik struggled for a moment before saying, “whiskey, on the rocks.”

“Am I gonna have to carry you home?” Logan said after the bartended left them.

“No guarantee you won’t.”

“It has been a long day. So, when do you leave for the tour?” Logan asked, before looking around. He noticed a couple of ladies were staring at him and Erik a little too strongly before turning his head back to Erik.

“February second. You?”

“Two days after.”

“I can’t wait till award season is over.” Erik sighed.

“Pretty sure you’ll be collecting some along the way though.” Logan nudged Erik’s arm with his own.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Erik shook his head.

“Mark my words, Lehnsherr.” Logan placed his hand on the back of Erik’s neck and squeezed it lightly. “You deserve it, you really do. You gotta start giving yourself more credit, man.”

“Thank you.” Erik gave Logan a small smile just as their drinks arrived. Erik downed the whiskey in one go.

“Easy there, bub. You’ll be out of it before I can get all the sweet details out of you.” Logan chuckled.

Unconsciously, Erik reached for his phone and checked it. Something was not sitting right in his stomach.

Logan frowned when Erik sighed and ordered another whiskey. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Erik said a little too quickly.

Logan narrowed his eyes at Erik and stayed silent for a few moments before speaking. “I’m not buying it, now spill. What’s wrong? You were over the clouds this morning.”

“Yeah, this morning.” Erik repeated.

“What changed?”

“It’s probably nothing, I’m just paranoid.” Erik took a sip of his whiskey when it landed in front of him.

“Then let me be paranoid with you.” Logan insisted.

“It’s Charles.” Erik said as he swallowed hard, his throat feeling as dry as a desert.

“What about him?”

Erik thought about the answer in his mind before shaking his head. He felt stupid. “It’s stupid, it’s nothing.”

“ _Erik._ ”

“Fine.” Erik gave in. “He hasn’t texted me back. And I know it’s dumb, but I feel something’s not right.”

Instead of waving it off and continuing their conversation, which is what a normal Logan would do, to Erik’s surprise Logan frowned and faced Erik. “Not right as in? Like, he’s hurt or something?”

“No, if something happened to him, I’d hear about it, I think. But like, I feel like something’s not right towards me.”

“Did something happen? Did he say something?” Logan asked.

“He said nothing, which is why I’m worried.” Erik ran his hand through his messy hair and gulped down the remaining alcohol. “Forget about it. Can you drive me home?”

Logan knew Erik had reached his limit, so he didn’t push. Instead, he reached for a fifty-dollar bill, placed it under his beer bottle and got up, followed by Erik. They sat in silence until they reached Erik’s apartment building.

“Let me know?”

“Yeah.” Erik nodded and got out of the passenger seat. He walked into the building before Logan drove passed his block.

 

Erik plugged in his phone to charge before crawling into bed and checking his lock screen. Still nothing. He switched off his side lamp and closed his eyes, Charles’s face was automatically drawn against the darkness. Erik’s mind kept going backwards and forwards. Surely Charles was just busy, right? Erik will wake up to a text from Charles, or even a missed call, he tried to convince himself. He drifted off to sleep with an unsettling feeling in his stomach. Little did he know, Charles was not busy.

 

 

         


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles maintains radio silence, and Erik is broken. Left with no choice, Raven reaches out to the only person left that can help Charles and hopes for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! I'm sorry this chapter is a little late, but I had a little difficulty writing it in the beginning. The words wouldn't come together. But, either way, it's here! Also: angst. Much angst. And time jumps. Please, do enjoy and feedback would be greatly appreciated!

It was getting colder. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into a month and Erik never heard back from Charles. As every hour passed, Erik would trace every single word he had said to Charles, fearing that he might have crossed some kind of imaginary boundaries between them. But as far as he could recall, nothing he said left Charles uncomfortable, nor had Charles told Erik to back off a certain topic. Erik had feared that something could have happened to Charles, and it was quite a possibility he would not have heard about it. But when he saw Charles walk through the university gates, healthy and in one piece, the pit in Erik’s stomach shrunk a little. However, he could not shake off the feeling of heartbreak. He kept wondering what went wrong.

Erik was lost, he would grunt each time he called Charles’s phone but it went straight to voicemail. His heart dropped in his knees when an automated message told him that Charles’s number was no long available. Something broke within Erik, something he feared would never heal.

Charles, on the other hand, was completely out of this world, his mind practically racing around the galaxy, jumping from one subject to another. He was hurting, too. Raven could see it in his eyes when she knocked on his partially opened study door.

“Come in.” She heard her brother’s voice, he sounded so small and looked the same, as well.

“You coming?” Raven asked from her position in the doorway.

Charles’s eyes focused on his sister. “Coming….where?”

“Gift shopping, I told you we were all going last week.” Raven reminded Charles.

“I can’t, love. I’ve got work to do, and I’m not entirely up for going out.” Charles rubbed his eyes tiredly.

Christmas was five days away. The ‘we’ Raven referred to consists of herself, Moira, Jean, Alex, Scott (Alex’s little brother), Darwin, and Sean.

“You’re really going to use the work excuse?” Raven raised an eyebrow.

“Pardon?”

“It’s winter break, Charles, I’m sure you can spare a few hours.”

“No, I can’t, because there are exams after the break which need to be prepared. And I really don’t have to explain myself to you.” Charles said sharply.

“I must have imagined it, then.” Raven crossed her arms over her chest.

“Imagined what?”

“That you allowed yourself to be happy for a while before shutting yourself down again. I could actually see happiness and excitement in your eyes, Charles.” Raven let her arms fall beside her and walked into the room. “Why did you let that go?”

“It was a mistake letting my guard down.” Charles admitted.

“Mistake?” Raven huffed. “You didn’t even give it a chance.”

“I couldn’t give it a chance.” Charles corrected his sister.

“Can’t you even begin to think about what this is doing to him?”

“I can’t let myself go there.”

“Because if you do, you’ll fall right back into your arms, and God forbid, you’ll jump off a cliff if that happened.”

Charles stayed silent.

Raven sighed heavily before choosing her next words carefully. “Charles, listen to me. I know you’ve heard these words enough, but now things are different. Things were good, Charles, and I hate to think that you’d ruin that. You need to move on, you need to give yourself that chance because you deserve it. You deserve a second chance, and there are just so many chances we get in life.”

“I did move on.” Charles defended. “I’m a grown up, Raven, I assure you I can take care of myself.” Charles went back to his work.

Raven nodded before standing up and walking out, without saying a word.

“Charles?” Moira asked, once she saw Raven.

“You know what? If he wants to wallow away in his misery, he’s more than welcome to do so. I can’t keep trying to knock sense into that thick skull of his.” She grabbed her purse and walked towards the front door.

Once Charles heard the load thud of the heavy door, he let out a strangled sign before burying his face in his hands. Hot tears stunk his eyes as he desperately tried to keep them in. After remembering that he was alone in the mansion, he didn’t hold back and let the fiery tears silently run down his cheeks. It took him a few minutes before he was able to regulate his breathing and gather himself. Having given up on getting any work done, he pushed himself off his desk chair and made his way up the stairs into the bathroom. He figured a hot shower ought to help and calm his nerves down. That’s when he started to think about Erik.

However, any thought Charles had of Erik in that moment vanished once he glanced at his bare chest in the mirror. Old scars decorated Charles’s pale skin. Some were faint, curtsy of the years of healing, but others were still visible, too visible for Charles’s liking. He absentmindedly ran his index finger over his right ribs, feeling the rough, thick scar tissue. His heart started to race in his chest, he closed his eyes and too deep breaths at an attempt to calm down. He slid down the bathroom wall and pulled his knees up to his chest, forcing himself to take long breaths and slowly exhale. By the time Charles was finally able to regain control, the room had already filled with steam from the hot water running in the tub. All Charles wanted was to be in Erik’s arms, to be safe. But he believed that safety wasn’t something that would ever be his.

Erik wasn’t having the best of days, either. As if he and Charles were connected, which Erik was really starting to doubt by now, Erik didn’t leave his apartment much. He would have lunch with his sister here, and have a drink with Logan there, but nothing much. Whenever Logan would ask what was up with him he’d shrug it off and say the exhaustion of filming was finally catching up to him. Logan knew that was far from the truth, but he didn’t push, and Erik was thankful. He would change into comfortable sweatpants and a hoodie, cook some noodles and switch on Netflix, whether to go on a marathon of a show he already watched or to binge one of the million new shows to hit the big screen. Either way, he was left alone and he was satisfied. Well, at least as satisfied as a person with a shattered heart can be. He didn’t try to reach Charles again after his phone was disconnected, but on various occasion, Erik was this close to driving right up to the Xavier Mansion and face Charles, if he was even still there. Erik would roughly shake his head, trying to expel the idea from his mind. He was slowly losing his mind, and his heart.

After what seemed like a decade of his sister and Logan blabbing in his ear, he finally agreed to watch the ball drop in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Both he and Logan were sporting Yankees caps with their hoods on their heads. All three of them were able to snap a quick selfie when the ball dropped without raising suspicion. Erik smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, it barely reached his ears. They watched the fireworks explode and people applaud for thirty minutes, before returning to Erik’s apartment. Logan hugged Erik and held him for a few moments too long, wishing him a happy new year and patting him on the back, telling him he was if he needed anything. Once again, Erik rocked that fake smile of his and thanked Logan, assuring him he’d call. As much as Erik would love to have Logan’s help, there was absolutely nothing to Canadian could do for him. Erik was afraid there was nothing anyone could do for him.  

Charles remained locked in his study for the weeks to come. He missed out on Christmas and New Year’s, he heard the parties through his study walls but had no interest in participating. He was miserable and tired, so he decided to let the happy people be happy without him infecting them. Little did he know, neither party was the same without Charles’s spirit, sober or drunk. Raven had sneaked into his office when he wasn’t in on Christmas day and left him a wrapped gift with a card that simply said, ‘ _to Charles_ ’. He didn’t notice it immediately, but once he did, he carefully removed the wrapping and opened a box. Inside lay a beautiful carved piece of wood with the quote, “ _You’ll never know if you never try_ ” engraved into the wood. He stroked the words with his finger and read the quote over and over, trying to digest it. Charles found a wooden stand after rummaging through his messy drawers and placed the piece of wood on one of his shelves. He later thanked Raven by giving her a small nod. She smiled at him. Charles didn’t speak much.

One afternoon, a few weeks later, Moira let herself in and walked into the living room to find Raven lying on the couch with her laptop on her stomach, the television playing in the background.

“Hey.” Moira greeted Raven, taking off her coat and dumping it on one of the armchairs.

“Hey.” Raven sat up, making space for Moira on the couch.

“Charles?” Moira asked.

Raven shook her head with a sigh. “Haven’t seen much of him. The house is far too quiet.”

“He’s got to snap out of this.” Moira ran her hand through her silky brown hair.

“Be my guest. God knows I tried. I don’t know what to say to him anymore, I don’t know how to reach out to him. It’s like we’re in the ocean and his boat is drifting further and further away every minute and there’s nothing I can do bring him back. You know, he was the only one who knew exactly what to say when to say it, and now I feel like it’s my turn to do that but I keep failing him.”

“You’re not failing him,” Moira said quickly. “He’s choosing this, he’s putting himself through all this. He’s not letting us reach for him, he keeps slapping our hands away like it’s going to burn him. I thought he was doing better, I thought he had finally moved on, it’s been years.” Moira shook her head.

“According to him, he already did.”

“Well, if this is moving on I’d hate to see stuck in the past.” Moira admitted. “I understand that it was hell and it was difficult, I was with him through that back then, but he got up and now he’s falling back deeper. I saw how he spoke of Erik, that rare spark in his eyes, I thought that was it, I thought this was the golden ticket.”

“We all did. I think he did, too. But Charles is being Charles, and not the strong Charles and that is killing me.” Silence. “I might have a way to snap him out of it.” Raven whispered.

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Raven nodded, “I’ve had it for a while, but I’ve been turning it around in my mind but it’s all I’ve got and it’s better than nothing.”

“Well, don’t hold out on me!”

“Erik.”

“Huh?” Moira’s eyebrows creased with confusion.

“Erik might be able to help.” Raven said.

“I’m lost.”

“What if Erik shows up and talks to Charles?” Raven suggested.

“Might work, that is if he would magically appear at the front door.”

“I have his number.” Raven said a little too quickly.

“You what? How?”

“I might have stolen Charles’s phone and sent his number to myself…” Raven said slowly.

“You didn’t!” Moira exclaimed.

“It’s coming in handy now, isn’t it?” Raven raised an eyebrow. “And besides, Charles changed his number, so even if Erik tried to call—which I am certain he has—he won’t be able to reach Charles. So, this is the only way.”

“We’re out of options.” Moira agreed.

Moira and Raven heard Charles’s study door open and then close a few seconds later. Charles is set out to lock himself away for yet another day.

“Where are you going?” Raven asked once Moira got up.

“One more time won’t hurt.” She said, walking out of the living room. She approached Charles’s study and knocked. She waiting a few seconds and then opened the door, knowing Charles isn’t going to voice his permission. “Hey, you.” She smiled at Charles, who nodded his greeting. Moira walked into and closed the door behind her. “I was hoping to catch you before you dug into the exams. It’s a beautiful day outside,” she gestured to the window, “and it’s been so long since we’ve spent time together. Lunch is on me?” Moira tried.

Charles locked his eyes with Moira’s for a total of three seconds before letting them fall on his laptop screen.

Knowing what that look meant, Moira took a few steps and sat on the edge of one of the chairs in front of Charles’s desk. “Listen to me, Charles. I know it’s not easy, I know this must be the scariest thing in the world, but as your best friend it’s my job to tell you when you’re screwing up, and frankly, you’re screwing up right now.” That earned her Charles’s tired gaze once again. Moira took a deep breath and continued. “You once trusted me with your life, and I saw you at your worst and I helped you back up, did I not? It’s still my job to look out for you, and that’s what I’m doing—this is what we’re all trying to do but you’re not letting us, Charles. This isn’t something you should go through alone. And if I’m being completely honest right now, all of us, including me, thought that Erik was your ticket to escape from the past.” Moira could see the pain crawl into Charles’s eyes at the mention of Erik, but she pressed forward, nonetheless. “He was good for you, and I think you were good for him. I know you can’t relive the past, but that’s all that it is, the past. Charles, please, you’re digging a hole that you won’t be able to climb from later.” Moira pleaded.

Charles was silent for thirty seconds or so, but it felt like an eternity for Moira, holding her breath and her heart skipping a beat here and there. She hadn’t realized she wasn’t breathing until Charles opened his mouth and spoke. “I appreciate it,” Charles’s voice was hoarse and low, “I would love to, but I simply don’t have the time.” He gave his best friend a smile that he’d been clearly practicing in his bedroom mirror.

Moira nodded and got up. “If you need anything, I’m a call away.” She reminded Charles and walked out his study. She sighed, and nodded to Raven once she was back in the living room. “Proceed.”

Raven grabbed her phone and opened a new text message, typing in Erik’s name in the recipient bar. She started to type.

-       _Hey, Erik. It’s Raven, Charles’s sister. You’ll probably freak out but don’t worry, he’s fine. Well, not fine, but alive at least. Sorry if this is two months too late, but we’re out of options. I think you need to see Charles. Text me back and I’ll explain more, thanks._ After showing it to Moira for approval, Raven sent it.

Erik woke up that morning and decided to let the past be the past and enough of it eating away at him, and possibly lowering his life expectancy. He can live with a broken heart, he told himself, it’s gonna hurt like a bitch moving forward, yes he was willing to admit it, but he’s withering away slowly and painfully. His mind was set up until his phone buzzed and he read Raven’s text message. His heart raced, thinking it was from Charles, but Charles was fully capable of texting him from his own phone, but still Erik had reason to hope. He wasn’t sure if he was disappointed that it was from Raven or it _was_ from Raven. He read the message a few times over before fully comprehending what she was saying. It left Erik, however, a little confused. If he needed to see Charles, why wasn’t Charles the one asking? Oh, wait, it’s a set up.

-       _Hi, Raven. Is Charles all right? I tried reaching him but he changed his number. And what do you mean out of options, what’s going on with Charles?_ Erik sent it without changing anything. He knew he sounded desperate, which he very much was.

A few minutes later, Erik’s phone buzzed again.

-       _Depends on how you define all right, I suppose. Is he breathing, eating, and sleeping? Yes. Is he being Charles? No. So I don’t know where that leaves you, but that’s why we’re having this conversation. I apologize for my brother’s actions until he’s sane enough to do that himself, but point is, something came up—don’t ask what, I can’t say—but he’s gotten himself into one hell of a spirally spiral and we’ve all tried to get him out of it with no luck. You’re our last card, if there’s anyone left who can help Charles it’s you. I wish I could tell you what this situation is about, but I can’t, it’s not my place. If you’re willing to give it a shot, let me know and I’ll set it up._

Erik stared at the message for a few moments. Okay, so Charles is going through a breakdown of some kind and he’s being stubborn as fuck. That sounds about right in Erik’s head. Would he be willing to help Charles? An hour ago he thought he’d lost the man for good, of course he was willing to put everything in helping Charles.

-       _Of course, I’ll do anything and everything I can to help Charles. But from what I understand, he’s had it rough? Are you really sure it would be a good idea for me to just show up out of nowhere?_ Erik sent.

-       _To be honest, I have no idea._ _But this is as low as it goes, this is rock bottom, and so if it doesn’t go up from here, it can’t go further down, is what I’m trying to say._ Erik read Raven’s text.

-       _Alright, how are we gonna do this?_ Erik rubbed his eyes and sent.

-       _Here’s our address, and you can swing by, lets say after tomorrow at 5?_ Erik saw he address written under the text.

-       _You sure Charles will be home?_

-       _It will be Saturday, so yeah, Charles doesn’t get out anymore._ This is bad, Erik though as he read Raven’s response.

-       _Alright then, I’ll see you after tomorrow._

 

Erik didn’t quite believe he was at the mansion until his car was parked in front of the front door on Saturday. True to Raven’s word, Charles’s car was parked in front of the garage. Erik took a deep breath before getting out of his car and walking up to the front door. He stared at the doorbell for a few minutes. Should he tell Raven he was outside? Or should it be spontaneous? Erik shook his head. Spontaneous? There was nothing spontaneous about this. He built the courage and pressed the bell, hearing it echo inside. His heart started to race as he heard footsteps approach and then the heavy door start to open. Raven.

“Hey, Erik.” Raven whispered and stood aside, giving Erik space to step in. He did. “Stay here.”

Erik nodded and looked around the mansion. It was much bigger than he had previously thought, but it was quite breathtaking. The paintings that hung on the walls, and the antiques that decorated various corners, including the furniture that was scattered everywhere. It was perfect.

“Charles?” Raven yelled for her brother. As usual, getting no response, she continued. “Can you come for a second? I need your help.” Raven bit her lip, wondering if it will do the trick.

A few moments later, Charles emerged from his study and Erik’s breath caught in his throat.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles makes the biggest mistake of his life, arguably. Some drunken confessions from Erik. And Charles tries to fix said biggest mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, hello! Another chapter is here! Took me a while to start writing it, but here it is. Also, a tiny Harry Potter reference in there, so keep an eye out if you're a Potterhead. You can't miss it, really. I hope you enjoy this angsty chapter, and feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Erik’s eyes roamed over Charles’s figure, his eyes running up and down the professor’s much-too-thin body. Erik struggled, forcing his breath down his throat and into his lungs. He was suffocating. Neither man said anything for a minute or so, Erik was too taken aback to worry about that.

Charles hasn’t been eating, that much Erik could tell. The person standing in front of him was not the Charles he knew. True enough, Erik never got the chance to really know who Charles was as a person, but Erik knew enough to know that this _thing_ in front of him is whatever is left of Charles. Charles’s ghost, if you must. Erik felt his heart shattering, taking in Charles’s features. A stubble decorated the shorter man’s face, bags of black hanging under his eyes, making the contrast with his pale face alarmingly clear. If Erik didn’t know better, he would say Charles had some kind of sickness that ate at his body. Well, Charles was sick. But it wasn’t the fever or flu kind of sickness, it was the sickness of the past. And in this case, it ate at Charles’s heart. In that moment, Erik was faced with two options: turn around and get the fuck out of the mansion as fast as he could, or push his legs forward and move towards the decaying image of Charles Xavier.

His choice was made for him.

With numb feet, Erik moved forward. “Charles,” Erik croaked out.

Charles stood straight, as if he were trying to get away from Erik, but too tired to actually take a step backwards. His heart was racing in his chest, part of him thought it was a hallucination and that Erik wasn’t really here. But Erik’s presence felt so… _real._ The warmth radiating from his body even when they were a few feet apart.

Feeling his discomfort, Erik came to a stop, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “Charles,” he prompted once again.

Too afraid saying Erik’s name would break him, Charles cleared his throat before speaking. “Wh—what are you doing here?”

 _He hasn’t been speaking, either, that’s just great,_ Erik thought.

Not knowing what to say, Erik turned his attention to Raven, silently asking her to interfere. He had quite forgotten she was standing in the room.

Before Raven could speak, Charles narrowed his eyes at his sister, putting one and one together. “R—Raven?” He rasped out. “W—why would you?”

“Because I can help you,” Erik intervened. “Whatever is going on, Charles, I can help you through it.”

“I don’t need your help,” Charles snapped. “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much.”

Erik sighed, tilting his head to the side.

“Save your pity,” Charles spat. “Don’t feel sorry for me, I don’t need it.”

“Charles,” Erik breathed. “Please, let me in, let me help you. I want to help you.”

“You can’t, because there is nothing I need help with,” Charles insisted. Erik began to move towards Charles before Charles quickly raised his hand in mid-air. “Don’t.” Charles glued his eyes to the ground, unable to bare watching Erik’s heart breaking on his face and through his eyes. “Everyone keeps saying I need help and all kinds of crap, but I’m fine. Really. It’s being managed.”

“Charles, listen to me. I know you’re not okay, I can see it. And you shouldn’t have to carry all this weight by yourself. It’s going to destroy you. You don’t have to talk to me about it, but talk to someone, God damnit. You can’t keep going on like this. I’m worried about you,” Erik admitted. “If I had known—“

“Known what?” Charles interrupted Erik. “What would have been different?”

“A lot, Charles. I would have been here earlier, for one.”

“Oh, please,” Charles scoffed, running his hand through his messy hair that rested right above his shoulder. “Save it for someone who cares. And brilliant performance, by the way.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Erik’s anguish was slowly being replaced with anger.

“Well, you and I both know what’s really going on here. You’re an actor, you act, and it’s what you do. You just…say stuff. You don’t mean any of it because it’s not who you are. And this here,” Charles moved his finger back and forth in the space between them, “is just another one of your performances.”

Erik tried to swallow the huge lump in his throat. “Is that really what you think of me?” When he received no answer, Erik took in a sharp breath and nodded slowly. “Fine, then.” Erik watched as Charles’s face remained emotionless. “Have a nice life, Charles,” Erik said coldly. He turned around and walked towards the door, shutting it behind him. He shivered at the sudden collision with the cold air. Erik stuffed his hands in his pockets, lifting his head to look at the stars. It was a beautiful and painful night. He let a tear roll down his cheek. Small white flakes floated around Erik, he watched as they landing on the gravel and disappeared. And in that moment, he wished he could disappear, too.

\---

            Erik felt like he had lost everything. All those nights he stayed awake, imaging a life with Charles. As cliché as it sounds, Erik wanted a white-picket fence with the man, and a dog and possibly kids one day. He wanted it all. He felt hollow without Charles, empty and cold. That is what his life had become. Empty and cold, and miserable and lonely. Erik sniffed and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. It was clear what Charles had thought of him, and no matter how much Erik’s heart tried to convince him that it wasn’t Charles saying those things, Erik pushed it to the side. Charles was gone. Plain and simple. Charles was out of his reach. Everything that didn’t happen was over. It was all gone.

            Not trusting himself to be alone, Erik pulled out his phone and opened a new text message.

-       _I need you. Urgent. My place._ He typed and sent before getting out of his car.

\---

Charles had used the I-need-another-drink excuse and retreated back into his study, leaving a stunned Raven standing completely still, clearly trying to wrap her head around what had just gone down. Charles gulped down his drink, pouring another glass and downing that one down, too. The alcohol surging through his veins was like fresh air, and he knew he was so screwed. His own heart ached at the thought that Erik most probably hates him right now. He wanted nothing more than to run into Erik’s arms and stay there till the end of his days. It took all control not to. He felt his own heart getting shred to pieces when he spoke those awful, hateful words. Charles never disagreed that Erik was, in fact, the best thing that has happened to him. But sometimes, you can’t have the best things in life. Sometimes, you just can’t. And sometimes, you wish you would disappear from the world without a trace. Charles leaned back in his chair and let out a long sigh. He wanted to scream, he really did, but he couldn’t. His vocal chords won’t take it. That tiny talk with Erik was the longest conversation he had had in the past two weeks.

\---

Logan received Erik’s text message just as he was getting into his car. He narrowed his eyes at the words, rereading it. It was unlike Erik, he noticed. Logan’s heart started to thump against his chest, knowing that something wasn’t right. He turned on the ignition and drove to Erik’s apartment.

Logan was at Erik’s place in seven minutes. He parked his car in the first empty space he found and made his way up to his best friend’s door. He knocked several times, waiting impatiently for Erik to open the door. A few minutes later, Logan dug for his keys and used the key Erik gave him to let himself in. It wasn’t locked. Again, very unlike Erik. Logan pushed the door and walked in, letting it close softly behind him. He looked around the apartment, and ‘messy’ doesn’t even begin to cover what he saw. Take out boxes were scattered over the living room floor, the blinds were shut, a pillow and a blanket were half on the couch, half on the ground. Oh, and there was Erik, sitting—or rather slouching on one of the armchairs with a half-filled bottle of Jack Daniels. Logan spotted the discarded glass on the dinning table. Erik preferred to drink directly from the bottle. This is worse than Logan had imagined.

“I let myself in,” Logan approached Erik.

“Ah! Logan!” Erik said too happily. “Glad you’re here just in time for the party.”

“Uh, huh,” Logan said, looking around. The sink in the kitchen was filled with unwashed dishes. And he could bet on his life if he opened the fridge, it would be empty. “Glad I’m here in time.”

“Drink?” Erik offered the opened bottle.

“I’m good, I see you’re drinking enough for the both of us.” Logan took a seat on the couch.

“You’re a funny guy, Howlett.” Erik said with a sheepish laugh. He took another long swing at the whiskey.

“You, uh, wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on.” Erik answered a bit too quickly. “I can’t hang out with my best friend?” Erik pouted.

“No, you can, but it would be nice for you to actually remember said hang out.” Logan pointed out, leaning back into the couch. Logan could smell the intoxicating scent of the alcohol radiating from Erik. “Why all the sleeping gear?”

“My bed’s too cold. I don’t like sleeping in it alone.” Erik shrugged.

“You always sleep alone.”

“Yes—no, I mean, no.” Erik shook his head. “He’s gone. And it’s cold without him.”

“Who’s gone?” Logan arched an eyebrow.

“Charles.” Erik answered with another maniacal laugh. “He—he said that I didn’t care and that I was just acting and that I never gave a fuck about him.” Another laugh. But Logan suspected it was a sob. “It’s funny, you know. I never had him but I lost him.”

“I thought you couldn’t reach him, though. Did you speak to him?”

Erik shook his head violently, which he regretted. “His sister texted me and I went to his house. He said it all to my face.”

“Oh, boy,” Logan sighed.

“I just—I just don’t know why. What have I done? I—I—I just fell for him,” Erik stuttered. “Am I really that horrible? Am—am I that unlovable?”

“No, come on, man, you know that’s not true,” Logan sat up, looking straight at Erik.

“Then why?” Erik whispered. His voice was broken, it quivered making Logan’s own heart shatter.

Even in the dim light of the living room, Logan could see the tears in Erik’s eyes. The strong, tall man looked so small, so fragile. Logan swallowed down hard, hating himself for not being able to help Erik.

“And like, he’s not okay, I could see that. I just don’t know why he kept saying over and over again that he was all right when it’s so fucking clear he isn’t. I mean why didn’t he want me to help him? I’m not going to hurt him, I just wanted to help him.”

“Maybe he wasn’t ready,” Logan tried.

“I don’t care,” Erik shook his head. “I was there, and he should have let me help him. He should have. He didn’t trust me, and he—I’m so tired.”

“I’m sure you are, buddy.”

“I want Charles back.”

“Come on,” Logan got up and walked towards Erik, “lets get you to bed.” He stretched his arm to take the almost-empty bottle from Erik’s grip.

“But—but the party.”

“The party can wait.”

Erik took one last gulp of the alcohol, and then allowed Logan to take the now-empty bottle and place it on the dinning table. The larger man helped Erik to his feet, wrapping one of Erik’s arms around his own shoulder and using his arm to support the drunken man by his waist.

“No—no, not upstairs,” Erik tried to fight Logan’s grip with no success. “Bed is cold.”

“You won’t even feel it,” Logan promised.

God knows how much time had passed when Logan finally helped Erik up the stairs without toppling over, which almost happened a few times. Logan carefully let Erik fall backwards onto the bed, easing his feet out of his shoes. Logan watched as the heartbroken man curled himself into a ball and hugged the pillow tightly. Logan then reached for a folded up blanket and spread it over Erik’s body. He watched over his best friend for a few minutes, making sure he wouldn’t wake up suddenly, before leaving the room, and shutting the door behind him. Logan walked back downstairs and switched on the living room light. The mess was worse than he had seen in the dark. He sighed, pulling up his sleeves and grabbing a garbage bag. He started picking the leftover take out plates and throwing them into the bag. He then moved to the sink and washed the endless pile of plates and glasses.

An hour later, Logan looked around the apartment, satisfied with his work, he grabbed a notepad and pen and scribbled a note to Erik, leaving it under the coffee machine.

_Buy real food. And drink coffee, you’ll need it. – L_

\---

“Care to explain what the hell is the matter with you?” Moira let herself into Charles’s study a few days later.

Startled, Charles looked up from his laptop. “Huh?”

“Have you forgotten already? It didn’t mean anything to you?” Moira scoffed.

“Moira—“

“Erik, Charles! Erik.”

Charles sighed, and stayed silent.

“You have no idea what you’ve done, do you?”

“What have I done?” Charles said sharply.

Moira’s eyes widened. “He was here, Charles. After everything, he was here. Raven asked him to come because we were out of options. And he came.”

“It wasn’t Raven’s right to do that,” Charles raised his voice.

“Are you kidding me right now? You left us no options, Charles. All we want to do is help you but you wouldn’t let us. And we thought, that maybe Erik would be able to but I guess we were wrong. You’re hell bent on destroying everything in your life. When Erik heard that you needed help—and don’t say you don’t need help because you damn well do, he showed up. You shattered him, months of giving him nothing, yet he still shows up. I just don’t understand.”

“They say it’s easier to rip off the band aid quickly,” Charles whispered.

“Why are you ripping it off to begin with?”

“Because everything I touch ends up getting ruined one way or another. This thing will only bring pain to Erik. I will only bring him pain. He deserves better.”

“Don’t you think that’s up to him to decide?”

“You think I like this? You think I enjoyed saying those things to him? Watching his heart break and—“ Charles swallowed, “I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. He might not know it yet, but he deserves someone who isn’t broken and bruised,” Charles wiped a stray tear from his cheek. “It’s the best for him.”

“Are you that naïve, Charles? Do you really think you breaking his heart is ‘the best for him’?”

“You don’t even know him.” Charles argued.

“I don’t, but I know you. And I saw how happy you were when you were with him. And I know he would not have made you that happy if _you_ didn’t make him happy.”

Charles rubbed a hand over his face, dragging it through his hair. “Well, it’s done, and I’m sure he won’t want to see me. So, it’s over.”

“I don’t think you’ll scare him away that easily.”

“What do you want from me, Moira?” Charles asked defeated.  

“I want you to fix this,” Moira admitted. “It’s not too late.”

“Moira, I can’t get close again. I can’t risk it,” Charles squeezed his eyes tight. A dull throbbing pain echoed on his scarred body, a constant reminder. “I am reminded of what happened every day I look in the mirror. It’s more than enough.”

“You say you’ve moved on, Charles, but you haven’t. I know how hard it must be on you, but it’s the past. I know you’ve tried to move forward, but what you did wasn’t moving forward.”

“What?” Charles frowned.

Moira sighed. “You shoved it to the back of your head. Your buried it, but you kept your distance from people. You didn’t let yourself get close. And when you did, you retreated. That’s not moving on, that’s giving in.”

“I can’t move on,” Charles finally admitted. “It’s always haunting me. I can’t put myself through that, and I can’t allow myself to put Erik through it, too.”

“But don’t you think that you can make it through together? I think the reason why you couldn’t move past it is because you were carrying it all alone, and it’s such a heavy thing to carry, Charles. Maybe you need someone to help you carry it. And maybe that person is Erik. Maybe there’s a reason that he’s the first person you let your guard down around, even if it was just for a brief time. Maybe that’s a message.”

“You’re starting to sound like Erik.”

Moira’s lips curled into a small smile. “You need someone to help you carry your baggage. And I know that Erik accepts you, as you are, no matter how much baggage you have. And if you’re broken and bruised as you say, I can bet my life that this man is what will heal you, you just give him a chance.”

\---

Erik opened the fridge and grabbed a cold beer bottle. He still managed to turn his apartment into a semi-dump after the day Logan cleaned it up himself. He threw the pillow and blanket on the armchair, and let himself fall backwards on the couch. After sighing heavily and taking a long gulp from the cold liquid, he switched on the television. A Yankees game was on and Logan was on his way with pizza. Although Erik wasn’t really hungry.

The actor slowly made his way to the door when he heard the doorbell halfway into the game and made way for Logan to enter. They silently made their way back to the couch where they sat down, shoulder to shoulder.

“How’s the game?” Logan asked, opening the pizza box in front of them.

Erik shrugged. He wasn’t really paying attention to the television.

“Slice?” Logan offered.

“Not hungry,” Erik said, barely audible.

“When was the last time you ate sometime?”

Erik didn’t remember, so he just took another swing at the bottle in his hand. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of the coldness running down his dry throat.

“Alright, that’s it,” Logan dropped his slice and muted the game, turning his full attention to Erik. “I’ve had enough of watching you wallow in self-pity, day in and day out, waiting for you to snap out of it but you’re not even fucking trying,” Logan snapped.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? _Snap out of it_? You think this is some kind of game? I can just turn it on and off?” Erik shot back defensively.

“You’re stuck in it, and it’s destroying you.”

“Destroyed,” Erik corrected. “It already destroyed me.” Another gulp.

Logan sighed, carefully picking his next words. “And I hate seeing you like this. I wish there were anything I could do.”

“I appreciate that,” Erik nodded. “But unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. The promotion tour is coming up soon, hopefully it will keep my mind off…things.”

“I’m sorry I snapped, I know this is hard on you,” Logan turned his attention back to the game.

Erik bumped his shoulder with Logan’s, assuring him that he’s not mad. They continued watching the game in silence.

\---

Elsewhere, Charles laid wide-awake in bed, Moira’s words rushing through his head.

_I don’t think you’ll scare him away that easily._

_I want you to fix this._

_Maybe you need someone to help you carry it._

_Erik accepts you._

_Just give him a chance._

Could it be true? Could Erik still want him after the hurtful words he spoke? Was it still possible to have everything he wanted with Erik? Needless to say, Charles was a ball of confusion. A burst of emotions surged through his body, hope tangled with guilt mixed with excitement and topped with fear. Too overwhelmed, he suddenly couldn’t breathe. He quickly sat up in his bed, blacking out for a few seconds and rubbed his hands over his face. He leaned towards his nightstand, switching on the side lamp. A dull light filled his room, he leaned back towards the headboard while his eyes roamed around the frames that sat on his bedroom walls. One particular frame caught his attention.

“ _Happiness can be found even in the darkest times if one only remembers to turn on the light.”_

Throughout his life, Charles had known very little happiness. Raven and Moira were the only two sources of his happiness. Sure, he loved what he did, but he never really thought it was true happiness. It was more satisfaction than happiness, really. Many times, he believed that he didn’t deserve true happiness, and that it was something that would never be his. That is up until he met Erik. Once Erik was in his life, something changed inside him, or maybe something around him. A switch was turned and it scared the ever-living crap out of him. What was more terrifying though, was that Charles knew that if there were the slightest chance he could be happy, he’d have to let down his guard. And he wasn’t ready for that. He thought he would never be quite ready. Now, however, with his heart pounding against his chest, he realized that maybe the light he’s been looking for was in front of him all this time, but his fear had clouded his vision. Making everything dark and gloomy, with the bright light tucked away in the corner. Knowing that if he didn’t make this move right now he never will, Charles grabbed his phone and opened a new text message.  

\---

The clock ticking three fifty-seven was the last thing Erik remembered when the sunbeams hit his eyes, making him groan and push his head under the pillow. He yawned deeply and finally opened his eyes halfway, peeking at the clock next to him. Eight seventeen am. He blindly searched for his phone on the nightstand, finally finding it after a few misses: one new text message from a number that wasn’t in his contacts list. Reluctantly, Erik opened it.

-       _Hi, Erik, it’s Charles. This is my new number,—_

Erik froze. He felt like a dozen of bricks were thrown on his chest and it was hard to breathe. He read those words over and over again, trying to let it sink in. He sucked in a deep breath, pushing the imaginary bricks to the side and continued reading.

-       _—I don’t even know if you’ll read this, but I think it’s worth a try. I’d like to hope that I didn’t manage to completely screw up everything between us, even though I messed up big time, and I wouldn’t blame you if you want nothing to do with me again. I’ve been a jerk, and a pretty big one, too. I can only hope that you can find it to hear me out. I don’t even know if you’ll give me that chance, God knows I don’t deserve it, but if you do decide to give me that chance, I’ll be waiting at our spot in Central Park at 6 o’clock in the evening. I don’t know if you’ll show up, but I’ll be there. I owe you an explanation._

Erik remained completely still, unaware of the tears that had gathered in his eyes. He could hear the desperation in Charles’s voice through his words, he can imagine those beautiful blue eyes filled with tears just like his own. When Erik finally got around managing to deliver some needed oxygen to his lungs, he opened his call history and dialed Logan’s number, not giving a damn that it’s eight in the fucking morning. Logan would probably be awake, anyway.

“This better be important,” Logan picked up.

“Charles texted me,” Erik rushed.

Moment of silence.

“Seriously?” Erik could hear the surprise echoing in Logan’s voice. “What did he say?”

“That he screwed up, and he was a jerk, and that he wants me to hear him out and if I’m willing to do that he’ll be waiting for me at Central Park later today,” Erik recited.

“And?”

“I don’t know,” Erik sighed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but I think you need to understand what’s going on,” Logan said honestly.

“You think I should go?”

“I do.”

Erik stifled a yawn. A long sigh.

“I think this is what both of you need,” Logan broke the silence.

“Fuck it,” Erik breathed. “The worst already happened, this really couldn’t sink any deeper.”

“That’s the spirit,” Logan said sarcastically.

\---

Charles paced nervously back and forth in front of the bench where he and Erik ate their pizza slices all those months ago, quite honestly, it felt like a lifetime had passed since. His heart was racing in his chest, trying to keep himself busy he kept checking his watch every ten seconds. He attempted to sit down but his legs wouldn’t have it. He found himself moving around once again. He ran his hand through his somewhat combed hair, taking in deep breaths, trying to calm down his heart, the anticipation rushing through his veins. It was twelve minutes past six o’clock and Charles was starting to think that Erik wasn’t going to show up. Whenever he would feel the presence of someone around him, his heart dropped to his knees, until he realized that person wasn’t Erik. Until that someone turned out to be Erik.

Charles stared. There he was, standing in front of him yet out of his reach. _Erik._ He had shown up. After everything that happened, Erik was _here._ Even in the dim streetlight, Charles could see that Erik had grown a stubble—which suited him rather well—and his hair was a little rumpled, his eyes were glowing, shimmering blue. Erik’s face remained expressionless, and his body remained still. Charles thought the taller man was merely a fragment of his imagination. A desperate need for Erik to be there. A trick his mind was playing on him. Without his consent, Charles’s feet started walking towards the statue of Erik Lehnsherr, who yet remained unmoving.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Charles talk it through, with some surprises. Unexpected words are said. A chase happens, and someone cooks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaaay, so I'm pretty happy with this chapter. Also, very, very nervous. The story takes a bit of a turn and I hope you guys approve. More notes at the end of the chapter to prevent spoilers!

Erik held his breath as he watched Charles stride towards him, it took each inch of his control to not run up to the shorter man and bury him in his arms. Unsure of how the professor will react, or what he will say, Erik decided to stand completely still, allowing just enough air into his lungs to prevent him from passing out. He watched as Charles came to an eventual stop just a couple of feet in front of him, not knowing where to begin or how to begin, Erik watched as Charles fiddled with his hands before finally deciding to push them into his pockets. Both men watched each other closely for a few minutes, neither of them coming up with a decent thing to say. It was quite weird, to tell you the truth, after them being able to slip into comfortable conversation that felt so _natural_ and wasn’t in any way forced, this situation right here, was weird.

“You came,” Charles was finally able to use his rusty voice. He winced at the words, though, cursing at himself for the stupidly obvious statement. But it was something, it was bound to take this conversation somewhere.

“I did,” Erik nodded slowly. “I, uh,” he swallowed down, “I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

Something warmed inside Charles. Was it perhaps tiny specks of hope lingering through his body? And for the first time in a very long time, Charles was reminded how butterflies in the stomach felt like. Especially ones put there by Erik Lehnsherr. He tried to push down said hope and not jump to conclusions. He still didn’t quite forgive himself for what he has done, and for bringing this thing with Erik crashing to the ground. Quite frankly, he would never forgive himself. Although, he didn’t destroy said thing with Erik completely, after all, Erik was here.

It was Charles’s turn to say something, he realized. He’d been staring at Erik like he’d grown a second head, and he really, _really_ didn’t want to scare him away. Not when he finally had him back. Well, if he would classify this as having him back.

“Should we sit down?” Charles prompted, feeling his heart rate pick up. He was scared Erik was just here to throw a bunch of words in his face and leave, never to see him again. He somewhat relaxed when Erik gave him a small nod and they both took a few steps and sat down on the ice-cold bench. It was familiar, this setting. Except for the fact that it was freezing and they weren’t sitting as close as they were the last time. Charles felt like they were worlds apart, and in more ways than one, they were. “This, uh, this is different,” Charles cleared his throat.

Erik threw a brief glimpse at Charles, noticing that the black painted under Charles’s eyes was much worse than he had previously seen. Now that he was so close to the professor, Erik could truly see how tired and _broken_ Charles really was.

“It is,” Erik agreed with a sigh, turning his attention back to the empty space in front of him.

“Erik,” Charles voice broke, causing him to squeeze his eyes quickly. He was tired of putting up a front, he was exhausted of pretending, he was just so drained. Emotionally, and mentally, and physically.

“I just want to understand why,” Erik’s voice tore Charles from his momentary blackout. “Charles, just,” Erik breathed, “I just want to know why. And that’s all I’m asking. Just explain why, and then if you want me to, I’ll leave. And I won’t bother you again.” Unshed tears shimmered in Erik’s eyes.

Charles’s jaw dropped open, color paling from his face. It was hard to breathe, he felt like he was being suffocated. Is that why Erik is here? To say goodbye? To leave and never look back?

“Wh—No, no, I—I don’t want you to leave,” Charles managed to stutter. “That’s why I asked you here. I’ve done enough damage, and I prayed that there was anything I could do to at least repair a part of the mess I’ve made, God knows I don’t deserve this after everything that I did, but—“ Charles was rambling, clearly not delivering enough oxygen to his lungs.

“Charles, Charles!” Erik snapped at Charles to get his attention. “Take a deep breath, calm down. We’ll talk this through.”

After managing to bring his breathing back to a somewhat normal rate, Charles took one final deep breath and started talking. “There are not enough words to express how terribly sorry I am for saying those despicable, revolting words to you. I didn’t mean any of them.”

“Then why?” Erik whispered.

 _No turning back now, Xavier, this is it,_ Charles thought. “Because it was easier than telling you the truth.”

“And the truth is?”

“I break everything I touch,” Charles said, staring at his bare hands. “I—I hurt people and wreck everything, I don’t mean to, but it happens and you’re the last person I would want to hurt.”

“What, and you think those words didn’t hurt me?” Erik scoffed.

Charles tried to calm down his increasing heart rate. This is going all wrong. “I thought that if I said those things, you’d want to stay away from me and it would be easier than to admit that I’m broken and I thought maybe you’d soon realize that you deserve better than me and I would rather live without you and know that you were happy than to have you and make you miserable because that’s what I do. I destroy people,” Charles couldn’t or rather didn’t control the salty tears as they made their way down his pale cheek and landed on his thighs, disappearing in the fabric.

Erik opened his mouth to speak but closed it after a few moments, not entirely sure how to respond to Charles’s sorrowful words. He could feel the damage in Charles’s voice and it physically tormented the actor. “You would do that? You would put my happiness above your own?” Erik found himself saying.

“Always,” Charles nodded.

“You’re wrong, Charles,” Erik breathed, emotion surging through his eyes towards the shorter man. “You didn’t destroy me, being without you did. If anything, you made me happy, happier than I had been in a long time,” Erik admitted, his eyes never leaving those of Charles’s.

Charles remained silent, searching in Erik’s face for the smallest hint of sarcasm or mockery but finding none. Erik’s words were genuine. And Charles didn’t know whether that made him happy or made him terrified. Or both.

“Why?” Charles finally asked. “Why are you willingly wanting to be with a ticking time bomb?”

“Because I would rather be destroyed with you, than go on without you. Because you’re all I can think about. Because you’re all that I want.”

“Even after everything that happened?” Charles chocked up the words.

“Yes,” Erik nodded. “I’ll take it, all of it, the good and the bad.”

Charles gazed into Erik’s eyes, finding tears mirroring his own. Erik’s eyes were filled with so much emotion, so much passion and so much sincerity and it suddenly dawned on Charles that he couldn’t— _wouldn’t_ —allow himself to steal that from Erik.

“I can’t risk it, Erik, not to you,” Charles shook his head. “I can’t be responsible for diminishing everything that is beautiful about you. I will never forgive myself.”

“And I will never forgive myself if I let you slip away again,” Erik shot back. “Whatever this is, we’ll figure it out together. Charles, please.”

“I’m so scared of getting close and then being the reason of sending it crashing straight to the ground,” Charles whispered, defeated.

“Don’t be,” Erik whispered back.

Charles latches his fingers together, playing with his hands as a million thoughts ran through his head. He kept himself occupied, and tried to make a rational decision. Wait, rational? There was nothing rational about what’s going on here.

Erik’s eyes never left Charles’s hands. He always wondered how his hand would fit with the other man’s. A desperate impulse made Erik reach out and cover Charles’s moving hands with his own. The professor’s hands instantly tensed and came to an eventual slow stop, making Charles’s head snap up, his eyes focusing on Erik’s. A small smile was drawn on Erik’s beautifully outlined lips. Erik felt Charles’s hands ease up, allowing him to slip his hand into the frosty ones. Feeling Charles’s fingers tighten around his palm, Erik immediately covered their joint hands with his other.

Charles glimpsed down at their connected hands, the first thing popping into his head was how warm Erik’s hands were. He could feel the heat seeping through Erik’s skin and into his own, but the connection was far more than just physical. Charles could feel Erik’s pulse under his skin, making both men one. Synching their heartbeats. It strikes Charles in that moment that this is everything he needs, everything he wants. It amazed him how one simple touch can carry so much, mean so much, promise _so_ much.

“I promise you, you don’t have to be scared,” after a moment of hesitation, Erik leaned in, resting his forehead against Charles’s, glad when the other man didn’t pull away. “No one is perfect, and no one comes with no baggage, I will help you carry it and as long as we’re together, we’ll make it through,” Erik assured Charles. “I know this is hard and it’s not easy, but the best things in life are worth fighting for. And I’m ready to fight for you, even if it kills me. Take a leap of faith, and trust me,” Erik closed his eyes and took in a breath through his nose. A small hint of Charles’s cologne still evident in the man’s clothes trickled up Erik’s nostrils and was permanently stored in his memory forever.

Feeling his body go weak, Charles broke their connection and let himself fall into Erik’s body, burying his face in the taller man’s neck. His breath hitched when he felt Erik’s hand resting on the small of his back, holding him in place. An unexpected tear tricked down his cheek, the overwhelming combination of emotions catching up to the professor. He breathed heavily, untangling his hand from Erik’s and balling the fabric of Erik’s hoodie in his fist instead, giving Erik the chance to completely engulf the smaller man, wrapping his arms around him protectively.

“Everything is going to be alright,” Erik promised, running a hand up and down Charles’s back soothingly.

“You won’t leave me?” Erik’s clothes muffled Charles’s words.

“I won’t leave you,” Erik tightly embraced Charles, his hand working its path up Charles’s back and finding its way into his dark curly hair.

For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, Charles felt safe.

They remained a knot of human limbs until Charles’s breaths evened out and the tears dried. Erik could feel the steady rise and fall of the man’s chest against his own, nudging his lips into a comforting smile. With all his strength and against his will, Charles pulled away from the warmth of Erik’s arms and sat up straight. The same smile adorned the professor’s face.

“So, you forgive me?” Charles’s eyes were bluer than Erik had ever seen them before. Those eyes opened a whole new door to Charles, a door to his soul.

“I forgive you,” Erik nodded. “I get it, it caught you by surprise and people react differently. It might have taken you a while, but I’m glad you came around. Just always know that whatever is going on, I will help you through it, no matter how hard or impossible you think it is. You can always talk to me,” Erik took Charles’s hand into his own once again, rubbing his thumb over the other man’s knuckles softly.

Charles believed Erik. But he wasn’t quite ready for that, yet. He can talk to him, but not about everything. Not about what so violently wedged itself between them, almost tearing them apart beyond any hope of repair. Not about that.

Charles nodded and cleared his throat. “You hungry?”

“Starving.”

“I’m paying for dinner,” Charles decided, getting up and pulling on Erik’s hand.

Erik chuckled, getting to his feet and closed the gap between them, blue eyes blazing into identical ones, unbreakable now. A promise of tomorrow. Fear of the unknown. Stronger together.

This, they thought, this they could do for the rest of their lives.

\---

They eventually found their way to a restaurant of Erik’s choice. Charles would tug down on Erik’s hand every once in a while, making the taller man smile and do his best to heat the freezing fingers tangled with his own.

“Your hand is still freezing,” Erik pointed out.

“Insufficient blood supply. Happens every winter.”

“You sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you have barely eaten anything in the past God knows how many weeks?” Erik asked seriously.

Charles stayed silent.

As if he had read Charles’s mind, Erik continued. “You’ve gotten thin, really thin and your face is pale. And I know that doesn’t happen only because of the cold.”

Charles sighed, dropping his head forward.

“You have got to start looking after yourself,” Erik stopped them from moving and used his free hand to lift Charles’s chin, making the shorter man look up into his eyes.

“I will,” Charles promised and intended to keep that promise.

“Good,” Erik whispered against Charles’s temple, planting a soft kiss under his lips. “Come on, my stomach won’t take any more hunger.”

They walked in comfortable silence, taking in the wintery New York City weather. The soft glow of the streetlamps and the gentle swaying of the trees, left and right, made it almost a magical night. Scratch that. They were walking together, side-by-side, hand-in-hand. It _was_ a magical night, indeed. One of many more to come, they both prayed.

Erik came to a sudden halt, causing Charles to look at the taller man with some confusion in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Charles asked.

Erik pointed towards the entrance of the restaurant.

“Oh, boy,” Charles breathed.

A block away, a big group of photographers and journalists, along with a few television cameras emerged from the restaurant. Erik hasn’t been out and about much lately, the last time he was seen in public must have been at least two weeks ago. And knowing how this business works and the amount of rumors flying around, and how fast they do get around indeed, Erik knew these photographers and cameramen would give their right arm to snap candid shots of him, especially now since the Oscar nominations were released and Erik had landed a spot in the Best Male Actor in a Supporting Role category. Everyone wanted to know what was going on with the actor and what the latest was in his life, but Erik hadn’t been really paying much attention to the media. It also hit him that this is the first time he’d be seen in public with Charles—not that it bothered him or that he was ashamed in any way, but rather he wasn’t really looking forward to all the bombarding unpleasant questions about his personal life that were yet to come. The world just wanted to know every inch of his life, and he didn’t want to put Charles through that.

Feeling the other man’s sudden discomfort and stress, Charles squeezed Erik’s hand lightly. “How do you want to play this?”

“Uh,” Erik’s eyes widened as the group of media men started walking towards them. Any moment now, they would recognize Erik, and they’d be blinded by a million flashing lights. 

“Any time this year, Erik,” Charles pressed.

Erik tightened his fingers around Charles’s hand, silently asking for assistance, a solution, maybe.

But it was too late.

“Guys, it’s Erik Lehnsherr!”

Here we go. The swarm of photographers starting running towards Erik and Charles as they stood completely still, trying to fully comprehend what was happening. Out of experience, Erik knew if they reached them before they moved, they’d be stuck for at least two hours.

“Mr. Lehnsherr!”

“Who’s with you tonight, Erik?”

“You haven’t been seen around lately, what brings you out today?”

Also out of Erik’s experience, there was only one way out of this.

“Run,” Erik simply said, looking at Charles.

“What?” Charles’s eyes widened at Erik’s statement.

“Trust me, it’s the only way out of this,” Erik swore.

A soft chuckle escaped from Charles’s lips, Erik tugging lightly on his captured hand. “You’re insane.”

“Maybe I am, but we have to do this,” Erik turned around and started jogging in the opposite direction, pulling Charles along with him. “Take it from the expert!” Erik yelled over the breeze gushing past his ears.

Erik and Charles were running in the streets of New York City like a teenage couple escaping from their responsibilities and disapproving parents. They were giggling like teenagers, too. Charles managed to steal a glimpse over their shoulders without losing his balance before turning his attention back to the escape route.

“They’re still on us!” Charles reported.

“They will be for a while,” Erik nodded, “these guys can run!”

“I can see that!”

After they miraculously ran two more blocks without collapsing, Erik lead them to an alley where they could catch their breath, and hopefully, ditch the media attack.

“That—that was insane,” Charles heaved between words.

“Welcome to my world,” Erik panted heavily, releasing a small chuckle.

“This happens to you a lot? Because if it does, I would like to upgrade my gym membership,” Charles joked.

“Not that often, but from time to time, yes.”

It took barely thirty seconds for them to hear the roaring group and the quick footsteps approaching.

“How do they do that?” Charles asked.

“They’ve had a lot of training. You catch your breath back?”

“Ready when you are,” Charles nodded.

Erik reached out for Charles hand again, Charles gladly wrapping his hand around Erik’s and they started moving once again, towards the end of the alley and onto a completely different street.

They slowed down, not much jogging or running, more like fast paced walking, taking shortcuts to put as much distance between them and the information hungry gang.

They both kept taking quick peeks behind them, making sure they weren’t followed. Both men exchanged loud laughs, barely controlling it before barking out in laughter once again. They couldn’t breathe, but it was the good kind of suffocation. The happy kind. The kind that scares away all the doubt and fear in one’s life. The kind that makes you feel like everything will turn out alright in the end.

When Erik was positive that they had lost the mob, he stopped walking, giving a chance for their lungs to recover. Erik placed both hands on Charles’s shoulders, pulling the shorter man towards him. His eyes roamed over the face of the professor, a wide smile that reached his blue eyes, that stunning smile the world needed more of, the smile that brightened everything around it, said eyes filled with joy and hope, merely looking at them warmed Erik’s soul, the contrast between his red plumb lips against his skin was almost intoxicating. Erik slowly lost himself in the beauty that laid before his own eyes, and in that moment he realized just how much he had missed Charles, and how he will miss Charles every moment yet to come they’d unwillingly spend apart. He never wanted to let this man go, not again, not ever. Charles was simply breathtaking, in every way possible. Erik’s heart fluttered at the fact that Charles was here, in front of him, in his arms, under his touch. Charles was his.

Not wanting to spook Charles was any sudden moves, Erik slowly leaned in, and placed the softest and most genuine of kisses on Charles’s forehead, smiling against the cold skin. Erik felt Charles’s fingers curling around his own forearms, daring Erik to stay still, because this is what happiness felt like.

Charles was still terrified, mind you. That obnoxious little voice in the back of his telling him that he will screw this up, that he would never know true happiness, that he was a fool for even beginning to hope, that voice remained. But what changed in the past minutes is that Charles had finally ignored those words. Charles pushed the voice to the back of his head, and let his heart lead him instead. And here he was, standing with a natural smile on his face, one that he wore with no effort whatsoever, because it was sincere and honest and true. That little unsavory voice was the voice of the past, and Charles decided he would no longer let his past influence his future.  

They broke apart a few minutes later, their warmth still lingering. Erik took a quick look around, trying to figure out where on Earth are they. He realized they were pretty close to his apartment.

“I know you wanted to pay for a fancy dinner,” Erik started, “but how about I cook dinner instead?”

“You cook?” Charles’s arched his eyebrows.

“Wh—What is that supposed to mean?” Erik pouted playfully. “Yes, I know how to cook. My sister is well, so no poisoning,” he tried to reassure Charles. “My mother wouldn’t let me leave the house without knowing the basics of making a healthy meal.”

“And what will you be cooking for us tonight?”

“Fried Mac ‘N’ Cheese,” Erik beamed.

“So much for healthy,” Charles teased.

“It’s good, I promise. You’ll start begging me to make it for you soon enough,” Erik winked.

A small pink blush stained Charles’s pale cheeks, making it far too obvious for his own good. Erik’s smile grew, reaching his ears.

“Oh well, I can always pay for a fancy dinner another day,” Charles pretended to be disappointed.

In return, Erik ruffled Charles’s messy hair, earning him a punch to the arm.

\---

Erik dug his hand in his pocket, hearing the keys rattle against each other, he grabbed them and pushed the key into the door, hearing it unlock. Erik then made way for Charles to enter, giving the taller man a polite nod as he walked past him. He heard the door shut behind them and with a click of a switch, the apartment filled with a hazy glow.

Charles took in the simplistic nature of Erik’s living space, it wasn’t over decorated and too busy, yet it wasn’t empty or dull. It was just right. You could tell that someone was living there by the photo frames hanging on the walls, and the personal touches, like candles and books, some magazines here and there, and not to mention the enormous film library sitting around the television screen. A small bowl sat on a glass table, filled with three Rubik’s cubes, two already solved and one a colorful mess.  

“Addiction much?” Charles gestured to the bowl.

“Not me,” Erik shook his head, “my sister.”

“Ah,” Charles nodded, “I’m guessing the messed up one is yours?”

“You just keep breaking my heart over and over again.”

“Where is your sister?” Charles asked as he chuckled.

“She’ll be gone a while, she’s on a trip with the university,” Erik gestured to the couch, “and I’m sorry for the mess.”

“It’s cozy,” Charles smiled at Erik, dropping on the couch. “Wow, this couch is pretty comfortable. Am I going to sink through it? Because it feels like I’m going to sink through it.”

Erik walked up behind Charles and leaned down. “I’d catch you,” he mumbled against the shorter man’s hair, pressing a small kiss. Erik really couldn’t stop kissing Charles, not that he wanted to stop, anyway. “Beer?” Erik offered, making his way to the fridge.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Charles accepted, getting off the couch and joining Erik in the open kitchen. “So, how long till we eat, chef?” Charles asked, taking the cold bottle from Erik’s hand, their fingers brushing against each other momentary, sending sparks through their bodies.

“About three hours.”

“Right,” Charles chuckled, taking a short sip from the bottle. When Erik’s expression remained unchanged, Charles’s eyebrows frowned. “You’re not kidding.”

“You’re more than welcome to help.” Erik smirked, taking a sip from his bottle.

“I thought this was your moment,” Charles narrowed his eyes at the actor.

“Oh, yeah, it is, it’s my recipe after all. I just need another pair of hands to speed things up,” Erik winked.

Heat exploded in Charles’s stomach at Erik’s words, he felt like he was about to melt from inside out so he gulped down a good amount of the icy liquid, hoping it would distinguish the fire within his body. It didn’t. Charles felt Erik’s eyes on him, suddenly self-conscious, Charles cleared his throat, and pulled up his sleeves.

“Very well,” Charles nodded. “What do you need me to do?”

\---

“Can you manage to fry them without burning the miracles?” Erik asked Charles, gesturing to the breadcrumb coated Mac ‘N’ Cheese balls.

“No,” Charles sighed, “I’ve never spent a day in the kitchen. Of course, I can manage, Erik,” Charles replied.

“Oooh, feisty,” Erik smirked. “Now this is my specialty,” Erik was talking about the spicy cheese sauce that will flow over the fried pieces of heaven, as poetically as Erik had called them.

“I thought this whole thing is your specialty,” Charles teased.

“This sauce even more. There were days when my sister and I would spend the entire night watching films so I’d make this sauce and we’d dip fries and chips in it, and now it’s daunting me how much my mother would disapprove,” Erik chuckled.

“Yeah, she probably would,” Charles shrugged.

“You’re unbelievable,” Erik turned his attention to the ingredients and started throwing them together to make his famous cheese sauce, and he couldn’t wait for Charles to taste this meal and be in complete awe of Erik’s cooking skills. Erik couldn’t wait for a lot of things, to tell you the truth.

\---

“So, what’s that Oscar news I caught a second of before we were nearly stomped to death?” Charles asked, carrying two newly opened beer bottles as Erik following with the fresh golden balls of fried Mac ‘N’ Cheese.

“It’s no big deal,” Erik shrugged, gently placing the plate on the glass table.

“No, but it is,” Charles nodded. “This is a huge deal, actually. This is an Academy Award we’re talking about here, it’s the highest and most prestigious of awards in the film industry. I don’t need to tell you that.”

“I never did it for the awards, or the fame,” Erik breathed. “I did it for the love I have for the profession, I did it for the feeling that took me over when I stepped onto the stage during my very first performance, and when the first words left my lips, I knew this is what I was born to do, and that it is where I belong. I did it for the passion and for the inspiration, both to me and from me. The money and fame and awards never crossed my mind.”

Charles couldn’t help the smile creeping on his lips. He was in absolute wonderment at Erik’s devotion and compassion and _love_. The way Erik’s eyes glistened with admiration and so much dedication it lifted Charles’s spirits into the stars.

“And that, my friend, is why you _deserve_ all those awards, and all the recognition you’re getting,” Charles scooted towards Erik. He hesitated for a moment then reached his arm out, settling his hand right on top of Erik’s heart. He felt the beats increase against his skin, widening his smile. “All that passion and faithfulness comes from right here, and that’s what makes you so special and so different. Your loyalty to the characters you play, no matter how emotionally and psychologically heavy they are, you connect with them and you deliver. It’s authentic. And it’s just simply breathtaking.”

“You’re breathtaking,” Erik found himself saying without even thinking about it. He covered Charles’s hand with his own, giving it a light squeeze.

Erik breathed heavily, leaning in, his eyes never leaving Charles’s, making sure the other man had all the time in the world to pull away if he wished. But Charles didn’t. He found Charles leaning in, almost meeting him hallway, he searched his eyes for any sign of doubt or fear, but instead, Erik found hope and want, need even. Their hearts threatened to jump of their chests, hotness surging in their stomachs and through each nerve. It wasn’t until Erik slowly moved one hand and tentatively cupped one of Charles’s cheeks that the tension was unbearable. Both Erik and Charles’s mouths hung open, both panting thickly, sharing their breath. Erik took one finally look into Charles’s eyes, swallowing heavily.

 _Please_ , Charles seemed to say through his eyes.

And in a swift motion, they closed the gap between them. The fried pieces of heaven were forgotten.

It was electrifying. The connection of their lips sent pulses of euphoria through every cell in their bodies. Charles took a second to absorb the lingering feeling of Erik’s lips on his and then parted his own, allowing Erik to slickly slip in. The professor somehow managed to tanged a hand in Erik’s short locks, hearing a soft groan escape from the bottom of Erik’s throat in response. Erik’s tongue fiercely explored every inch of Charles, licking the roof of his mouth, tightening his grip on the man’s face. Charles savored the taste of Erik, he relished at the hint of beer mixed with Erik’s cheese sauce and soon enough, Charles tasted exactly like Erik did. The ecstasy high in the atmosphere, it turned sloppy, and feverish and wet. Unable to control himself, Erik started pushing Charles slowly down onto the couch, their teeth clinging together, tongues a tangled mess, and hair being seductively pulled. A luscious moan was heard, neither man knew who it came from. They did know, however, if they didn’t deliver oxygen to their burning lungs, the night would be over too soon.

Reluctantly, Erik gained enough self-control to pull away from Charles with a slobber pop. His lips still touching Charles’s, he wheezed, trying to recover from the high. Charles opened his eyes, his pupils blown with lust and thrill.

Erik smirked, taking Charles’s swollen red bottom lip between his teeth and slowly ran his tongue over it, repeating the action when Charles’s breath hitched.

This time, the moan undoubtedly came from Charles.

Once his lip was released, Charles smiled against the plum ones of Erik, peacefully running his hand through the chaotic mess he made of the larger man’s hair.

“Heaven’s getting cold,” Charles whispered.

Erik gazed at Charles, a small laugh echoing against his lips. “We don’t want that now, do we?”

Charles shook his head as Erik unpinned him from the couch. He sat up and grabbed one of fried balls, taking a bite. Erik watched carefully.

And oh my God, was it delicious.

Charles nodded quickly, chewing as fast as he could so he could eat more. “Wow,” he managed to push out.

“Wow is right,” Erik wore a proud smile. His eyes trailed Charles as the man took another bite, this time covering his bottom lip with the cheese sauce. Erik stuck out his arm and ran his thumb against the yellow lip of Charles, making the smaller man briefly stop chewing and then pulled back, sucking the sauce off his finger.

Charles continued chewing, shook his head and muffled a laugh.

Erik grabbed a piece of heaven, and dug in.

In the dim streetlight outside of Erik’s apartment, a dark shadow stood still. Observing, carefully calculating. A dreadful smile spread on the sinister face, the kind of smile that would make one’s blood run cold in less than a second. He found him. He found Charles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. Angst took a fluff turn, but don't you be fooled, more angst coming your way. This is just the beginning, really. And domestic!Cherik makes me so weak, I can't. And I think the reason why Charles finally gave in, was because he's been stubborn for so long and after a while, you just get tired of it, and I think all he needed was to hear Erik say the words he did. What do you guys think? Like I said, I'm pretty nervous about this one because you've seen the change, so I want to know how you guys reacted and what you think! Feedback would be greatly appreciated, and I really hope you guys enjoyed this one! (Also, you may or may not find out who this mystery person is soon...)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik takes Charles out to meet Logan. The professor isn't acting like himself. When talking to Charles proves unsuccessful, terrified and this close to insanity, Erik reaches out to the only person that can help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Okay, this chapter was a bit weird to write. Not the actual chapter, but the process. I wrote the entire chapter in two days, but then the ending took me five days to write. And we're getting somewhere with the plot, and I'm excited! The climax is coming up soon! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and as usual, feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Erik had just finished watching the dishes and cleaning up the living room after last night’s visit when he heard his phone ringing on the table. He hurriedly made his way to answer before the call went to voicemail.

“ _’Actor Erik Lehnsherr was spotted fleeing press near Central Park, hand-in-hand with a mystery man.’_ You’ve made the headlines, man,” Logan’s voice echoed through the line, his eyes roaming over the hazy photograph under the huge font-sized words. One of the photographers must have snapped it as Erik and Charles started running in the opposite direction, in fact, holding hands.

“Fleeing?” Erik repeated. “They make it sound like we killed someone and ran from the crime scene.”

“I take it things went well?” Erik could hear the teasing tone in Logan’s voice.

“No, things went terrible,” Erik huffed. “Yes, dumbass, everything went well.”

“What happened?” Logan asked with genuine curiosity.

“We talked it out, everything that happened,” Erik fell back onto the couch. “He explained everything and we were going to dinner but then the attack happened so we came over to my place.”

“Oh, how did that work out?” Erik could practically hear the smirk in Logan’s voice.

“Do you always have to be so dirty minded, Logan? I don’t want to spook him away.”

“Uh-huh.” And the mockery was back from Logan’s side.

“Is there a point to this conversation or are you just harassing me over my sex life?” Erik shot.

“No harassment, I just wanted to check in,” Logan chuckled.

“Yeah, sure you were, I’m hanging up now, Logan.”

“Wait, when can you grab a drink? You’re leaving in a few days so we should hang out for a few hours before you leave. You could introduce me to that wonderful man of yours,” Logan suggested.

Just as Erik was about to yell _NO_ , he stopped and thought about it. It wasn’t such a bad idea, actually.

“Let me check with Charles and I’ll get back to you,” Erik promised.

“All right, then,” Logan agreed.

\---

Charles parked his car in the spot reserved for him in the university’s garage. He got out of the driver’s seat and grabbed his bag from the passenger’s seat. He looked around, finding that the garage was almost completely empty. It was the beginning of the weekend, Charles was just passing by to drop off some papers, and pick others up. His breathing started to elevate at the feeling that he was being watched. He sprung around violently making sure no one was sneaking up behind him. There was no one. He blacked out for a few seconds before regaining his composure and quickly made his way towards the elevator. He wasn’t fond of underground places, anyway.

Ever since Charles left Erik’s place this morning, a heavy weight lay in his stomach. Something wasn’t right, and Charles felt it. He would stop every few steps and look around him, and the hallway remained as deserted as he had checked a couple of seconds ago. He couldn’t shake this feeling off, though, the feeling that someone or something was creeping around him, hidden in the shadows. Charles knew this feeling all too well, and it wasn’t until this morning that it had resurfaced. Charles shook his head, trying to push the memories out and walked into his office.

\---

Just as Charles was zipping up his bag, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He slid it out into his hand and immediately lit up when he read Erik’s name off the caller ID.

“Hello, love,” Charles spoke.

“Hey, handsome,” Charles could practically hear Erik beaming through the line.

“You can’t even see me,” Charles pointed out.

“Don’t have to see you to know you look handsome.”

“Aw, how nice of you,” Charles said, only half teasing.

“Are you free tonight?” Erik cut the chase.

Charles was silent for a few seconds, mentally going through his day. “I believe I am free tonight, yes. Why?”

“Pass by my place and I’ll tell you,” Erik smirked through the phone.

“Ah, secretive, are we, Mr. Lehnsherr?”

“Only sometimes.”

“I’ll be there shorty.”

\---

Erik practically ran towards the door the second he heard the doorbell echoing through the space. He opened the door and greeted Charles with a wide smile, making room for the shorter man to enter. Erik leaned down as Charles met him halfway, and placed a soft peck to the professors red lips.

“So, you gonna tell me what you have in store for tonight?” Charles asked, moving towards the couch and hearing the door close.

“I want you to meet someone,” Erik replied.

“Who?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“Logan, my best friend.”

“As in Logan Howlett?”

Erik nodded.

“I heard you two were close.”

“Yeah, we met years ago and ever though most of the time we were on different continents, somehow that didn’t affect our friendship. We were both calling up each other at least once a week, keeping in touch. We would even fly out to see each other if we had the chance,” Erik recalled. “I mean, you get close to your co-stars, but after filming and everything is done, you drift apart. That’s just the business. But Logan and I didn’t meet because of a film, we met by coincidence. We just ran into each other one day and we instantly clicked. We later worked together, but that just strengthened our relationship.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in coincidence,” A small smile crept on Charles’s lips.

Erik smiled at that. “There was a reason why we met, and I think the reason is being there for each others. The roles we both take are completely different in nature and in every other aspect, really, but we understand the toll it takes on us. When people go watch a film, it doesn’t cross their minds how much playing the character affects us. We have to step into their shoes and _be_ them. We both understand that, and we help each other through it. And I don’t know if I’d be here if it wasn’t for Logan.”

“I’d love to meet him,” Charles said.

“Speaking of films….” Erik trailed off.

“What?” A sudden pit grew in Charles’s stomach.

“I have to leave in a few days.”

“Leave? Where?” The smile faded off Charles’s face.

“Promotional Tour,” Erik said, “for _12 Years a Slave_ ,” he added.

Charles nodded slowly, clearly trying to wrap his head around the new information.

“When? How long?”

“In three days, and I’ll be gone for two weeks,” Erik said cautiously and watched as Charles’s face fell, clenching his own heart.

“Two weeks,” Charles repeated. He reached out and took Erik’s hand into his own, and started playing with it, keeping his hands occupied and his eyes focused on the movement.

“Hey,” Erik whispered, using his free hand to lift Charles’s chin and looked straight into those beautiful blue eyes. “It’s gonna fly by and I’ll be back before you know it. We’ll talk on the phone, and text and we can Skype, even. Do you have Skype?” Erik tried to lighten the mood.

“No,” Charles said with a small voice.

“We’ll have to change that, then,” Erik gave the professor a small smile. “I would much rather spend the time here, with you—“

“—but it’s your job, I understand,” Charles finished the sentence for Erik.

“I’m not leaving in an hour, we’ve got three days. Lets make these three days last us those two weeks to come.”

Charles gave Erik a small, but authentic smile. “It’s just that we’re finally here, and I can’t help but think about all that time I wasted.”

“Don’t think about that, okay? The most important thing is that we’re both here, right now, and it doesn’t matter when we got here. And I know we’ll be here when I get back. This is all I ever wanted, and I’m not letting you—or this—go,” Erik tightened his grip around Charles’s hand.

Stretching up and placing a lingering gentle kiss to Erik’s lips was Charles’s response.

\---

They agreed to meet Logan at The Dead Rabbit at nine pm. Erik walked in, checking his watch. He was fifteen minutes early. To his surprise, he spotted Logan nursing a beer bottle at the end of the bar. Erik maneuvered himself through the small crowd of people and landed his hand on his best friend’s shoulder.

“Started without us, I see.”

Logan nodded, taking a gulp of the cold liquid. “What can I say? I got too excited.”

“How long have you been sitting here alone?” Erik asked, leaning his back against the bar. He scanned the room and noticed an attractive female eyeing them without even trying to hide it. “Wait, I guess long enough for this lady to have memorized every curve of your body,” Erik teased.

Logan stole a quick look at said female before turning his attention to the television screen hanging on top of the bottle-stocked shelves. “She’s fast,” Logan shrugged.

“How about we move to a table?” Erik suggested. “Charles should be here shortly.”

Logan nodded and grabbed his half-full bottle and motioned to the bartended. “Hey, Marty, we’re moving the party over there,” Logan pointed to an empty table in the corner.

“Sure thing, man,” Marty nodded, and went back to mixing drinks.

Erik and Logan chatted for a few more minutes until Erik spotted Charles walking through the door. The professor didn’t manage to spot them right away, so Erik started waving his arms in the air, eventually grabbed the shorter man’s attention.

“There you are,” Charles smiled as he approached the actors.

“The art of camouflage,” Erik smiled back, placing a quick chaste kiss to Charles’s lips. “Charles, this is Logan, Logan, Charles,” Erik introduced the men.

“It’s good to finally put a face to the name,” Logan smiled, extended his hand.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Charles nodded, shaking the extended hand.

“Good things, I hope.”

“Not for me to say,” Charles shrugged playfully.

“Ah, I like you already,” Logan chuckled.

“How about drinks?” Erik offered.

“That sounds lovely,” Charles agreed.

Just as Erik was about to get up, Logan restrained his hand using his own. “I’ll get them. Charles, what are you drinking?”

“Whiskey, on the rocks, thanks.”

“Alright, strap in, professor, it’s going to be a long night,” Logan winked and headed towards the bar.

“He’s….big.”

“He just put on a lot of muscle because of his new film,” Erik chuckled. “He usually comes on a bit too strong, but he’s friendly as a puppy.”

“He doesn’t look like a puppy. How come he didn’t ask you what you’re drinking?”

“Because,” Logan jumped into the conversation, “he and I have spent too many hours right here. They should probably just give us membership cards,” Logan placed a glass in front of Charles, and an identical one in front of Erik.

“You kinda made it easy for him, ordering the same thing I do,” Erik wiggled his eyebrows.

“So, tell me, professor,” Logan started, hopping onto a highchair next to Erik and in front of Charles, “what are some hobbies of yours?”

“Yes, do tell us, _professor_ ,” Erik smirked.

A light blush colored Charles’s cheeks as he shook his head. “I was barely keeping up with one man, now I have to keep up with two? Unbelievable,” Charles shook his head playfully. “Well, with the university and students, I don’t have much down time, but I do enjoy playing a good game of chess every now and then.”

“Seriously?” Erik’s eyebrows shot up with surprise.

“Yeah,” Charles nodded.

“Thank the Lord, now I finally have someone good to play with, not with this loser,” Erik chuckled, nudging Logan’s side with his elbow.

“Hey, I’m not _that_ bad,” Logan defended.

“Yes, you are.”

Charles smiled at the friends’ battering, his eyes roaming over Logan’s shoulder, at the entrance of the bar. When a large man emerged through the door and looked around, the smile fell off Charles’s face and his heart started thumbing heavily against his ribcage. He stared at the bulky figure, everything around him becoming a jumbled mix. The voices were too low and slow for him to understand, and the edges of his vision started to go blurry. It wasn’t until the mystery man turned to face him that Charles was finally able to breathe again.

“Charles?” Erik frowned, looking in the direction that Charles’s eyes seem to be glued to. “Charles?” Erik tried again.

“Huh?” Charles snapped out of the bubble and faced Erik.

“Is everything alright?” Erik asked with concern.

“What? Yeah, yeah, I just thought I saw someone I knew,” Charles answered half-heartedly, his eyes wandering around the bar for a few seconds before settling on Erik’s face. “Really, it’s nothing,” Charles tried to give Erik an honest smile but failed.

Erik didn’t buy it, but he decided to drop it for now. He didn’t want to push.

The guys were quite tired by the time the clock hit midnight, so they decided to call it a night.

“It’s probably too late to hail a cab, huh?” Charles looked around the deserted street.

“You probably won’t even find one, and besides, I’m not letting you go home,” Erik took Charles’s hand into his own. “I’m spending every second I can spare with you.”

Charles gave Erik a small smile and allowed himself be lead away by the taller man. He would sneak a quick peek over his shoulder every now and then, his eyes marking everything they walk passed.

Noticing Charles’s behavior, Erik leaned down and whispered. “Don’t worry, no one’s going to kidnap you.”

Charles gave him the same half-hearted smile for the heaven knows what time that night.

\---

Erik walked into the kitchen as Charles settled on the couch. “Beer?”

Charles nodded absentmindedly.

After he opened both bottles, Erik walked back to the couch and handed Charles his bottle. He flopped next to the smaller man and switched on the television. Erik threw his free arm behind Charles head and wrapped it around his shoulder a few moments later. Erik tugged lightly on the professor’s body, pulling him into his own.

Charles tensed, but didn’t pull back. He started running his hand up and down the cold bottle, clearly nervous about something.

Erik watched Charles’s movement, his eyebrows in a small frown. Charles’s behavior has been weird since ‘he had seen someone he thought he knew’ back in the bar. An unsettling feeling occupied Erik’s stomach, his mind darting in a million different directions. Erik felt the heat rise up in his body, reddening his face. He ran his hand slowly up and down Charles’s arm and felt the clenched muscle through the fabric. He hadn’t a clue to why Charles was suddenly acting so…out of it.

Erik cleared his throat, stopping on a channel where _Interstellar_ was just starting. “Let me grab a bowl of chips and throw a bag of popcorn into the microwave,” Erik got up after Charles pulled away. “Butter or caramel?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Butter it is,” Erik grabbed the butter package and waited as it popped, emptying a new bag of chips into a bowl.

He turned around and watched as Charles got up from the couch, walked over to the window and took a big gulp of the beer. Was he looking for someone—at someone? Waiting for someone? Erik’s eyes followed the hand that Charles ran through his hair. The shorter man continued to nervously frisk the bottle in his hand. Erik sighed silently, the beeping of the microwave bringing him back to reality. He dumped the freshly popped popcorn into another bowl and walked back.

“Snacks are ready,” Erik prompted for Charles to rejoin him on the couch.

Charles bobbed his head with a small sigh.

Erik paused the film and turned his full attention to the man standing by the window. “Charles, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Charles answered a little too quickly. “Everything’s fine.”

“Really? Because you’ve been acting weird since you thought you saw someone you knew back in the bar. I’m not trying to pry, I just want to know what’s going on.”

“Nothing’s going on,” Charles tried to assure Erik, but failed because his own voice was shaking.

“Is this—is this about us? Are you trying to, I don’t know, get out of it?” Erik asked with his own shaking voice.

“What?” Charles’s face dropped. “No—no! This is exactly where I want to be.”

“Then what is going on? You’re not acting like yourself. Always looking over your shoulder, quite literally, and you’re distracted and tense, just tell me what’s going on. I just want to help.”

Charles blew out warm breath, and walked over to Erik, dropping next to him. “It’s nothing, I’ll take care of it.”

Erik’s eyes wandered over Charles’s face, watching as he spoke, the words not quite coming from his eyes. “We can take care of it together,” Erik tried.

Charles shook his head and pressed his lips together. “Don’t worry, okay? I’m sorry I spooked you, I just got a lot on my mind. But it’s nothing to do with us, okay? I’m never second-guessing us,” Charles promised.

“Charles…” Erik breathed.

“Don’t clog your mind with this, Erik. If there were anything you could do, I’d tell you. Trust me, I’m handling this,” Charles cupped Erik’s cheek with his hand.

Erik closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of Charles running his thumb over his own stubble. Unconsciously, Erik leaned forward, connecting their foreheads together. They remained stuck together for a few moments, Charles pulled away and pressed tender kiss to Erik’s parted lips that lasted the right amount of time.

Soon enough, Charles was once again engulfed in Erik’s body with the bowl of popcorn on his lap, and the bowl of chips on Erik’s lap.

“You sure?” Erik asked one final time, his chin resting on top of Charles’s head.

“I’m sure,” Charles nodded.

Erik brushed his lips against the shorter man’s hair and played the film, with a dark thought hovering at the back of his head: did he really believe Charles?

\---

 Erik picked up his phone the following evening and dialed Logan’s number. Charles had left a few hours ago to finish some work for the university, which left Erik alone, possibly to spend more time thinking and driving himself crazy in the process.

Logan’s voice snapped him back. “Hey.”

“Are you free?”

“I have a meeting at seven, but I am right now. Why?”

“Can you pass by?” Erik tried to hide his desperation, but he knew it didn’t fool Logan.

“Erik, what’s wrong?” Logan narrowed his eyes.

“I’ll explain everything when you get here.”

Clearly, Logan was near Erik’s place because the actor heard the doorbell chime less than fifteen minutes later.

“Thank God you’re here, I’m going crazy,” Erik said once he opened the door and saw Logan. He moved aside, giving the larger man space to pass.

Logan sat down on the armchair and Erik on the couch, the side closest to Logan. Silence stretched between them for a minute or so.

“Erik,” Logan broke the stillness, noticing that Erik was having difficulty starting to speak.

“There’s something bothering Charles,” Erik said quickly, as if he were scared the words would never leave his mouth. “Or something worrying him, I don’t know.”

“Which is?”

“I have no idea,” Erik sighed. “I tried to ask him about it, but he shut me out and he kept saying that it’s nothing and that he’ll take care of it. But if he says he’ll take care of it, it means there’s something and I don’t understand why he won’t tell me.”

“How has he been acting?”

“He’s been distracted, always looking over his shoulder, tense and very quiet.”

“He’s paranoid.”

“Yeah,” Erik nodded, “he won’t tell me why.”

“How are things with you and Charles?” Logan tried to approach it from a different direction.

“That’s what I thought, too. I thought that it was maybe about us and he wanted a way out, but I don’t know, couldn’t say it or something, but no, he said it’s got nothing to do with us, and that he wants to be here.”

“Well, that’s good, then. You came a long way these past few days,” Logan tried to boost Erik’s drowning spirit.

“But why won’t he tell me? We agreed on honesty from here on,” Erik ran a hand through his messy hair.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to worry you,” Logan tried.

“Well, I’m worried,” Erik scoffed.

“Erik, Charles is a grown man, he can take care of himself.”

“I don’t think he can take care of this. Alone, at least.”

“What does that mean?”

Erik stayed silent for a few moments, thinking whether it was appropriate to tell Logan what he was about to. Logan is his best friend, he can tell him anything, he decided.

Erik took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “When we met at Central Park to talk things through, he kept going on about how he’s broken and no good, and I can’t shake off this feeling that whatever this is, it has something to do what that. He didn’t tell me why he felt like that, but when I look into his eyes, I see fear. Not fear of being with me, a different kind of fear and I can’t place it. I can’t begin to understand it. And it terrifies me. And I hate watching from the sidelines. If only I knew what was going on inside that head of his.”

“I know you do,” Logan said slowly. “But maybe he’s not ready to share that yet.”

“I just want to help him, that’s all I ever wanted. I can see that part of him is drowning, and I keep reaching out but he keeps pushing my hand away. I don’t know if he doesn’t realize that he’s drowning or thinks he can handle it alone, but sometimes we just need someone to help us paddle.”

“Does he know you’re leaving?”

“Yeah, he does, and he wasn’t too happy about it. The fucking timing, man.”

“Maybe that’s why he’s holding out. He doesn’t want to distract you.”

A small, sad smile spread on Erik’s lips. “That’s what he said. But I have a feeling that’s not why he didn’t tell me.”

“Is there anything you can do to ease your mind?” Logan asked, placing his hand on Erik’s knee.

After an instant of though, Erik nodded. “I can talk to his sister.”

\---

Raven and Moira were sitting in the living room, each holding a mug of steaming hot chocolate.

“He seems better,” Moira took a sip.

“He’s _happy_ , God forbid that would have happened,” Raven joked, tightening her grip around the hot drink. “He spends a lot of time with Erik, and even though it’s been a few days, he’s starting to look healthier,” Raven smiled.

Raven’s phone started ringing, stealing away any response Moira had. Her eyebrows creased when she read Erik’s name on her screen, she slid her finger across the screen to answer.

“Hi Raven, it’s Erik,” He immediately said once the line came to life.

“Hey, Erik. What’s up?” Raven placed the mug on the table in front of her.

“Listen, is this a bad time?”

“No, no, not at all,” Raven shook her head.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“And that would be?” Raven looked over at Moira and shrugged.

“Charles,” Erik sighed.

“Ah, I see,” Raven nodded. “We can’t really do this on the phone, so…”

“Would you like to come over to my place?” Erik offered.

“Sure,” Raven answered, her eyes widening a bit.

They hung up after Erik gave Raven his address, wondering if Erik wanted to talk about the same thing running through her head.

\---

“Sorry if this seemed out of the blue,” Erik apologized after giving Raven a quick tight hug.

“I have to admit, this wasn’t what I expected,” Raven said, as she observed Erik’s home.

“Charles said the exact same thing,” A small chuckled escaped Erik’s lips.

“We’re distantly related,” Raven wiggled her eyebrows playfully. “So, speaking of Charles, what’s up?”

“I don’t know how he’ll react to this meeting, but I really am going crazy here, I’ve been over it so many times and I don’t understand anything,” Erik breathed.

“Been over what?”

“Charles has been acting weird lately, I mean, the weird weird type, his mind is all over the place, he can’t keep a conversation going, he keeps bringing up random stuff. It’s like he’s avoiding something, and he won’t tell me. He’s very—“

“—jumpy.” Raven finished Erik’s sentence.

“Yeah, exactly,” Erik nodded.

“I’ve noticed it, too. I haven’t seen much of him lately to be honest, but when I did see him, you’re totally right.

“What’s going on, Raven?” Erik asked, with anguish drawn in his eyes.

“Look,” Raven sighed, “it’s not my place.”

“So there is something?”

“Don’t tell him I told you this, but yes, there is. I’m not one hundred percent sure if whatever this is is about that, but my gut is telling me it is. And please, don’t ask me to tell you what it is because I can’t tell you. As much as I would love to, and because if you know Charles won’t have to deal with it alone, but I can’t allow myself. It’s just not my place,” Raven explained. “I just didn’t want you to think that you were going crazy because you’re not.”

Erik sighed, running his hand over his face and squeezed his eyes shut. He opened them a few moments later tears glittering in his eyes.

“Erik…” Raven whispered, taking Erik’s hand into her own and giving it a light squeeze.

“I hate this,” Erik’s voice broke. “I’m leaving for the promotional tour tomorrow and I’m going to be away for two fucking weeks and I hate this _so_ much,” Erik swallowed down hard.

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do for Charles. He’s the only one who can help himself.”

\---

“Do you want a beer?” Charles asked, opening Erik’s fridge.

“Sure.”

Charles walked into the living room and handed Erik his bottle. He rested his back against the soft cushions and watching Erik take a sip from the corner of his eye.

“Raven came over today,” Erik said with no introductions.

“Why?” Charles’s eyebrows knitted together with confusion.

“Because I had to talk to her about something,” Erik said. “About you,” He added.

“What about me?” Charles turned his body to face Erik. “This is about what happened the other night, isn’t it?” When Erik remained silent, Charles sneered. “You just won’t leave it alone, would you? Why can’t you take my word and leave it alone?”

“Because do you really have it under control? Can you really manage it on your own?” Erik spoke without thinking.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Charles narrowed his eyes at Erik. “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you.”

“Charles, I didn’t mean it that way,” Erik sighed. “Raven said—“

“What did Raven say?” Charles asked with some degree of panic in his voice.

“She didn’t tell me details, she said it wasn’t her place, but she said that there is something and all I’m saying is that you should let me help you, because whatever is going on, we can figure it out together.”

“So by that you mean that you think I can’t manage it on my own, and I’m weak,” Charles tried to steady his voice, but failed.

“What?” Erik felt his heart drop into his knees. “No—no, Charles, that’s not—“

“I think I should go now, seeing that you don’t trust me and you think I’m some delicate thing that’s about to shatter at any given moment,” Charles placed his beer bottle on the table, got up and walked towards the door.

Erik remained motionless. He watched the scene unfold as if he were a third party, as if it were an out of body experience. He wanted to reach out and grab Charles, keep him from getting up but his arms didn’t move. He stared helplessly as Charles walked away in slow motion. The sound of the doorknob turning sprawled Erik into action and he was by the door in two seconds.

Erik reached out over Charles’s shoulder and pushed the door shut. “I’m not letting you leave.”

“Erik, let me go,” Charles warned with a low voice.

“ _No_ , not until you listen to me,” Erik demanded.

With a sigh, Charles turned and faced the taller man, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I don’t think you’re weak, fuck Charles, I think you’re the strongest person I know,” Erik threw his hands in the air. “And asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak, it doesn’t mean you can’t handle it, it means that you’re willing to trust people to help you through it. And Charles, I trust you with my life.”

Charles’s eyes softened at Erik’s words.

“And I don’t care how many times you tell me you can manage it, I will keep asking if I can help, until maybe one time, you’ll let me. I’m not giving up.” Erik stretched his arms and placed his hand on Charles’s shoulders. “I’m worried about you, and I hate not being able to do anything about it,” Erik leaned in and rested his forehead against Charles’s, his own blue eyes looking straight into the other man’s identical blue eyes. “If you need me to stay, I’ll stay.”

“I can’t—I can’t ask you to do that,” Charles shook his head slightly, not breaking the connection.

“You wouldn’t be asking.”

“I can’t take you away from your job.”

“You’re more important.”

Charles looked into Erik’s blue eyes, and saw so much love and affection it nearly overwhelmed him. He could see that Erik meant every word he said, and Charles felt his heart flutter.

“We’ll talk when you get back,” Charles promised.

Erik gazed at the beauty that is Charles Xavier, he memorized the lines in his forehead, the wrinkles that sat next to his eyes, his long light eyelashes, his breathtaking eyes that were starting to fill with need.

In one swift move, Erik claimed the shorter man’s mouth and slickly slipped his tongue between Charles’s lips, who immediately parted them, accepting the gesture.

Charles’s hands moved towards Erik’s face, both bracketing his face and tugging feverishly on his hair.

That ticked Erik off, as the kiss got more heated and passionate. Soon enough, both men were a mess of deoxygenated human limbs and burning lungs.

“You take my breath away,” Erik managed to say, after attempting to regain his respiratory function.

Charles chuckled and buried his face in Erik’s neck, wrapping his arms around the larger man’s waist.

Erik instantly responded by enveloping the smaller body against his own and holding him tight. He moved his hand and ran it peacefully through Charles hair. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Charles nodded slowly, his eyelashes tickling the heated skin underneath, the skin of Erik’s neck.

\---

Charles stood in the doorway of Erik’s bedroom, his arms crossed over his chest, watching as Erik rummaged through his drawers and threw clothes on his bed. Watching Erik pack was not how Charles hoped to be introduced to the actor’s bedroom.

Erik looked over at Charles, noticing the blue eyes glued to his body. Erik quickly checked himself before turning his attention back to the professor. “What?” Erik raised an eyebrow.

“You’re not even looking at what you’re packing.”

“I’ve done this enough times to do it in my sleep. It all works out in the end.”

“Well, what happens when you realize that nothing you packed actually matches and you end up making a fool of yourself in front of…how many people? Hundreds? Thousands?”

Erik stayed silent.

“Mind if I…?” Charles asked, pointing to the pile of clothes on the bed.

“Knock yourself out,” Erik chuckled and went back to tossing shirts and pants on the bed for Charles.

Charles started sorting the jumbled clothes and made mental notes on what matches with what and which pieces of clothes needed something to be matched with.

“Alright,” Charles looked up at Erik, who has been watching the smaller man organize for a few minutes now. “These are good to go, but these need companions.”

“You’re good,” Erik noted.

“Every year the university has a week where students and faculty bring old clothes for charity, and I help sort them out,” Charles smiled.

 _You fell for one of the good guys_ , Erik thought.

Erik nodded and turned to his closet and examined the clothes hanging. “Since you’re such an expert,” Erik teased, “why don’t you do the honors?” He invited.

Charles was on his feet and next to Erik in no time. He silently ran his eyes over the cramped closet and finally reached out for the necessary items needed.

“I don’t know what I would have done without,” Erik leaned down and pressed a kiss to Charles’s cheek.

“Made a fool of yourself, probably.”

Charles returned to the bed and Erik grabbed a suitcase and started moving the now neatly folded clothes (thanks to Charles) into the bag. Charles sighed.

“You okay?” Erik peeked up from the bag.

“Yeah, yeah,” Charles nodded. “I just…wish you weren’t leaving.”

“Bag’s not packed yet,” Erik reminded him. “I can say a personal matter came up, they’ll understand.”

“No, no, it’s alright, really. Besides, you don’t want to break your fans’ hearts. I don’t want you to do that.”

“But I don’t want to break your heart, either,” Erik stopped packing and sat next to Charles.

“It’s not broken,” Charles smiled. “In fact, quite the opposite. It’s never been this whole before.”

Erik covered Charles’s hand with his own, giving it a light squeeze.

“You’re not gone forever, you’ll be back in no time.”

Charles didn’t know whether he was trying to convince himself or simply stating the truth. But what he did know was that he couldn’t make Erik stay because he was afraid of being alone again. He wouldn’t allow himself to be that selfish. Erik has a life and so does he. He’ll occupy himself with university work and the students until Erik is back. It’s not that big of a deal. But then there was that awful small voice in the back of Charles’s head, telling him that he will not survive alone, that he was too weak, too fragile, too dependent.

After Erik was done packing, and made sure he got everything he needed, he dragged his suitcase behind him until he reached the door, with Charles standing behind him.

“So, this is where we part,” Erik said, turning around to face Charles.

Charles nodded.

They gazed at each for a few moments before they both went in, capturing their lips in a fierce needy kiss. Charles squeezed his eyes shut, trying to make the moment last forever. Erik’s hand found Charles’s hair and tangled themselves in the brown curly locks. Charles rested his hand on Erik’s chest, running the tips of his fingers along the outline of the strong muscle underneath the fabric.

They pulled apart, their foreheads connected as they both caught their breath. Erik’s hands moved to Charles’s face, his thumb stroking the smaller man’s skin slowly.

“If you don’t call and text, I will kick your ass,” Charles broke the silence.

“I wouldn’t dare. My schedule is going to be a little messy, but call and text whenever, I don’t care what time it is.”

“I will,” Charles vowed.

Erik pressed a tender kiss to Charles’s forehead before completely separating himself from the other man’s body. “It’s late, you can spend the night here.”

“I was planning to anyway,” Charles smiled, reaching his eyes.

Erik chuckled and opened the door, he stepped out and looked at Charles one last time. With every inch of control he had, Erik turned around and stepped into the elevator, hearing Charles shutting the door.

Erik tried to ignore the hot pit that suddenly grew in his stomach. He swallowed down hard and checked his watch. He’ll be back in two weeks. Fourteen days.

He already missed Charles.

He couldn’t shake off the unsettling feeling that something wasn’t right. That something was very wrong, indeed. And he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Charles keep in touch during the agonizing time the actor is away. However, once Erik is back and the men believe they have their happy time back together again, they are proven wrong when Charles’s past resurfaces, leaving the professor with nothing but panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Okay, I had no idea how long it's been since I've updated, time literally flew by. I apologize for the wait! And this chapter was kind of messy while writing but I cleaned it up. The words weren't forming like I wanted them to and it wasn't coming together but I'm pleased with the final outcome. Also, shit just got real so strap in! As usual, I hope you enjoy it, and feedback is greatly appreciate! 
> 
> (Also, thank you so much for everyone who takes time to read this, I can't believe this story is almost at 5k hits! You have no idea how much it means to me!)

The first five days without Erik were a blur for Charles. He barely remembered conversations he had in the mornings, lectured his classes with half his heart, and his mind kept spinning around the dark cloud that followed him everywhere.

He’d spend the nights with Raven in the living room, watching whatever was on television, trying as hard as he could to not feel empty because of Erik’s absence. His sister had been enough, all those years, she was all he needed but when Erik handsomely and quite cleverly made his way into the professor’s life, Charles has realized how much he had been missing out on. He realized that Erik was his missing piece.

And now, sitting on his couch next to his sister, in his house, didn’t feel quite whole to him.

He reached for his phone and opened the thread of text messages between him and Erik—he hadn’t heard his voice since the actor left, they exchanged a handful of quick texts instead.

“ _Is it over yet? I miss you_.” Charles wrote and sent, not bothering to guard his emotions.

Charles didn’t expect an immediate answer from Erik, from their previous exchanges, Charles knew that Erik was running all over the place, literally, and he was busy getting into the rhythm of the promotional tour and level of energy he needed to make it through in one piece. But he could hear how tired Erik was through his words.

\---

Charles passed the time by going over his old presentations from the previous semester and adjusting small things that would make it easier for his new students. New semester, new students. That’s how it worked, after each semester he would learn something new about the material he taught, and the feedback of his students was also a tremendous help. They would tell him what helped them study and what was a bit complicated and what they didn’t understand whatsoever. Charles would implement the method that helped them to the other difficult information and hoped for the best.

What Charles didn’t expect, was to hear his phone ringing on his nightstand while he was getting ready for bed. He rushed into his bedroom, his heart fluttering when he read Erik’s name on the screen. He swiped his finger across the screen to answer. There was one complication though: his mouth was full of toothpaste.

“Charles? Hello?” He heard Erik’s voice on speaker.

“Holf ‘n,” Charles tried to say. He ran back to the backroom and rinsed his mouth before he was finally able to speak understandable words. “Hello,” Charles said into the line.

“There you are. Did I catch you at a bad time?” Erik asked.

“My mouth was full of toothpaste,” Charles chuckled.

“Is it morning or night?”

“Night.”

“I don’t even know what day it is anymore, I don’t even know where I am,” Erik groaned.

“That crazy?” Charles climbed under the bedcovers and rested his head on the soft pillow, his hand holding the phone to his ear.

“That doesn’t even begin to cut it,” Erik sighed. “It’s so overwhelming. The amount of people and the screams, I hope I still have my auditory senses when I’m back.”

Charles smiled at that. “They love you, and they’re excited to see you.”

“And I appreciate that, God knows I do. And they seem to be receiving the film really well, so thank God for that.”

“Did you get any questions about us?” Charles wondered.

“A few,” Erik nodded. “But they weren’t too personal or anything. They asked how we met, and I said destiny, and I said how lucky I am to have found someone as wonderful as you to share my life with.”

“I’m the lucky one.”

“God, I miss you, Charles,” Erik said with so much vulnerability and emotion.

“I miss you, too. It’s not the same without you.”

They spent another hour or so chatting about these past days. How clueless Charles’s new batch of students looked, the older batch and their exams, some interesting encounters Erik had with fans.

Erik could hear the sleepiness in Charles’s voice, who was trying to cover it to keep talking to Erik, quite unsuccessfully.

“You should get some sleep,” Erik said.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Charles tried.

“Charles you need rest, you can’t fall asleep in the middle of your lecture.”

“It’s not like anyone is paying attention to what I’m saying,” Charles said, only half joking.

Erik stayed silent.

“All right, fine,” Charles sighed. “But we’re finally talking,” he tried again.

“I know, I’m sorry about that, it’s just that settling into the craziness and how fast pace everything is. I almost forgot how the rush felt. The day just runs by,” Charles could hear the guilt in Erik’s voice.

“Hey, it’s alright, I understand. And it’s a good thing, the days are rushing by, it means that you’ll be back in no time,” Charles’s lips were tugged into a small, hazy smile.

Unconsciously, Erik mirrored Charles’s action. “That’s true. And I promise, we’ll talk more. The tour is almost halfway through, so things should calm down a notch.”

Too tired to speak, Charles nodded. It slipped his mind that Erik couldn’t see him.

\---

 Charles was collecting the worksheets his students have filled out during the class and watched as they filed out of the messy room. He smiled at the mess, it looked exactly like the first time Erik visited him at the university. The memory made him miss the taller man even more. He sighed heavily, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. He then shook his head, trying to evacuate the exhaustion from his body. The professor checked his watch and decided to hang back for another hour or so to get more work done. He was positive he’d fall asleep if he went home. Sleep sounded like a really good idea right now, regardless. He successfully made his way through the first half of the papers when a new message from Skype appeared on the top right corner of his screen. Charles made sure to always be online.

“ _You on?_ ” Charles read the message from Erik.

“ _No, I’m away_ ,” Charles teased and sent.

“ _Jackass,_ ” Erik wrote back quickly.

A few seconds later, a window popped up on the chat screen, a request for a video call. Charles quickly accepted.

“Hi!” Erik greeted with a big smile.

“Hey,” Charles did his best to return the smile with the same enthusiasm, but it didn’t really work.

“Charles, you look—“

“Terrible, I know.”

“I was gonna say handsome,” Erik pressed, “but a little tired, too, yeah.”

Charles chuckled and shook his head. “You look better than I do.” 

“It’s the make up, I promise,” Erik shrugged.

“Where are you?”

“Seattle, the panel should start in a bit, but I was finally able to get everyone off my ass for a while so I snuck into my room to talk to you.”

“’Snuck’? You sound like a teenager,” Charles remarked.

“No shame in that,” Erik chuckled. “What about you? How’ve you been?”

“Fine, keeping busy with the university and students. I was just marking some papers they filled out,” Charles lifted the unmarked stack of papers to show Erik.

“Sorry for the interruption.”

“No, no, thank you for the interruption. The thing with these sheets is that the answers are the same, so reading them over and over again, or even writing the answer over and over again tends to drive you a little crazy after a while.”

 “I love seeing you in your natural habitat,” Erik smirked.

“There’s nothing natural about this,” Charles raised his eyebrows.

“You haven’t been eating, or sleeping,” Erik’s tone turned into a serious concerned tone, figuring it out from just looking at the other man.

“I’m fine, really,” Charles nodded.

“You’re as pale as a ghost.”

Charles didn’t want to admit that, yes, he hasn’t been sleeping, or eating. Ever since Erik left, he had difficulty drifting off to sleep at night. He’d catch two maybe three hours, but that’s all. He couldn’t explain it, but knowing that Erik was away didn’t settle very gently with the professor. As for the eating, he simply didn’t have the appetite.

“Don’t worry about me, okay? I’m fine,” Charles tried to reassure Erik through the camera.

“How can I not worry when the first time I see you since I left, you look like this?” Erik’s eyes fill with sadness and so much longing.

“I just haven’t been sleeping much lately,” Charles admitted. “But you’ve got bigger things to think about besides me. I’m alright, I promise.”

“I can’t focus or think about anything if I know you’re not taking care of yourself.”

Charles sighed. “Okay, I’ll try to get more sleep and start eating more regularly.”

“Thank you,” Erik smiled. He stared at Charles through the camera and all he wanted was to just stretch out his arm and touch the smaller man’s face, to feel the soft skin under his fingertips, and the electricity racing through their bodies, connecting them on a much higher level than just physically. 

“Now go be my rock star,” Charles returned the smile, somehow feeling the same way Erik does.

“Your rock star, I can do that. I’ll talk to you as soon as I can,” Erik promised.

“I know,” Charles returned the smile.

Erik blew the professor an air kiss through the screen and signed off.

Charles stared at the blank screen that had held Erik for a minute, he didn’t noticed how his fingers touching the lifeless screen without his brain’s order. He missed Erik more than he could say. He leaned back into his desk chair, sighing happily. He stared into space, thinking about Erik and the day he’ll finally get to touch him again, the strings of happy imagination ended when his brain jolted him back to reality and he continued grading the papers.

\---

The hallway was completely empty by the time Charles walked out of his room and towards the elevator. He was so caught up in his own thoughts, he didn’t notice the man in black silently following him.

Charles stopped in his tracks, something felt out of place. He felt the air around him suddenly go hot, and time slowed down. After a moment of calculation, he slowly turned around and faced the dark figure. The second he turned around, something started to block his airway.

The muscular man was covered completely in black, no skin was showing, nothing. He had a black Yankees hat on his head, covering his face. He stood as still as a statue, as if he were trying to not scare Charles away. And Charles looked so small compared to the mystery man. It seemed like he didn’t want to attack Charles, which is what a man in black in a deserted hallway would have in mind, but it seemed like he merely wanted to make his presence known. He had all the time in the world to do whatever he wanted to do to Charles, but he just stood there. He was watching Charles, and he wanted the professor to know it.

It seemed like an eternity when Charles was finally able to push some oxygen into his lungs, taking a moment to gather his thoughts and peek around him through the corner of his eyes. He had a clear shot to run. Without thinking and over the thumbing of his heart in his ears, Charles gripped his bag tightly in his hand and made a run for it, going as fast as his wobbly legs could hold him. He didn’t know where his legs were taking him until he stopped in front of a room and busted in.

“Charles?” Moira looked up from her desk.

“Moira,” Charles attempted to say, but nothing came out.

The professor started heaving heavily, causing Moira to sprawl up from her seat and have her hand on his back in a matter of seconds. He tried to regulate his breathing so he could explain what just happened, but it lead to a huge, clearly uncomfortable, coughing fit.

“Charles,” Moira ran her hand up and down the man’s back, “deep breaths.”

Charles nodded, his hands were on his knees, supporting his upper body as he bent forward, trying to inflate his lungs as much as he could. “There—“ he tried again, but his voice cracked.

“Shh,” Moira said soothingly, “give it a minute.”

Charles shook his head violently, determined to explain to his best friend what just happened to him.

“Why are you even panting this badly? Were you running?”

Charles nodded, coughing a few times before trying to speak again. “There wa—was a man,” he took a deep breath, his eyes watering, “he was foll—following me—“

“Following you?” Moira repeated, her eyes widening.

“Yeah,” Charles croaked. “He—he was wearing bl—black and he stared at me and did—didn’t move.”

“Didn’t move?” Moira’s eyebrows creased together. “Hold on,” she quickly made her way to the door and stepped outside.

Ah, Charles never looked back to see if this mystery man was following him.

She returned thirty seconds later shaking her head. “No one’s out there.”

“He was there, I saw him. I stared back at him for God knows how long.”

“Then what?”

“Then I ran.”

“Did you feel threatened?”

“I didn’t know how I felt. I mean, if the guy wanted to attack me, he had all the time in the world, and no one was around. But he just….stood there, I didn’t even know if he was looking at me or not, his cap was covering his eyes,” Charles explained. “And that’s not all.”

“What else?”

“Something about him felt familiar. The way he stood and the shape of his body, I don’t know, but that’s why I ran. He reminded me of _him_.”

“Charles…”

“I know how it sounds, but I am sure of what I saw.”

“I’m not doubting if you saw it or not, but are you sure it was real?”

“Real?” Charles scoffed. “Of course it was real, Moira I’m not crazy.”

“I’m not saying you are,” Moira said quickly, “but you’re tired, you haven’t been sleeping. Maybe it’s got something to do with that.” She suggested.

“No! No, I’m not—no,” Charles shook his head.

 _This is ridiculous, what Moira is saying. It has to be_ , Charles thought. He’s not going crazy, he’s not imagining things, he _saw_ that man standing in front of him and if Charles hadn’t been frozen too, he would have gone up to the man and touched him, proving he’s real and proving that he isn’t losing his mind. No, it’s not the sleep deprivation, it’s not the black bags under his eyes. This happened, and no one can convince him otherwise.

That tiny aggressive voice in the back of Charles’s head reemerged, saying all kinds of crazy crap. Saying that he was going crazy, that he was far too fragile to survive on his own, that the man in black was his own hallucination, possibly Charles’s dark and broken soul. They do say you see your true form in a mirror, and yes, there was no mirror in the hallway but it’s funny how the dark man stood still, exactly like Charles. He didn’t move, Charles didn’t think he even breathed and when Charles ran, the man was gone. It seemed like there was an invisible mirror right there. What if the man _was_ Charles? What if Charles was running from himself? What if this was a reminder or a wake up call that Charles is simply too far gone for saving?

The rush of possibilities running through Charles’s mind suddenly made him dizzy. He took a deep breath, and pushed it down his trachea. He cleared his throat, running his hand through his sweat-drenched hair. There was no man.

“You’re probably right,” Charles whispered. “I’m gonna go home and sleep it off.”

“Charles,” Moira watched Charles make his way towards the door.

He turned to face her, a soulless smile on his face. “I’ll be fine.”

“Let me know when you’re home.”

Charles nodded and walked out of the room, an odd feeling lurking in his gut.

\---

A shadow dropping on a vacated seat next to Erik sprung him out of his sleepy daze.

“There you are,” the voice spoke.

“Here I am,” Erik nodded.

“You look terrible.”

“I do,” Erik chuckled, not bothering to hide his exhaustion.

Lupita joined in, taking a sip from the water bottle in her hand. Being one of Erik’s co-stars, she’s seen the man in all his moods, not to mention how close they’ve gotten because of their roles in the film. They could talk about anything and ask each other any question without hesitation or fear or misunderstandings.

“How’s your man?”

“How did you know?” A smile crept on Erik’s lips.

“Your eyes are sparkling,” Lupita smirked. “So?”

“He’s good,” Erik nodded, “he looked exhausted, his students are driving him mad of course,” he chuckled. “But he looked good.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“I miss him so much,” Erik sighed. “I can’t wait to go back home, I never imagined I’d say that.”

“You’ve found the one to tie you down then,” Lupita hit her shoulder against Erik’s.

“Guess I have. I love going around and meeting fans and having a blast, but now, the first thought I get when I wake up is how much longer till I go back to him.”

“Two more days, Romeo.”

“We went through a rough time, Charles and I, and I never thought I‘d recover from that,” Erik sighed heavily. “But then by some miracle, it all worked out and I had him and then I had to leave and it feels wrong and I miss him and I want to be home and have him in my arms and feel safe.”

Lupita wrapped an arm around Erik’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly, comforting the tall man. “You’re tired and you’re rambling. I know you want to be back home, and you’ll be home in no time, you’ll have Charles back.”

“And then I’ll leave again.”

“And you’ll be back and you won’t leave his side again.”

Erik smiled at his friend, and nodded. He just needed some sleep and everything would be all right.

\---

Still shaken up from his encounter in the university hallway, Charles decided to take the remaining days until Erik’s return off from work. He simply didn’t feel safe anywhere, except in Erik’s arms. So he’s going to wait until the man’s back. And he was so very tired of keeping everything bottled up, he felt like it was suffocating him and he desperately needed to tell someone. To tell Erik. He’s going to tell Erik and pray to God the man doesn’t bolt. He’s going to expose himself and if he loses Erik, he’s going to lose everything. But Charles came to a point where he’s willing to risk everything because if he didn’t, it is going to kill him. Slowly. That encounter he had finally knocked some sense into his head. Nearly scared him to death, but at least got him to his right mind. He needed Erik back like yesterday.

Moira walked into the living room to find Charles sprawled on the couch, reading the newspaper.

“It’s four in the evening,” she spoke.

“And?”

“You’re reading the newspaper.”

“I am…”

Moira chuckled, and moved to sit on one of the armchairs. “It’s not like you, to actually take a day off.”

“I just need to catch up on some sleep,” Charles folded the newspaper and tossed it on the table. “There’s nothing interesting,” Charles said, regarding the newspaper.

“You didn’t even read it,” Moira pointed out.

“You scare me sometimes,” Charles narrowed his eyes.

“When’s Erik coming back?”

“Tomorrow,” Charles smiled. “Finally.”

“That flew by didn’t it?”

“You have no idea,” Charles said with a sarcastic tone, following by a hushed laugh. “He’ll call when he arrives.”

\---

Erik checked his watch when he walked out of the airport, worried Charles is giving a lecture and not wanting to disturb him, he decided to send him a quick text instead.

-       _Hey, I’m leaving the airport now, I don’t know if you’re in class or not, let me know. :)_

\---

The moment Erik walked through his apartment door, his phone started ringing in his pocket. He dug his hand and drew his phone, his eyes immediately lighting up when he read Charles’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey you!” Erik beamed.

“Hi! I just read your text,” Charles sounded just as happy as Erik.

“Were you in class?”

“No, no, I’m actually at home.”

“Home?” Erik said with surprise. “And you think you know a man,” Erik teased.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Charles said with a fake gasp.

“I honestly thought you’d be sleeping at the university,” Erik chuckled.

“Yeah, no, something happened and I decided to take a few days,” Charles ran his hand over his face.

“What happened?” Erik’s tone changed, quivering with concern.

“It’s no big deal,” Charles breathed.

“Charles.”

The smaller man took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’ll tell you about it later, I just want to see you.”

“That sounds good to me,” a smile crept on Erik’s face. “I just got home, why don’t you come over.”

“I’m on my way.”

\---

The air in Charles’s lungs was suddenly knocked out of his body, as he found himself engulfed into Erik’s body as soon as the front door was opened. The professor let out a hushed laugh, his mouth muffled by the bigger man’s shoulder, his arms going around Erik and clenching the back of his shirt in his fists. Charles breathed in a long, deep gush of air, taking in the scent that is Erik, the scent that he missed beyond words could express. A small smile crept on his lips, feeling the actor’s hand mingle in his own chaotic hair, massaging his scalp softly.

“You’re here,” Charles breathed, his voice barely a whisper.

“I’m right here,” Erik nodded, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Charles’s head. “Took me long enough,” He chuckled.

“Yes, it did. God, I missed you,” Charles tightened his grip on Erik’s waist.

“I missed you too, you can’t even imagine,” Erik squeezed his eyes tight, enjoying having Charles back in his arms.

“But you’re leaving again.”

“Hey, hey,” Erik pulled away, just enough to look Charles in the eyes. “Don’t think about that, I’m right here right now. Let’s worry about that when we have to,” Erik smiled.

“It is good having you here,” Charles smiled back and leaned in.

Erik met Charles halfway, the feeling of their lips finally colliding for the first time in what felt like forever took their breath away. In that moment, they felt like even forever isn’t going to be enough time together.

“Come on,” Erik gestures to the couch and lead Charles, who was currently wrapped around the taller man’s body, not breaking free.

Charles immediately cocooned his body against Erik’s, resting his head in the other man’s neck. Erik’s arm went around his shoulder, holding Charles close.

“Do you want to tell me what made you take days off from work?” Erik asked, his lips against Charles’s hair.

“Later,” Charles breathed out. “Let’s just stay like this for a while, no interruptions.”

“Okay,” Erik nodded.

\---

Erik and Charles made it through one film and a half before Charles’s stomach growled with hunger, making Erik chuckle.

“Someone’s hungry,” the actor teased, patting the shorter man’s stomach.

“Someone is, yes,” Charles giggled at Erik’s action.

“I’m starving too, I just didn’t want to say anything because we’re both here and it feels so right.”

“I know,” Charles pressed a soft kiss to Erik’s neck, making the man smile. “As much as I love this, we’re going to starve to death if we don’t eat. That would be a shame, really.”

“I agree with all that, but uh,” Erik cleared his throat, “I don’t have anything edible.”

“I’m aware,” Charles poked Erik’s stomach. “Which is why I’m going to go buy us some food,” he was starting to get up, but didn’t get far. He found Erik’s arm pulling him back into the man’s warmth.

“No, stay,” Erik purred.

“I would love to, but trust me, you’ll thank me when starvation isn’t your cause of death.”

“Fine, fine,” Erik sighed, reluctantly letting go of his boyfriend. “Don’t be late,” he warned, his eyes trailing Charles as he put on his shoes and walked towards the door, grabbing his jacket. “I’ll be taking a shower, so you’re missing out, professor,” Erik smirked.

Those words made Charles stop dead in his tracks, heat rushing to his face turning it into a tomato. He gulped down silently, his palms suddenly sweaty. He attempted to keep a straight face, turning to face Erik, his eyes narrowing at the actor.

“You’re naughty.”

“No one said I wasn’t,” Erik shrugged.

“It’s a tempting offer, but I stand by what I said, we won’t be able to perform wonderfully if we’re passing out from lack of food. And we wouldn’t want to mess up the first time, would we?” Charles winked, enjoying the blush that curled on Erik’s cheeks.

“Yes, yes, fine,” Erik scratched the back of his neck defeated.

“Now that we’ve settled this,” Charles turned and opened the front door, “I won’t be long.”

\---

Charles immediately hugged his jacket tighter around himself as the cold breeze hit his body. He stood still for a few moments, getting used to the drastic change in weather, taking in his surroundings.

A figure in the distance caught his attention, standing in the shadow of the streetlamp across the street. Charles tried to look away, but found his sight wandering back to the dark shape. He took in a deep breath before shaking his head slightly. He took a few steps away from the building but quickly walked them back towards the entrance. His eyes kept landing on the man across the street. He didn’t move an inch. Charles narrowed his eyes, thinking that he was imagining this thing, but he was proven wrong when it started to move into the light.

Charles’s breathing increased, his heart screaming against his ribcage. He knew he should be feeling warm and sweaty, but instead, he felt like someone dropped a bucket of ice water on his body. The memories rushing through his head definitely felt like ice water.

He knew that face, those eyes, that sinister cold smile. He wished to God he could erase it from his memory, but he couldn’t. It was all drilled into his mind for as long as he lives. They’re right when they say the past comes back to bite you.

Charles had no idea how much time had passed before gathering enough strength to run back into the apartment building and dash up the stairs, too scared to wait for the elevator. He started knocking and ringing the doorbell like a mad man, praying that Erik would hear him in the shower. Knuckle shaped bloodstains now decorated the wooden door, Charles’s breathing was heavy, his lungs fighting for air.

A few minutes later, which felt like years for Charles, Erik (wearing nothing but a towel around his waist) opened the door with a frown. Charles pushed through and hurried into the apartment.

“Close the door,” Charles ordered, his hands moving franticly to his hair, as he paced around the apartment, murmuring inaudible words.

Erik did as he was told. “Charles, what’s wrong?” His eyebrows creased with worry and confusion, his eyes spotting the blood on the other man’s hand. “Is that blood?”

“Oh my, God. Oh my, God,” Charles ignored Erik’s question and covered his face with his hands.

“Charles, calm down,” Erik strode to the panicked man, placing his hands on his shoulder to keep him steady and in place. “Talk to me, what happened?”

Charles looked up at Erik, letting his hands fall to his side. His eyes glossy with tears, and filled with terror, so much terror it nearly stopped Erik’s heart from beating. However, Charles’s next words finished the job.

“He’s here. He found me.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles tells Erik everything, and unveils everything without holding back a thing. Erik's heart breaks and heals at the same time. Charles shows a very private part of him to the actor. Erik makes plans for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter everyone has been waiting for is finally here! This one was a little bit difficult to write, plot-wise. A lot of angst and pain, and tears and hugs. I hope I did this one justice because it really is a vital point in the story. Also, hella protective!Erik because, well, protective!Erik. Also this one is a long chapter, so I hope you guys enjoy it, and feedback is very very appreciated and I always look forward to reading your comments and seeing your kudos! You guys are the best!

Erik stared blankly at Charles for a few seconds, trying to understand what the other man was saying. His arms dropped to his side when Charles took a step backwards and started pacing around the living room. Erik was finally able to push some air into his lungs and gather his thoughts.

“What—Charles, what are you talking about?” Erik managed ask.

“I—I—I didn’t—oh God, no, no, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening,” Charles starting to hyperventilate, not delivering enough oxygen to his lungs, the color draining from his face.

Erik hurried to stand by Charles and wrapped his arms around the smaller man, holding him close. He felt Charles’s arms immediately Erik’s bare skin and pushing his face into the taller man’s neck. Erik shivered at the hot breath escaping Charles’s lips and colliding against his exposed skin. Charles felt his heart rate decrease gradually, he started taking in deep breaths through his nose. He stayed tangled in the arms of the taller man for a few minutes before pulling away and wiping his eyes while taking in a shaky breath.

“I—” Charles took a deep breath. “I didn’t plan on doing this like this,” he shook his head.

Erik remembered that he’s wearing nothing but the towel around his waist, which wasn’t entirely comfortable.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Erik said. “Just give me ten seconds.”

In the ten seconds it took Erik to rush up the stairs and change into boxers, sweatpants and a light shirt, Charles managed to slowly walk to couch and sit down, clearly still in shock from the entire situation.

“Okay,” Erik dropped next to Charles gently not to startle the already panicked man. “Take a deep breath and tell me everything.”

Both men forgot about their hunger.

Charles took a minute or so before gathering the courage to start talking. “Promise you won’t bolt,” Charles spoke without thinking.

“Never,” Erik responded immediately, taking Charles’s hand into his own.

“Shaw,” Charles said simply.

Erik knew he would elaborate so he remained silent, running his thumb over Charles’s knuckles soothingly.

“He’s the man. It felt like something wasn’t right for a while but I always thought it was my mind, I thought it was playing tricks on me. Or I wanted it all to be my imagination,” Charles’s head fell. “That man—that man destroyed me,” Charles took in another strong breath and looked up at Erik. “Sebastian Shaw is the reason why I ran away from you, avoided you and blocked my feelings.”

Erik’s throat went dry at those words, everything suddenly made more sense. And the look in Charles’s eyes, what could have this Shaw done to Charles to make him look and sound so hopeless and so broken? Whatever it was, Erik is going to kill Shaw and make him pay.

Charles swallowed hard, trying to figure out where to start. “I met him when I was young—very young, I was a teenager and he was just starting his business. The big new upcoming billionaire to be. I was messed up then, clawing for attention, not caring where it came from. My parents never cared about me, never paid attention to me so I took matters in my own hands and looked for what I needed. And then one night, I see him and he sees me. And the way he looked at me, it was the way everyone wanted to be looked at. We spent the night talking and drinking and we eventually started seeing each other regularly. He kept buying me all those fancy things and taking me out to dinner in all those expensive restaurants and he swept me right off my feet. And I—I was happy because hell, how could someone like Sebastian Shaw look at someone like me? How can someone like him care about someone like me? Take so much time to make someone like me happy?” Charles blinked, a stray tear rolling down his cheek. “He made me feel like a prince, I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life. I moved in with him and for the longest time, I was living the life I always dreamt of. Until one day, he flipped out and the dream was over.”

Erik took in a sharp breath, knowing exactly what that meant deep down in his gut. Still, he remained silent, giving Charles the chance to continue.

“It was a rough day,” Charles cleared his throat, “the day it started. It was gloomy, too, the sun was barely shining. Kind of ironic, when I think about it now. He was having a bad day at the company and I wasn’t helping, really. I didn’t understand, and I think it was my fault, but that was the first time,” Charles paused, having difficulty continuing. “The first time he hit me.”

Erik’s free hand shot up, cupping Charles’s cheek and pulled the shorter man into his arms, holding him close. Charles curled himself against Erik’s body, in need of feeling safe.

“Don’t you dare say that,” Erik’s voice broke. “Don’t you dare blame yourself. I’m going to kill that asshole, I swear to God.”

“Maybe I deserved it,” Charles mumbled. “I didn’t know my limit and—“

“ _No!_ ” Erik said roughly, pulling away and taking Charles’s face into hands. “You—you are the most amazing person I have met in my entire life, Charles. And I know I will never meet someone as intelligent, and funny, and beautiful, and breathtaking as you. You are everything I ever wanted, and everything I dreamed of,” Erik’s eyes filled with tears. “You deserve nothing but the best this world can offer and that coward took something from you, something he had no right taking, and that is not your fault, you understand me?”

“I—I was weak,” Charles’s voice shook. “I—I pretended it didn’t happen and I stayed when every instinct and logic said I should run. But I was afraid of being alone, so I pushed it down and I stayed. I was weak,” Charles pushed himself into Erik’s arm before the man could speak.

“You’re not weak, Charles,” Erik shook his head, wrapping an arm around him.

“He apologized, I mean, I felt it wasn’t sincere, but I made myself believe it, to give myself any reason to stay. It didn’t happen for a while after that one time, and I prayed that it was over. That it was just the one time and everything could go back to the way it was before.”

“But it wasn’t just that one time, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t. And each time, it would become more violent, more gruesome, and more frequent. It started leaving scars and bruises. And then he started to threaten me, said that if I tell anyone or if I leave, he’ll kill me. And I believed him. It was that day that I knew that he never loved me, he never cared, and he preyed on me. He saw a young, vulnerable, needy kid and took advantage. I knew I was stuck, that one way or another, this thing was going to kill me. Either I run away, he finds me and ends me, or beats me to death. I knew this was going to be my end.”

Erik unconsciously tightened his arm around Charles and ran his hand through the professor’s hair, assuring himself rather than the man in his arms, that Charles was in fact here, alive.

“But you’re here,” Erik breathed, “and that just proves how strong you are.”

“Moira knew what was going on, and she kept telling me to leave or go to the police or something, but his words kept echoing in my mind: I will kill you. So I begged her, pleaded with everything in me to not tell anyone. But you know what’s funny?”

Erik kissed the top of Charles’s head.

“They knew.”

“Who?” Erik whispered.

“My parents,” Charles scoffed.

“What?” Erik’s eyes widened.

“Yeah. I came home one day with a bruised eye and bleeding nose and I said that I got into a fight but they knew, I knew they knew but they didn’t say anything. Maybe if they had said something, and offered any words I could have walked away earlier, before—before—“ Charles took in a shaky breath. “Before he almost killed me.”

Erik squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm down his racing heart. Imagining that he never met Charles, picturing his life without Charles sent knives straight through his heart. Or even the mere fact that someone who be so monstrous as to steal someone as pure and enchanting as Charles from this world. Now he really wanted to end this guy.

“Moira tried to make up for it, my parents, I mean, and offered so much support. I was broken in so many pieces but for some reason, she stood by me. I deliberately got myself in this mess, it was like I closed the deal and gave him everything he needed to keep hitting and to keep inflicting pain and to keep going. I made it so easy for him. I did this to myself. I had the chance to run but I was a coward,” another tear escaped Charles’s non-blinking eye.

“And when I met you in that coffee shop and kept bumping into you and started to know how you felt about me, I thought no way someone like you could fall for someone like me, someone so damaged and broken and _used_. For the longest time, I was convinced that Shaw became like this because of me, that over the months I turned him into that thing he became, simply because he was a very different man when I met him and the man he turned into, I don’t know, I always felt like it had everything to do with me,” Charles sucked in a breath, “and I just didn’t want to break you, too…I was scared…to break you.”

“But I did fall for you. Wait—Charles, you think I would—I’d never lay a hand on you,” Erik said.

“Yes, no no, I know that, that’s not what I meant,” Charles replied quickly, hating the misunderstanding. “There’s so many beautiful things about you, they’re so rare to find in someone, and if I were the reason to take all those things away…I would never forgive myself. And if anything were to go wrong, I don’t think I would ever recover,” he admitted. “I clawed my way back from that thing I was in, and when I got back on my feet I decided I was done with relationships and I was going to focus on my work and on Raven and Moira. But then I met you and I found myself taking that back and letting my guard down and it scared the living crap out of me. To allow myself to let everything go again, and break down the walls I built and let someone in, it terrified me. And I kept trying to convince myself that I don’t need you, that I can make it on my own and that I can survive. Hell, I’ve been surviving for years on my own. Until it just…occurred to me that I will kill myself if I stay alone and that’s when I realized that I need you, and that I won’t make it alone.”

“You never, ever, have to be alone again,” Erik promised, feeling Charles’s tears on his shirt.

Charles nodded, pressing a kiss to Erik’s covered chest.

“How did you get away?” Erik asked, clearing his throat.

“I had enough. I was in the ICU, it was after he almost killed me. I remember trying to open my eyes but they were so heavy, after I managed to open them halfway, I could see Moira sitting on the chair next to the bed and I started to panic. I heard the heart monitor spike and she was leaning over me in a second. She knew why I was scared, and she kept telling me that he isn’t here and that he would never touch me again. She kept repeating it over and over until I finally believed her and I started to cry. She held onto my hand and didn’t let go. I was later told of the extent of my injuries—a collapsed lung, a few cracked ribs, perforated spleen which caused internal bleeding and had to be removed, the usual split lip and bruised eye and to top it all off, I wasn’t breathing when Moira found me.”

“When Moira found you?” Erik with disbelief. “He left you there to—“

“—bleed out, yes,” Charles finished. “If she hadn’t found me when she did, well, the doctors said I wouldn’t have made it.”

“Oh my God,” Erik breathed, his hands starting to shake.

“And the uh, the scars got their attention. Knife scars, burn scars, a lot of scar tissue. And they asked, and that’s when I decided he would never lay another finger on me or another living person again.”

Unconsciously, Erik started running his hand up and down Charles’s back, feeling the muscle under his skin relax.

“I testified against him and with the medical records and Moira’s testimony…” Charles trailed off, freeing himself from Erik’s grip and straightening his back.

“What is it?” Erik’s eyebrows creased together.

“Moira testified against him, and I never saw him again after he was sentenced. And now he’s out, and he’s found me, he might have found her, too,” Charles was starting to panic again.

“Calm down,” Erik tried to prevent another attack from happening. “Why don’t you call her? Make sure she’s alright?” Erik suggested.

Charles nodded quickly, fishing for his phone in his pocket and dialing Moira’s number as soon as it was in his hand.

He listened to it ring for about twenty seconds before shaking his head. “She’s not answering,” he felt his hands go clammy. He let it a ring for a few more seconds until the line came to life. “Moira!”

“Charles, hey,” Moira responded. “What’s up?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, why? What’s going on?”

“Okay, good that you’re safe. Listen to me very carefully.”

“Okay,” Moira hesitated. “You’re scaring me.”

Charles took a deep breath and spoke. “Shaw, it’s Shaw. He’s out.”

“Shaw? You mean?”

“Sebastian Shaw, yes,” Charles nodded.

“I thought he was in prison…” Moira breathed.

“So did I,” Charles sighed. “But he was waiting for me across from Erik’s place.”

“You mean he’s stalking you?”

“It looks like it, yeah.”

“Oh God, at the university, a few days ago—“

“—I’d say he was the man in black, yeah. I guess I wasn’t hallucinating after all.”

Erik was watching Charles carefully as he spoke and narrowed his eyes at the words _man in black_. Charles gave him a small nod, saying he’ll explain later.

“Charles, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” Moira sighed.

“It’s alright, it probably sounded crazy anyway. But he’s out and he found me, and he might find you, too, because—“

“—I testified against him, I remember. But don’t worry about me, just take care of yourself.”

“How can I not worry about you?” Charles scoffed. “You know what he’s capable of.”

“I know.”

“Just promise me you won’t walk alone and that you’ll take care.”

“I promise. Besides, don’t you have a restraining order against him?” Moira reminded Charles.

“I do, but we both know it’s not worth the paper it’s written on,” Charles sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“You should talk to Officer Azazel.”

“And tell him what? That I saw Shaw across the street? And that he might have been there in the university? It’s all speculation and you know what they’ll say about tonight. It was dark, I was tired, it could have been anyone. I know for a fact that it was him because it’s me and I could never forgot—point is, I’m sure but they have no way to be sure that I’m sure, there’s nothing that can be done.”

“Please take care, Charles,” Moira pleaded.

“I will, you too.”

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yes. Bye, love,” Charles said before hanging up and rubbing his face with a long sigh.

“So man in black?” Erik spoke, placing a hand on Charles’s thigh.

“Man in black,” Charles repeated. “It’s why I took a few days off work. It was right after we Skyped, actually. You saw how tired I was. I walked out of my room and I felt something was odd, so I turn around and I see this big man, covered completely in black, just…standing there. He didn’t move, I didn’t even think he breathed, to be honest. And I didn’t feel very threatened, I mean besides the fact that he was a man in black just standing there, but he didn’t attempt at attacking, nothing. Okay, maybe I was a little threatened since it was an empty hallway but he just stood there, it was like all he wanted was to make his presence known. And then I ran, somehow ending up in Moira’s room and she checked and said there was no one. You know, for a moment, I thought it was the dark and twisted part of me, reminding me that I’m no good and that I’m too far gone,” he reached out for the hand on his thigh, playing with Erik’s long fingers to keep himself occupied and distracted.

“You’re so good, Charles,” Erik broke the silence. “And it breaks my heart that you don’t realize it. That because of a terrible thing that happened, you think you’re gone and there’s no getting you back. I hate how much you underappreciate yourself. And you’re not too far gone, you’ve come such a long way, and you’re so strong, I know that you’ve still got a lot of fight in you, and I know that you will fight this.”

“How can you believe in me this much when I don’t even believe in myself?” Charles voice shook.

“Because when I look at you, I see _you_. I don’t see your past, I see what you are. I see the things you’ve overcome, and how strong it’s made you. You may think they’ve made you weaker, but they’ve actually made so you much stronger,” Erik used his free hand to lift Charles’s chin, making the smaller man look straight into his eyes. Erik’s hand then moved to Charles’s cheek, his thumb gently caressing the soft skin underneath his touch. “And even if I have to, I will believe in you enough for both of us, until you start believing in yourself, too.”

Charles mirrored Erik’s earlier action, covering the taller man’s cheek with his hand and went in. He pressed his lips against Erik’s, immersing himself in the taste of the man and the promise of a better tomorrow, a better life.

Erik smiled through the delicate kiss, savoring the feeling of this beautiful man’s lips against his own, determined to do everything in his power to heal this broken man.

Charles sighed when they broke apart, “I just don’t know how I’ll live knowing he’s out there, and so close.”

“I’m gonna protect you,” Erik vowed, pulling Charles back into his arms.

“I can’t risk anything happening to you because of him,” Charles said sharply. “I can’t do that.”

“And I won’t risk anything happening to you because of him,” Erik shot back. “He’s done enough, if he even thinks about coming near you again, I will end him.”

Charles tightened his arm around Erik’s waist and closed his eyes. “I was finally putting this behind me, I was moving on and then there he is, right in front of me. It’s like the universe doesn’t want me to be happy,” he whispered.

“We’ll beat the universe. I’m here to stay, through thick and thin, Charles. I won’t ever leave you.”

Charles stood up, pulling Erik up with him.

“Charles, what are you doing?” Erik with a chuckle as Charles led him towards the staircase.

“There’s something I have to show you,” Charles replied, walking up the stairs, Erik on his heels. Charles then turned towards the direction of Erik’s room, he remembered where it was from that one day he watched Erik pack his bags.

Once they were standing in the middle of the bedroom, Erik turned to face the shorter man, his eyebrows shooting up with confusion.

“Sit down,” Charles gestured to the bed.

“What? Charles—“

“Please, just sit down.”

“Okay,” Erik nodded slowly, and did as ordered. He watched as Charles walked over to the full-body length mirror a few feet away from the bed and started to pull his hoodie over his head. Erik’s heart started racing in his chest.

Charles dropped the discarded clothes on the ground, looking at Erik through the glass. His chest hurt, probably because of the strong thuds of his heart against his ribcage. But his chest was tight, too, he was struggling to breathe. He closed his eyes, steadying himself, telling himself that this is it, that in this moment Erik will get to see all of Charles. He needed this. They both did. After letting out a slow breath, he opened his eyes once again and with trembling hands, the professor removed the thin cotton shirt and exposed his hidden skin. The moment he dropped the shirt on top of the hoodie, he squeezed his eyes shut once again, too scared and paranoid to see the look in Erik’s eyes. He did, however, hear the sharp intake of breath Erik took.

The room was dark, only lit by the streetlight coming through the cracks in the wood covering the window. But Erik could see the bumps on the back of Charles’s back and over his shoulders. He could see the uneven skin with different shades. A person’s back should be smooth and constant, but not Charles’s back. Charles’s back was a completely different story. And for a second, they were all Erik could see. Charles’s scars. His battle wounds.

Unable to speak or possibility the effect of the lack of words that can be said in such a situation, Erik slowly rose from the bed, swiftly pulling his shirt over his head and let it drop to the ground. Now shirtless as well, Erik tiptoed towards the smaller man. Charles’s eyes were still closed, but he felt the heat of Erik’s body radiating against his own skin as the actor got closer. Erik gently placed his hands against Charles shoulders and immediately felt the professor stiffen under his touch. Knowing that no one has touched Charles there for a long time, Erik remained completely still, giving Charles the chance to get used to the feeling and get comfortable. Meanwhile, Erik looked down at the bare back under him, and from his angle, he could see how big the scars really are and the scar tissue from the healing and he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Someone—no, _that monster_ , did this to Charles, he put the most beautiful person Erik had ever known through so much pain and agony. As if on cue, Erik felt Charles relax under his hands, giving the larger man the approval to run his hands soothingly up and down his arms. Still, Erik felt goosebumps prickle under his fingers.

Noticing a jagged scar starting at Charles’s shoulder blade and extending up into his neck, Erik bent down and pressed a soft kiss where the mark joined Charles’s neck. He let his lips linger there for a few moments, enjoying the taste of Charles’s skin. Erik took the chance and took a peak at the mirror when he felt his heart drop. There were more scars burned onto his skin, on Charles’s sides and stomach and chest. There was one near his heart.

“D—Do you see why I’m broken and used now?” Charles whisper tore Erik from the image staring back at him.

“Look at me,” Erik whispered, looking at Charles’s face in the mirror. “Charles, open your eyes and look at me,” he begged.

Reluctantly, Charles obeyed, opening his eyes slow, a tear making its way down his cheek and falling on his bare chest.

“You know what I see?” Erik looked into Charles’s eyes. “I see a survivor. A scar shouldn’t remind you of how you got it or the pain that came with it, it should remind you that you survived,” he gently wrapped both arms around Charles’s waist and pulled him into his own body, trying to shield him from this cruel, cruel world.

Charles closed his eyes when his skin rested against Erik’s, the electricity transferring through their bodies took his breath away.

“You’re beautiful,” Erik breathed, his cheek resting against the side of Charles’s face.

Erik felt rugged skin underneath his fingers, he cautiously ran the tips of his fingers along the scar, getting used to the feeling, memorizing it. Soon enough, he felt Charles lean heavily against, his body going weak. Erik turned Charles around in his arms, the shorter man’s arm went around Erik’s waist for support.

“Come here,” Erik said as he guided Charles to the bed.

As soon as Charles’s body hit the mattress, he curled into himself, trying to cover his scars. Erik walked around the bed and joined Charles, his hand cupped the side of Charles’s face, his thumb caressing Charles’s cheek.

“No,” Erik spoke, pushing Charles’s thighs away from his chest, untangling the man from himself.

Charles tried to resist but found he was too tired, so he went with it. He blindly reached out for Erik’s arm, somehow finding it and holding on for dear life.

“I’m right here,” Erik reassured the shaken man next to him. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

Charles nodded, swallowing down.

Erik gradually turned Charles onto his back, admiring the beauty between his hands. His hand wandered to the scar on Charles’s heart, running his finger over it a few times before placing another tender kiss to the soft skin.

Charles sucked in a breath, one hand tightening around Erik’s arm and the other finding its way into the taller man’s hair and resting on the back of his neck.

“Erik,” Charles croaked.

“Shh, don’t say anything. I’m gonna make you feel beautiful.”

With that, Erik took turns in showering Charles’s body with kisses, the man focused his energy on the broken tissue, but kissed every inch of skin he could get his lips on. There was nothing sexual about it, nor was that Erik’s intentions. He simply wanted Charles to be comfortable in his own skin, and he wanted Charles to know that he accepts him exactly the way he is, and he wouldn’t change a thing about him.

“Feel better?” Erik looked up at Charles.

Charles responded by pulling Erik’s face towards him and pressing his lips against his. Erik smiled, parting his lips and invited Charles in.

Charles flipped on his side, his back to Erik. He felt Erik’s body press against him and strong around surround his body.

“You still want me?” Charles asked, running his hand up and down Erik’s arm.

“Always,” Erik responded, dropping a kiss on Charles’s shoulder.

Without another word, both men drifted off to sleep, wrapped together, feeling safer than they both had in a long time.

\---

The sunlight radiating on Erik’s eyelids stole him from the deep sleep he was drowned in. He sighed quietly, slowly opening his eyes to find Charles in the same position, wrapped in his arms. A small smile crept on the actor’s face and he decided to watch the professor sleep for a while.

An idea occurred to Erik, which made total sense regarding their current situation and the news of last night. He, however, needed to make a phone call to make this idea of his happen. With much regret and uncertainty, Erik slowly removed his arms from around Charles, pausing for a few seconds to make sure he didn’t disturb the sleeping man. When Charles gave no sign he was waking up, Erik got up and tiptoed out of his bedroom and down the stairs.

It was a little after eight when Erik poured himself a cup of coffee to properly wake him up. After feeling remotely awake, he grabbed his cell phone and dialed a familiar number.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping right now?” The line came to life.

“Maybe,” Erik shrugged. “Sleeping is over rated.”

“No, it’s not, Lehnsherr. You need it.”

“Fine, fine, but right now I have more important things to do.”

“And what does that have to do with me?”

Erik sighed, not knowing how to ask Steve McQueen for this…favor, if you can call it that.

“Listen, I know you don’t usually do this, but—“

“Erik, you’re blabbing,” Steve interrupted. “Tell me what can I do.”

“I was wondering if I can bring Charles on the international tour,” Erik said anxiously.

“Erik,” Steve sighed.

“I know what you’re going to say, but please, if there is any way you can make that happen, _please_. A personal matter came up with him, and I can’t leave him alone. I won’t leave him alone. I need to know he’s safe.”

“Safe?” Steve repeated. “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know,” Erik sighed, running his hand through his bedridden hair. “But I know it would be better if he’s with me.”

Hearing the desperation in Erik’s voice made Steve understand what this means to Erik, and that he was truly afraid for the safety of his boyfriend. This wasn’t just am excuse for Charles to tag along, he knew Erik really needed Charles there.

“Alright,” Steve nodded. “I’ll see what I can do. I’ll text you.”

\---

The sweet aroma of freshly made coffee lead Charles into the kitchen fifteen minutes later. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and spotted Erik leaning against the counter, flipping through the newspaper.

Feeling Charles’s hovering body near, Erik lifted his eyes from the paper in his hands and landed them on Charles. He smiled at his boyfriend, happy to see that the smaller man was still shirtless. Something told Erik that Charles started to accept his scars, which just made Erik even prouder of the man.

“Morning,” Charles smiled, picking up the coffee jug and pouring some for himself.

“Morning, sorry if I woke you,” Erik responded.

“No, no, you didn’t,” Charles shook his head. “It’s the sun’s fault.”

Erik chuckled, moving his body to cover Charles’s, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on the professor’s shoulder.

“I have a proposition,” Erik whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to the exposed skin of Charles’s neck.

“Hmm, what is it?” Charles took a sip of his coffee and leaned into Erik’s grip.

“Come with me, on the international tour.”

Charles’s eyebrows creased as he stepped out of Erik’s chest, turning around to face the taller man. “What?”

“I leave tomorrow night, and I don’t want to leave you here alone. I won’t leave you here alone. And with everything that happened, I think it would be a good idea. And don’t say that I think you can’t take care of yourself because I know you can, but I’d feel much better if you were there with me.”

“Can you even bring me with you?” Charles tightened his hold on his mug of coffee.

“Well, not really. But I talked to Steve about it, and he pulled some strings.”

“Erik, no, I can’t get special treatment.”

“Quite frankly, they’re probably more concerned about my well-being,” Erik shrugged. “I mean, if you’re not there I’m gonna in a shitty mood and they don’t like my shitty mood so they’re trying to prevent that from happening. So, don’t think about it as you’re getting special treatment, just them preventing me from being miserable.”

“You’re miserable without me?” A small shy smile crept on Charles’s lips.

“Of course I am. I barely got through the American tour, and we were in the same country.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. And Steve sent me the confirmation before you walked in. And besides, what can they do even if it’s not allowed? Kick me off the film? It’s a little too late for that.”

“They can cuff me and send me home, that’s just a thought.”

“Then they’ll cuff us both because I’m not staying without you. He knows how much you mean to me. Shhh, it’s already done.”

“Fine. I’d be happy to accompany you on the tour.”

“Oh, so professional all of a sudden,” Erik smirked and leaned in, kissing Charles softly.

“Do I need earplugs?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“Probably,” Erik laughed. “And I can show you around Germany, where I grew up and you can meet my mother.”

“Your mother?” Charles’s eyes widened.

“She’d love to see you.”

“She knows about me?”

“Of course she does,” Erik slapped Charles’s shoulder playfully.

“I haven’t even met your sister yet, and now I’m meeting your mother?”

“Yup,” Erik smiled. “I actually have no idea where my sister is, she’s all over the place.”

“You’re an awesome big brother,” Charles teased.

“No, she’s just a teenager,” Erik chuckled.

“I’ll need to pack, so we should head to the mansion at some point to do that.”

“Roger.”

\---

As promised, later that day both men took a trip over to Charles’s place and packed his bag, informed Raven and Moira of Charles’s sudden plans (they were both overly joyed with the idea), and after promising to call whenever he can, Charles was able to escape the ladies’ sticky arms while they shed tears.

“They reminded me of you when I left,” Erik teased, storing Charles’s bag in the truck of the car.

“I was way worse,” Charles winked.

Erik chuckled and got into the driver’s seat, Charles did the same. Erik leaned over, giving Charles a quick kiss before turning on the ignition.

“We’re doing this,” Erik beamed.

“Yes, we are,” Charles nodded joyfully.

“I must warn you, the cast are…pretty insane.”

“I’m excited to meet them, and to see how this crazy world of yours works.”

“It’s crazy, it definitely is.”

“I can’t wait,” Charles stretched his arm and ran it up and down Erik’s thigh, which drove Erik a little crazy himself and there was an impulse to pull over and do things to Charles, a lot of things but he used every ounce of his strength to control himself.

\---

As expected, there was a huge group of photographers and paparazzi waiting for the cast when they arrived at the airport. Even with the high security around them, they were able to snap some pictures, included some of Erik dragging his bag with Charles behind him. This is definitely making the morning paper and it’s going to go viral on the Internet in no time.

When they were finally secured away in the Business Class Lounge, Erik stifled a yawn and walked over to the counter to get himself a cup of coffee. Charles hovered near Erik, but not too near he’d be sticking to the man, but close.

Lupita spotted Erik and Charles on the other end of the room and strode to greet them with her angelic smile.

“Hi,” she wrapped her arms around Erik tightly, who immediately returned the embrace. “I had a feeling I was going to meet him this time,” she whispered slyly.

Erik chuckled, giving Lupita a final squeeze before pulling back. “Charles, this is the beautiful Lupita. Lupita, Charles,” Erik introduced.

“It’s so good to finally meet you,” Lupita hugged Charles tightly.

“Same here,” Charles said, hugging her back.

“I’ve heard so much about you,” Lupita winked as soon as they pulled apart.

“Good things, I hope,” Charles chuckled.

“Absolutely, the best!” Lupita took a quick look around the room then looked back to Erik and Charles. “How about I introduce you to everyone?” She suggested.

Charles gave Erik a silent look, to which Erik nodded.

“I’ll be fine alone,” Erik assured his boyfriend.

“Yeah? That’s not what you said yesterday,” Charles smirked.

“Well, you’re here, so I’ll be fine,” Erik pressed a kiss to the side of Charles’s head.

“Come on,” Lupita took Charles’s hand in hers and lead him around the room.

Erik watched Lupita and Charles in conversation with his co-works from his place with a smile on his face. He didn’t feel Steve McQueen come to a halt next to him.

“He’s a great catch.”

Erik was snapped out of his haze and look next to him. “He is.”

Steve’s arm went over Erik’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you,” Erik smiled. “But you didn’t talk to him.”

“I don’t need to talk to him to know how you feel about him, and how he feels about you. Just from the way you two look at each other, that says everything.”

“I’m the luckiest person in the world.”

\---

After a few stops in different countries, which proved to Charles that brining earplugs with him is one of the best decision he ever made, they finally made it to Germany. And Charles was nervous as ever to meet Erik’s mother. The conferences were going to be held in Berlin, but Erik was able to take a day to fly himself and Charles to Heidelberg, where Erik grew up.

Erik found his mother standing on the porch already waiting for the men to arrive when he pulled into his street. He smiled from behind the wheels and parked the car behind hers.

“ _Mutter_ ,” Erik smiled, as he jogged over, taking his mother into his arms.

“Erik,” his mother tightened her grip around Erik’s muscular body.

They remained tangled for a few moments, Charles standing politely to the side, not wanting to disturb this much-needed reunion.

“You finally get to meet him,” Erik said once he and his mother separated. “This is my Charles.”

Charles smiled and extended his hand to Erik’s mom. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Lehnsherr.”

“I don’t shake hand, I hug,” Erik’s mother chuckled and used Charles’s extended hand to pull him into a hug. “If anyone can make my son this happy, they deserve at least a hug,” she spoke against Charles’s shoulder.

Charles carefully hugged the old woman back, afraid he’d squash her to death or something.

“And please, call me Edie,” she said when she pulled back. “I’m so happy to finally meet you. There’s so much I want to know,” Edie started dragging Charles into the house.

Charles threw a quick glance at Erik over his shoulder, his eyebrows shooting up with somewhat of a mortified look on his face.

Erik chuckled and shook his head, giving Charles a quick shrug. “Yeah, you two just get comfortable, I’ll get the bags.”

A few minutes later, Erik successfully dragged both bags into the house and settled them near the door. He’ll take them up to his room later. He followed the voice of his mother, which lead him into the living room.

“Are you tormenting my boyfriend already?” Erik joked, making his way towards his mother’s chair.

“I wouldn’t go as for as tormenting, just getting my hands on some details,” the German accent was more than prominent in her voice.

“ _Iche liebe dich_ ,” Erik placed a kiss on his mother’s head. He then walked towards Charles, sitting on one of the arms of the armchair and wrapping an arm around Charles’s shoulder.

“Erik, get off that, it’s already fragile, it won’t handle your weight,” Edie gasped, making Erik laugh. “You’re hopeless,” she shook her head. “Do you have plans?”

“We have plans,” Erik nodded.

“I won’t let you both go before we have dinner together. I made your favorite,” Edie smiled at both men before she got up and walked into what Charles assumed was the kitchen to check on the meal.

“And what would your favorite be?” Charles whispered.

“You’ll like it,” Erik said against Charles’s forehead with a smile.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Charles chuckled.

Erik stayed silent.

\---

“ _Erik, würden sie bitte die tabelle_?” Edie called from the kitchen.

“ _Sicher_ ,” Erik answered. “Let’s set up the table.”

Charles nodded and followed Erik into the dinning table. Five minutes later, Edie walked in carrying a large silver platter with meat on it.

“This is _sauerbraten_ ,” she lowered the platter. “I hope you like it,” she smiled at Charles.

Charles did admit, it looked delicious.

“Oh, before we start, Erik can you grab the beer from the fridge?”

“Absolutely,” Erik nodded and got up and walked into the kitchen. When he returned, he found that everyone has been serviced. He opened two beer bottles and passed on to Charles and the other to his mother, taking his own and sitting back in his place. This, to Erik, was the definition of a perfect day. He was back home, with the two people he loved most in this world, his mother and Charles. He never wanted this moment to end.

\---

To Erik’s dismay, the moment flew by and he found himself pushing Charles out the door towards the car for their big night out. It was getting dark outside and it was exactly what Erik needed for his plan to work.

“Where are we going?” Charles asked, getting into the passenger seat.

“You’ll see soon enough,” Erik smiled and drove off their mystery destination.

They drove in comfortable silence, Charles throwing a quick look at Erik every now and then, thinking what he ever did to deserve someone like Erik. Out of nowhere and with no warning, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Erik’s stubbly cheek, making the actor smile and blush faintly. Huh, Charles never took Erik for the shy type. But Charles liked it.

Charles was caught up in watching the city as it passed, he didn’t notice when Erik pulled over.

“Are we there?” Charles asked, looking around through the window.

“Not yet, but we’re a few blocks away,” Erik answered, reaching for his jeans back pocket.

“We’ll walk then?” Being from New York, walking was never an issue for Charles.

“No,” Erik shook his head and showed Charles a blindfold.

“What are doing?” Charles narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t want to ruin…the scene,” Erik smiled. “Come on.”

Charles sighed and gave Erik his back, giving the man a chance to tie blindfold over his eyes.

“Can you see anything?”

“Nope,” Charles shook his head.

“Alrighty, then, here we go,” Erik started moving the car once again.

True to his word, they parked a few blocks later, and Erik helped Charles out of the car and led him away from the car.

“You’re not one of those boyfriends that let their boyfriends slam into shit when they’re blindfolded, are you?” Charles hold on to Erik’s arm tighter.

“No, don’t worry, I would never,” Erik chuckled. He was thankful to see that what he had in mind is played out in front of him perfectly. Erik smiled widely, bringing a walking Charles to a stop. “Okay, we’re here. You can balance yourself there,” Erik extended Charles’s arms to rest on rock? Was that rock Charles felt under his fingertips?

“Ready?” Erik felt his heart thumb with excitement.

“Absolutely,” Charles nodded.

Erik’s hand moved quickly to remove the blindfold and Charles slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the light. His jaw dropped in awe of what lay in front of him. Now this might be one of the most beautiful stunning things he had ever seen.

“Erik,” Charles managed to whisper. “It’s—it’s breathtaking.”

“It is,” Erik agreed, but he wasn’t looking at what Charles was looking at, he was looking _at_ Charles. “This is the Heidelberg Castle, probably one of the most romantic places in the city,” Erik stood behind Charles and wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s, pulling him into his body.

“It’s beautiful,” Charles leaned into Erik’s grip, tucking the back of his head against the taller man’s neck.

The old castle was brightly lit from below, giving it a magical and fairytale-like effect. The dark shadows on the building held so much history and beauty, along with the swaying trees around the castle. Erik and Charles were standing on the bridge across from the castle, giving them a perfect view of the entire structure. The water below them made them feel like they were flying, high above everyone else.

Charles looked down, everything reflected in the water made his heart flutter, making the entire moment even more enchanting. If he had the chance to live one moment over and over again, he would choose this one.

“I want to share everything with you,” Erik’s voice whispered in Charles’s ear, sending shivers down his body. “My work, my heart, my life, my everything,” Erik pressed a slow kiss to Charles’s neck, tasting the warm skin under his lips.

“You, you,” Charles blew out. “You’re my everything.”

For the first time in years, Charles completely let himself go, physically and mentally and emotionally, trusting Erik to catch him. He had finally allowed himself to let someone else take care of him and it felt so good, so relaxing, so…genuine.

“I want you to be with me, on the big day. I was you there with me,” Erik tightened his arms around Charles and rested his chin on the professor’s shoulder.

“I’d want nothing more than to be there with you.”

Erik smiled, kissing the side of Charles’s head.

“I’ll need a suit though,” Charles chuckled.

“I’ll handle it,” Erik promised.

Just like that, Charles was going to the Oscars with Erik. And Erik couldn’t be happier. They say Oscar night the biggest night in the lives of the nominees, and even though Erik doesn’t quite see it like that, he’s above the clouds to have Charles with him on this said greatest night of his life.

“You can’t say you’ve been to Germany until you’ve had German dessert. I know a place.”

“Let’s stay here for a while,” Charles turned around, his arms going around Erik’s body and looked up at him.

“Of course,” Erik smiled, looking down at Charles.

Charles stretched up his neck and connected his lips to Erik’s, drowning in the taste of the other man. They both smiled through the kiss and connected their foreheads together, breathing each other’s air. They remained tangled together in each other's arms, taking in the gorgeous view and enjoying their happiness while it lasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of last chapter's cliffhanger, I decided to go easy on you after this heavy chapter. Also, uni starts up again on Wednesday, so fingers crossed it doesn't affect my update rate. :) And if you're wondering what the Heidelberg Castle looks like, check it out here! http://topwalls.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Heidelberg-Castle-with-the-Old-Bridge-at-night-Germany.jpg


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big night is here. Charles gets a real feel of Erik’s world, while everyone in show business falls in love with the professor. Erik is quite possibly the happiest man alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! Another chapter arrives! I got carried away writing this one (so much fluff and happiness) it ended up being around 10k words, so I decided to split it into two chapters -- this one and the next one. Since the next one is practically ready to go (I just have to proofread it), you can expect the chapter within a few days. A couple of Hollywood peeps have slight appearances in this chapter! 
> 
> Also, uni is going good so far, my classes are interesting but so much reading to do I'm gonna drown halfway through the semester probably. Seems like I'll be able to keep updating at my normal rate! Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and feedback is always appreciated!

“When are the suits going to be ready?” Charles asked Erik, who was currently sitting on the couch in front of the television in his Los Angeles house. This house was very similar to the one in New York City.

“Tomorrow,” Erik replied. “We just got here yesterday, they’ll be here.”

Erik managed to get Charles’s measurements taken for the suit along with the cast of film. They had special suits tailored for them personally.

“And it’s after tomorrow, right?”

“Yup,” Erik nodded.

“You nervous?” Charles fell next to his boyfriend.

“Nah, not really,” Erik shook his head. “I should be asking you that.”

“Me?” Charles frowned. “Why me?”

“Because I’ve been to tons of red carpets before, this is your first one,” Erik booped Charles’s nose with his finger.

Charles chuckled, slapping Erik’s finger away. “I mean, how hard can it be? Don’t trip, make sure your fly is zipped, look at the cameras and smile.”

“If only I knew that during my first red carpet.”

“What happened? No, don’t say! You tripped!”

“Don’t sound so enthusiastic, Charles, it breaks my heart,” Erik shook his head. “And no, I didn’t trip. But I was terrified.”

“Aw, I can just imagine young Erik Lehnsherr nervous and scared,” Charles teased.

“You’re mean.”

“Maybe, but you’re still stuck with me,” Charles kissed Erik’s cheek.

“What can I do? I’m in too deep,” Erik shrugged. “Seriously though, the camera flashes are blinding. You think it’s nothing, wait until you get in front of them. You’ll be seeing stars in no time. And yes, no tripping would be nice,” Erik chuckled.

“What about the after-party?” Charles asked eagerly. “Everyone goes or just the winners?”

“Everyone, as far as I know.”

“We’ll go, right?”

“If you want, sure,” Erik smiled.

“Are you going to prepare a speech? I can help you,” Charles winked.

“As much as I would love that, no, I won’t. If I win, I think it would be more meaningful to speak my heart right there, you know? I don’t want to rehearse anything, I want it to be as natural as possible.”

“You’re gonna win,” Charles used his fingers to turn Erik’s face towards him and gave him a quick kiss. “And I think that’s beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“You and your words drive me crazy,” Charles blushed.

“It’s a talent of mine,” Erik winked.

“You’re very talented,” Charles stuck his tongue out at Erik. “Is Logan going to be there?”

“Yeah, he will be. He’s not nominated for anything, but he was invited.”

“Invited?” Charles repeated. “You need to be invited to attend?”

“The Academy invites celebrities, yeah. I mean, the nominees get a plus one each, but other than that, everyone else is invited.”

“Huh,” Charles scoffed. “That’s weird.”

“A bit, yeah,” Erik agreed.

\---

-       _HAVE FUN!! We’ll be watching live! Tell Erik we say good luck!_

Charles read Raven’s text, looking at himself in the mirror standing in Erik’s guest room one final time before nodding, satisfied with his appearance, he locked his phone and pushed it into his pocket. He walked passed Erik’s empty room, which meant Erik was ready downstairs. Suddenly feeling nervous, Charles took a few deep breaths to steady himself and walked down the stairs. A very handsome, scruffy man whose jaw was already dropping to the ground greeted him.

Erik stared at Charles, unable to form any kind of word. His eyes moved up and down the shorter man’s body, he adored the way the suit enveloped Charles’s body perfectly, it wasn’t too tight, yet not too lose. It was perfect. Outlining his body and giving his face a silver glow. Charles’s own scruff added yet another layer to the phenomenal look. All Erik wanted to do was to take Charles right here, right now, the Oscars be damned.

“You look—wow, I mean, wow,” Erik managed to say.

Charles approached Erik, a smile on his face. “You don’t look so bad yourself. I like the bowtie, it’s a nice touch,” Charles’s hands slightly adjusted it.

Erik leaned in and captured Charles’s lips with his, smiling through the kiss, Charles’s arms went around Erik’s body, pulling the taller man towards him.

“With how you look, you might steal the spotlight tonight,” Erik smirked, his forehead resting against Charles’s.

“I wouldn’t dare,” Charles chuckled.

“You still might,” Erik pulled away and checked his watch. “We should get going.”

“Are you driving, or?”

“No, no. A limo is passing by. I believe Steve and Lupita will be with us in the car. Oh, I just remembered, you up for some interviews? You know, the short, red carpet ones? We don’t have to do a lot, two or three max. They’ll have some questions about—“

“—Us, I would imagine,” Charles finished Erik’s sentence. “And no, I don’t have any problems with interviews,” he assured the actor.

“You sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to. I said I want to know everything about your work environment, and this qualifies. Oh, Raven and I’m assuming Moira are sending their love and good lucks.”

Erik smiled and kissed Charles’s forehead.

A few minutes later, Erik’s phone pinged with a text from Steve.

“They’ll be here in a minute, we should wait outside,” Erik extended his hand to Charles, who happily took it.

Unlike New York City, Los Angeles is much calmer, so the streets weren’t crowded with people like Charles was used to. In fact, there was no one on the street, except for him and Erik. Maybe it’s also because Erik chose a deserted area to live in, but nonetheless, Charles did notice that major difference when he was generally out and about in LA.

“You boys are looking sharp,” Lupita greeted the men as they stepped into limo twenty seconds later.

“And you look gorgeous, as always,” Erik nodded with a smile.

After exchanging hello’s, they all settled into small conversation, talking about LA and they started to give Charles advice regarding what to expect and such from their previous award show experiences. Even though none of them have been to the Oscars before, they got the hang of how these things work.

“I assume we’re getting close?” Charles spoke once they got into traffic.

“Looks like it, yeah,” Erik nodded, looking out the window. Countless identical limos were next to them and behind them, even though he couldn’t see who was inside, they were obviously all heading in the same direction: The Dolby Theatre.

It took them around fifteen minutes to reach the beginning of the red carpet.

“The red carpet started a while ago, so everyone’s on their feet. We arrived at a great time,” Steve said before the backseat door was opened and the roars echoed in the vacant space in the car.

Erik turned his attention to Charles as Lupita exited the car (with more screams) and studied his face closely.

“Ready?”

Charles took a deep breath and nodded.

Erik stepped out of the car and moved a few feet away from the door, giving Charles space to get out. The noise they received from the people standing was unlike the previous two recipients. Erik immediately smiled, something he automatically did whenever he heard or saw fans, and started waving with one hand, gripping Charles’s own and squeezed tightly. Erik’s confidence could not be applied to Charles, saying the professor was overwhelmed is a huge understatement to what he was feeling at that moment.

They started walking the red carpet; photos were already being snapped of them hand-in-hand. A group of fans near the metal railings were calling out for Erik, so he quickly made his way towards them and started signing autographs and take pictures.

Charles let go of Erik’s hand so he can take care of his business, and watched from behind as the girls practically threw themselves at Erik. Clearly, they didn’t care that he was gay. Charles was beyond surprised when the fans started waving towards him, asking for pictures. He took a few selfies with some of them when Erik thanked them and extended his arm to Charles, saying they had to move on. Charles took Erik’s hand and started moving again.

“They took pictures with me, what are they going to do with those?” Charles asked in Erik’s ear.

“They’ll take anything they can get their hands on,” Erik answered with a chuckle.

“This is insane!”

“Welcome to my world!”

Charles chuckled and shook his head, his nerves were starting to relax a bit. It was like going on a normal walk with his boyfriend. Except for the screaming fans, and the photographers taking endless snaps of them. Okay, maybe not a _normal_ walk, but it was manageable, Charles started to notice.

“I’m repeating ‘don’t trip’ in my head over and over, I think I’m gonna trip,” Charles whispered when they stood still for the official red carpet pictures.

“Please don’t,” Erik’s arm went around Charles’s shoulder, pulling him close.

“I’ll try,” Charles promised, coping Erik’s action and smiling towards the cameras.

True to the actor’s word, a few minutes later, the flash was starting to blind Erik and Charles. They were now standing in the area hoarded by television camera crews for interviews. E! News managed to get their hands on the couple.

“Erik, before we ask any questions, I just want to congratulate you on tonight’s nomination for your brilliant performance, and we’re totally rooting for you tonight,” the female reporter spoke.

“Thank you very much, it means a lot to me,” Erik smiled.

“Who do you have with you today?” She asked, regarding Charles.

“This is Charles,” Erik introduced the professor, who smiled at the camera.

“How’s your Oscar experience going so far?”

“Pretty crazy,” Charles answered honestly.

“I would imagine,” the lady chuckled and turned back to Erik. “A lot of people have named your character, and I quote, ‘the biggest asshole on the screen this year’, what do you have to say to that?”

“Really?” Erik chuckled. “Well, um, if you’re going to be an asshole, you might as well be the biggest one.”

“What about you, Charles? What do you think of Erik’s character?”

“I saw the film with my sister when it first came out and I was absolutely blown away with is performance,” Charles smiled.

“Did you two know each other then?”

“No,” Charles shook his head. “I met him after I saw the film, and once I got to know him—it’s uh, it’s a real testament to his acting skills and talent because he’s lovely, and kind, golden hearted in real life so when his character is an asshole, as he was labeled—I was beyond impressed.”

Erik watched Charles talk about him with a spark in his eyes, and it was this moment that he was sure beyond a doubt that he’d spend the rest of his life with this man.

Once the interview was over, Erik and Charles quickly maneuvered their way through the crowd and escaped all the busy cameras, succeeding in escaping more interviews.

“How does the seating work?” Charles asked, looking around the huge hall.

“Each cast and their plus ones sit together in the front,” Erik looked around the large space, trying to find anyone from his cast. He spotted Steve in the middle of the room. “Ah, there’s Steve.”

“He probably knows where the seats are,” Charles assumed.

“He probably doesn’t,” Erik chuckled. “Boss, any idea where our seats are?”

“You tell me,” Steve shrugged.

“We’ll find out eventually.”

Erik took a better look around the room, and noticed the casts of Dallas Buyers Club and American Hustle standing near by.

“What do you say to meeting some people?” Erik asked Charles.

“Sure,” Charles nodded and followed Erik’s lead.

“Hey, big guy,” a tall, brunette pulled Erik into a hug. “It’s been a while.”

“Yes, it has been,” Erik returned the hug. “And it isn’t my fault, Jen.”

“Ah, of course it isn’t, because nothing ever is,” Jen teased, breaking away.

“True that,” Erik winked and then stretched out his arm towards Charles. “Charles, Jennifer. Jennifer, Charles.”

Charles had seen a couple of Jennifer’s films, saw her billboard adds and random interviews on the television, so he was more than acquainted with her.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Charles smiled.

“Likewise,” Jennifer nodded. “You did good,” she smirked, poking Erik’s stomach with her finger.

“I’m lucky,” Erik said, a slight blush coloring his cheeks.

They spent a couple of minutes chitchatting with the other actors before the two casts were lead to their seating area, leaving Erik and Charles standing alone. Erik checked his watch and quickly scanned the room.

“Everything’s alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Erik nodded. “I think it’s about to start, and shouldn’t Logan be here already?”

As if on queue, the muscular man walked through the doors and into the auditorium, rushing to the men as soon as he spotted them.

“I was getting worried you’d bail,” Erik scoffed, pulling his best friend into a hug.

“I would never. Besides, free booze,” Logan chuckled, returning the hug. He then embraced Charles in yet another hug after separating from Erik. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Yeah, you, too,” Charles replied, clearly surprised of the sudden hug but returned it, nonetheless.

“I’m gonna go look for my seat and I’ll catch you guys in the break,” Logan waved off and walked away.

“Erik!”

Erik’s head turned to the direction his name was being called, and found the cast already gathered together, signaling for them to come over.

“They probably found our seats,” Erik’s hand latched onto Charles’s and headed towards the awaiting cast.

Soon enough, the doors were closed and the lights were dimmed. The show was about to start. The host, Ellen, appeared on stage and received a massive applause. After her monologue, which was quite hilarious, the awards started being handed out.

“When’s your category?” Charles whispered.

“I have no idea.”

\---

Forty-five minutes into the show, the category for Best Supporting Actress was being announced. Which meant Best Supporting Actor is up next. Erik was overjoyed when Lupita’s name was called out. He immediately got to his feet and hugged the shaking actress. He teared up when she thanked him in her speech.

Erik was right. Up next: Best Supporting Actor.

Anne Hathaway, the previous year’s Best Supporting Actress winner, walked on stage and started to introduce the category along with the nominees.

Erik’s heart was racing in his chest, unconsciously tightening his grip on Charles’s hand. He knew he always said he didn’t care about awards, and he still didn’t, but oh boy was his heart running a marathon. He slowly let out a breath he didn’t know he was keeping in as the nominees were being called out. Then the golden envelope was opened and a name was called out. The world started to move in slow motion.

“And the Oscar goes to…Erik Lehnsherr, for _12 Years a Slave_!”

Erik’s jaw dropped, his eyes widening. He saw Charles spring up to his feet—probably the first one in the entire room—from the corner of his eye but he couldn’t manage to stand up himself, couldn’t get his body to move. Did he hear that right? Was it really _his_ name that was called out?

The applause was faded, distorted, like it was coming from the next room. But the sudden echoes jerked Erik into motion, making him stand up, sending his head for a spin for a short moment. He felt Charles’s arms wrap around him, as the professor placed a quick kiss to his lips. He smiled at Charles before being pulled into a hug by Steve McQueen.

“Proud of you,” Steve managed to whisper before letting the actor go.

With wobbly legs and shaking knees, Erik slowly walked up the couple of steps to the stage, afraid his knees would give out on him. He accepted the golden statue with a smile and turned towards the audience. Oh boy were they a lot of people. Clapping. Standing ovation. For him. Okay, maybe winning awards isn’t that bad.

It wasn’t until Erik spoke into the microphone that everyone sat back down in their seats.

“Wow, this is—this is a great honor, thank you to the Academy for this incredible recognition,” Erik paused, looking down at the statue in his hands. He doesn’t have a speech prepared. “They uh, they don’t tell you how heavy gold is, but I guess I know now,” Erik joked, weighting the statue in his hand, a collective chuckle was heard from the audience. “I uh,” Erik looked up, “I don’t have a speech prepared. Actually, when someone asked me if I was going to prepare one, I said no. When they asked why, I said because if I do win, which was a big if, seeing that I was up against some magnificent talents, I don’t want to say something rehearsed, I want to say what my heart is feeling in this very moment. I was it to be natural. And I know—I know I have a million things to say, but for the life in me, I can’t think of a proper way to say them. But I’m going to try, so bear with me. I would like to dedicate this win to Charles Xavier, the joy and beauty of my life. Every day, you inspire me to do better, to be wiser, to be stronger and to stay humble. You taught me that if you fight hard enough, you could survive anything. My life is a worthy life, and a brighter life because you’re in it. Because you’re it, you’re all of it. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Erik was looking directly at Charles now, with glistening tears in both their eyes. It was just them in that huge room. It was just Erik and Charles in that moment. Everyone around them had disappeared.

“And I know this is nothing in comparison to how much you mean to me and how grateful and blessed I am to have you in my life, but this one is for you,” he smiled at Charles. “I would also like to thank my mother, who always supported me and believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. To Steve McQueen, you made me who I am today, and I wouldn’t be standing here if it weren’t for you. You took me under your wings and flew me into the stars. To my incredible cast and crew, you’re the real heroes here, thank you, thank you. And last but definitely not least, to my fans. The best fans in the world who are always there, showing their love and support. I love you all beyond words can ever express. And remember, fight for your dreams, follow your dreams, become your dreams and never give up. Thank you, goodnight,” Erik waved and heard another round of applause as he and Hathaway were escorted to the side of the stage.

“Okay, I need to sit down for a moment,” Erik whispered, conveniently finding an empty chair a few feet away. He fell into it, the statue suddenly feeling a hundred times heavier in his grip.

“Well done, you definitely deserved it,” Anne patted Erik’s shoulder as he caught his breath.

“Thank you,” he smiled, looking up. “Uh, do I keep this with me, or do they keep it for safekeeping? It’s my first rodeo.”

“Probably not your last,” Anne chuckled. “You can keep it for a while then give it back to them to store until you’re leaving, or till you want to take it back whenever.”

Erik nodded, looking at the golden man in his hand. “I’ll keep it for a bit, I’m sure Charles would like to hold it,” Erik chuckled.

“Sounds like quite the man you found yourself, Lehnsherr,” Anne winked. “I’d like to meet him.”

“After-party,” Erik promised.

Erik finally found the strength to stand up and walk back down after the next award was given out and a short break was announced. People patted him on the back as he swerved through the crowd, spotting Charles and the cast about ten rows away. Approaching Charles, wearing a huge smile and the statue in hand, Erik practically lifted the smaller man and spun him around. Charles’s loud laughs blasting into Erik’s ears made him even happier than he already was.

Still lifted in Erik’s arms, Charles managed to bring his face close to Erik’s, bracket his face with own hands and press his lips against the taller man’s, running his thumbs over Erik’s ginger beard.

Erik parted his lips, allowing Charles in. He tasted the professor on his tongue and smiled through the kiss. Desperate for air, they broke apart, Erik lowering Charles back to solid ground. Charles’s hands, however, didn’t move from Erik’s face. He stared directly into his eyes, the blue eyes exposed much passion and want, it took Charles’s breath away once again.

“I knew you’d do it,” Charles whispered, leaning in, resting his forehead against Erik’s.

Erik stayed silent, closing his eyes and enjoying the intimate moment. Charles’s breathe hitting his skin, his strong arms around his body.

“And thank you, that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.”

“It’s all true,” Erik smiled, pecking his lips against Charles’s quickly.

“I feel the same way,” Charles said, running his hands over Erik’s chest. “I just—I can never find the right words.”

“I know it, believe me, I know it,” Erik kissed Charles’s forehead tentatively.

“Alright,” Charles pulled away, clapping his hands together. “Where’s the man of the hour?”

“Lame, Charles, lame,” Erik teased, but lifted the statue.

“Oh, my goodness, it’s gorgeous,” Charles gasped, carefully taking it from Erik’s grip. “You did it. I am so proud of you.”

\---

After the award show was over, the hoard of people moved from the auditorium into a huge bar, the biggest Charles and Erik had ever seen. It was slightly decorated—not overly done, filled with loads of tables and chairs and now people. Erik returned his award for safekeeping until the end of the night.

Everyone, of course, was all over Charles, courtesy of Erik’s heart melting speech. Charles wasn’t as nervous as he was before, everything was coming together naturally, and falling into place. He wasn’t intimidated by the big names talking to him or for better wording, practically drooling over him. He was just being himself and they seemed to be falling in love with him, as well.

Charles was currently talking to McQueen and Lupita, holding a glass of whiskey on the rocks, standing in the middle of the room, throwing his head back with laughter from something Steve said.

Erik was standing in the corner of room, with a perfect view of Charles. He was also holding an identical glass of Charles’s drink, with a smile on his face. He was so into Charles, he didn’t notice when Logan knocked his shoulder against his.

“Stare a little harder, would you?” Logan whispered in Erik’s ear.

Erik chuckled. “Well, at least it’s not a secret that I’m in love with him.”

“Now the entire world knows,” Logan teased.

“I’m totally fine with that. Charles is all that matters anyway.”

Charles started looking at Erik over Lupita’s shoulder, taking a sip from his drinking, sending a wink to the taller man with a smirk.

Erik’s smile widened, shaking his head and taking his own sip.

In that moment, Erik fell in love with that man all over again.

“Oh, man, get a room you two,” Logan rolled his eyes.

“We just might,” Erik chuckled.

“Go get him,” Logan patted Erik’s shoulder.

Erik nodded, making his way towards his boyfriend and friends.

“And he arrives,” Charles wrapped his arm around Erik’s waist.

“I never left,” Erik pressed a kiss to Charles’s hair.

“You two are just adorable,” Lupita couldn’t control commenting.

\---

They spent the rest of the night drinking, laughing and even dancing. Having a few moves that took Erik by surprise, Erik made Charles promise to give him private dance lessons when they’re back home, to which Charles happily agreed.

“That—that was quite a night,” Erik stumbled into the elevator behind Charles. He nearly dropping the golden statue when his foot his Charles’s making Erik laugh even harder.

“Oh, my God, be careful,” Charles laughed, snatching the statue from Erik’s hand. “You need to treat this with more caution, my friend.”

“ _Friend_?” Erik repeated. “We’re friends now? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” he broke out in more laughter.

“Boy _friend_ ,” Charles emphasized, joining in Erik’s laughter.

“You’re so drunk,” Erik booped Charles’s nose.

“No, you are,” Charles bumped his head against Erik’s chest.

The elevator dinged and opened on their floor, both men staggered out a second before the elevator doors shut. Erik dug his hand into his pocket and with trembling hands, somehow managed to slide the keycard into the slot and the lock turned green. It’s the right room, good for them, of course.

“This looks like our room,” Charles tipped his shoes off and placed the Oscar next to the television.

“It is, the key opened, it didn’t…set off an alarm or…something,” Erik did the same with his shoes. “Does it do that? If you use the key on the wrong room?”

“I don’t know,” Charles chuckled. “Maybe we should try it!” Charles gasped.

“No, no, that’s not a good idea,” Erik laughed, trying to take off his jacket.

“Come here, you big doofus,” Charles walked over and stood behind Erik, helping him take off the jacket.

Once the jacket was on a chair, he turned the bigger man around, undoing Erik’s bowtie and pulling the dress shirt from his pants. Charles slowly began unbuttoning the shirt with shaking hands and a huff of air.

Erik’s hands made their way into Charles’s hair, and then took the professor’s face into his hands, running his thumbs over both cheeks with a smile.

Charles peeled the shirt off Erik’s skin and let it fall to the ground. His hands rested on Erik’s bare chest, feeling goosebumps under his fingers. He slowly caressed the skin, leaning down and placing wet kisses to Erik’s collarbones, moving down his chest. It felt exhilarating to finally give Erik what he’s been giving him all along.

Erik closed his eyes, marveling at the sensation of Charles’s lips on his skin. He’s been yearning for this moment for so long. Erik began running his hands through his boyfriend’s mess of hair.

“Charles,” Erik whispered.

“Hmm,” Charles smiled, still pressing kisses all over Erik’s exposed skin. He then took Erik’s face into his hands and smashed his lips against his own.

It didn’t take Erik a second to part his lips and taste Charles on his tongue. Charles started pulling on Erik’s hair, a moan escaped from the bottom of his throat, making Charles pull even harder. The kiss turned heated, teeth clashing together, tongue tangled in one electric storm.

As soon as they separated, Erik ripped Charles’s suit off, followed by his tie and shirt and ran his hands over Charles’s chest and back. The scars already felt familiar to his touch, but still, even in his drunken haze, Erik paid extra attention to the damaged skin. He leaned down, licking the scar on Charles’s chest slowly, feeling the uneven skin under his tongue.

Charles shivered when a sigh escaped Erik’s lips and collided with his naked body, he tightened his hand in Erik’s hand, further encouraging the man. Kneeling down on his knees, Erik got the hint and moved to another long healed gash on Charles’s stomach. He looked up for a second, and saw Charles throw his head back and bite down on his bottom lip, breathing rapidly through his nose.

“E—Erik,” Charles’s voice trembled. “Please.”

Erik placed a couple of tender kisses along the scar before getting back to his feet and resting his hands on Charles’s shoulders. “No,” he said calmly.

“What?” Charles’s eyes snapped open.

“No, not like this. We’re barely lucid, and I would hate to not remember out first time together. I want to remember every detail.”

“But,” Charles tried.

“No. Besides, the first time should be at home, in our bed, not in some hotel room across the country.”

“Our bed?” Charles replied, a smile appearing on his face.

“Yeah,” even in the barely lit room, Charles could see a blush color Erik’s cheeks. “I mean, if you want it to be. I’ll be home now, no more traveling, and if I do, you could come with me and—”

“Erik, you’re babbling,” Charles cut the man, he knew Erik babbled when he was nervous. It was quite adorable, actually. “I would love for it to be our bed, and our home.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Charles smiled, bringing his lips to Erik’s.

They were slightly less drunk than they were when they first entered the room, but still, they were pretty damn intoxicated. Mostly with each other, but the alcohol consumed during the party had a role to play in their current state, as well.

“Lets go to bed,” Erik suggested.

“Yes,” Charles nodded.

Both men stepped out of their pants, now only in their boxers and not bothering to put on shirts, they slid under the bed covers. Once they were comfortable—Charles’s head tucked under Erik’s neck, his arm around the actor’s chest and Erik’s arm resting on the small of Charles’s back.

“Today was a beautiful day,” Charles kissed Erik’s bare chest.

“Yes, it was. Thank you for being here,” Erik kissed Charles’s head.

They both drifted off to sleep, wrapped together in a heated mess of tangled limbs.

\---

Charles rubbed his still-closed again and suppressed a yawn. He was happy to see that Erik was still next to him when he opened his eyes. He didn’t want to wake the sleeping man, so he remained completely still.

“Morning.”

“Oh, you scared me,” Charles shifted. “How did you know I was awake?”

“You tensed up. Too careful to not move.”

“Well, I didn’t want to wake you,” Charles moved around, turned his head to face Erik.

“You didn’t,” Erik leaned, placing a quick kiss to Charles’s lips. “How are you feeling?”

“Hungover,” Charles chuckled.

“You’re telling me,” Erik joined in. “My head is on fire.”

“Mine, too. There has to be something around for us to take.”

“I might have something in my bag, I get into situations like this quite frequently,” Erik almost got up, but paused, looking at Charles.

“What?”

“How much do you remember of last night?”

“Uhm,” Charles raised his eyebrows, and then remembered. “Ah, this is about the moving in. Don’t worry, I remember that,” Charles assured his boyfriend.

“Good, cause if you didn’t, I’d have asked again,” Erik smiled.

“I’m sure you would have. Now get up and find us some painkillers, I won’t survive the plane trip with this headache,” Charles rolled over, pushing Erik out of the bed.

They were in the lobby checking out of the hotel two hours later, and heading towards the airport.

“Do you think anyone is still here?” Charles asked, referring to Erik’s co-stars.

“I have no idea, but Logan told me he’s staying here till tomorrow.”

They spotted people from the previous night here and there, and gave them the occasional wave until everything was set and they were packed up in the car.

“I can’t wait to go back home,” Erik said, taking Charles’s hand into his.

“Yeah,” Charles said absentmindedly, looking out the window as the city rolled away.

“Hey, you okay?” Erik said, concern coating his voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Charles turned, giving Erik a small smile. “I’m fine.”

That one wasn’t entirely true. Charles was okay, but he wasn’t fine. He didn’t allow what happened back in New York affect this trip because he knew how much it meant to Erik and he didn’t want to mess that up. And he was away, and if it were up to him, he’d stay away. But he’s going back. And he’s terrified. The only thing he can think about is what is waiting for him back home. Not what—who. Shaw. And he had no idea what to do about it or what to expect. He highly doubted Shaw had moved on, he had just found Charles and he was pretty sure Shaw had more planned. Shaw was known for what they called, _perfectly planned techniques_.There is no way in hell Shaw just wanted to make a surprise appearance in Charles’s life and then disappear. Charles could bet his life there was more behind it. And he might as well do that. Charles sighed internally and swallowed, moisturizing his suddenly dry throat, dreading going back home. He felt like he was going to throw up just thinking about Shaw and what was possibility waiting for him beyond JFK airport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes! Okay, I think Fassbender totally deserved that Oscar so in my reality, he totally got it! Also, the line about Epps being 'the biggest asshole on screen' and Erik's reply, 'if you're going to be an asshole, you might as well be the biggest one' is actually taken from one of the red carpet Oscar interviews with Fassy. Thought it would be fun to add it! And drunk Erik and Charles are my everything. Sorry for the abrupt ending, as you may have read above, I had to separate this chapter into two, so I tried to make it as smooth as possible! Keep an eye out for the next chapter!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Charles take their relationship to a never level. And the unexpected happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! As promised, the next chapter is here! I can't say much here without spoiling much but look, rating change! More to say in the end notes! I hope you enjoy this one, and feedback is greatly appreciated!

 

The plane landed around seven in the evening.

Erik and Charles were walking out of the airport by seven-thirty.

They were walking side-by-side through the crowd of people, each dragging their bags behind their feet. Charles stopped walking, but unaware of that, Erik continued towards the garage. He looked to his side, feeling that something was out of place and didn’t see Charles. Suddenly paranoid, Erik started looking around frantically, spotting Charles about twenty meters behind him. He quickly made his way back.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Erik frowned.

“Nothing, just,” Charles sighed.

“What, Charles?”

“It’s nothing, really, I’m just tired. Come on, let’s go.”

Erik remained silent and didn’t move a muscle, wearing an unimpressed expression.

Charles sighed once again, running his hand over his face. “I’m scared he’s out there. Watching. Waiting. Doing whatever he does. I’m scared,” Charles admitted.

Erik’s face softened, as he took Charles’s hands into his own. “He’s not going to touch you again, ever. I promise. I know it’s scary knowing he’s out there, but there’s nothing we can do. We don’t stop our lives. We’ll be careful, we’ll be on the look out, but we can’t stop. I’m going to protect you.”

“Yeah, okay, you’re right,” Charles squeezed Erik’s hands and dropped them, gathering himself and straightening his body.

“Ready?”

“Yeah,” Charles nodded.

“You wanna go back to our place first or yours to get your stuff?” Erik asked as they walked towards his.

“Eager, are we?” Charles teased.

“I can’t help it,” Erik smirked.

“Lets go to the mansion so we don’t have to worry about that later,” Charles decided.

\---

They drove to the mansion in silence, Erik knew Charles was looking at every person who passed by to make sure they weren’t wearing the haunting face of Shaw. He gave him his space, knowing it’s the only thing that will help him. So Erik let him and didn’t disturb him, hopefully Charles will be more comfortable in a day or two.

It wasn’t until they reached the mansion that Erik patted Charles’s thigh gently, stealing him from his blurry haze.

“We’re here,” Erik said calmly.

Charles’s head shot up then turned to Erik. He gave him a small, half-hearted smile and stepped out of the car.

Erik stayed behind for a few moments, watching Charles walk up to the front door through the windshield. He sighed heavily, not knowing what to do or say to make his boyfriend feel better. He collected him and joined Charles just as he pushed the heavy door open.

They heard footsteps rushing towards them and prepared for the coming female attack.

“You’re back!” Raven exclaimed, running into Charles’s arms.

Charles was forced to take a few steps backwards to balance himself from his sister’s sudden impact. “Yes, yes, we are,” he chuckled, holding her tight.

“I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too,” Charles kissed Raven’s cheek when they pulled apart.

“I knew you’d win it,” Raven turned to Erik with a smile. “I’m so happy for you!” She wrapped her arms around the actor.

“Thank you, Raven,” Erik smiled, returning the hug.

“You know, I told him you’d take the Oscar when we first saw the film,” Raven said.

“Really?” Erik raised an eyebrow, pulling away.

“Yup, I got some powers,” Raven chuckled.

“Ah, Moira!” Charles said, as the woman walked in on them.

“Hey,” Moira smiled, pulling her best friend into a hug.

“It’s so good to see you,” Charles breathed, tightened his arms around her.

“How’ve you been?”

“Good, good,” Charles pulled back. “Erik’s been taking very good care of me.”

“I’d except no less,” Moira smiled at Erik.

“Erik, this is Moira.”

“I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Erik approached the female professor, giving her a hug.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, too. And congratulations!” Moira exchanged, returning the hug.

“Should I get your bag?” Raven asked once no one was attached to another person.

“Ah, no,” Charles shook his head. “I’m actually here to pack.”

“Pack what?” Moira asked with confusion.

“My stuff, I’m moving in with Erik,” Charles smiled.

“Oh, that’s great!” Raven smiled.

“I’m gonna be home now, no more traveling, so I thought it was be fitting,” Erik adding.

“And it is,” Charles stretched his neck, kissing Erik’s cheek.

“That’s great, I’m happy for you. And proud,” Moira nodded.

“Don’t worry, alright?” Charles took his sister’s hands into his own, seeing that she was a little uneasy. “We’ll still visit all the time, you won’t even notice that I’m gone,” he promised.

\---

“Home sweet home,” Erik announced, pushing the apartment door open and switching on the light.

“Home sweet home,” Charles echoed, walking in behind Erik.

They had managed to transport all of the bags in one trip, not needing to go back down once again. Charles was about to drag his bags up the stairs when Erik spoke.

“I’ll take care of it,” Erik’s hand landed on Charles’s, stopping him.

“It’s no problem,” Charles attempted.

“It’s fine, really. I got it.”

“You spoil me too much,” Charles crooked his head to the side.

“If I don’t, who will?” Erik winked. “Wait for me upstairs,” he smacked Charles’s round ass playfully, making the professor jump.

“Yes, sir,” Charles smirked and practically ran up the stairs.

Charles spread his body on Erik’s bed and watched as the other man brought up all the bags. Charles kicked off his shoes and took off his socks just as Erik sat down on the bed, catching his breath. Charles threw his legs over the side of the bed and got up, taking a few steps and then fell to his knees in front of Erik. He slowly untied his boyfriend’s shoes and tossed them, along with his socks, to the side.

Erik looked down, smiling at Charles. It was a simple gesture with a deep meaning. Erik grabbed Charles’s face between his hands and pulled him up for a tentative kiss. It started as a thank you but gradually turned into something so much more. It became fiery, hot impulses firing through their bodies as both men fiercely fought for domination. Erik tangled his hands in Charles’s hair, pulling at it and scraping Charles’s scalp with his nails, driving the professor mad.

Not breaking the kiss, Charles pushed his hands underneath Erik’s hoodie and light shirt and moved his hands up and down Erik’s sturdy chest, running his index finger along the lines of his well-formed abs. He then slowly maneuvered his hands up Erik’s chest and steadily flicked his nipples with his thumb. Once. Twice. Three times.

Erik threw his head back at the sudden gesture, breaking the kiss and gasping for air. He started to breathe deeply, Charles continuing torturing Erik with his hands on his chest. Charles took the opportunity of Erik’s exposed neck and covered the skin with his mouth.

Charles scrapped the soft skin with his teeth, making Erik suck in another gush of air. Charles smiled and started to suck around Erik’s Adam’s apple, his hands traveling in Erik’s hair and pulling it backwards to give himself more access.

“Oh, God, Charles,” Erik wheezed out.

Charles broke away for a second, pulling Erik’s clothes over his head and discarding them to the side. He ran his hands up and down Erik’s chest once again and took one of Erik’s nipples into his mouth and whisked his tongue over it. Erik’s eyes rolled back into his head, as he found it was hard to breathe. Charles gave the other nipple the same attention soon after.

Taken over with want and need, Erik sprung to his feet, taking Charles up with him. He undressed Charles from his hoodie and threw it with his on the ground. He turned them around and pushed Charles back on the bed. They barely had time to catch their breath when Erik covered Charles’s body with his own and claimed his lips. His knee rested on the mattress between Charles’s thighs and he could feel the professor’s heart beat against his own heart, thudding in sync.

Erik swirled his tongue around Charles’s mouth, tasting pizza and beer and _Charles_. He took Charles’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucked on it, running his tongue over it a few times, back and forth. He watched as Charles’s face fell apart, and felt his heart rate jump. Erik turned his attention to Charles’s jawline, pressing wet kisses along his face structure.

“Erik,” Charles whispered.

“You like that?” Erik breathed into Charles’s ear before taking his earlobe between his teeth. Simultaneously grinding his hips against Charles’s, their already-hard lengths twitching for attention together. The fabric between them was too much to bear.

“Oh, my God,” Charles gasped. “M—more, pl—please,” he begged.

“Shh, relax,” Erik cooed. “There’s no rush, we have all the time in the world.”

“I need more,” Charles heaved.

“You’ll get everything you need, I promise. Just take it slow.”

Erik knew Charles hasn’t done this in a long time. He may have had sex, but this wasn’t just sex, it was more than that. Erik didn’t want this to be just two men feeding their sexual needs with a quick fuck and that’s it, let’s call it a night. No, he wanted it mean so much more, he wanted them to be connected in every way possible on a much bigger scale than just physically. So, yeah, maybe Charles had a one-night stand here and there, but this is not that. Erik wasn’t sure that Charles had come to that conclusion just yet so he slowed down, gathering his breath. There wasn’t a doubt that the last relationship Charles was in was with Shaw, and he wasn’t even sure if it was sex or lovemaking between Charles and Shaw. Perhaps Shaw never took the time to make Charles feel beautiful, because oh God, Charles is the most beautiful thing Erik had ever seen.

 _Used and broken_ , Charles had said when he showed Erik his scars. Used. It started to seem less and less likely that Shaw did anything to praise and adore Charles through the years, with the probability that he had used Charles’s body for his own needs and desires. Like a sex machine. Charles was Shaw’s personal sex machine and it disgusted Erik beyond words.

Charles wasn’t just abused physically and emotionally, but sexually as well. Even though he might not have known it, but the way Charles sits uncomfortably in his skin, Erik knew it. Erik vowed to show this man how incredible and worthy he really is. He’s going to make him feel like one of a kind, because he definitely is.

“How long has it been?” Erik asked.

“What?”

“How long has it been?”

“Why does that matter?” Charles tried to pull Erik down.

“It matters,” Erik resisted. “Look at me. Charles, _look at me_.”

Charles slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Erik.

“It matters. I don’t want to hurt you,” Erik spoke with sincerity in his eyes.

Charles took in a couple of deep breaths and swallowed before answering. “Months, it’s been months,” he ran his hand up and down Erik’s arm, feeling the flexing muscle under the skin.

“Okay,” Erik nodded. “I’ll be gentle. But if at any point, you’re in any kind of discomfort, let me know. Don’t hold out on me.”

Charles nodded and reached out for Erik once again, pulling him down. This time, Erik happily pressed his lips against Charles’s in a kiss that was over too quickly, and then went back to cherishing Charles’s neck and chest.

“You’re,” Erik kissed Charles’s chest, “so,” he moved down towards his stomach, pressing a kiss to his abs, “beautiful,” Erik pressed the final kiss just above Charles’s sweatpants, making the man under him shiver with excitement.

Erik sat up, sliding his fingers between Charles’s sweatpants and boxers. He looked straight into Charles’s eyes, giving him all the chances in the world to back out if he wasn’t ready. Erik didn’t want to force Charles into anything he didn’t want to do, so he remained completely still until Charles gave him the slightest nod and Erik pulled down the sweatpants.

He let them fall and leaned back into his original position between Charles’s thighs and went back to kissing his chest. He sucked on his nipples eagerly, giving them a slight graze with his teeth as one of his hands palmed Charles’s dick through his boxers. Erik smiled when it jerked happily in his hand.

“You’re such a tease,” Charles breathed, knotting his hand in Erik’s hair.

“I know what I’m doing,” Erik said briefly, and went back to Charles’s body.

“Please,” Charles’s breath shook, his dick aching with need.

Unable to control his lust any longer, Charles’s plea pushed Erik over the edge and he yanked the professor’s boxers down and wrapped his palm around Charles’s length, giving it a few pumps before releasing it, making it hit against Charles’s stomach.

“No, _no_ , don’t—Erik,” Charles chocked.

Erik moved up Charles’s body, aligning their lips together. “You are an exquisite being, Charles,” he pressed his lips against Charles’s.

“ _Erik_.”

Erik dipped his head and took in the head of Charles’s dick into his heated mouth, sending Charles’s head back against the pillow.

“Yes, yes,” Charles chanted. “M—more.”

Bit by bit, Erik started taking in Charles, licking his way up and down. He’d get off with a wet pop, before taking the meaty dick once again. He started to suck harder and harder, working his hand along with his mouth.

“My _God_ ,” Charles belted.

Erik smiled, bobbing his head up and down, giving Charles’s member one final stroke and running his tongue over the professor’s silt. He swallowed the pre-come leaking from his boyfriend’s dick.

“Erik, no, more, more,” Charles complained when the steam of Erik’s mouth left him.

“Shh, the best is yet to come, trust me,” Erik whispered in Charles’s ear.

Suddenly and without any warning, Erik found Charles on top of him wearing a smirk.

“My turn,” Charles immediately went for Erik’s sweatpants and boxers, tugging them both down in one move. He was greeted by the actor’s swollen, hard dick, which he gracefully took into his mouth. Unlike Erik’s technique, Charles took in as much of Erik as he could.

“ _Fuck_!” Erik yelled, one hand fisting the bed cover under their bodies and the other twisting in Charles’s hair.

Erik was too big for Charles to deep-throat, so instead, Charles pulled away, soaking the dick with his saliva, with one hand pumping Erik agonizingly slow and the other hand massaging his balls.

“W—Who’s a tease now,” Erik managed to speak.

“Hmm, you’re gorgeous,” Charles smirked and ducked his head, taking in Erik once again.

After warned Charles that he was too close to the edge, Erik was once again on top, working his way down the smaller man’s body. He started to massage Charles’s ass, getting closer to his hole, making the man shudder under his touch.

“Just do it,” Charles demanded.

“What did I say about taking it slow?” Erik let go of the round ass and got off the bed.

“Wait, what? No, come back,” Charles grabbed Erik’s arm.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Erik chuckled. “I’m just grabbing a few things,” he opened the nightstand drawer and tossed a bottle of lube and a condom next to Charles.

“You keep them in your drawer?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“Where do you keep them?”

“Bathroom.”

“Well, they were in the bathroom, but then I moved them here.”

“Since when?”

“Since I met you,” Erik smirked, getting on the bed and sitting on top of Charles, with a leg on either side of him.

“Really?” Charles’s arms went around Erik, his fingers clasping together behind his back.

“Uh-huh,” Erik leaned down, covering Charles’s mouth with his own. He slid his tongue inside Charles’s mouth and sucked softly on the other man’s tongue and lips.

Erik pulled away and grabbed the lube, settling his body below Charles’s ass. He poured a good amount of the cold liquid onto his fingers and moved it around, warming it up a little before bringing one finger to Charles’s entrance.

“Take a deep breath, and relax for me, okay?”

Charles nodded and took a few deep breaths.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Bit by bit, Erik pushed his finger inside Charles, feeling the friction against the skin even with the amount of lubrication. Charles hadn’t been opened up in a very long time, and any hurry would cause more damage than good. Erik wasn’t going to take the man until he was absolutely sure he was ready.

Erik heard Charles’s breath hitch and felt the ring of muscle contract around his finger.

“Alright, alright, I know it must feel weird, just take a second to get used to it,” Erik sang.

“Y—Yeah, just give me a second,” Charles exhaled, concentrating on his breathing and trying to relax his body.

In an attempt to help his boyfriend relax, Erik pressed tender kisses to his inner thighs.

“That’s it,” Erik encourage, feeling Charles relax around him, giving him the chance to push his finger deeper.

Once his entire finger was inside Charles, Erik started moving it around, examining the flesh around, and stretching Charles from the inside. He hadn’t expected Charles to be this tight, but he is going to do this right. He pulled out his finger a little, before easing it back in, repeating that a few times, his finger went in and out smoothly. There was still tension in the rim of muscle, but it wasn’t as uptight as when he first started.

Confident enough to add another finger, Erik pulled out his first finger entirely, much to Charles’s displeased huff, and coated his fingers with some more lube, replacing the dry liquid. He then started slowly pushing two fingers into Charles, the man automatically spreading his legs further, trying to make it easier, and quite possibly faster.

“That won’t make me go any faster, babe,” Erik said, knowing what Charles was up to.

“I have n—no idea what you’re going on about,” Charles replied innocently.

“Sure you don’t,” Erik chuckled. “Seriously though, you haven’t done this in a long time and any misguidance or rush could cause damage and I won’t allow that.”

“But—“ Charles complained, unconsciously tensing up around Erik’s fingers.

“No need to get worked up, we’ll get there, no one needs to get hurt,” Erik ran his free hand up and down Charles’s thigh.

It took Charles less time to relax, Erik started scissoring the hole with his fingers, slowly but surely, working him open.

“How are we doing, Charles?” Erik took a peek at the man under him.

“G—good,” Charles nodded, shutting his eyes tight and biting his lower lip. “I need you, Erik, now, please.”

“Almost there, babe, almost there.”

Charles tried to reach out for his dick to touch himself but was abruptly stopped by Erik.

“In a bit,” Erik moved, locking Charles arms over his head.

“ _Erik_!” Charles yelped loudly when he felt a third finger being pushed inside him, expelling the air from his lungs.

“Deep breaths,” Erik released Charles’s arms and rested his palm on top of his stomach instead, feeling the rapid rise and fall of his chest. “Almost there.”

It took Charles around thirty seconds to control his breathing, meanwhile, Erik expanded his hole and made sure there wasn’t an inch of friction. Erik then purposely hit Charles’s prostate, making the man see twinkly stars.

“Oh _God_ , do that again, do that again,” Charles mumbled incoherently.

Smirking, Erik continued pleasuring Charles with his fingers, working his magic, really. He leaned up, planting kisses all over Charles’s stomach.

Once Erik was completely satisfied with his job, and absolutely sure that Charles was opened up with no risk of damage, he pulled his fingers out and received an irritated grunt from Charles.

“Good stuff is a second away,” Erik whispered, pressing his lips against Charles’s.

Charles cupped the side of Erik’s face and pushed his tongue into the actor’s mouth, licking his teeth and tongue and every bit of his mouth.

“Yes,” Charles smiled.

Erik returned the smiled and pulled back, grabbing the condom pack and tearing it open with his teeth. He rolled the condom on and squirted some more lube in his hand, covering his dick with the liquid. He then positioned himself along Charles’s hole and looked up, waiting for the go-ahead. As soon as Charles nodded, Erik, ever so steadily, began entering Charles.

It felt nothing like having his fingers inside the man, now he could feel the tight barriers of Charles around him as he pushed in, the heat radiating inside Charles, burning him up. It felt like forever until Erik was buried inside Charles, his hips resting against the professor’s pelvis. Erik let out a strangled moan, starting to pant slightly. He remained unmoving, giving himself and Charles the chance to get used to the foreign sensation, something they both haven’t felt in a long time.

Taking a deep breath, Erik pulled out halfway and went in again. He repeated a few times, paving the way for himself.

“Faster,” Charles begged.

Erik responded by pulling himself out entirely and thrusting deep into Charles without warning, a heavy synchronized moan escaped their lips.

Charles’s eyes flew open at the impact, his mouth hung open, his pupils blown with lust and desire.

“Yes, Charles, look at me,” Erik heaved.

Charles redirected his eyesight and glanced in Erik’s eyes, finding the same level of passion and arousal in him.

Erik rocked himself back and forth, gradually thrusting in deeper and harder every time. Charles’s nails dug into the flesh of Erik’s back, leaving trails of red scratches, which only made Erik pick up his pace. The sound of flesh colliding with flesh echoed in the room, along with expressions of pleasure and want dropping from the couple.

“Fuck, fuck,” Charles tried to reach for himself, to give himself the push he needed. He was almost there, his dick pulsing feverishly in his hand.

“No, not yet, babe, not yet,” Erik panted, restraining Charles’s arms over his head once again.

“I c—cant, Er—Erik, I need t—to, I—I,” Charles squeezed his eyes, a tear rolling down the side of his face.

“Wait for me,” Erik wiped away the stray tear with his thumb.

Erik was on edge a few thrusts later, giving Charles the permission to let go. Charles didn’t even need to touch himself, his body arched up against Erik’s as he spilled his seed, yelling Erik’s name. The white fluid decorated both their chests as Erik held him through the climax yet still pounding into him. Witnessing Charles reaching his high gave Erik the final push, not having enough time to pull out, alternatively, Erik sunk all of himself in Charles and leaned forward, burying his face in the smaller man’s neck as he exploded inside him, the chant of Charles’s name muffled by his skin. Charles tightened his arms around Erik’s shaking body, steadying him through his peak. Erik heaved against Charles’s skin, trying to regulate his breathing. He pressed a few soft kisses to the salty skin before falling next to Charles, his softened dick slipping out of the professor. Erik quickly removed the condom and tied it off, letting it fall to the ground. He’ll deal with it later, but right now, he has to take care of the man lying next to him.

“Charles, how are you feeling?” Erik panted, gazing up at the ceiling.

No response from Charles.

“Charles?” Erik frowned, instantly turning to his side, his hand jumping on Charles’s chest.

“I’m here,” Charles whispered, blinking slowly.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I—” Charles turned his head to face Erik, a lazy smile snuck on his face. “I’m amazing, you’re amazing,” his eyes foggy with love and affection, he was still plainly high from the rush, but he meant those words. “Haven’t felt this good in my entire life,” the words barely slipped his lips.

“You’re amazing,” Erik bent down, giving Charles a quick kiss. He started to get up but Charles grabbed his arm. “I’ll be right back, let me get a towel to clean us up.”

“No,” Charles whispered sleepily. “Stay, don’t go.”

“Charles—“

“I don’t care if we’re sticky, at least we’ll be stuck together.”

“Did you really just say that?” Erik raised an eyebrow. “You’ve got no idea what you’re saying, do you?”

Charles wiggled his eyebrows with a smile.

Sighing, Erik pulled the cover from under Charles and covered them up. Automatically, Charles snuggled into Erik’s side, throwing his arm around the larger man’s waist.

“You’re going to regret this tomorrow,” Erik warned. “Last chance.”

Words somewhere along the lines of ‘I don’t care’ were the last thing he heard from Charles before the man passed out.

Erik chuckled and ran his hand through Charles’s sweaty hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead before drifting off himself.

\---

Charles woke up a little after ten and saw Erik unpacking in the corner of the room. Much to his disappointment, Erik was wearing red plaid boxers.

“Morning,” Charles yawned.

“Hey,” Erik turned his head over his shoulder and slightly frowned at the man in his bed. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

“Jerk,” Charles threw a pillow at Erik.

Erik laughed, blocking the fluffed object with his hand. “How’d you sleep?”

“Like a baby,” Charles ran his hand over his chest, his eyebrows knotting with confusion.

“I cleaned you when I got up,” Erik shrugged. “Used warm water so you wouldn’t wake up.”

Charles threw the cover to Erik’s side and got out of bed, reaching out for his own boxers and slipping them on before falling to his knees behind his boyfriend. He wrapped his arms around Erik, pulling him into his chest.

“What do we have here?” Charles looked over Erik’s shoulder.

“This is laundry,” Erik pointed to one pile of clothes, “and this is more laundry,” he pointed to the other pile. He looked over his shoulder to see Charles wearing a rather baffled face. “If I put them all in one pile, they’ll be off-balance and topple over.”

“Ah, genius Erik Lehnsherr,” Charles teased.

“Come here, you,” Erik chuckled, turning around and taking Charles in his lap. “Hi,” he smiled.

“Hi,” Charles smiled back, and started running his hand through Erik’s hair, gazing into his blue eyes, the professor’s eyes roamed all over Erik’s face, marveling at the beauty between his hands.

Erik closed the gap between them, claiming Charles’s mouth with his.

“I want to stay here forever, right here, not changing a thing,” Erik sighed, his forehead against Charles’s.

“It would be perfect,” Charles agreed.

Unfortunately for both men, Erik’s ass started to go numb and Charles’s back started to cramp, so their little cuddle was over.

“I need to take a shower,” Charles said, pushing himself up from Erik’s lap.

“I can join,” Erik smirked.

“I’d love that, but I’ll have to be wheeled out because my legs won’t carry me after that,” Charles shrugged.

“ _Jerk_ ,” Erik sent the same pillow flying towards Charles.

“I’ll be quick.”

“I’ll make us breakfast,” Erik got to his feet.

“I thought you didn’t have anything?” Charles stopped in the doorway.

“I went out for a second, bought eggs, break, milk and soda. Omelet?”

“Omelet sounds good,” Charles nodded before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

“Wheeled out, my ass,” Erik said under his breath.

\---

As promised, breakfast was being served just as Charles walked into the kitchen.

“Just in time,” Erik smiled.

“Smells delicious,” Charles pulled out a chair and sat down.

“Tastes even better,” Erik winked, sitting across from Charles.

Charles took a bite and melted at the taste in his mouth. “This is perfect.”

“It’s German, my mother’s recipe,” Erik took a bite of his own.

After they were done, Charles opened the fridge and grabbed a soda can, he popped it open and jumped up on the kitchen counter. “I have to pass by the university today,” he took a sip from his drink.

“Don’t you have a few more off days?”

“Yeah, I do,” Charles nodded. “I just want to check on the students, see how many professors they ran off,” he chuckled. “I’ll be there for two hours, max. You won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“Oh, I’ll notice,” Erik kissed Charles’s cheek.

\---

Charles parked his car in his designated space and in the university’s garage and got out. He looked around the semi-full area, seeing no one around. Makes sense, it’s midday, classes are going on, if someone didn’t come today, they’re not coming. Charles locked his car and pulled his phone from his pocket, occupied with sending a text Erik to tell him he’s at the university as he promised, he didn’t hear the footsteps approaching behind him. A sharp pain hit him on the head, blurring his vision. He dropped his phone and the next thing he knows, he’s falling to the ground. The impact of his head hitting the asphalt sent him swirling into infinite darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaaaay, so that happened. Here's the thing, though, I don't have a problem writing angst or fluff, but with smut...I feel like I'm missing the hit completely. Maybe it's my asexuality but I hope it wasn't that awkward, and I really hope you guys managed to read through this. Anywho, I'll try to finish up the next one quickly and not torture you all with that ending. I hope you enjoyed!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik, Raven and Moira rush to figure out what happened to Charles. What they find, however, doesn't ease their mind one bit. In fact, it does the complete opposite. They say it gets worse, then a lot worse before it starts to get better. This is the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So, this chapter is a little shorter than previous ones and you'll understand why when you read it. Also, we're back to angst and panic. I know a lot of people were anxious for this one because of last chapter's ending, so here it is! I was planning on posting it tomorrow but because I've heard such amazing things from you all, I decided to give you a little gift. Anywho, not to keep you waiting too long, I hope you enjoy this one and feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> Just a reminder if you want to get in touch with me for any reason (whether to ask about the story or just to talk - which I would love) you can reach me on tumblr at michael-fassbender or on twitter at michaelfassys. I usually update the writing process on twitter if you're interesting in following me there. I'm always on those two sites. :)

Erik decided to clean up the apartment a while after Charles was gone, needing something to distract himself. Then he would cook dinner for both of them as soon as he bought some real groceries. He ended up dusting the tables and airing out the living room and placed the golden statue inside a glass cupboard hanging on the wall. Once he was satisfied with his work, he fell down on the couch and checked the time. He’s been cleaning for a little over thirty minutes. Well, perks of having a super simple apartment, he thought. Charles has been gone for a little over an hour and a half. Erik never received that text Charles promised him, but he knew his boyfriend probably got caught up with the students, Erik reminded himself. He said he’d be gone for two hours, so he’ll ring the doorbell in half an hour. Nodding, Erik pushed himself off the cough and jogged up the stairs, remembering the abandoned laundry he was sorting this morning. He checked his phone, still nothing. Shrugging, telling himself leaving a message won’t hurt, he unlocked his phone and touched Charles’s name from the call log.

“Hey, babe, it’s me,” Erik spoke when he got Charles’s voicemail. “I know you’re probably with your students, I just wanted to check in and see how everything was going. Call me when you can,” Erik nodded and hung up.

He took a deep breath and tossed his phone on the bed, gathering the clothes in his arms and walked into the bathroom. There, he found even more clothes in desperate need of washing. He spent the next thirty minutes sorting the clothes into two piles: colored and white. He then put the white load into the washing machine and turned it on. Noting the machine was working smoothly, he returned to his bedroom, fell back on the bed and checking his phone. No activity appeared on his lock screen. Sighing heavily, he ran his hand over his face and exhaled. There’s nothing to be worried about, he told himself. Nothing to be paranoid about, he tried to convince himself. Needing something to take him away from his twisted, pessimistic brain in situations like these and preventing himself from going crazy, he got dressed and headed out to the supermarket. He needed to buy things for the surprise dinner he’s throwing for Charles tonight.

Time skipped by while Erik was buying the groceries, now Charles was gone for around five hours. Erik pushed the apartment door open and walked, plastic bags in his hands. He shut the door with his ankle and walked into the kitchen, putting the bags on the counter. Calling Charles again, he reached his voicemail once again, Erik didn’t leave a message this time, he hung up and officially worried now, called Raven instead.

“Hey, Erik,” Raven answered.

“Have you heard from Charles?” Erik got to the point.

“Uh, nope. We didn’t talk today. Why?”

“He said he needed to pass by the university this morning and that he’ll be there for two hours, tops. It’s been five.”

“Maybe he got held up?”

“That’s what I thought, but he’s not picking up, I just get his voicemail,” Erik sighed.

“Um, okay, okay,” Erik could hear the worry starting to creep up in Raven’s voice. “Moira’s at the university, I’ll send you her number and check with her. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.”

“Okay,” Erik nodded. “I’ll keep you updated.”

Thirty seconds after hanging up, Erik received a text from Raven with Moira’s number. Erik pressed the phone to his ear as it rang, praying that she wasn’t in a class.

“Hello?”

“Moira, it’s Erik.”

“Oh, hey, Erik. What’s up?”

“Have you seen Charles today?” Erik asked, dreading the answer he’ll get.

“No, I haven’t,” Moira thought back. “I only had one class this morning, but no, I didn’t see him. Why?”

“He said he was passing by the university for two hours, and it’s been over five now. I tried calling him but it keeps going to voicemail,” Erik explained.

“Let me check his classroom,” Moira said, walking towards Charles’s classroom. “Hang on,” she told Erik. Moira kept Erik on the line as she knocked on the door and poked her head in. “Sorry for the interruption, Professor Munroe, I was wondering if Professor Xavier passed by today?”

“No, he hasn’t,” Professor Munroe shook her head, along with some other students.

“Is everything alright?” Jean spoke up.

“Yeah, I’m sure everything’s fine,” Moira gave her a quick half-hearted smile. “Thank you,” she nodded at the female professor and retreated her head, closing the classroom door. “He hasn’t passed by his students, they haven’t seen him,” she informed Erik on the phone.

“What? Where the hell is he?” Erik let out a frustrated sigh.

“I’ll call you back.”

“What? Moira, don’t hang up on me!”

“I’ll check something, I’ll call you back in a couple of minutes.”

With a racing heart and sweaty palms, Moira hurriedly made her way towards the garage. It was the only place that will tell her if Charles really came to the university. She didn’t know whether she was more worried to find his car there, or to find his parking space empty. Her decision was made for her when she saw his car parked. Her heart dropped in her knees when she saw Charles’s phone on the ground next to a pool of blood. With shaking hands, she redialed Erik’s number.

“Erik,” Moira’s voice quivered.

“What did you find?”

“You, uh,” Moira swallowed. “You better get here.”

“What’s wrong?” Erik felt his own heartbreak increase.

“Just get here.”

Erik hung up and dashed out the door, running down the stairs as fast as his legs would carry him. He got into his car and sped towards the university. He could feel his heart beating in his palms against the steering wheel.

\---

He and Raven arrived at the same time—Moira had called Raven as soon as she hung up with Erik. They exchanged worried looks, jogging towards a pacing Moira.

“What is it?” Erik asked, breathless.

Moira looked up at Erik but remained silent. She stopped moving and stepped to the side, revealing Charles’s phone and the blood.

“That—that’s Charles’s car,” Erik whispered. “Is—is that his phone?” Erik moved towards the car and bent down.

“Don’t touch it!” Raven stopped Erik.

“Why not? It might not be his phone,” Erik defended, and then realized how stupid his claim was.

“You’ll contaminate the, uh, the crime scene,” Raven sighed.

“Crime scene?” Erik repeated, his eyebrows shooting up. “Is this what this is?”

“Yeah,” Moira nodded.

Erik didn’t have time to respond, the wailing sirens closing in tore his attention from the phone.

“I called it in, they’re sending Azazel and his partner,” Moira told Raven.

Raven nodded slowly, in a haze. Her brother is nowhere to be found and she couldn’t believe they were going through this all over again. They barely survived the first time, their chances aren’t looking too good this time, either.

Two NYPD squad cars and a black Jeep made their way down the garage slope and came to a stop a few feet away from the shocked humans. As they were told, two men exited one of the squad cars and walked towards them.

“Erik, this is Detective Azazel and his partner, Detective Janos,” Moira introduced the men. “They were the lead detectives on Charles’s case against Shaw.”

Erik nodded, absentmindedly shaking their hands.

“We need to secure this area, it’s a crime scene,” Azazel ordered an officer.

The officer nodded and grabbed the famous yellow tape, using the garage columns to identify the crime scene boundaries.

Erik watched as the crime scene investigators put on their gloves, grabbed their kits and ducked under the yellow tape. He followed as one of them slides Charles’s cellphone into an evidence bag and take a swab of the blood, packing and securing the soaked cotton away safely.

“Detective,” the crime scene investigator—Messer—called Azazel over. “Based on the dry edges and clotting, I’d estimate this blood has been here for five to seven hours.”

Azazel nodded, looking over at Moira. “Moira, how long did you say Charles has been gone?”

“Five and a half, maybe six hours,” Erik answered instead.

Azazel nodded again and turned to Janos when he heard him calling.

“Partner, look at this,” Janos held up a note. “It was stuck under the wiper.”

Azazel stood next to Janos and read the note: _You’ll never see him again._

The detective sighed and rubbed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Bag it, have it dusted for fingerprints.”

Erik was watching the detective closely, seeing his sudden discomfort made the pit in Erik’s stomach grow bigger and hotter. Not able to handle being pushed to the side anymore and kept in the dark, Erik walked over to the yellow tape. He didn’t slide under it, but he was standing right behind it. He didn’t know if stepping into a crime scene was breaking some kind of law and he really didn’t want to risk it. He can’t help Charles from prison.

“What’s that?” Erik asked, seeing the note being stored in a crime scene kit.

“Excuse me?” Azazel frowned.

“What’s that? In the bag? I want to know,” Erik demanded.

Azazel exchanged a quick look with Janos before moving under the tape and facing Erik.

“Look, I know you’re worried about Charles. But I can’t discuss evidence with civilians.”

“Like hell you can’t!”

Raven quickly walked towards the men, and pulled Azazel to the side.

“Raven—“

“No, you listen to me,” Raven cut the detective, giving her back to Erik. “That man isn’t just any civilian, okay? Charles is back to normal because of him. Normal. As in look-at-me-I’m-happy normal. I thought Charles would never be back to normal. Erik put him back together, and he has no idea where the hell Charles is and he’s freaking out. Keeping him in the dark and pulling that ‘it’s an ongoing investigation’ crap on him is not the best idea and I do not recommend it.”

“But it _is_ an ongoing investigation, Raven.”

“If you don’t keep him in the loop, he will go on his own. He can do that and compromise the entire investigation. Erik will do anything to find Charles, and damn the consequences, believe me. Tell him as much as you can, I don’t care how little that is. But tell him something.”

“He and Charles are together?” Azazel looked at Erik over Raven’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “But it’s so much more than that.”

“He loves him.”

Raven nodded. “I mean, I thought no one would be able to fix what happened Charles. You were there those months after, you saw. But by some kind of miracle, Erik came along and my brother was back,” Raven’s eyes filled with tears.

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay,” Raven wiped away a falling tear. “I have to believe you’ll find him. I’d be falling apart right now, but I’ve been here before, I have to keep it together. For Charles, and for Erik. He seems like he’s keeping it together but he’s crumbling inside, I can see it. We can’t both break, not at the same time. What was in the bag?”

“A note, it was stuck under the wiper. It said ‘you’ll never see him again’.”

“I don’t need to tell you who’s behind this.”

“I know who’s behind this. But we need evidence.”

“Go get it,” Raven nudged his head towards the crime scene. “Go easy on Erik.”

Azazel nodded his head and walked over to Erik. “I hear you’re very special to Charles,” he cleared his throat. “I’ll keep you in the loop, I’ll tell you as much as I can under one condition.”

“Anything,” Erik nodded.

“Don’t even think about acting on what I tell you. Don’t go out on your own looking for answers. It won’t only compromise the investigation, it might even put Charles in more danger. If you do anything along those lines, I will arrest you for obstruction of justice.”

“You and I both know who did this.”

“I know,” Azazel nodded. “But we can’t go after him without the evidence. We’ll get everything to the crime lab but it will take at least a day for the results to be out, unfortunately.”

“At least a day?” Erik bellowed. “You said it yourself, Charles is in danger. That monster has done enough.”

“I’m on your side, trust me. I will do everything in my power to get Charles back to you.”

“I hear you guys can’t promise anything because you don’t know if you can keep it.”

“Nothing is one hundred percent certain,” Azazel sighed.

“You found him before, though. You can find him again,” Erik said with desperation.

“We’ll do everything we can,” Azazel promised. “It was a note stuck in the wiper. He wanted us to find it. From what I can see around here, he didn’t bother hiding his tracks.”

“So that makes it easy to find him, right? And find Charles?”

“Maybe, but what worries me is that he might be this reckless because he doesn’t care about us tracking him down. Because possibly, he’ll already be gone by the time we do.”

“Gone?” Erik’s voice trembled.

“Or he thinks he’s smart than he actually is.”

“I found something,” Janos announced. He was kneeling on his knees, with his flashlight on the ground, lighting the space in front of it. “Looks like some kind of soil.”

“Collect it for analysis at the lab. They might be able to pinpoint where it came from,” Azazel ordered. “We got this,” he assured Erik.

“You should go home,” Raven approached the men.

“I can’t,” Erik abruptly shook his head. “I can’t go home.”

Raven nodded, understanding why Erik would have difficulty staying there. “Is there anyone you can stay with? You shouldn’t stay here too long.”

“I’ll uh,” Erik looked around, distracted. “I’ll figure something out, if I can’t find anyone, I’ll just stay at a hotel.”

Raven was about to suggest the mansion, but stopped herself before she could speak. The mansion is probably as bad as the idea of Erik going back to his apartment. Now that she’s thinking about, she won’t be able to stay there herself. She’ll likely stay with Moira until they find Charles.

“I should go tell the president what happened,” Moira excused herself from the crime scene and made her way into the building to deliver the awful news.

After making Azazel promise once again to keep him updated, Erik climbed into his car and stuck the key into the ignition. Finally alone, he let himself fall. He started heaving as tears fell from his eyes, resting his forehead on the steering wheel, the tears landing on his thighs. Erik hit his head forcefully against the wheel until his head started to throb with pain. He could feel his chest getting tighter and tighter, unable to push air into his lungs. Knowing he might pass out because of lack of oxygenation, he forced himself to calm down. He took in several deep breaths and shakily let them out. He let his head fall backwards onto the head rest and squeezed his eyes shut. Feeling his hear rate slow down, he opened his eyes and swallowed, an unsuccessful attempt to moisturize his scorched throat. He pulled out his phone and dialed the only person to come to mind: Logan.

“Hello?” A drowsy sounding Logan picked up.

“Fuck, you’re asleep,” Erik breathed. “Nevermind, go back to sleep.”

“Erik?” Logan rubbed his eyes.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Erik’s voice broke.

“What is it?” Logan sat up, Erik’s voice tearing him away from his sleep.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Forget I called.”

“I’m already up, tell me what’s going on. And you know that bullshit doesn’t work on me.”

“Charles, it’s Charles,” an uncontrolled sob escaped Erik’s lips.

Logan was wide-awake now. “What’s wrong with Charles?”

“He—he’s gone,” Erik choked.

“Gone? What do you mean gone?”

“We can’t find him, I don’t know what to do—Logan, I—” Erik was on the verge of panicking once again.

“Erik, listen to me, listen to me very carefully,” Logan spoke harshly to get his best friend’s attention. “You need to calm down, you understand me? You need to control this. Freaking out is not going to solve anything.”

Erik nodded, taking heavy breaths.

“Where are you?” Logan asked, already out of bed and putting on sweatpants.

“The university.”

“I’m on my way.”

“N—no, no, I have my car—“

“Erik, you’re in no condition to drive.”

“I’m okay, really.”

“Come over, alright?” Logan sighed. “And be careful.”

“Yeah.”

Logan hung up with another sigh, running his hand over his face. He had arrived in New York from LA three hours ago. He made the small trip from his bedroom to his kitchen and started the coffee machine. He is going to need it to help Erik through this.

Some minutes later, the doorbell rang and Logan was greeted by a very tired, worn out looking Erik. The bigger man moved to the side, giving space for Erik to enter. Erik lowered himself on the couch and rested his elbows on his thighs, his face resting in his hands. Logan poured himself a cup of coffee and joined Erik on the couch.

“Who took him?”

“Shaw. I mean, they’re still processing the evidence, but I know it’s him.”

“Who’s Shaw?”

Erik breathed out. “Charles was in a relationship with him when he was younger. But the man turned into an abusive bastard. He destroyed Charles. It took years for Charles to get away from him and the man was sent to prison. But right before I leave for the international tour, he was waiting for Charles on the street. That’s why I took Charles with me. I couldn’t leave him alone here knowing that…savage was out there.”

“My God,” Logan breathed.

“It’s my fault,” Erik’s abruptly lifted his face from his hand.

“What?” Logan frowned. “No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is. I told Charles—I promised him that I’d protect him and that that monster would never touch him again and now he’s gone and I broke my promise and I let him down. He trusted me and I failed him and I have no idea where he is right now and I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. Oh God, how did I let this happen…” Erik trailed off, standing up as his hands finding their way into his hair and holding the locks tight, threating to pull out each and every one in pain and agony.

“You couldn’t have known what was going to happen,” Logan said calmly. “You need to understand that, understand that it wasn’t your fault.”

“Charles is gone, Charles is gone,” Erik repeated over and over again, not paying any attention to what Logan is saying. “I had him and now he’s gone. And I’m gone with him.”

“Erik—“

“He can’t be gone,” Erik shook his head, turning to face Logan with tears gleaming in his eyes. “I mean, he can’t be gone. I—I never got to tell him that I love him,” his voice broke. “It’s not too late, right? I’ll see him again, right?” Erik blinked, sending burning tears running down his cheeks. “I can still tell him, right?” He whispered.

“I’m sure he knows that you love him,” Logan spoke, not knowing what else to say to ease Erik’s throbbing pain.

“It’s not the same! I need for him to know, I need to tell him. I need to.”

The idea of his life without Charles was far too agonizing to even think about. Erik felt his heart slowly ripping into pieces in his chest and all he wanted to do was reach in and tear it out of his body. Throw it on the ground and stomp on it with all his power until there was nothing left. Well, his heart is being raided on in this very moment, the only difference is that it is still in his chest, in his body, each forceful thud expelling strength from Erik’s body. Until there was nothing left in him. Charles was his heart and his will and his soul and he is gone. Erik is gone, too.

Knowing his legs won’t carry him much longer, Erik fell back in his place on the couch. “He felt something was wrong, when we were in the airport. I thought he was just being paranoid and I pushed it to the side. I was the fucking idiot who dismissed his fears and told him we needed to keep going.”

“That’s a perfectly reasonable thing to say, Erik. And you were right. You two couldn’t live on hold because of the possibility of something happening. It wasn’t written in front of you and you ignored it. You were helping him move past it.”

“Yeah, and look where me being right and helping him move past it got us. I will never forgive myself if—“

“Don’t go there,” Logan stopped Erik. “Don’t do that to yourself.”

“It’s already done, Logan. I can feel myself turning to ash. He’s my everything, my _everything_. I don’t know how to be me without him. I don’t even remember what my life was like before he was right there in that coffee shop. It’s all a blur before that day.”

A moment of silence.

“Yesterday was perfect. We…we become one and he fell asleep in my arms and I woke up before him and I watched him sleep. Watched him dream, his eyes fluttering under his closed eyelids. He looked so peaceful and so beautiful,” a small smile crept on Erik’s face, remembering. “I wanted to keep him there, in my arms forever. I wanted to protect him from all the evil of the world. He survived so much, overcame so much, and after all that, he gets thrown into it all over again. How is that fair? How—how…”

“It’s not,” Logan shook his head.

“I should have been there.”

“You’ll be there, you’ll be there. They’ll find him, and you’ll hold him again and you’ll help him recover. You’ll move past this together. This is not like last time, this time he has you. That is all you need to think about. You’ll get Charles back.”

\---

Erik and Logan were leaning back in the couch, their feet on the table in front of them. The television was on but neither one of them were paying much attention to the moving images. Erik only realized his phone was ringing when Logan answered it, putting it to his ear. Erik sat up, thinking it might be a call from Azazel or Raven.

“Hi, babygirl,” Logan spoke.

Not Azazel or Raven then.

“Logan?”

“Your sister,” Logan told Erik. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“They just told us what might have happened to Professor Xavier. Is it true?”

“Looks like it, yeah,” Logan sighed, looking over to Erik.

“Oh my God. Does anyone know anything? Does Erik know?”

“No one knows anything for sure, and yeah, your brother knows.”

“Just when I thought it can’t get any worse,” Allie sighed. “Do you think I should stay with him until they figure it out? I’m sure my friends won’t mind if I’m gone for a while.”

Allie had called Erik during his international tour and told him that she’s moving out and going to live with a couple of her friends. Erik had told her they’d discuss it when he was back, but his sister had already cleared it with their mother. Defeated, Erik agreed, but was still going to talk to her about it. However, that conversation didn’t happen. And most likely, never will.

“No, you don’t have to do that. He’ll be staying with me until Charles is back,” Logan said clearly, saying there will be no negotiation on this matter.

“Yeah, that’s good,” Allie agreed.

“I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.”

“I know you will.”

“You wanna eat or drink something?” Logan offered after hanging up with Allie.

Erik stayed silent.

“Ah, the silent treatment. You know where the kitchen is, then.”

\---

The first thing Charles felt opening his groggy eyes was the huge pounding lump sitting on the back of his head and the dried, sticky blood on his face. He tried to shake his head to get rid of some of the headache but only succeeded in making it worse. He came to lift his hands, trying to rub his cheeks but they wouldn’t pass his chest. He was bound and attached to the floor. Charles slowly looked up, only now occurring to him that he had absolutely no idea where he was.

A dark, windowless, tiny room. Or at least, that’s what Charles could make out.

His vision still hazy, he tried to move from the cold ground. Unable to carry his own weight, he crashed hand on both knees, a pained hiss escaping his mouth. He swallowed down, his throat unbearably dry, the panic starting to rise in his body. He pulled hard on the metal binding him to the concrete ground, but unfortunately being as weak as a feather, the metal didn’t budge. Losing all hope, he fell backward, his back against the hard wall. He let a strangled sob leave his chapped lips. He knew they’d be bleeding in no time.

Charles wrecked his brain, trying to remember where he was or what he was doing before waking up in this dungeon-like place. The last moment Charles could piece together was having breakfast with Erik. Yes, Charles remembered that very clearly but it didn’t feel like the _last_ thing he did before somehow ending up here. Something was missing. The puzzle wasn’t complete.

Whatever memory Charles had or was about to retrieve scattered away when the heavy squeaky door was pushed open and a black silhouette of a large figure met Charles’s eyes.

“Ah, good that you’re awake,” an all-too familiar voice spoke.

Charles’s blood instantly turned to ice.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three days. Charles’s situation. The ongoing investigation. Erik becoming a mess. Getting some answers that aren’t enough.
> 
> PLEASE READ THE CHAPTER NOTES.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Okay, this chapter was very difficult to write because it’s very angsty and very violent. This warning might gave away a little of the plot of this chapter, but I have to warn you all. This is a violent chapter, with various methods of torture; emotionally, physically and psychologically. And there is a lot of blood. Please please if anything like that might trigger you (i.e. domestic abuse, rape, acting out on rage, etc.) you can message me (on here, or tumblr at michael-fassbender or twitter at michaelfassys) and I’ll tell you what mainly happened in this chapter without all the graphic violence. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy this chapter (and forgive me) and feedback is more than appreciated!

Day One:

“What’s the matter, Charles?” The large man kneeled down, his eyes burning into Charles’s body. “You’re not going to say how much you’ve missed me?”

“You’re not going to get away with this,” Charles said through gritted teeth, preventing his voice from shaking.

“Ah, dove,” the man straightened his body, standing tall above Charles. “I already have.”

Charles swallowed hard, trying to hide the shiver rushing through his body.

The man kicked a half-full water bucket towards the cuffed man. “Drink,” he ordered.

Charles spat on the floor next to the bucket.

“All right, then, no more human treatment for you,” the bucket disappeared from the room.

 _Human treatment?_ Charles thought. _There is nothing human about drinking from a bucket. Kneeling on all four. Like a dog._ In one rough move, Charles’s head was being pulled backwards by his hair. He bit down on his tongue hard, tasting the metallic blood in his mouth.

“You’re so…resentful. What happened to you? What happened to the Charles I owned? What? Did you forget about all the fun times we had together?” The man whispered lowly in Charles’s ear, pulling harder on his curly hair.

“He grew up,” Charles sneered.

“More fun for me,” the man pushed Charles forward, watching as he crumbled to his hands. “I’ll be back later, I have quite the agenda in store for us,” the man turned his back and walked out, the door thudding behind him.

Charles remained motionless, trying to grasp the situation he was in. His fear and unsettlement were right, that tiny voice in the back of his head was right, all along. He wasn’t safe, and here is the proof. His worst nightmare was now a reality. And time, this time he doesn’t have a single chance of escape. Charles slowly pulled his knees into chest and wrapped his arms tightly around them, trying to keep himself warm. His face fell between his knees, a soft sob escaping his wet lips. They were bleeding. The only thing the professor could bring himself to care about is the fact that he never got the chance to tell Erik that he loves him, and the way things are turning out, he feared he’d never get that chance. Sebastian Shaw has yet stolen another irreplaceable thing from Charles Xavier.

\---

Erik’s eyes flew open, his arms soaring in the air in defense as he felt someone’s hand landing on his arm.

“Whoa, whoa,” Logan stopped Erik’s arms from punching him in the stomach. “It’s me, relax.”

Erik abruptly looked around, remembering he was in Logan’s apartment. He sighed, running his hand over his face. “Sorry, I, I didn’t sleep well.”

“I know,” Logan nodded. “You were twisting and turning every five seconds.”

Erik narrowed his eyes at his best friend and spotted the pillow and blanket sitting on an armchair near the couch. “You—?”

“I couldn’t risk you waking up in the middle of the night and going on a murderous rampage,” Logan shrugged. “You drifted off and I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. It’s no big deal, I’ve passed out on this chair a lot. We’re practically married,” he tried to lighten the mood.

That earned him a tiny smile from Erik then it was gone. “What time is it?” He yawned.

“Early.”

Erik’s eyes roamed over his phone.

“Nothing,” Logan told him. “I kept my ear with it.”

Erik nodded, falling back on the couch backrest. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, and slowly exhaled trying to gather his thoughts. Opening his eyes, he found Logan in his face, holding a mug that smelled like coffee and a plate with a few butter biscuits sitting in it. Logan spoke before Erik could argue.

“When Charles is back, he’ll never forgive me for how weak you would have gotten, and I don’t want to face the wrath of your boyfriend, so drink this and eat. I’m not negotiating,” Logan shoved the mug and plate into Erik’s chest.

 _When Charles is back_ , Erik repeated in his mind, making him feel a little bit better. Like there was still an ounce of hope. He reluctantly took a small bite of the biscuit and drowned it down with a sip of coffee. It all tasted very foreign.

\---

Charles was unaware of how much time had passed when Shaw resurfaced, opening the heavy door and dragging a chair behind him. It looked like the man was here to stay this time. Shaw stretched his arm and flipped a switch, the sudden light filling the room startling the professor. So there was light, just light that Charles would never be able to reach. Charles took the chance and peeked behind Shaw’s body, trying to get any idea where on earth he could possibly be. He wasn’t given any answers, the space beyond the room appeared to be just as dark and gloomy as the room he’s being held in. More than that, there were no windows for him to find out if it was morning or night. He didn’t know what time it was. He didn’t know what day it was. He didn’t know where he was. And he was cold.

“You’re a coward,” Charles spat.

That grabbed Shaw’s attention, a vile smile spread on his face. “Oh, is that the case? What are you, then? Did you already forget about our time together? I’m offended. Need I remind you, Charles, you couldn’t leave. You needed me to disciple you, you needed me to keep you on a leach. And seeing that you’ve changed, I guess I’ll just have to start from the beginning again,” he got close to Charles’s face, inspecting it before speaking again. “You’ve been free for too long, Charles. You need to go back to the beginning. I need to take you to the start, to know your true place again. You’re nothing but a bitch, my bitch.”

“They’re going to find you,” Charles said blankly, looking into Shaw’s lifeless eyes.

“No, they won’t.”

“I’m going to tell you now what you told me back then when I found my senses, you’re a waste of space. I was scared from you because I didn’t know any better. But right now, I see right through you. You prey on others to feel something, to convince yourself that you’re a human being but you’re not and you’re dead inside,” Charles said with a faint tone.

The sound of Shaw’s palm colliding with Charles’s cheek echoed through the small room, tearing the pale skin apart.

“Charles, Charles,” Shaw panted. “I don’t know how I feel about this new tone of yours.”

Charles felt the blood slide down his cheek. “Get used to it.” Suddenly, he was pinned to the wall behind him, Shaw’s hand around his neck, cutting off his trachea. He clawed at his capturer’s hand, digging his nails into Shaw’s flesh, struggling to breathe.

“I’m playing nice, Charles,” Shaw whispered. “Don’t make me change the game plan,” he released Charles’s neck, letting the man fall to the ground.

“Why don’t you just kill me already and get it over with? I’m right where you want me,” Charles heaved.

“Kill you?” Shaw scoffed. “I’m not going to kill you, Charles. Getting you back is all I’ve wanted since, you know, you sent me to prison. I’m not going to kill you.”

“Then what the fuck do you want from me?”

“You took away everything away from me, everything. So it’s my turn to take everything away from you. Everyone you love, your sister, your best friend—what’s her name, again? Oh, right, Moira. And that actor you’ve found yourself—Erik? Yeah, Erik. I hope you said your goodbyes because they’re never going to see you again. Your life as Charles Xavier is over. You’re nothing now, you’ll be nothing tomorrow.”

“They’re going to find you, and they’re going to kill you,” Charles promised.

“Oh, right, those two detectives. They’re going around in circles. Don’t think all the connections that your boyfriend has can do anything to find you, either. I forgot to tell you, he looked really shaken up at the crime scene. He was loud and angry, he didn’t look that good, either. But, you know, he’ll move past it. They all will. They’ll be sad for a few days, but they’ll forget about you. Everything leaves, that’s the reality, Charles, and you, you’re no different. They’re no different. They’ll realize how much pain you caused them, and they’ll want nothing to do with you anymore. Their lives will be happier without you. And well, when they all leave you,” Shaw sighed, “I’m the only one you’ll have. I’m just saving you the trouble here. No one is coming for you, Charles. You’re dead to them now.” Shaw remained silent for a few moments before standing up, kicking the chair out of the way. “And one more thing, you ever call me a coward again,” the swung his leg and drove it into Charles’s chest, “you’ll beg for me to end your miserable, sorry-excuse of a life.”

Sebastian Shaw walked out, shutting the door behind him and leaving Charles gasping for air.

\---

If there was one word to be used to express how Erik Lehnsherr was feeling in this very moment, ‘happy’ would be on the other side of the spectrum, or maybe, on a completely different spectrum. Desolate sounds like a better fit. Erik hadn’t moved an inch from his seat on the couch since he woke up this morning.

Logan was buzzing around him, keeping himself occupied so he wouldn’t huddle and breathe down Erik’s neck, which the actor really didn’t need right now. The larger actor managed to clean up the place a bit, dispose of all the alcohol in his apartment (he really didn’t need another drunken Erik situation on his hands) and threw together a quick pasta meal for lunch or dinner or whatever. He just needed Erik to eat something.

“Want some pasta?” Logan offered. “Red sauce, your favorite.”

Erik gave him a small shrug of his shoulders.

Taking that as a ‘yes’ since no string of dispute left Erik’s mouth, Logan nodded, serving some pasta into a plate and handed it to his best friend. He watched as Erik poked the food a few times.

“It’s not going to bite you, I promise.”

Erik huffed, swirling the pieces of pasta on his fork and took a small amount into his mouth.

Logan observed as Erik took another few half-mouth full bites, and satisfied Erik will finish at least half his plate, he served himself some and joined Erik on the couch. Logan flipped through the television, landing on Animal Planet, hoping some cute baby animals would cheer Erik up a bit. They ate in silence, neither one of them paying attention to the cute baby animals.

\---

Charles was starting to feel the bruises forming on his cheek and the blood drying on his face. He was sure there was another nasty bruise sitting on the top of his ribs, still making it hard to breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut when he heard footsteps approaching and the door was yanked open.

“To think I was having a good day,” Shaw yelled. “Why can’t people do as they’re told!”

Charles sat back and watched as Shaw did his thing. Needless to say, he was quite used to this. Now that is the Shaw he knows. And knowing Shaw, Charles braced himself for what’s about to happen.

And Charles was right. With no warning, Shaw’s fist flew into Charles’s face, sending a river of blood running down the professor’s nose. Charles slowly flexed his jaw, shutting his eyes at the pain spiking in his cheek.

“All those years and I see you haven’t changed a bit,” Charles said with a mouthful of bright red blood.

“I loved you! I loved you, Charles!”

“ _Loved me_?” Charles scoffed, a string of blood flowing from the side of his mouth. “You classify this—” Charles pulled up his bound hands in front of him and kept them in the air, “—as loving me?! You beat me nearly to death and you say you loved me?! Then I would hate to see what you would do to someone you despise,” he hissed.

“You ungrateful whore!” Another punch landed in Charles’s stomach. “I gave you everything! I cleaned up your sorry ass! I made a human being out of you when no one would take a second look and how do you repay me?! You send me to prison! And for what?! For taking the time to turn you into who you were yesterday?! Renowned Professor of Genetics Charles Xavier! I made Professor Charles Xavier! Do you think you would be that if it weren’t for me? No! I fucking made you!” A kick here, another kick there.

“I made myself,” Charles said through clenched teeth.

Shaw let out a frustrated howl and with pretty much all his force, kicked the professor in his chest.

The sound of something cracking vibrated inside of Charles’s head.

\---

Erik reached out for his phone and dialed Raven’s number, unable to think about anything else.

“Hey,” Raven answered after a couple of rings.

“Hey,” Erik replied with a sigh. “Any news?”

“I just got off the phone with Azazel a while ago, the evidence is still being processed so their hands are tied,” Raven explained, sounding just as tired as Erik.

“I can’t believe this. They know damn well who took Charles and they’re sitting on their fucking asses doing nothing.”

“I know, believe me, I know.”

“Each minute that’s wasted, the chances of getting Charles back decreases and it’s just so fucking frustrating,” Erik blew out. “I can’t just sit around and do nothing, Raven.”

“Erik,” Raven warned, remembering Azazel’s ‘threat’.

“I know, I’m not gonna do anything, I’m not stupid.”

“Never thought you were.”

They slipped into silence, neither one knowing what to say or how to say it.

“I’m so tired,” Raven sighed, breaking the peace.

“Yeah, me too. Can’t sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Erik sighed. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay. It still all feels so surreal. I forget some times and I reach for my phone to call him but then…”

“I keep thinking he’s going to walk through the door any moment. That would work, except that he doesn’t have a key and I’m at Logan’s and I don’t know where he is. I was going to give him a key tonight, actually,” Erik’s voice broke, but he pretended to clear his throat to cover it up.

“How are you doing?” Raven asked.

“Barely hanging on,” Erik answered honestly. “Logan’s pretty much stuffing food down my throat with his fists. I’m surprised I’m somehow keeping it all in.”

“No appetite, I know. But you gotta keep your strength. We can hear anything at any time.”

\---

“I need to go to my place,” Erik looked at Logan a couple of hours later.

“Why?”

“I need to get clothes and stuff, and I bought groceries that are still on the counter.”

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” Logan asked with concern.

Erik sighed, unsure how to answer.

“Okay, how about I go and grab your stuff and put the groceries away?” Logan suggested.

“Can I wait in the car? I don’t want to be here alone.”

“Yeah, okay, sure.”

They arrived at Erik’s apartment building twenty minutes later, Logan pulled up, aligning the car with the sidewalk.

“I won’t be long, okay?”

Erik nodded in response.

“Do you want anything specific?”

“Just the usual.”

Logan nodded and hopped out of the driver’s seat. He made his way up the stairs and got into the elevator. The elevator dinged and the door slid open on Erik’s floor. Stepping out, he dug his hand into his pocket and grabbed his keys. Once he was inside the apartment, he closed the door behind him and immediately made his way towards the plastic bags sitting on the kitchen counter. Logan was almost done storing everything away in the fridge and cupboards when he heard keys rattling and the front door being pushed open. He popped his head over the counter and saw Erik standing in the doorway.

“Erik,” Logan sighed.

“I couldn’t stay in the car,” Erik looked around. “I don’t know why I’m so scared of coming here,” he walked towards the cupboard that held the golden statue and stared at it for a few moments before painfully tearing his eyes away. It reminded him of Charles. This entire place did. “I was going to make him dinner last night, and give him this,” Erik handed Logan a small box.

Logan opened the box and found a single shiny key inside.

“We’ve been calling it our house for a while, but he never got a key. Now I don’t know if he’ll ever get it.”

“He’ll get it,” Logan closed the box and pushed it into Erik’s hands. “You’ll give it to him.”

Erik gave him a half-nod and placed the box on the living room table. He dragged his legs up the stairs and into his bedroom. He avoided looking at the bed, grabbed a suitcase and stuffed some clothes in there, not even looking at what he’s packing. After he was done in the bedroom, he moved into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror, resting his hands on the edge of the sink.

He looked like crap. His face was colorless, bags of black hung under his eyes, his cheekbones more prominent than they’ve ever been before. He looked older, he definitely felt older. Stretching out his hand to grab his toothbrush, his eyes caught Charles’s toothbrush sitting next to his. A huge lump suddenly cut off Erik’s airway as he struggled to breath, feeling his pulse increase in his palms resting against his skin. With one swift move, he violently swung his arm across the small shelf hanging under the mirror, sending the contents crashing to the ground. Angry with himself at the mess and losing control, he punched the mirror, cracking his reflected image and piercing his knuckles with tiny pieces of glass. Panting, Erik got to his knees with the intention of cleaning up the mess he made, but instead, took one of the bigger shards of glass and crushed it in his palms, slashing the soft skin underneath. He watched as the blood dripped from the wound onto the ground, the throbbing pain rising in his nerves. He didn’t want to hurt himself, but he wanted to feel _anything_. He’s been numb since the day before and it was eating him alive. His inability to feel anything was suffocating him. Erik was so occupied with watching the crimson blood drop and gather on the bathroom floor in a puddle, he didn’t notice Logan rushing in and dropping to his knees on the floor next to him.

“Erik,” Logan extended his hand and touched Erik’s arm slowly not to startle the injured man.

“I—I didn’t—” Erik choked.

“I know, I know,” Logan gently pulled Erik’s fingers outwards, opening his palm. Avoiding getting cut by the shards of glass, Logan started removing the bloodied pieces and throwing them away in the garbage bin. Once he was positive there weren’t any more pieces embedded in his best friend’s palm, he stretched his arm and turned on the water. He stood up and rested one hand on the small of Erik’s back and gradually helped him to his feet.

“It’s going to sting, but just for one second,” Logan told Erik and slowly slipped the red hand under the running water.

Erik hissed when the water ran into his severed skin. At least he was feeling something.

Logan grabbed the towel from the rack and wrapped it tightly around Erik’s palm, applying pressure to stop the seeping blood. Erik attempted to lean back down, but was stopped by Logan’s strong arm.

“Whoa, whoa, where do you think you’re going?”

“I need to clean up,” Erik whispered.

“Don’t worry about it, I got it.”

“N—no, I can’t let you—”

“I’m not asking.”

Erik looked up and into Logan’s eyes. He steadied his body against the sink and didn’t stop tears from rolling down his crumbled cheeks.

Logan squeezed Erik’s shoulder, not knowing what he could possibly say to make it better. He feared nothing would make it better.

Not trusting his legs to carry him, Erik let his body fall against Logan’s, feeling the larger man wrap his arms around his body and told him in place. Erik pushed his face into his best friend’s shoulder and wept, his body shaking with each strangled sob.

Powerless to do anything, Logan opted for running his hand up and down Erik’s back and murmuring comforting words into Erik’s ear. Words he was absolutely sure Erik could not hear over the sound of his own aching sounds.

Erik sniffed and pulled away, drying his now soaked face with his uninjured hand. He moved around Logan’s body and kneeled down regardless.

“Erik.”

“Just—” Erik spoke and picked up Charles’s toothbrush from the ground. “I don’t want to leave it there,” he placed it on the now empty shelf under the mirror.

Logan reached under the sink and found the first aid kit. “Come on, let me take a look at that hand,” he lead Erik out of the bathroom and down the stairs into the living room.

“I just got angry,” Erik explained, sitting on the couch.

“I know,” Logan nodded, falling next to him. He opened the first aid and cautiously unwrapped the towel from Erik’s hand. “Well, I don’t think you need stitches,” Logan inspected the wound. He grabbed the betadine and cotton balls, gently dabbing the cuts, disinfecting Erik’s hand from any germs and preventing infections. He then unpeeled the biggest bandage he could find in the kit (which would cover all of Erik’s palm) and applied it tightly around said palm. He gave Erik’s hand a few squeezes, making sure the bandage was secured.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Logan gave Erik a small smile, packing up the kit. “Did you finish packing?”

“Yeah, the bag is in my room.”

“I’ll get it. We’ll leave in ten minutes, all right?”

Erik nodded and rested his body against the couch.

Logan walked up the stairs and into the bathroom. He stared at Erik’s blood for a few seconds before covering it with the already-bloody towel in his hand. He crouched down and started picking up the broken pieces off the ground. A sudden urge to crush the glass took Logan over and he understood how Erik must have felt. Well, not exactly, but close enough. Logan was angry, too. At himself, at the world. He hated himself for being so fucking helpless to help Erik. He knew Erik didn’t expect him to do anything out of the ordinary because nothing would help right now, and Logan knew that, he did. But that didn’t stop him from wanting to feel useful. He knew he was doing everything he could, but that didn’t stop the guilt from creeping into his heart and poisoning his blood. As for the world, Logan didn’t know where to start.

\---

Day Two:

Charles woke up to the sound of his growling stomach. His right eye is completely shut and swollen, sticky blood dried on his face. He hasn’t had anything to drink or eat since he’s been here and he was too scared to speak, scared to damage his parched throat. His abdomen was constantly in pain, the slightest movement would send hot flares shooting through his body. Charles slouched against the icy wall, breathing heavily. He had lost count how many times he’d been knocked out cold in the past twelve hours. He jumped when the door jolted open, and Shaw walked in.

“Where did we stop before you went all sloppy and drowsy on me?”

“Food,” Charles croaked. “Please.”

“You’re starting to beg, aren’t you? I’m afraid I can’t help you there,” Shaw kneeled down, wearing a smug smile on his face.

Charles started couching violently, feeling blood cover his tongue. “Why don’t just kill me already?” Charles staggered.

“Oh Charles, oh Charles,” Shaw wrapped his hand around Charles’s throat. “I already told you, I’m not going to kill you, I won’t do that. It just seems like I’m killing you, but I’m not. I’m just helping us find our balance and places again.”

Charles grinned his teeth together, trying to send oxygen into his lungs.

“Now let’s continue, shall we?” Shaw took out a knife and dragged it down Charles’s chest, leaving a thin red trail in its wake.

Indifferent to the previous time, Charles screamed until the darkness took over. He gladly welcomed it, silently praying to not wake up again.

\---

They needed to find Charles, and fast.

Erik was withering away in front of Logan’s very eyes, the man helpless to stop the decaying process. Everything that was Erik had disappeared over night, leaving nothing but the shell of a broken man. Emotion had drained from his face, energy seeped through his skin, and it was all replaced with…something. Something Logan could not put his finger on. But Erik, Erik was long gone.

Erik was leaning back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling, completely zoned out. He didn’t bother reaching for his phone when it started to ring.

Logan sighed and grabbed Erik’s phone, answering it instead. “Hello?”

“…Hello?”

Logan quickly checked the caller ID and returned the phone to his ear. “Oh, hi, Raven. It’s Logan, Erik’s friend.”

“Oh, hi, Logan. Is Erik there?”

“Kinda of. He’s zoned out. What’s up? Any news?”

“Actually, yes. I just got off the phone with Azazel and the told me he crime lab finished analyzing some of the evidence, me and Moira are heading to the lab right now,” Raven explained.

“Okay, we’ll meet you there.”

The last sentence grabbed Erik’s attention. He watched as Logan hung up and turned to face him.

“The crime lab analyzed some of the evidence.”

In a heartbeat, Erik was on his feet and rushing towards the door with Logan stuck to his heels.

\---

Erik and Logan met up with Raven and Moira at the entrance of the building that held the New York City Crime Lab. A few minutes later, Azazel and Janos approached them.

“Good that you’re all here, they’re waiting for us upstairs,” Azazel spoke, leading the civilians towards the elevators.

They needed a detective to escort them to the lab, since there are codes needed to be able to stop the elevator on the crime lab floor. They all piled into the elevator and Azazel entered his security code and the elevator started to move. The head of the crime lab, Mac Taylor, and the man who was collecting the evidence at the scene, Messer, greeted them when the elevator door opened. After brief introductions, they followed the detectives into a conference room, and watched as some folders were opened and Taylor began to speak.

“I don’t normally discuss evidence results with civilians because it’s an ongoing investigation, but I’ve been told by Detective Azazel that you’re all close to Charles and have been informed of the consequences of certain actions. That being said, I can tell you that some of the evidence that was collected has been analyzed, while other evidence is still being processed. The blood collected at the scene did turn out to be Charles’s, and the note that was found under on his car was dusted for prints that were a match to Sebastian Shaw.”

“We also gathered the security tape from the university’s garage, and there was one car that drove in before Charles did. We confirmed that it was Shaw through facial recognition, so we have the license plate on alert, it’s running through all databases and we’re searching through traffic cams to see if the car shows up,” added Messer.

“So, what now?” Erik spoke up.

“Now that we know Shaw’s behind this for sure, we have his and Charles’s photos at the train stations, airports, bus stops, everywhere. They’re not getting off this island without us knowing it.”

“Unless they’ve already left,” Raven said.

“We’re doing everything we can,” Taylor promised. “We’ve also got units sitting on all of Shaw’s usual spots, and they will call in anything suspicious.”

“Shaw’s financials and phone records are being tracked and monitored, we’re looking into any activities in the past couple of days and we’ll know if he makes any move.”

“I’m afraid that’s all we have for now, but I will keep you updated with any progress we make.”

Azazel, who once again promised to update them with any news, led Erik, Logan, Raven and Moira out of the crime lab building. Deciding to stay off the streets, Logan offered to head over to his place, getting approving nods from the rest.

\---

Needless to say, Erik was beyond frustrated, huffing and puffing and frantically pacing around Logan’s apartment, wearing a bright red mask of anger.

“They didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already fucking know!” Erik bellowed.

“Erik, they couldn’t just pin it on Shaw without any evidence, even though everyone knew it was him behind it. There’s protocol and rules to follow. They don’t like it, we don’t like it, but it’s how things work,” Logan tried.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Logan! Don’t you think I know that! Don’t you think I know that any small mishap and Charles can be gone forever! Because I sure as hell fucking know that!” Erik stopped striding and looked out the window. “I feel like he’s right there,” he panted. “In front of me but out of my reach. There isn’t a damn thing I can do, not a damn thing.”

Logan approached his best friend, setting his hand on Erik’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

Erik turned around to face Logan, and walked away with a sigh. They all watched as he opened the apartment door and strode out.

Logan was about to follow Erik out, but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

“I got him,” Raven nodded and followed Erik instead.

Raven found Erik sitting on the stairs leading into the apartment building with his face in his hands. She leaned down and sat down next to him.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey,” Erik lifted his head from his hand and rubbed his face.

“You okay?”

“Yeah—no,” Erik’s voice cracked. “He’s the love of my life, Raven. I—” he shook his head, taking in a deep breath and letting it out steadily. “My heart beats for him and I can’t feel it anymore.”

Raven wrapped her arm around Erik’s shoulder, running her hand up and down his arm length.

“A few days,” Erik paused. “A few days ago I had everything planned, I knew exactly how the rest of my life would play out. And he was right there, in my arms, his heart beating against mine. We shared the same beat. I imagined us buying a new house, a big one, on the outskirts of the city with a garden, maybe. And adopt a dog, or two. I’d travel for my job and he’d come with me, we’d see the world together and have the time of our lives. And when we were ready, we could adopt kids. Because I want kids, I want kids with him, I want a family with him, I want to grow old with him. I never thought I would find this, but I did. And now, I—he’s gone,” Erik voice broke. He squeezed his eyes shut, sending salty tears racing down his face.

Raven tightened her grip on Erik’s body, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“He’s probably alone and scared and hurt and I’m sitting here, feeling as useless as I’ve ever felt. I just want him back. Take everything but bring him back,” Erik pleaded.

Raven took Erik’s hand into hers, holding it tightly. “They’ll find him, they will. We have to believe that,” she tried to reassure the man.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Erik sniffed. “This isn’t fair, I mean, he’s your brother before he’s my anything.”

“Hey, no, don’t say that,” Raven ran her thumb over Erik’s knuckles. “You’re his entire world, and that makes me so happy. I always hoped for someone to come along and for Charles to love that someone more than he loves me, and then there you were.”

“I didn’t even tell him that I love him,” Erik shook his head with disappointment.

“You will, you will.”

\---

Day Three:

“Wakey wakey, Charlie!” Shaw barged in on Charles, holding a small box in his hands.

The sudden appearance shook Charles out of his sleeping cycle and he automatically retreated into himself, trying to shield himself from whatever threat Shaw possessed.

“No, no,” Shaw violently untangled Charles from himself. “This is going to be so much fun.”

N—no,” Charles tried to fight off Shaw’s hands, but was too weak to make an impact.

“Yes, Charles, yes,” Shaw gave him a sinister smile and pulled down Charles’s pants. “I missed you,” he leaned in, licking up Charles’s neck and up his cheek.

Charles immediately shivered, and whipped his head backwards, a small yelp escaping his split lips.

Shaw laughed against Charles’s skin, wrapping a hand around the smaller man’s length.

“Relax, Charles, enjoy this. I know that you’ve missed me, too,” Shaw suddenly flipped Charles on his stomach, and pushed an injection into his arm, sending some kind of drug rushing into Charles’s bloodstream.

“W—What are you—” Charles used his remaining strength and pulled his arms hard, slashing the skin around the metal cuffs binding him to the ground.

Pain blazed through Charles’s abdomen when he twisted his chest in a way he was sure did even more damage to his already injured chest. Charles bit down on his lips, sending trails of blood down his chin. With no warning, his breath caught in his throat as he felt something getting roughly shoved into him. Charles gasped, whatever was now tearing through his flesh was too big and too cold to be Shaw. A second later, he was proven right when Shaw replaced whatever thing with himself. Charles felt blood trickle down his thighs.

\---

“Erik. Erik, wake up!” Logan shook his best friend’s shoulder.

“Wh—what?” Erik opened his drowsy eyes, unfocused on the ceiling.

“Get up, we have news.”

Erik instantaneously focused his sight on Logan, his eyes going wide. “What news?”

“We have an address,” Logan grabbed Erik’s zip on jacket and threw it in his lap.

Less than five minutes later, the address was plugged into the GPS and Logan was following the directions.

“Raven called, said they have an address to a house. The lab analyzed the soil left at the scene and cross-matched the chemical formula with the locations of Shaw’s known residences, but there were no hits. They then went through his known associates’ residences instead, and found a house,” Logan explained, maneuvering the car through the light traffic.

“That’s where he’s keeping Charles?”

“That’s what they’re hoping.”

They arrived at their destination to find squad cars, an ambulance and the crime lab team gathered outside the house. Erik practically jumped out of the car before it came to a complete stop, rushing to Raven and Moira’s side, panting heavily.

“They’re going in now,” Raven told Erik.

Erik swallowed, watching the detectives secure their weapons, kick in the door and head inside. Radio silence was ordered, so all he could do was wait.

It took an eternity for two of the detectives to walk back out, taking off their bulletproof vests and holstering their guns. Erik turned his attention back to the door, waiting for someone to carry or help Charles out.

More men walked out, but Charles never appeared.

Unable to control himself anymore, Erik pushed through the crowd of detectives and charged into the house, hearing several people call out his name but not caring to look back. He followed the voices echoing in the empty house, which led him downstairs into the basement, his heart thumbing in his chest. Erik’s legs started to feel heavy, his eyes landing on a small room with no windows.

“I—is that?” Erik spoke, advancing towards the room.

“Erik, you shouldn’t be down here,” Azazel got in his way.

Erik kept walking regardless of the detective in his face, getting close enough to look over Azazel’s shoulder. His heart rate slowed down, his eyes landing on a pool of blood on the ground, and a pair of metal cuffs scattered by its side. Charles was nowhere to be found.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The use of technology finally pays off. Car chases, medical talk, and hopes and dreams. Along with sprinkles of disappointment, frustration, tears, and more hopes and dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Yay, new chapter! I’ve decided since last chapter was pretty /heavy/ I’ll be taking it a little lighter from now on. I know that it was hard for some people to read the last chapter, and you’re all very dear to me so I don’t want to make things difficult because your support and in put means the world to me. So, it won’t be as bad as the last chapter was again. So, this chapter! I can’t say much because of spoilers but they say it’s always darkest before the dawn. Hint, hint! I hope you enjoy this one, and all your feedback is greatly appreciated and it always makes my day! (And if you happen to watch Grey’s Anatomy, keep an eye out for some references!)

When Charles came to, his hands weren’t bound by metal anymore, but they were, in fact, bound by plastic handcuffs instead. And he wasn’t in the dark, suffocating room anymore. He was propped up against a plastic curved wall, with something warm under him. There were also windows around, and sunlight shinning through. He glanced down at himself, seeing that he wasn’t naked anymore. He wore a baggy grey shirt and some sweatpants. He felt dried blood under him. His head still throbbed.

“Glad you’re awake for the trip,” Shaw approached Charles, splashing some cold water in his face.

“Wh—where am I?” Charles sluggishly asked.

“We’re going away, Charles. Far away, where they won’t find us.”

Charles squeezed his eyes shut, a few tears rolling down his colorless face, biting down on his bottom lip to suppress a sob. Maybe Shaw was right. Maybe they’ve all forgotten about him. Maybe no one’s coming. No one is going to find him. Charles’s heart felt heavy in his chest, thinking about Raven and Moira and Erik. Erik, the man he wanted nothing but to spend the rest of his breathing days with. They’re gone, or maybe he’s gone, but everything slipped away. Maybe they finally realized what a burden Charles has been, and isn’t that what he always wanted? For them to see that? For them to move past him and be truly happy? Maybe he finally got what he asked for. This time, though, Charles must live through whatever life left in him in this godforsaken hell. And he accepted it. He was alone. No one is coming.

\---

Azazel led a distraught looking Erik upstairs and outside the house. Logan jogged over, placing his arm around Erik’s shoulder and guided him towards the car, not knowing what to say.

“He’s gone,” Erik whispered, his voice shattered.

Logan sighed, squeezing the flesh on the back of Erik’s neck.

“Boss!” Messer ran towards Mac Taylor, holding an iPad in his hand. “We’ve got movement at the airport. Private plane is currently in taxi, waiting for the go-ahead to take off.”

As soon as Messer finished his sentence, bullet started flying towards the group of cars. Policemen scattered around the area, returning fire. In a matter of minutes, the shooters were either on the ground or fleeing the scene.

“We need to get to the airport, right now!” Taylor yelled, getting into his Jeep and driving off, followed by the squad cars and ambulance.

Erik, Raven and Moira piled into Logan’s Jeep and followed the parade of cars.

Erik prayed they’d get there in time.

Sirens wailing in the streets of New York City gave them a straight shot to the airport in under eight minutes, the streets dancing with red and blue lighting. The cars raced into the hanger and spotted the plane about to take off. Simultaneously, the cops accelerated their speed, getting ahead of the plane. In one smooth move, Taylor pulled the handbrake, sending the car sideways. He watched as the plane kept getting closer and closer, and came to a stop just a couple of feet away from the Jeep. Mac hopped out of driver’s seat, his gun raised in the direction of the cockpit. He signaled for the pilot to kill the engines, which he did. All other policemen, including Azazel and Janos were gathered under the plane, holding out their guns. Logan stopped the car behind the squad cars, but they all remained inside.

A few minutes of silence and stillness later, the plane door started opening, the staircase slowly unfolding. Shaw walked into the frame, one hand behind his back.

Erik felt his blood boil in his veins, his heart racing in his chest. He pushed the passenger door open and got out, walking towards the officers.

“Erik!” Logan tried reaching out for Erik but failed. “Stay here!” He ordered Raven and Moira and went out after Erik.

“Put both hands on your head and get down on your knees!” Mac instructed Shaw. “Don’t think about escaping, there is no way out!”

In a split second, Shaw pulled his hand from behind his back, revealing a gun, pointing it at the men. Before he got the chance to pull the trigger, countless bullets hit his chest, sending his body crashing to the ground.

Erik’s eyes followed as Shaw’s body fell, not feeling as his feet raced forward towards the plane, yelling out Charles’s name over and over. Erik ran up the stairs and jumped over the bullet-filled body and desperately looked around for any sign of Charles. His eyes landed on a small figure tucked near in the far end corner.

“Oh, my God, Charles,” Erik breathed and rushed, kneeling next to the shivering body. “Charles, it’s me, it’s Erik,” Erik didn’t know where to touch Charles, terrified he’d hurt him more than he was already battered.

Erik’s eyes roamed over Charles’s face, the blood decorating the professor’s pale face, his eye swollen shut, and bruises sitting on his cheek. Erik’s own eyes filled with terror and tears, his own hands shaking.

Charles looked up, his sight blurry and hazy, trying to make out the face in front of him. He swallowed hard, trying to breath deeper. _No, it can’t be_ , Charles thought. He must be dreaming because it can’t be. No one is coming for him. It can’t be Erik, it can’t be.

“Charles,” Erik’s voice shook. “Give me anything, anything, I’m here,” he pleaded, still unable to touch the professor.

Charles stared blankly at the apparition in front of him, not believing it was really Erik. However, he slowly built up enough courage to try and call out Erik’s name. “E—Erik?”

“Yes, yes, Charles, it’s me, I’m here,” Erik sobbed, finally taking Charles’s face gently in his hands and stroked his cheeks. He looked down and saw his bound hands, he let go of his face and broke the plastic handcuffs, throwing them to the side and ran his hand through Charles’s damp hair.

“I’ve got you, you’re okay, you’re safe, I’ve got you,” Erik soothed, letting his own tears run free.

“You—you’re really h—here?” Charles croaked.

“I’m here, I’m never leaving you,” Erik rested his forehead against Charles’s. “I’m here.”

Charles took Erik’s jacket into his fist, violent sobs escaping his dry lips. His body shook with the force of each cry. Erik immediately wrapped his arms around Charles’s shaking body, holding him close, keeping him safe in his arms. Charles weakly returned the gesture, intertwined his fingers together behind Erik and let his arms fall to the bottom of Erik’s back.

“It’s okay, Charles, it’s okay. I love you, I love you so much, I’m here,” Erik’s hand pulled Charles’s face into his own neck softly.

“I love you,” Charles trembled, tears staining his cheek.

“You’re okay, you’re okay. I love you, everything is going to be okay,” Erik rocked Charles back and forth in his arms.

“I—I thought no o—one would come,” Charles spoke against Erik’s neck.

“I would have never stopped looking for you, ever,” Erik breathed.

Charles quickly pulled away from Erik’s grip, as if he remembered something. And he did. Shaw. Charles’s eyes flew all over the place, pain blown across his face.

“Charles, relax, relax,” Erik tried to stop the professor from panicking, knowing what was going on inside his head. “You’re safe, you’re—” Erik used his hand to guide Charles chin so he would look him in the eye. “Charles, look at me. Hey, look at me. He’s gone, he’s never going to hurt you again.”

Once Charles’s breathing was somewhat back to normal, he relaxed against Erik’s chest once again.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Erik engulfed Charles in his arms. “I’m so sorry,” he planted a kiss on Charles’s head.

Charles wanted to tell Erik that it’s okay, and it wasn’t his fault, but he couldn’t find his voice.

Erik was so preoccupied with Charles, the commotion around him was nothing more than a blur and slow motioned talk. He only noticed the paramedics waiting to load Charles onto the backboard when a hand was placed on Erik’s shoulder. He looked up to see Logan, telling him he has to let go of Charles so the paramedics can take care of him.

Erik nodded, trying to free Charles from his grip, but the professor was the one who resisted it.

“Charles, listen to me,” Erik’s hands cupped Charles’s face. “Open your eyes, look at me.”

Charles slowly and painfully opened his bloodshot eyes.

“We have to take you to the hospital now—”

“No,” Charles abruptly shook his head.

“Yes,” Erik nodded, “we have to. We have to make sure you’re okay, and the paramedics need to take you now, so you have to let me go.”

“Don’t leave,” Charles begged.

“I won’t, I’ll be there the whole time, I promise. I’ll stay with you as long as I can, okay?”

Charles reluctantly nodded, untangling his hands from behind Erik.

Once he felt Charles pull away, Erik looked up at Logan and nodded.

A few moments later, Erik stood up next to Logan, giving the paramedics space to work. He watched as they carefully laid Charles back on his back and rolled him to the side, sticking the backboard under his body and gently rolled him back. One of the paramedics started an IV line and pushed some drugs through it, and then hung an IV bag while the other paramedic covered Charles’s mouth was an oxygen mask. After taking Charles’s heart rate and blood pressure, they lifted the backboard and carried Charles towards the cabin door.

Erik and Logan walked down the stairs once Charles was secured on the gurney and was being loaded into the ambulance.

Fearing that Charles would start to panic because of his absence, Erik placed a quick hand on Raven’s shoulder (who was currently in shock after seeing her brother’s state) and tried to reassure her.

“He’s okay, I’ll go with him, don’t worry,” Erik nodded and hopped into the back of the ambulance.

Erik took Charles’s hand into his own as the ambulance started to move, Charles weakly wrapping his fingers around Erik’s palm. The paramedic with them in the back started connecting Charles to a heart monitor and increasing the oxygen mask’s output level.

Suddenly, Charles started grinding his teeth in pain, his blood pressure going through the roof, sending the monitor beeping.

“Erik, h—hurts,” was all Charles could say before he started violently coughing bright red blood into the oxygen mask.

Erik’s eyes widened with fear, shooting up to the paramedic. “What’s happening?”

“Where does it hurt, Charles?” The paramedic asked instead.

“Chest,” Charles heaved, continuing his coughing fit.

The paramedic yanked Charles’s shirt upwards and didn’t like what he saw.

“Oh, crap.”

“Oh, my God,” Erik panted, staring down at an alarmingly large purplish black bruise sitting on Charles’s ribs.

“Charles, I need you to listen to me, okay?” The paramedic said calmly. “I’m going to give you something to put you to sleep so I can put a tube in your throat to help you breathe, okay?”

Charles’s eyes went wide with fear at those words, immediately landing them on Erik.

“It’s okay,” Erik swallowed, his hand holding Charles’s tighter, “it’s okay, and I’ll be here the whole time,” he nodded.

The paramedic pushed a sedative into Charles’s IV port and waited until the professor was out, his hand relaxing around Erik’s.

Erik watched the procedure as the paramedic tilted Charles’s head backwards and slipped a tube into his throat, connecting the end with an inflated airbag.

“Tell them he’s got internal bleeding, as well. They’ll have to take him upstairs right away,” the paramedic told his partner.

“Internal bleeding?” Erik repeated with horror.

The paramedic nodded, squeezing the airbag every five seconds. “It looks like a rib was broken, and it might have punctured one of his organs. But it appears the bruise could be around two or three days old, so he’s been slowly bleeding.”

“They can fix it, right?”

“Yeah, they can.”

“Why didn’t he feel the pain before?”

“Either the shock or the adrenaline. Or even maybe it’s been there for a while but because he was stressed it turned into a numbing pain, and when we moved him, he relaxed and that’s when he felt the real pain.”

Erik nodded, squeezing Charles’s unresponsive hand, the heart monitor beeping steadily in the background.

\---

A trauma team was waiting in front of the Trinity General Hospital ER doors for the ambulance to arrive. The back doors were yanked open and Erik looked up to see three doctors in yellow transparent gowns and gloves waiting to receive the gurney. The paramedic who was driving was now pulling the gurney out and the one who was in the back with Erik and Charles was informing the doctors of Charles’s apparent injuries and his status, including his heart rate and blood pressure (which was low—confirming internal bleeding).

A tall, ginger doctor with blue eyes pushed his stethoscope into Charles’s chest and listened for a few seconds before wrapping it around his neck and nodding.

“We have to take him upstairs right away, any scans or x-rays will be taken in the OR,” the doctor spoke and started to roll the gurney into the ER.

“Is he going to make it?” Erik asked anxiously, trailing behind the gurney.

The doctor stopped walking and addressed the female doctor. “Grey, take him up, I’ll catch up.” He then turned his attention to Erik. “I’m not going to lie to you, it doesn’t look good. I understand he’s been missing for three days?”

Erik nodded.

“That means his injuries have been inflicted for a long period of time, and that may cause some complications. Now I won’t know the extent of the damage until I get in there, but he’s held on this long and is young and otherwise healthy. I promise you we’ll do everything we can.”

Erik sucked in a deep breath and nodded, his eyes filling with tears. “Where can I wait?”

“I’ll need you to fill out some forms,” the doctor led Erik to a nearby nurses station and handing him a clipboard. “But you can fill them out in the waiting room on the surgical floor. Would you like me to show you the way?”

“Uh, no, no, thank you, I’m waiting for his family,” Erik gestured to the door.

“All right, when they get here any nurse can show you the way.”

Erik nodded once again.

“I’ll come find you as soon as we’re done,” the doctor promised and made his way towards the elevator.

Erik looked down at the paper in his hands. His blurred vision obscured him from understanding a single word.

Logan, Raven and Moira arrived a few minutes later, and a nurse led them upstairs to the surgical floor in complete silence. No one had the heart to speak. They sat down in the waiting room, a couple of strangers scattered around the large area who seemed to be occupying themselves with some magazines. They’re here for loved ones. Their hurt loved ones who were probably not as bad off as Charles was, but bad enough to require surgery. Or not. Erik didn’t want to think about it too much. He pushed the clipboard to the side, deciding to deal with it later. He had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

Erik aimlessly skimmed through a magazine sitting nearby, trying to occupy himself and not think about what’s happening to Charles. The task was proven unsuccessful and was quite unrealistic, so he tossed the magazine on the table in front of him and rubbed his tired eyes. With a sigh, he grabbed the abandoned clipboard and ran his eyes over the form. It was a very standard form, the first thing it asked for was the patient’s first, middle and last names.

Erik has no idea what Charles’s middle name is. He scoffed at the irony.

“What’s so funny?” A voice fell on the couch next to the actor.

“They, uh, they ask for the patient’s middle name, and I don’t even know what his middle name is. You’d think being someone who wants to spend the rest of my life with this man, I would at least know that,” Erik shook his head.

“It’s not really a topic of conversation.”

“It’s just, I don’t know, it’s all so surreal, Raven. It feels like a dream. It feels like an out-of-body experience.”

Raven sighed, understanding what Erik meant.

“I guess me and Charles should ask the basic, boring questions,” Erik chuckled.

“Francis.”

Erik turned his attention to Raven, his eyebrows creasing together.

“Middle name,” she clarified.

“Ah,” Erik nodded. “Charles Francis Xavier, it suits him.”

“You should close your eyes for a bit,” Logan’s voice replaced Raven’s, who got up and joined Moira on another couch.

“Nah.”

“It could be a while, probably will be.”

“I can’t risk missing any news,” Erik shook his head.

“I’ll wake you up,” Logan tried.

“I’m fine.”

Logan sighed. “Can I get you a coffee, at least?”

Erik didn’t argue.

\---

Four agonizing hours later, and after Erik had lost his mind more than once, one of the doctors Erik saw in the ER when they first arrived made her way towards the waiting individuals.

Spotting her, Erik quickly rose to his feet, feeling his heart thumb harder in his chest. “How’s Charles?”

“There were some complications during surgery, but Doctor Hunt and Doctor Grey successfully got it under control, and Charles is stable.”

“What—what kinds of complications?” Erik managed to ask, swallowing hard.

“Doctor Hunt and Doctor Grey are going to explain everything once they’re done, which should be shortly.”

“But he’s alive?” Raven asked with a small voice.

“He’s alive,” the doctor nodded, giving them a small smile. The doctor excused herself and retreated back into the operating room.

Knowing his knees will give out on him, Erik fell backward onto the couch, his chest getting tighter as he struggled for air.

Logan momentarily dropped down next to Erik, running his hand up and down his best friend’s back soothingly. “Deep breaths,” he dictated. “He’s okay, he’s alright.”

“Fucking hell,” Erik gasped for air. “I—I just—”

“It’s okay, shhh, it’s okay,” Logan repeated, feeling Erik ease under his touch.

Erik nodded, straightening his back and roughly clearing his throat. Charles is alive, and that’s the most important thing.

\---

True to the doctor’s words, half an hour later, they saw Doctors Hunt and Grey walking towards them, wearing their blue scrubs and their scrub caps, Hunt in an army pattered cap, and Grey in a ferryboat printed one. Both doctors had a neutral expressions on their face and it did nothing to ease the hot pit growing in Erik’s stomach.

“How is he?” Erik trembled.

“There was a lot of damage,” Hunt began. “The worst of it was the internal bleeding he suffered, it appeared that one of his ribs broke and punctured his liver, we tried to stop the bleeding but in order to do that, we had to remove part of the liver.”

“Oh, God,” Raven breathed.

“The liver is the only organ in the body that regenerates,” Grey jumped into the conversation. “So, within a month or two, his liver should regrow to its original size.”

“It also appeared that he had a concussion, and several superficial wounds, primarily on his wrists. He was extremely dehydrated but we were able to hydrate him with IV fluids. And there’s one other thing…” Hunt trailed off, turned his face to Grey.

“What is it?” Erik asked.

Hunt sighed, receiving a nod from Grey. “We ran a toxicology screen, and it seems like he was drugged with GHB, which is a date rape drug. We don’t, however, know how many times he was drugged because the trace of the drug can only be detected up to twelve hours after it was administered.”

“Is it addictive?” Logan frowned.

“He most likely won’t be addicted to it, but we’ll keep an eye on it.”

“Wait, you said rape drug, do you mean he was…?” Erik’s eyes went wide.

Hunt sighed and reluctantly gave them a nod. “It appears that way, yes. We found signs of rectal bleeding and after we performed a procedure, we found tears in the rectal wall. The bleeding was left untreated for over twelve hours, which caused sepsis. The infection isn’t fatal and we’re going to treat it with IV antibiotics.”

Erik didn’t notice that he wasn’t breathing, feeling his face go red. He took in a few short breaths and tried to recollect his thoughts. His head was spinning with the amount of information being thrown at him.

“When—when can we see him?” Erik managed to ask.

“In a little bit,” Grey answered. “We’re going to settle him in the I.C.U and then he can have one visitor at a time.”

“The I.C.U?”

“He’s not out of the woods, it’s going to be a long recovery, both physically and psychologically,” Hunt nodded. “But if he remains stable for twenty four hours, we could move him to a normal room.”

Erik nodded, running his hand through his messy hair.

“Do you have any questions?”

The doctors received a collective head shake. They all seemed to be in a dream-state.

“If you have any questions at any time, please have any nurse page us,” Hunt informed them.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” Erik swallowed.

“You’re welcome,” Hunt gave him a small smile. “I’ll let you know when you can see him.”

Erik fell back on the couch as Hunt and Grey walked away, stuffing his face into his hand, trying to even out his breathing. Raven’s voice tore him away from his haze.

“I—I think I’m—I’m uh, I’m gonna go home,” she practically whispered.

“What? No,” Erik shook his head, getting up to his feet and standing in front of Raven. “He’ll want to see you when he’s awake.”

“I can’t,” Raven’s voice quivered. “He’s my brother, Erik, and I’ve seen him in this state once before, I don’t think I can do it again,” she shook her head, her eyes glistening with tears. “And he’ll want to see _you_.”

Erik sucked in a sharp breath, and let it out through his nose. His own eyes getting watery.

“He’s going to be fine, I know,” Raven sniffed. “But I need to go home.”

“Okay,” Erik nodded and pulled Raven into his arms, giving her a tight hug.

Raven squeezed her eyes shut, returning the embrace. She pulled away, wiping a stray tear from her cheek and nodded at Erik.

“I’ll take her,” Moira offered with puffy red eyes, speaking for the first time since they arrived at the hospital. “Charles is in good hands.”

Erik promised to update the ladies with any news and watched as they entered the elevator and the silver doors closed. He turned around to see Hunt, now in his while coat, striding towards him and Logan.

“Ready to see Charles?”

“Please.”

Erik and Logan followed the doctor in the silence as they made their way up one floor. They walked in a deserted hallway and stopped a couple of rooms away from Charles’s own.

Erik looked around, confused.

“He’s a few rooms over, I just think it’s a good idea to prepare you.”

Erik nodded.

“The tube helping him breathe is still in, he’s still connecting to the respirator, and he’s hooked up to a bunch of IVs and the heart monitor. There are bandages around his wrists and chest, and bruises on his face. But it’s nothing that won’t go away with time. There’s a nurses station right here if you need anything.”

Erik took a moment to digest the information, and then cleared his throat and straightened his back.

“Okay.”

Logan spotted a couple of chairs in a seating area and pointed towards it. “I’ll be right there, okay?”

Erik nodded, and followed Hunt in the direction of Charles’s room.

The room had a glass door, so Erik saw Charles lying on the bed before he stepped foot into the room. He hung back, standing away from the bed, watching the professor’s chest rise and fall with the sound of the respirator, the heart monitor beeping steadily in the background. Erik lifted his heavy feet and walked over to the bed, his eyes roaming around Charles’s body that appeared way-too-pale and way-too-thin for comfort. He glanced down at Charles’s slightly opened hand resting next to his body.

“Can I—?” Erik pointed to Charles’s hand.

“Of course,” Hunt nodded, who was standing near the huge door.

Erik slipped his hand into Charles’s, wrapping his fingers tightly around it.

“Can he hear me?” Erik asked.

“I’d like to think so.”

Erik’s other hand moved to Charles’s hair, gently running his fingers through and over the brown locks.

“Hey, babe,” Erik whispered against Charles’s pale forehead. “I’m right here, you’re going to be just fine,” he brushed his lips against his boyfriend’s skin.

Hunt smiled at the simple gesture that held so much love and passion and devotion. He silently slipped out of the room, knowing there was nothing more he could do for either Charles or Erik.

\---

A few hours later, after Hunt and a few nurses stopped by to check on Charles and record his vitals, Erik got up and walked around the room, stretching his legs. Hunt told him Charles won’t wake up until next morning, at least, but standing a few feet away from the hospital bed, Erik prayed that Charles would open his eyes. It was one of those desperate callings, the actor needed to see his boyfriend’s striking blue eyes. He needed something to hold on to aside from the doctors’ reassurances, it all felt so…theoretical. His prayer, however, went unanswered when Charles remained completely motionless.

Erik went back and sat down in the chair next to Charles, taking in a deep breath and covering Charles’s hand with his own. He watched as the professor’s chest rose and fell, his eyes then flickered to the heart monitor to see that everything was stable.

“The, uh, the doc says there’s a chance you could hear me, so, uh,” Erik staggered, scoffing at this entire situation. “Come back to me, Charles. Don’t leave me, I won’t be able to go on without you. There are—there are a million things I want to say, things I want you to hear but I—you’re my everything and there’s no me without you. I need you, Charles. And I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone and will ever love anyone. There are no words so I need you to wake up so I can show you how much you mean to me,” Erik paused, tears gathering in his eyes. “We’ll survive this, I know we will, we can make it. You just come back to me. I never thought far into the future, always lived life one day at a time, but then I met you,” he smiled, remembering the first thing he ever told Charles. _You can’t control the domino effect_. “I want a life with you, a full life. I want to have kids with you and a couple of dogs and have picnics on Saturday’s. I want to coach footfall and go to ballet recitals with you and the kids. This is ridiculous, I don’t even know if you can hear me and I can’t believe I’m saying all this here—now, but it’s all true. If you go, I go. Please, Charles, give me anything,” Erik watched Charles’s face. Nothing changed.

Erik sighed, resting his forehead on top of Charles’s hand and closed his eyes. He didn’t see Charles’s eyelids fluttering slowly.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles wakes up and comes to a realization about a few things he’d been too stubborn to admit. Common worries. Visitors drop by. They get some news. Erik makes a phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! I was hoping to get this chapter out a few days ago but I had completely forgotten that I had a Psychology exam yesterday so I had to spend the weekend studying (but it paid off, the exam went really good). All the excitement for this story is incredible and it gives me so much motivation, so thank you all! Fluff and and light angst in this chapter, so please, do enjoy! As usual, all your comments, kudos and feedback is greatly appreciated!

Erik had fallen asleep with his forehead resting on his arm, his hand clenching Charles’s underneath it. His back was bent at an odd angle, but he drifted off nonetheless, the fatigue and stress of the past couple of days finally catching up to him. The steady beeping of the heart monitor and rise and fall of the respirator were, in a way, soothing. Erik’s eyes flickered open when he felt movement under his hand, his head shooting up and eyes landing on Charles’s face. He watched as Charles opened his heavy eyelids, blue eyes meeting identical ones in what felt like the first time in a lifetime.

“Hey, babe, hey,” Erik said softly, his eyes searching Charles’s for any signs of fear or panic. “You’re okay, you’re safe,” he said regardless.

Charles’s eyes roamed around the hospital room before focusing on Erik once again. He tried to speak, but couldn’t. His voice wouldn’t come out.

“No, no, don’t try to speak,” Erik tightened his hand around Charles’s, sensing the man’s attempt. “There’s a tube in your throat to help you breathe, hopefully they can take it out soon,” he ran his thumb over Charles’s knuckles.

Charles nodded slowly.

“Thank you for coming back to me,” Erik leaned down, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead. “You feeling okay?”

Charles nodded again.

“Let me go find the doc, and see what’s going on, okay? You’ll be fine for a minute without me?”

Charles gave him a playful eye roll.

Erik chuckled at Charles’s response. “All right, tough guy, I’ll be right back.” Erik slid the glass door and stepped outside, making his way to the nearby nurses’ station. “Hey, Charles is awake, can you please get Doctor Hunt or Doctor Grey?”

“Doctor Grey is in surgery, but I’ll page Doctor Hunt,” the nurse smiled at Erik.

Erik thanked her and walked back into the room, glad to see that Charles was still awake.

Ten minutes later, the glass door was yanked open, and Hunt walked in, holding Charles’s chart in his hand.

“Glad to see you’re awake, Charles,” he smiled at the patient.

Charles gave him a small smile.

Hunt ran his eyes over some information in the chart, and then closed the big file, discarding it aside. “Everything seems to be in the normal range, and you’re stable so how do you feel about taking that tube out?”

 _Please_ , Charles seemed to beg with his eyes.

“Alright, let’s do that,” Hunt nodded, and started gathering the equipment needed for removing the tube.

Hunt sat Charles up in his place and draped his chest with a blue towel. He grabbed a small syringe from the table next to him, and began to explain the procedure. “Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. First, I’m going to switch off the ventilator, and then I’ll push this, which is saline, in the tube so it will run down your throat, making the extraction smoother. Now once that’s done, you’ll take a deep breath when I tell you, you’ll cough while I pull the tube. It’s going to feel uncomfortable just for a few seconds, okay?”

Charles nodded, gripping Erik’s hand tighter.

“Ready?” Once he got the go-ahead, Hunt switched off the vent and pushed the saline in. “Okay, Charles, deep breath for me, and cough,” Hunt began pulling out the tube.

The few seconds Hunt told Charles would be uncomfortable felt like years. Charles could feel his face going red, his hand crushing Erik’s with distress. Once the tube was finally out, Charles took a couple of short breaths and let out some strangled coughs.

“W—water,” Charles heaved.

Erik grabbed the half-filled cup with his free hand and guided the straw into Charles’s mouth.

“You okay?” Hunt placed his hand on Charles’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Charles nodded, rubbing his neck.

“It’s going to feel weird for a little while, but it will go away soon enough,” the doctor assured his patient.

Hunt quickly and efficiently cleaned up and grabbed the chart, telling the men to find him if they have any questions. He excused himself, having other patients to check on.

Charles sighed and leaned back against the bed board, already exhausted from the coughing fit. He closed his eyes, taking in a few deep breaths and clearing his throat. He opened his eyes to find Erik staring at him, his eyes filled with worry, love and relief.

“Hey,” Charles whispered.

“Hey,” Erik ran his hand through Charles’s messy hair.

“I’m sorry.”

“Wh—what for?”

“For putting you through all this,” Charles looked down, his eyes landing on Erik’s hand covering his own.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Erik guided Charles’s face to look up at him. “None of this, none of this was your fault, you understand me? You can’t blame yourself, because it wasn’t your fault.”

“If I—”

“If nothing, Charles. You couldn’t have known. If anyone should be apologizing here, it’s me. I’m sorry that I dismissed your fear about it. I should have listened.”

“I was acting like a mad man, you couldn’t have known what would happen, either.”

“Well, at least I can spoil you now,” Erik gave Charles a small smile.

“As if you didn’t spoil me before,” Charles teased.

“Ah, well, double the spoiling dose now,” Erik chuckled.

“I’d laugh only it hurts too much,” Charles smiled.

Erik studied Charles’s face for a few seconds before going in, pressing his lips gently against Charles’s dry ones.

“Where’s Raven?”

“She went home. They didn’t know when you’d be up, with the nurses checking in throughout the night and everything. Logan hung around till he fell asleep on the chairs outside, which didn’t look comfortable at all, so I sent him home. I’ve been staying with him since…I couldn’t stay at home.”

Charles nodded. “Understandable, all of it. When can I get out of here?”

“Out of the I.C.U or the hospital?”

“Both.”

“Not sure about the hospital, but the doc said that if you’re stable for twenty-four hours they can move you to a normal room. Or at least I think that’s what he said, I was only half paying attention. You had just come out of surgery and they were throwing so much at us, it was scary.”

“It was bad, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was,” Erik sighed. “How much do you remember?”

“Not much,” Charles shook his head. “Just bits and pieces here and there.”

Erik nodded, not wanting to push it.

“Where’s Shaw?” Charles swallowed.

“Charles…”

“I need to know. Please.”

“He’s dead. They shot him.”

Charles exhaled a long sigh of relief, nodding slowly. It took a second before he hissing in pain, his hand immediately covered his broken rib, which was wrapped tightly with bandages.

“Charles, you okay?” Erik creased his eyebrows, reading the sudden flare of pain on the smaller man’s face.

“Ye—yeah,” Charles answered a few second later. “Sudden movement, won’t be doing any of that again.”

“I’ll go see if they can increase your pain meds,” Erik was about to get up but was stopped by a trembling hand.

“No, no, I’m fine, I’ve already got it under control. Shallow breaths, that’s all. Just stay, please.”

Erik sighed defeated and relaxed in his seat, covering Charles’s shaking hand with his own. “I should tell Raven you’re up, they’ll want to see you.”

“In a bit, I just want it to be me and you for a little more time.”

Erik nodded, rubbing Charles’s hand peacefully.

Charles was taken from him and was nearly killed. It suddenly dawned on Erik, now completely sinking in since seeing Charles’s abandoned car and cell phone on the ground. He tried to swallow the huge lump blocking his airway and failed, his face heating up and sweat covering his palms. His heart began thumbing against his chest, as bad as if Charles has been missing for only two hours. He tried to calm down his breathing and kick down his heart rate, trying to keep Charles from freaking out himself but failed. Charles had already noticed something was off.

“Erik, what is it?”

“Nothing,” Erik said too quickly, shaking his head.

“Erik,” Charles pressed.

“You—you were gone, and I was alone and I didn’t know where you were, I didn’t know if you were—I was lost, I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared, so scared I had lost you,” Erik’s voice cracked.

“But I’m here now,” Charles reminded his shaking boyfriend.

“I know, but I just can’t help but think about these past few days and just want to—I almost lost you,” a lonely tear rolled down Erik’s face, he gently cupped the side of Charles’s face, careful around his injuries. He needed to touch the man, needed to know that he was truly there and that this wasn’t a trick his mind was playing on him because he will never see the love of his life again. Erik closed his eyes when his skin touched Charles’s, definite proof that he is there, in front of him, within his reach, safe and _real_.

“But you didn’t. We’ll have a full life together, we’ll have kids and a couple of dogs and have picnics on Saturday’s and we’ll coach football and go to ballet recitals,” Charles smiled through his own tears, leaning into Erik’s palm.

“Wh—? You—you heard me?”

“Yeah, I did,” Charles managed to stretch his arm far enough to wipe away the tear staining Erik’s cheek.

However, more tears ran down Erik’s face when he heard Charles’s answer, overwhelmed with joy and purity and hope. Hope for the future. Things might turn out more than fine after all.

“We’ll survive this, I promise,” Erik pulled Charles’s hand up towards his lips, planting a kiss on the skin.

Charles was starting to regain some color.

\---

A while later, Charles was staring at a transparent cup of Jell-O that a nurse brought in a few minutes earlier. He was eyeing the cup as if were about to grow teeth and bite him in the ass.

“It’s not going to eat you, Charles. On the contrary, you’re supposed to eat it,” Erik teased.

“I’m not hungry,” Charles shook his head, pushing the cup away.

“I know, but you need to eat something. I know you don’t have much of an appetite but try, please. For me?” Erik nudged the cup back towards his boyfriend.

Charles sighed, taking the cup in his hand and scooping out a small bit. “You, my only weakness.”

“Not _only_ ,” Erik smiled when Charles took the Jell-O into his mouth, and then a few more spoonfuls.

“You should get something to eat.”

“I’m fine, I don’t want to leave you alone,” Erik shook his head.

Both men turned their heads when they heard a soft knock. Logan.

Erik had sent him a text, along with Raven and Moira telling them that Charles was up and expecting visitors. Well, he wanted Logan there for himself, too.

“How you feelin’, Charles? It’s good to see you up,” Logan smiled, approaching the bed.

“I’m alright,” Charles nodded. “Thanks for looking after this one,” he smiled, gesturing to Erik with his head.

“No worries, I’m glad you’re back.”

“Good that you’re here, like I was saying,” Charles turned his face to Erik, “go get something to eat.”

“Charles—”

“I’m not alone anymore, Logan will stay with me while you get something to eat.”

“Charles is right, grab something and lay off the coffee,” Logan intervened.

“Besides, you look worse than I do,” Charles stuck out his tongue at Erik playfully.

Erik chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

“Go,” Charles prompted.

“Fine,” Erik sighed, getting up to his feet. “I won’t be long,” he pressed a kiss to Charles’s forehead and made his way outside the room. He followed the signs leading to the cafeteria, his stomach growling as his feet hit the ground.

\---

Less than fifteen minutes later, Erik slid the glass door and stepped into the pale hospital room.

Charles eyed Erik suspiciously for a few moments before speaking. “Were you waiting outside the room all that time and didn’t get anything to eat? I mean that was quite fast.”

“I ate, I promise,” Erik chuckled. “Smoked turkey sandwich and juice,” he directed the drink towards Logan, emphasizing he didn’t drink coffee as promised.

“Okay,” Charles nodded, still watching Erik.

“I’m happy to see you finished your meal,” Erik gestured to the now empty plastic cup in front of Charles, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Raven texted back, said they’ll be here in a little bit,” he rubbed his boyfriend’s legs through the warm blanket.

“Good,” Charles nodded.

“I should get going,” Logan spoke.

“Already?” Erik frowned, looking up as Logan got to his feet.

“Gotta take care of a few things at the office, damn paperwork,” Logan chuckled.

“You’re preaching to the choir,” Erik teased.

“Yeah,” Logan nodded, placing a hand on Charles’s shoulder and giving it a light, friendly squeeze. “You’ll be out of here in no time. Real glad you’re doing better, buddy.”

“Thank you,” Charles smiled at the big man, “for everything.”

Logan nodded and turned his attention to Erik, giving him a one-armed hug. “I’ll see you later, man.”

“Yeah,” Erik said, returning the hug.

Once they separated, both men watched as Logan walked out of the room and disappeared in the hallway. Erik got up from his place and took a seat in the chair next to Charles, slipping his fingers between Charles’s cold ones.

“How are you feeling? You’re a bit cold,” Erik started warming Charles’s hand.

“I’m alright, just tired. I think it’s the meds.”

“It probably is,” Erik chuckled, running his thumb over Charles’s knuckles. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Charles gave the actor a tired smile. “We’ll get passed this, right?”

“We will,” Erik answered with no hesitation. “It’s not going to be easy, and we’ll have to be completely honest with each other, but I love you and you love me, and that’s all we need. That’s all we need to make it through.”

Erik’s words eased the knot in Charles’s stomach but didn’t make it disappear. He’s had that tight, suffocating knot ever since he heard what Erik said to him when he was out. He was absolutely terrified of letting Erik down, and after hearing the man’s life dreams, it suddenly dawned on him that he might not be able to give Erik what he needs, what he wants. Charles may not be enough for Erik. Not today or tomorrow, but in a year or two. He’s terrified of that moment when he realizes that he can’t lead a ‘normal’ life because let’s face it, nothing has been normal about his own life. He managed to escape his dark past, managed to move forward, but here he is, in a hospital bed, after almost dying, again. If one phrase were to describe Charles’s life, the term ‘history repeats itself’ would be more than fitting. Nothing will change the fact that, yes, Charles is used, and broken, and shattered, and bruised in more ways than one, but he’s praying it’s all not beyond repair. He’s praying that by some kind of miracle out there, he isn’t too far gone for saving. He’s praying he’s not too far gone for Erik to save because he wants to spend the rest of his life with this man. And he wants to be enough. Whether he can or can’t be, that’s the real question. He’s brave enough to admit all of that after almost dying. Touché, right?

“Hey, you okay?” Erik asked, noticing Charles’s sudden change in mood.

“Yeah, I am,” Charles nodded quickly. “Really,” he pressed, seeing Erik’s unconvinced expression.

Erik wasn’t going to push.

“I want to go home,” Charles huffed.

“We’ll check with the doc later today when we can do that,” Erik pressed a kiss to Charles’s forehead.

“Everything’s changed, hasn’t it?” Charles sighed.

“What do you mean?” Erik creased his eyebrows.

“This…everything. Us. Neither of us is the same person we were four days ago.”

“Some things may have changed,” Erik nodded, “but none of the essential things, I think. The circumstances have changed, the way we look at some things has changed, but deep down, I think we’re still the same people. Nothing about us has changed, I still want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I do, too.”

“Then we’ve got nothing to worry about,” Erik gave Charles a small smile.

Charles sighed, playing with Erik’s hand. “I just—” Charles paused, “I’ve always said that if something ever went wrong it would my fault, and here we are, what if nothing is the same when we go back home?”

“Then we’ll figure it out, together. Even if what worked before isn’t going to work now, we’re rebuild it to work. I don’t care if we have to start from scratch, as long as you’re there, as long as we’re together, we can do it.”

“I can’t lose you,” Charles looked up, tears glistening in his eyes.

“You won’t, I promise. I’m not going anywhere,” Erik took the side of Charles’s face in his palm.

Charles nodded into Erik’s skin.

“You really don’t remember anything?” Erik asked carefully.

“Nothing concrete,” Charles sighed.

“That’s probably for the best.”

Charles bit down on his lips, bobbing his head slightly.

Erik watched Charles’s eyes, something telling him the professor wasn’t quite telling the truth. Something told him that Charles does remember everything.

\---

Twenty minutes later, Erik saw Raven and Moira approach through the see-through glass door, he got up and slid the door open, making way for both ladies to enter. It was against the rules having more than one person visiting, but they had cleared it with Dr. Grey when she came in a few minutes earlier to check on Charles, under the condition that the visit doesn’t drag too long.

Raven rushed to her brother’s side, giving him a desperate gentle hug.

“Hello, love,” Charles chuckled, hugging his sister back, careful of the IV port stuck in his hand.

“Thank God you’re alright,” Raven whispered.

“I am,” Charles rubbed her back reassuringly.

Moira bent down and kissed Charles’s cheek when Raven pulled away, wearing a simple smile.

Seeing the exchange between Charles and his family sent off a specific kind of longing within Erik. He needed his family, too.

Erik cleared his throat, still standing by the door. “I’ll leave you guys alone for a while.”

“Where are you going?” Charles frowned.

“I just need to take care of something, I won’t be long.”

Erik walked around the hospital floor until he found a room labeled, ‘Family Room’. He peeked inside, finding it empty, he pushed the door and walked in. He sat down on one of the armchairs and pulled out his phone, taking a couple of deep breaths. After making sure it was an appropriate time in Germany, he dialed his mother’s number.

“Hello?” Edie spoke once the line came to life.

“Mom,” Erik tried to control his voice, but was unsuccessful.

“Erik? Sweetheart, what is it?” Edie could immediately tell that something was not right with her son.

“Charles, it’s Charles,” Erik’s voice quivered.

“What? What happened?”

“He’s in the hospital, mom. He—he’s okay, but I don’t know what I’m doing—I’m confused and scared, terrified,” Erik shut his eyes, trying to regain control over his dancing emotions.

“Erik, take a deep breath and tell me everything from the beginning,” Edie’s voice was sharp and constant.

Erik spent the next few minutes explaining everything to his mother, rushing through some parts, pausing in the middle of others.

“How is Charles?” Edie asked.

“He’s alright, he’s up and talking. He ate a cup of Jell-O today. I keep telling him that we’re going to survive this and that all that matters is that we have each other, but I’m terrified of letting him down when he needs me the most. I’m so scared I won’t be able to give him what he needs, and understand what he’s going through. I’m afraid I won’t be enough.”

“Do you love him?”

“With everything in me,” Erik wiped away tears from his cheek.

“Then you’ll be enough. And don’t push yourself to understand what he’s going through because you won’t understand it. You both went through completely different things in those couple of days. I don’t mean to belittle what you went through, I couldn’t imagine what it must have been for you, but you have to keep in mind that Charles actually _went_ through it, all of it. And you need to give him time. It won’t be easy getting back up from this, so he needs to feel that you’re constantly there. He needs to know that if he falls, you will be there to catch him.”

“But how do I do that without making him feel like he’s weak and that he can’t take care of himself?”

“Talk to him, he can’t read your mind, sweetheart. Tell him what’s on in your head, how you feel. Use your words. He’ll be defensive, that’s natural, but you have to stick with him through this. And if you don’t, you’ll lose his trust, and he’s extremely fragile right now.”

“I’m never leaving him, ever.”

“Make sure he knows it. Don’t just say it, show him.”

“I thought we were moving forward and then this…I feel like we’re at minus ten,” Erik sighed.

“I know, baby, I know. But you were there once and you made it up the scale, there’s nothing that is going to prevent you from doing it again. That being said, you’re my son and I know you and I have to tell you please don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. I know you feel responsible for what happened to Charles but you weren’t, you aren’t. I know you’re going to do everything to make it right but don’t kill yourself doing it. Charles needs you, but you need yourself, too.”

“I hope I’m strong enough to pull us both through this.”

“I know you are.”

“Mom, I—” Erik sighed, an indirect plea of help.

“Everything is going to be fine,” Edie assured her son over the phone, hating the distance between them. She knew Erik needed to be held in this moment, and it killed her that she couldn’t take her son into her arms. “When is Charles getting out of the hospital?”

“We, uh, we don’t know yet. The doctors will probably pass by in a bit to let us know,” Erik ran his hand over his tired face.

“When you know you tell me, I’ll be on the first plane out.”

“No, mom—I can’t ask you to do that, I’m a grown man, I can take care of myself and of Charles.”

“I’m not saying can’t, but I’m saying you shouldn’t do it alone.”

“I have Logan,” Erik tried.

“You have Logan, but he’s not your mother. You need me around.”

“I just—”

“Erik Lehnsherr, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t want to see me.”

“What? No, mom, of course not,” Erik replied quickly. “I just don’t want to give Charles the wrong impression, that’s all.”

“Look, I know how happy he’s made you, the happiest I have ever seen you, so I would imagine that this is killing you and eating at you inside, and trust me when I say you don’t have to go through this alone. Charles has his family, you need yours.”

“I’ll let you know when we’re back home and settled in,” Erik promised.

“If you don’t, I’ll just show up,” Edie tried to lighten the mood.

That earned her a small chuckle from Erik. “I don’t doubt it. I love you, mom.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart. Tell Charles I hope he feels better and send him my love, and tell him not to drive you too mad.”

Erik promised to deliver his mother’s message and hung up. He took in a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly, giving the words his mother spoke a chance to run through this body. He cleared his throat, rubbing his face to deliver some color to it and got to his feet. He walked out of the family room and made his way back to Charles.

“The students are really worried about you,” Erik heard Moira speak once he entered the room. “I don’t know what they know, but they know something happened.”

“You can tell them that I’m alright,” Charles nodded. “I’ll be off for a while, though.”

“Yeah, of course,” Moira said. “They’ll want to see you, I’d imagine.”

“We can arrange something when I’m out of here.”

“Quite the loyal fanbase you’ve got there, babe,” Erik teased, leaning against the wall.

“What can I say?” Charles wiggled his eyebrow. “I’m that lovable.”

Erik chuckled, cocking his head and making his way to Charles’s side. “Yes, you are,” he leaned down, kissing the smaller man’s head.

They heard a knock and the door was swooshed open, revealing Charles’s doctors.

“Are we interrupting?” Hunt asked, holding Charles’s chart.

“No, not all,” Charles shook his head.

“How’s he doing?” Erik asked anxiously.

“I’m glad to say that we can move you to a normal room tomorrow morning, there’s no need for you to be in here any longer, everything you need can be done in a normal room. Besides, between you and me, these rooms are not very pleasant,” Hunt winked.

“How long before I can go home?”

“Well, your repeat labs look better, that’s why we can get you out of this room. But we still need to keep an eye on you, run daily labs, wait until everything clears out but hopefully soon,” Grey smiled.

“Thank you so much,” Erik smiled, a little sigh of relief escaping his lips.

\---

An hour later Erik and Charles were alone in the room. Raven and Moira had left briefly after the doctors delivered the news, and a nurse had come in and changed Charles’s bandages around his wrists. Charles’s headrest was set at a forty-five degree angle, his head turned towards Erik, who was sitting on the chair after he pushed it close, practically gluing it to the bed. Any closer, and he’d be in Charles’s lap.

“My mom sends her love and says she hopes you feel better soon,” Erik spoke, running his thumb over Charles’s hand.

“Your mom?” Charles’s eyebrows went up.

“I called her when Raven and Moira came. Needed to hear her voice.”

Charles nodded, understanding what Erik meant.

“She, uh, she also said,” Erik smiled, remembering the ending of her message, “not to drive me too mad.”

“Aw, she said that?”

“Yeah,” Erik chuckled.

“Well, damn it. I was planning on making you pull out out each strand of your lovely hair,” Charles teased.

If Erik didn’t know any better, he’d say Charles was high on morphine.

“She did say not to drive me _too mad_ so I guess you can bring me close enough to pulling out each strand of my lovely hair.”

“True,” Charles’s eye lightened up at the suggestion. “Courtesy of being hospitalized, and all, of course.”

“Of course,” Erik leaned down, brushing his lips against Charles’s slightly colored ones. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Charles rested his forehead against Erik’s, breathing steadily.

They remained as one, enjoying their touch, sharing their breath. They were, however, unaware of the storm that is about to hit home.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sensing that something is not quite right with Charles, Erik confides in Doctor Hunt and receives some news. Charles requests something from Erik and Erik follows through, against his own heart. Charles makes an impulsive decision, which leads to a blow up between the professor and the actor. Erik tries to fight tooth and nail for Charles and their relationship but the words spoken bring both their worlds crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Okay, have I mentioned how much I hate midterm week? No? Well, I really really hate midterm week! It took me around ten days to write this chapter and I'm studying and not sleeping and I usually unwind by writing and I couldn't do that because exams--I'm rambling. Anyway, without further ado, the new chapter is here! Let the angst begin...again. I appreciate your patience and I only have a few more days until exams are over so I'll have the time to write faster. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and as usual, feedback is greatly appreciated and always makes my day!

As the week unfolded, Erik began noticing changes in Charles. Small things at first: he wouldn’t look into Erik’s eyes, he started pulling his hand away whenever Erik would try to hold it, not starting or keeping conversations going. As promised, Charles was moved to a regular room but he didn’t react much to it. Then this morning, when Erik woke up, he saw that Charles was already awake. He asked when he got up, but all Charles replied with was a shrug. Erik didn’t have much success with getting his boyfriend to talk at all. Hardly eating, Charles was beginning to lose the weight he’d gained since he was admitted. His face was growing pale again. Black bags hung under his tired eyes. Charles was quickly losing himself and he wouldn’t allow Erik to extend his arm and help him.

“You should just leave me,” Charles broke the silence, his voice raspy and just above a whisper.

“What?” Erik’s jaw hung open, his eyebrows knitting together.

“You didn’t sign up for any of this, I don’t want to chain you to the bed,” Charles cleared his throat.

“ _Chain me_? What? I’m a prisoner now? Is that really what you think of our relationship? That I’m here because I _have_ to be here?” Erik scoffed.

Erik didn’t mean to say those words and sound so harsh, but now that he did, he found himself not regretting it. He meant to say that he’d never leave Charles, that he’d always be there. But he said all of that in the past. He thought Charles knew it, didn’t doubt it, but apparently the professor did. Erik didn’t even know he wanted to say those words until they had already left his lips.

“No, I—” Charles paused, “I don’t want you to feel obligated to be here. If you want to go, then go.”

“And there is it,” Erik shook his head, leaning back in his chair. “Obligation. Don’t you think I already know that I’m not obligated to be here? I can walk through that door any moment I like. I can tell you I’m going to get something to eat and not come back. I can do that, and I know I can do that. But there’s a difference between having to be here and wanting to be here. I want to be here. The question is do you want me to be here?”

That startled Charles, his eyes going wide. He was taken aback, to say the least. “I do,” he whispered.

“Then I’m staying.”

“I’m sorry,” Charles sighed. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on.”

“It’s okay, we’ll figure it out together.”

“You keep saying that, keep saying ‘together’ but you shouldn’t have to figure out anything. This is me, this is all me, I’m the one who wrecked everything, and I should fix it. I can’t help but feel like I’m dragging you down.”

“Again with the wrecking. Charles, please, what will it take for me to get it through that thick head of yours that what happened was not your fault?” Erik frowned. “There is nothing to fix, we just have to deal with what happened.”

“Because we love each other. Right,” Charles nodded absentmindedly, repeating what Erik has been saying to him for past few days. “But this love you talk about, I know it because you keep saying it but I don’t feel it. I don’t feel anything. It’s like, it all flew away,” Charles shrugged.

Those words stabbed Erik through this heart. A sharp knife was pushed into his chest and pulled out, making him slowly bleed to death. He was having difficulty breathing, finding himself trying to push down the huge lump blocking his throat. Charles couldn’t feel his love for Erik anymore. In other words, he didn’t love Erik anymore. In that moment, Erik was wishing for the ground to split open and swallow him whole.

Luckily for him, Erik saw Doctor Hunt walk past the window. He quickly got to his feet and walked to the door.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispered, not turning to face Charles. Possibly so the man doesn’t see the tears threatening to fall.

Erik leaned his back against the wall next to the door, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. After collecting himself, he pushed his body off the wall and jogged towards the doctor, who appeared to be scribbling something in a chart.

“Doctor Hunt, I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“Ah, Erik,” Hunt looked up for the paper for a second. “You’re not, I’m done,” he wrote one last thing and closed the chart and slide the pen in his coat pocket. “What’s up?”

“I need to talk to you, about Charles.”

“Okay,” Hunt nodded. “Let’s sit down,” he guided the actor a nearby sitting area. “What’s on your mind?”

“Charles is…he’s different. First it was small things, I tried to tell myself it will only last for a while but it started getting worse.”

“What kind of small things”

“You know how much he wanted to get into a normal room, and when he finally did, he didn’t react. Like, at all. I expected something, but he didn’t give me anything. I thought that it’s still being here, that’s why he didn’t react and that in a few days, he would come around. He won’t start a conversation, I mean he can’t even keep one going. He’d either stop it or not answer at all. He pulls away whenever I reach for him. I just, something doesn’t seem right. I’m worried about him. And then today—” Erik stopped, swallowing down.

“Today what?” Hunt asked with a soft tone.

“Today he asks me to leave. Says he doesn’t want to chain me to the bed and that if I want to go, I should go because it’s not my obligation to be here. He’s talking about our relationship as if it’s a job. As if I get paid for being here,” Erik shook his head, feeling the tears build up again. “And if that wasn’t bad enough, he said he doesn’t love me anymore. Not like that, but he said he didn’t feel anything. The only reason why he knows it because I keep saying it,” he sighed, wiping away a tear that managed to drop. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t dump all this on you, you’ve got other things to worry about,” Erik let out a humorless laugh.

“This is what I’m here for. I’m also here to do surgery, but that’s not all. I don’t abandon my patients and their family after I close them up. I help through this recovery, which is what is happening here. You’re recovering, both of you. In different ways, sure, but you are,” Hunt nodded.

“I don’t get it, though. You’re supposed to be getting better through recovery, not worse,” Erik sighed.

“Sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better. Although, I don’t think this is the worse. Everyone has different ways of healing, and I think this is Charles’s way. Everything’s catching up to him, he’s trying to deal with everything around him. It’s overwhelming. Just the effects of surgery would do that, surgery is awful, it puts the body through so much, and that’s not the only thing he has to deal with. He has to deal with why he needed surgery in the first place.”

“Shouldn’t he be talking about that with me? Don’t they feel better when they talk?” Erik asked helplessly.

“They do,” Hunt nodded. “He’s scared. He thinks he could deal this on his own.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time he thought that,” Erik scoffed.

“What do you mean?” Hunt frowned.

“At some point, before we started anything, when we were first getting to know each other, he retreated back and shut me out for weeks. He was scared to open up again, scared of a potential relationship, and he was _taking care of it_. His words, not mine. The Charles that I see right now reminds me a whole hell of a lot of that Charles, and it terrifies the fuck out of me. He almost didn’t make it then but if that Charles comes back, I won’t make it. I’ll lose him, and I can’t come back from that. We’ve overcome so much, and now it feels like we’re back at square one. Like we’ve already had our spin and dose of happiness and the universe is saying ‘go screw yourselves, you’ve had it all, game over’ and just slaps us across the face.”

“You tell the universe to go screw itself because it doesn’t define your happiness. It doesn’t say that’s it you’re done. It doesn’t work that way. At times, I thought it was the end. I thought there was nothing but darkness ahead. But then I saw the light. And I fought and I got to the light. I reached it, even though I felt like there were a million things holding me down.”

“How?”

“By healing. Taking it one step at a time. Don’t think about next well, hell don’t think about tomorrow. Think about the next hour. Step by step and you’ll get there. You can’t speed the process. You have to go through the pain to come out on the other side. There are no shortcuts. I think I know what can help you and Charles.”

“What?”

“Going home.”

“What? You mean—?”

“I’m going to discharge Charles in two days. The infection is gone, his rib can heal at home, there are no signs of addiction. Medically, there is no reason to keep him here. He should sleep in his own bed, heal at home.”

Erik almost smiled at that, almost. But then he remembered what’s been going on with Charles. Didn’t the doctor hear a single word he said?

“But he’s not okay,” Erik sat up straight. “He’s not the same. He’s not ready to go home.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what he needs. I heard you, I did. We should try figuring out what’s bothering him and working on that and seeing how it turns out. Maybe getting out of here is all he needs.”

“But maybe it isn’t.”

“We’ll never know if we don’t try.”

“There’s got to be something you can do,” Erik pleaded.

“I can’t hold him here unless he’s a danger to himself or others, which he isn’t. He’s withdrawn, which is normal after what he went through. Like I said, everything is catching up to him and he has to digest it all.”

“He keeps saying he doesn’t remember anything, but I have this feeling that he remembers everything but he won’t talk about it. He won’t open up, I don’t think being here is the problem. How can I get him to talk to me about it?”

“You can’t force him. The more you push, the more defensive he gets, so you have to let him come to you. Make sure he knows you’re there to listen but don’t make him feel like he has to talk to you. No good will come out of that. He needs to feel safe, he needs to want to talk about it. It’s all him, there’s nothing you can do about it. I can recommend some psychiatric help. In fact he will need it, but putting him through that right now won’t help him, either. It will push him over the edge more and it will make things worse, right now. But he will need therapy. I know that Charles being like this is hard because it isn’t like the Charles you know, but right now, he isn’t the Charles you know. He’s a patient who went through a traumatic event, and trust me, this is normal. If it gets worse, and he starts exhibiting more severe symptoms, then we have a problem. Don’t worry when there’s nothing to worry about.”

“So you mean it can get worse? Why? I mean, if something is wrong, won’t you be able to tell from now?” Erik intertwined his fingers together, squeezing his hands.

“Unfortunately, no,” Hunt shook his head. “Simply because it’s too early to tell if there’s a problem. This cycle should end, I can’t tell you when it will end, but if it gets worse or he doesn’t show signs of coming around, then it can be a problem. The line between nothing and a problem is incredibly hazy right now. Which is why I’m telling you to take him home. That could be the key to unlocking what he’s going through right now. His body is healing, but it will take more time for _him_ to heal, and he’s got to feel you there. He could resent it, but no matter what, don’t leave his side.”

Erik took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. This could be just a phase, and Charles could come back to him. He couldn’t bring himself to think about what would happen if it weren’t a stage, and if Charles would never come back to him.

“Okay,” Erik nodded. “So, two days.”

“Two days,” Hunt confirmed.

After going separate ways with the doctor, Erik got up and rejoined Charles, who was busy staring up at the ceiling, looking at nothing.

“Sorry I took so long,” Erik dropped in the chair next to the bed. “I was talking to the doc, and I have some good news.”

Charles turned his face towards Erik.

“You’re getting out of here in two days,” Erik gave him a small smile.

“Okay,” Charles replied, no emotion on his face or in his voice. “Anything else?”

“No,” Erik shook his head, the smile fading.

Without another word, Charles’s eyes went back to the plain ceiling.

Erik sighed silently, leaning back. He hoped to God this would end soon.

\---

The next day was no different. Charles was unresponsive, Erik was patient. He hoped that Charles would start showing some sign of content since he was going home the next day, but he gave him nothing. If anything, he was worsening.

It’s not that Charles likes doing this, actually, it’s that he has no idea what’s going on himself. He can see that Erik was confused and hurt, but so was he. He was even more confused and hurt because Charles knows he is causing Erik to be that, too. Charles wants to snap out of it, he wants to so bad but he just can’t. He can’t find it in himself to do that, he can’t bring himself to care. He could feel himself slowly slipping away, and he is letting go. Something is hold him down and he can’t free himself. The truth is that he’s tired. He’s gone through this process once and he doesn’t want to go through it again. He’s convinced that he’ll never be truly happy. What hurts the most in this entire equation is Erik, the wonderful, loving man who never left his side. Charles wants to give him everything and make him the happiest man in the world but he just _can’t_. So he’s sticking to the silent treatment and hopes to God it doesn’t kill them both.

“The house is going to need some tidying but I’ll take care of that when we’re back home,” Erik broke Charles from his haze, trying to get the man talking about anything.

Charles nodded.

“Raven and Moira said they’d be here a bit before they let you go tomorrow, to help out.”

“No,” Charles whispered.

“No?”

“Tell them not to come.”

“Why not? They want to be here,” Erik sat up straight.

“They got better things to do, they shouldn’t worry about me.”

“Charles,” Erik tried.

“Erik, please. Tell them not to come. I have you, I don’t need a herd of people, I’m just going home, Jesus,” Charles’s voice was dull and low.

Erik was surprised by Charles’s sudden outburst and tone so he nodded, not wanting to agitate Charles any further. He pulled out his phone and dialed Raven’s number.

“I’ll be right back,” he stood up and walked out of the room just as the line came to life.

“Hey, Erik,” Raven answered.

“Raven, how’s it going?”

“As good as can be. How’s Charles?”

“He’s uh, he’s okay. Listen, about tomorrow, he asked me for something,” Erik stalled, not quite sure how he’s supposed to tell Raven her brother doesn’t want to see her tomorrow.

“Does he need something from the house tomorrow?”

“No, actually, it’s about you and Moira,” Erik sighed.

“What about us?”

“He doesn’t want you to come tomorrow,” Erik said bluntly, ripping off the band-aid like they say.

“What?” Raven asked with disbelief. “I don’t understand, why would he ask that?”

“He says that he has me and he doesn’t need a herd of people, but I don’t think it’s that,” Erik said honestly.

“Then what is it?” Raven asked impatiently.

“He’s different, Raven. I don’t know why, but he’s not the same. I talked to the doctor about it and he said that’s how he heals, and that it’s normal. There’s nothing that feels normal about this, but he said to take him home and that might help. I know it’s not easy to hear that, but I don’t want to go against his wishes. It will only make things worse.”

“Yeah,” Raven cleared her throat. “I understand.”

Erik could tell she was crying. “Listen, if there is anything I could do—”

“You’re already doing it,” Raven cut Erik. “You’re taking care of Charles, and I can’t ask for more than that.”

“He loves you, Raven, but right now he’s not himself. He’s confused, and he’s taking everything in, everything that happened. It’s going to take him a while, and hopefully being back home will help.”

“Keep me posted.”

“I will,” Erik promised and hung up, walking back into the room.

Charles was holding the television remote control and flipping through the channels.

“Anything interesting?” Erik asked, dropping on the chair.

“Not really,” Charles shook his head. “Daytime tv sucks.”

A small smile spread across Erik’s face. “That it does,” he nodded. “You’ll be okay for a little bit without me? I was hoping to run to the cafeteria and grab something to eat.”

“Go,” Charles nodded. “I’ve got company.”

\---

Erik’s keys rattled against each other as he pushed the apartment door open and walked in, dragging Charles’s suitcase behind him. He flicked on the light and stood aside, making way for Charles to walk in.

Charles tiptoed into the space, as if there were someone asleep he didn’t want to disturb. His legs stopped moving, his eyes roaming around the walls, the furniture. He looked like he’s seeing the apartment for the first time, and in a way or another, he was. He isn’t the same Charles who left this place to spend two hours at the university to check on his students and come back. That Charles was gone. The New Charles is going to look at things in a completely different matter now. However, that was proven unsuccessful when Old Charles’s memories began flooding his mind. The first time Erik cooked for him. Making out on the couch. Telling Erik about what happened to him. An internal war of emotions was currently blasting inside of the professor, he was trying to restrict and shut down the memories as much as he could but failed. He looked over his shoulder and saw the golden statue standing there, it seemed to be looking at Charles, looking into him. He stared at it, echoes of pieces of Erik’s speech invading his mind. The moment he was the happiest man in the world. He didn’t notice Erik walk past him, his lips moving but Charles couldn’t hear a thing.

“Charles? You with me?” Erik voice cleared out next to him.

“Huh?”

“I was say—are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Charles nodded. “We’re back home,” Charles’s eyes wandered around the place once again.

“We are,” Erik gave him a small smile. “Let’s get you settled in and then I’ll just drop out for a little bit to buy some stuff. How does that sound?”

Charles nodded and walked up the stairs, followed by Erik, who was carrying Charles’s bag.

Thirty minutes later, both men were back downstairs, Charles sitting in the living room and Erik standing in the kitchen. Erik took a quick note of the things they need and grabbed his keys off the counter.

“You wanna come with me?” Erik offered.

After a second of hesitation, Charles shook his head. “No, I’ll stay here.”

“Alright, I won’t be long,” Erik promised and walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

As soon as Erik disappeared, Charles regretted saying no. He wanted to move and catch up to Erik, but his body disobeyed him, not moving an inch.

It took Charles about five minutes to pull himself off the couch and stand still in his place. The apartment was quiet, too quiet for his liking. Quiet meant unpredictability, and unpredictability meant danger. He grabbed the tv remote and after managing to stop his hands from shaking, he pressed the ‘on’ button, not caring what channel was playing. He needed sound, any sound to fill the silent space around him. It wasn’t like he was going to watch. His mind raced to the windows. He rushed over, making sure they were bolted shut. He was successfully breathing in equal breaths when he checked the clock. Erik has been gone for eight minutes.

Charles grabbed a chair and made his way towards the door, settling the chair against the wall and dropping down on it. He curled into himself, hugging his knees with his face in his lap and began counting the seconds.

\---

Charles was somewhere between one thousand and ten and one thousand and fifteen when he heard the door being pushed open. He lifted his head to see Erik walking in, a bunch of bags in his hands.

Erik frowned at the scene in front of him, not yet seeing Charles sitting by the door. The television was blaring loudly and his boyfriend was nowhere in sight.

“Erik,” Charles whispered.

Erik’s head turned towards the voice and finally saw Charles. Dropping the bags to the ground and closing the door, Erik was kneeling in front of Charles in a matter of seconds.

“Charles, hey, I didn’t see you there,” Erik slowly placed his hands on top of Charles’s knees, gently so he wouldn’t startle the already frightened man.

“I’m fine,” Charles sniffed, straightening his body.

“Okay, come on, I’ll make us some dinner,” Erik stood up, extending his hand for Charles to take.

Charles took it and let Erik lead him back to the couch.

“What do you feel like?”

“Anything,” Charles shrugged.

“How about Chicken Caesar Salad?” Erik suggested.

“Sure.”

The salad was ready and being served twenty minutes later. Charles’s eyes were starting to droop but Erik managed to get a few spoons into his now half-asleep boyfriend before Charles dropped his head against Erik’s shoulder and drifted off. Erik gradually moved Charles’s body so his head would be in the actor’s lap, careful not to disturb his sleep. Charles clearly needed some shuteye. Erik watched some soundless television for about an hour and finished the plate of salad, stroking Charles’s hair every now and then when he began to feel his own eyes close. He switched off the television and began to wake Charles.

“Charles? Babe, come on, let’s go upstairs.”

Charles huffed, his eyes opened halfway.

“The bed is more comfortable, come on,” Erik pulled Charles up into a sitting position and got to his feet, helping the man up. He noticed the bowl of salad sitting on the counter and decided to store it in the fridge after putting Charles to bed. He helped the wobbly professor up the stairs and into the bedroom, gratefully without any mishaps. Charles fell on the bed and hugged the pillow, closing his eyes. Erik lifted Charles’s feet and pulled the blanket from under him and covered his body. He quickly made his way back to the kitchen and placed the salad bowl on the fridge. When he walked back into the bedroom, Charles was sitting up.

“You disappeared,” Charles whispered.

“I’m sorry, I had to put the salad away. It would have gone bad if it was left outside,” Erik explained, getting into bed. “I’m here now.”

Charles nodded, slipping back under the blanket and giving his back to Erik.

Erik did the same, however he didn’t cover Charles’s body with his own, scared he’d suffocate the man and overwhelm him. He settled for throwing an arm over his boyfriend’s waist instead, he relaxed when Charles didn’t argue or show any signs of discomfort. It was actually calming for both men, Charles knowing Erik was there, and Erik knowing Charles was real. Soon enough, Erik’s breathing was regulated by the rise and fall of Charles’s chest and they both drifted off, both men finally being able to sleep after what felt like an eternity.

\---

Charles was disoriented when he woke up the following morning. He opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling until it came into focus. It took him a second to recall the events of the previous day as he sat up and looked around. He was back home. His eyes moved to the vacant space beside him, his heart beat picking up its pace. He remembered Erik getting into bed last night but the actor was nowhere to be seen. Charles started to panic.

He quickly managed to get the blanket off his body, kicking it with his feet to the end of the bed, part of it dangling off the edge and resting on the ground. He scrambled out of the room and down the stairs, calling out his boyfriend’s name.

“Erik!”

“In the kitchen,” Erik replied steadily, unaware of Charles’s current state.

Erik had just flipped the last pancake on the tall stack and turned around to face the professor. Erik’s face fell and his eyes filled with worry upon seeing Charles’s shaken look.

“Hey, hey,” Erik cooed, walking over to Charles. “You okay?” He examined his boyfriend’s face carefully.

“Yeah, you just weren’t in bed,” Charles choked.

“Come here,” Erik wrapped his arms around the small body, engulfing it in his warmth and love. He ran his hand up and down Charles’s back until he felt the man relax in his grip. Erik gently pulled away, taking Charles’s face in his hands. “I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t get up too long ago myself. I thought it would be nice to give you a comfy breakfast in bed type of thing.”

Charles pushed his body into Erik’s in response, his neck fitting perfectly under the larger man’s chin. His arms went around Erik’s muscular body and held on for dear life. He sighed against the actor’s chest and closed his eyes, trying to remember how it felt to be safe. He feared he’d never feel safe again.

“How do you feel about seeing Raven and Moira today?” Erik asked carefully.

“Did they call?” Erik’s body muffled Charles’s voice.

“No,” Erik shook his head, “I was just wondering, just a suggestion. I think they’d love to see you.”

“I would like that.”

“Great, I’ll let them know. And I made pancakes,” Erik whispered.

Charles nodded, taking a moment before separating his body from Erik’s and looked over the stack of said food.

“That’s a lot of pancakes.”

“I might have gotten carried away,” Erik shrugged with a small smile.

Charles grabbed a plate and took two pancakes, doubting he’ll even get through them. But he decided to try, nonetheless. If Erik had gone through the trouble of making these, he owes him at least that much.

Charles was able to eat one pancake and a half.

\---

The sun was setting when Raven and Moira left Erik and Charles’s place, not wanting to stay too long. Charles’s request of them not being with him the day he was discharged from the hospital wasn’t brought up and for that he was grateful. Moira did, however, give him a large piece of cardboard paper, decorated with DNA strands and comic-looking genes. A letter from his students. It was rather heartwarming, Charles thought when he took it from Moira’s hand and looked it over. The students even scribbled some big words that Charles doubted they even knew what they meant. But it was the effort that counted.

Charles walked over the couch and joined Erik, handing the man the letter. He snuggled to Erik’s side and watched as Erik flipped open the large item. On the inside were many many small individual messages from the students, each wrote something for Charles. He ran his eyes quickly over the words and trailed at the bottom of the page. In big handwriting, likely to be Jean’s, he read: It’s not the same with you, Professor X. We can’t wait to have you back.”

Charles took in a deep breath, keeping the tears in his eyes at bay.

“Told you got a hell of a fanbase,” Erik kissed the side of Charles’s head.

Charles dismissed Erik’s comment and took the paper from his hand instead, closing the fold and getting up. He walked over to the kitchen counter and placed the letter there.

Erik frowned, watching Charles’s movements. “You didn’t read the messages.”

“Later,” Charles mumbled, walking up the stairs and disappearing.

A couple of minutes later, Charles reappeared, wearing a hoodie, sweatpants and sneakers.

“Going somewhere?” Erik raised his eyebrows.

“I need to grab something, won’t be long.”

“Want me to come with you?”

Erik was answered by the slam of the front door.

“Okay then, be careful,” Erik whispered to the empty apartment. He sighed and looked over towards the abandoned letter. He decided to clean up the kitchen until Charles comes back.

Twenty minutes or so later, Erik heard the doorbell chime. He dried his hand with a towel and jogged over to the door, opening it. He saw Charles standing there, holding a plastic bag that read: Beacon Wine and Spirits.

Liquor. Charles went out to buy liquor.

“Really, Charles?” Erik frowned.

Charles shrugged, pushing his way into the apartment.

Erik scoffed, closing the door. Still standing in his place, he turned to face Charles, crossing his arms over his chest. “This is how you’re going to deal with this?”

“A way,” Charles pulled out two bottles of Jack Daniels from the bag, setting them on the counter.

“We don’t have any ice,” Erik reminded Charles, knowing his boyfriend’s preferred way of drinking his whiskey.

“Doesn’t matter,” Charles pulled out a glass from the cupboard and filled it with the drink halfway.

Erik bit his bottom lip, not knowing how to react. He can’t just snatch the drink from Charles’s hands now, can he? That would just make things worse, a lot worse. With a heavy heart he decided to let it go, at least for tonight. Charles could use forgetting just for one night.

“Want some?” Charles offered the bottle to Erik.

“No,” Erik shook his head, sitting back down on the couch and started flipping through the television channels.

Charles grabbed the opened bottle and sat down next to Erik, lowering the bottle on the table in front of him. He quickly downed the remaining alcohol in his glass and filled it again.

Erik sighed, his eyes glued on the screen.

“Is there a problem?”

“No problem at all.”

“Good,” Charles brought the glass up to his lips.

\---

Charles’s drinking slowed down over the span of the next couple of hours. However not a single word was exchanged between the men sitting side-by-side on the couch. Erik took a sip from the water bottle he fetched a while ago and ran his hand through his hair, watching Charles from the corner of his eye.

“I’m going to resign from the university,” Charles broke the silence, sliding his glass to the center of the table.

“What?” Erik frowned, turned his head to fully face Charles.

“I’m going to resign from the university,” Charles repeated.

“No, I heard you,” Erik snapped. “Why in the hell would you do that?”

Charles sighed and shrugged his shoulder. “It’s time for something else.”

“ _Something else_? Charles being a professor is everything to you, it’s who you are, you love it.”

“Loved it,” Charles emphasized.

“I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”

“Me, Erik. It’s coming from me. I’m done. I don’t want it anymore.”

“You’re just going to throw it away? Just like that? You’re just going to give up everything you’ve worked so hard for and walk away from the amount of lives that you’ve changed?”

“They’ll get over it.”

“This is just the booze talking,” Erik shook his head.

“No, Erik, it’s not the booze!” Charles yelled. “Are you really that scared to accept that I’m not the man you once loved anymore so you’re blaming it on the booze? It’s me alright, it’s the new me. The new me who doesn’t give a fuck anymore.”

“You’re just going to roll over and let the _new you_ take over? What? Because you can’t stand the idea of the old you? I fell in love with the old you. And yes, the idea of that man disappearing terrifies the crap out of me!”

“Tough luck, then. Because he is gone.”

“No,” Erik shook his head. “I don’t believe he’s gone. I believe he’s still in there because the Charles I know is stronger than this. He wouldn’t just give up. He’d fight. When you find him, tell him I’m looking for him.”

“Fuck off, Erik,” Charles spat.

“No, Charles, I’m going to fuck off. I can’t sit by and watch you destroy your life. Bring down everything you love. I won’t sit on the sidelines.”

“It’s my fucking life!” Charles sprung to his feet in anger. “You don’t get it. You don’t get a say. It’s my life, I do whatever I want with it.”

Erik took a few seconds to recollect himself and choose his next words very carefully. Angering Charles further will do no good.

“Look, Charles, just listen to me,” Erik began. “I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through right now, you’re right, I can’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t see what it’s doing to you. You’re confused and you’re scared, which is perfectly normal after what happened. You can’t snap your fingers and expect everything to be better again…it doesn’t work that way. You have to take it slowly, and you should let the people around you help you through it. You’re not yourself right now, and you shouldn’t make permanent decisions based on temporary problems.”

“ _Temporary_? Did you just say temporary?” Charles scoffed.

“Yes, this is temporary. Because I will help you get better and if you’d just let me, we can move forward together,” Erik got up and walked over to Charles, placing his hands on top of the shorter man’s shoulders. “This is normal.”

“Stop hovering over me,” Charles pushed Erik’s arms away and started pacing around the living room. “And this is not normal, nothing about this is normal. I panicked when I woke up and my boyfriend wasn’t next to me, I yelled your name, terrified of being alone. I’m a fucking grown man, Erik, I can take care of myself. This—this is not some coping mechanism that will go away. I can feel it, everything is just…gone.”

“I’m just trying to help, Charles. Why won’t you let me?”

“Because I don’t need your help!” Charles’s voice rose. “Don’t you get it? There is nothing for you to help with or to fix because it is all gone. Turned to ash and blew away. Empty, it’s all empty. There is nothing left.”

“That’s not true,” Erik shook his head. “We said—no we promised to kick as hard as we can and fight and not give up and now you’re telling me it’s all gone? To hell with that! I will not allow you to throw it all away. I will not let some drunken assumption destroy everything we’ve built and everything we’ve been through. We got here, Charles, against all odds. We made it, together, and now you’re saying it was all for nothing? No, I won’t accept that.”

Charles dragged his feet across the floor, back to the couch and fell on the cushion. “You want to go back, but there is no going back. There is no fixing this, Erik. It already crashed down.”

It all collapsed, shattering into infinite pieces.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tension between Erik and Charles remains sky high, causing more outbursts and accusations. Some more idiotic actions. With the help of friends, both men eventually get some sense knocked into them and they come around, individually. Erik seeks the help of a trusted man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Life works in funny ways, you know. For example, I just finished mid-term week to begin another mid-term week next week...Already studying again. Thankfully, I was able to write this chapter before the horror begins once again. Mentions of PTSD in this chapter. Enjoy the angst! As usual, feedback is greatly appreciated and taken to heart! 
> 
> (Also, not related to this story -- but I'm already planning a new Cherik fic that is quite frankly purely fluff and I'm super excited for it!)

Erik and Charles have been tiptoeing around each other these past few days since their last talk, or in other words, their last outburst. Neither man had the heart to bring it up and pour salt into the already open wounds. Erik’s heart was still broken from Charles’s words and he couldn’t even begin to imagine what could be done to mend it. He feared nothing would heal his shattered being.

They exchanged a few emotionless words here and there, what to eat, who’s going out, who called to check in. They wouldn’t look into each other’s eyes, fearing the despair and heartbreak would wreck them to the point of no repair.

This time, however, Erik was the one who went out to buy the liquor. And he bought four bottles.

He poured himself some of the drink and then poured an identical glass, handing it to Charles who took it without a word.

Erik barely remembered telling himself that Charles’s drinking was going to be a one-time thing, and instead, began drinking himself. There was just so little one can do.

Erik fell down on the armchair while Charles sat down on the couch, keeping a distance between them. Erik switched on the television, keeping whatever channel was playing. He took a sip from his drink and sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“I miss you,” Erik whispered. “We can’t keep doing this, Charles. We need to talk.” Erik watched Charles’s unchanged facial expression and pushed on, already feeling the sting taking over his body. “We’re falling apart, and I’m praying to God that we can save this, save us.”

Erik was well aware of the effects his words held, the heaviness that surrounded it. They _were_ falling apart and Erik couldn’t stay silent any longer. These past few days have nearly destroyed him. He had never used drinking as a means of escape, the last time he drank heavily was when Charles had ignored him and pushed him away all those months ago. And he started feeling like that again, he began drinking just so he would avoid talking to Charles. Erik owed it to himself to pull it together and face the professor, accepting that he may cause more damage than good. But he had to try.

Charles’s response was unchanged, though. He brought the glass up to his lips and swallowed the remainder of the liquid, filling the glass again and downed the alcohol. He wasn’t going to give Erik anything. He already gave the man everything.

Erik sighed once again, turning is face towards the television.

They didn’t exchange a single word for the rest of the day.

\---

That night was like the previous nights. Erik and Charles would crawl under the bedcover and stick to their side, giving each other their backs. They would drift off and not touch one other throughout the night.

This night, however, when Erik stirred, turning his body towards Charles’s side, he opened his eyes halfway and waited a few seconds for them to focus. He saw Charles sitting up, his back resting against the headboard and his knees pulled into his chest.

“Charles?” Erik mumbled, using his hands to push his body up, into a seating position. “What is it? What happened?”

Charles shook his head, turning his face away from Erik. “It’s nothing,” he whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you, go back to sleep.”

“You didn’t wake me,” Erik shook his head. “What is it?”

Charles sighed, kicking the cover off himself and got out of bed. He paced around the bedroom until he came to a stop in front of the window. He gulped, watching as a car raced by every now and then. Everything looked the same, the city looked the same, the streets, he even looked the same, but nothing was the same. He tried to think back, trying to pinpoint when exactly everything went to hell, but he couldn’t. After those days with Shaw, he could remember holding on, holding on to who he was and he was fighting to survive. And he did, he survived. But nothing about what he’s feeling right now feels like survival. It feels like torture. He remembered being completely and utterly happy when he woke up and saw Erik by his side, and then everything stopped making sense. Somewhere during his early days in the hospital, he let everything go. He didn’t realize he was doing it until it was all gone. He can’t explain it, but somewhere he lost himself. And he isn’t too sure he’s going to find himself again.

And Erik doesn’t understand that. Or at least, that’s what Charles thinks.

The small man didn’t notice when Erik got out of bed and stood behind him, slowly resting his hands on his shoulders and turning him around to face him. For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, they finally looked into each other’s eyes.

Erik couldn’t explain what he saw in his boyfriend’s blue circles, a mixture of fear, sadness and nostalgia was the closest Erik could get. He knew his eyes reflected the same things because he feeling the exact same thing the smaller man was. He was terrified. He was heartbroken. He was longing for the good days. He understood Charles because they truly are connected, far more than just physically and emotionally. Some may go as far as saying their souls are tied together.

“Charles, please, just talk to me,” Erik spoke gently. “Stop running, and tell me what’s going on. I’m begging you.”

Charles closed his eyes and let out a long sigh, keeping the welled up tears at bay. He slowly opened them again and shook his head. “I can’t,” he whispered. “I can’t talk about it.”

“You don’t have to tell me what happened, just tell me what’s going through your head right now,” Erik tried.

“It’s all connected,” Charles’s voice cracked.

“Let me in, you keep pushing me away but,” Erik drew in some air, “I don’t scare easily. You know that. Just because you’re giving me the cold shoulder doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying.”

“Well, I want you to stop trying,” Charles said harshly, moving away.

Erik’s arms dropped from Charles’s shoulder and he was paralyzed in his place as he watched the professor grab his pillow and head for the door.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” Charles announced.

“Charles, _please_ ,” Erik pleaded, eyes trailing Charles as he walked out of the room.

“Good night, Erik.”

Erik sighed heavily, letting himself drop on the bed helplessly. He stifled a yawn, tucking himself under the covers and shutting his eyes. A tear made its way down the side of his face and he didn’t bother wiping it away. He doubted he’d be getting any more sleep tonight.

\---

Somewhere between four am and the sun coming up, Erik had drifted off. But right now, as he stirred in his place, he felt like he hadn’t slept in years. His body ached all over, his head throbbed, his throat was dry. It took him a few minutes to stumble into the bathroom and lazily wash his face and teeth. When he was done, he took a peek at the messy bed and recalled the events of the previous night. Erik sighed, dragging his feet down the stairs. He spotted Charles sitting on the couch, the newspaper in his hand. The actor opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the first painkiller he saw.

“Anything interesting?” Erik asked, after swallowing the pill with some water.

“Nope,” Charles sighed, tossing the folded paper on the table in front of him.

“About last night—” Erik began.

“Don’t,” Charles stood up and made his way to the stairs.

Erik watched as Charles disappeared up the stairs and with another sigh, he grabbed an apple from the fruit basket on the counter and took a bite. He really had no idea where he was going with that sentence.

The hours of the day ticked by and Erik and Charles didn’t exchange any words really. The decided to order in pizza and silently watched the game on tv. And of course, they were both drinking with their dinner.

“I’m trying, Charles, I’m really trying here.”

Charles ignored Erik’s words and finished his drink. He poured himself some more and then did the same to Erik’s glass.

Erik scoffed, shaking his head. “What am I supposed to take from that?”

“Anything you want.”

The rest of the night turned out to be a pretty dull one.

\---

Erik kept a close eye on Charles for the days to follow, trying to find him in an okay-enough mood to talk. But, needless to say, Charles was almost never in an okay-enough mood. He’d mostly be in said mood whenever he went out, alone, whether to grab a few things or just take a stroll around the block. He never offered Erik to tag along.

Today, however, Erik woke up with the intention of talking. He didn’t care if Charles was up for it, hell he didn’t care if Charles said anything. He was going to talk. And say everything that’s on his mind and damn the consequences. He had practically lived through hell so nothing can make things worse than they already are.

“You know what, Charles?” Erik stood in front of the couch, facing the professor currently seating on said couch. “I don’t care if you don’t talk anymore, I don’t care if you say anything, but just listen to me.”

Charles’s eyes moved up to meet Erik’s for a few moments and then were lowered back to the television screen.

Already frustrated, Erik grabbed the remote and switched the television off, earning himself a glare from Charles.

“You’re going to listen to me,” Erik demanded.

Charles sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyebrows shot up, waiting for Erik to speak.

“I just—one thing I want to know. These past few days, we’re basically worlds apart and before that, I was trying to hard to keep us from drifting apart, I held on to you with everything in me but you kept letting go. You kept pulling away and I couldn’t stop it. I just want to know one thing. Did it ever cross your mind what this is doing to me? Did you, for a fragment of a second, think about _me_? Or are you caught up with yourself and no one but yourself? Because it feels like you’re throwing me to the dogs. It feels like you don’t give a crap whether I stay or leave. It’s like you don’t even acknowledge that my heart is on fire, being ripped apart and you’re just watching—” Erik’s voice broken, denying him the liberty of continuing. He took a few deep breaths before speaking again. “You’re not letting me in, and what’s worse is that you don’t want to see or even imagine what happened to me and what this is doing to me.”

“What?” Charles narrowed his eyes.

“What exactly are you asking about? I said a lot of things.”

“ _I don’t want to see or imagine what happened to you_? Are you fucking kidding me right now? I am barely holding on, barely keeping myself together and I have to worry about _you_?! I’m sorry if your little heart is broken, Erik, but you didn’t go through what I went through. _I_ went through it. You weren’t kidnapped and told constantly what a waste you are to the point where you believe it! You weren’t terrified of never seeing the people you love ever again! You weren’t scared shitless of never getting the chance to tell the man you loved how you felt about him!”

“But I was!” Erik yelled back. “I had no idea where you were or what was happening to you, can’t you imagine what that must have felt like!” Erik heaved, his throat suddenly dry.

Charles scoffed, shaking his head. “Stop comparing our pain. Our pain is not the same.”

“You’re right, it’s not the same,” Erik caught his breath. “But it’s not all that different either.”

“I don’t get the point of this,” Charles sighed. “Are you blaming me for what happened? Are you blaming me for breaking you?”

“ _Breaking me_? Why are you always jumping to conclusions, Charles? And no, of course I’m not blaming you.”

“Well, it sure as hell sounds like it.”

“You want me to blame you for something? Fine. I blame you for making me feel useless, for making me feel like a disappointment because I can’t take care of my boyfriend and that is your fault. You’re not letting me help you. And for setting us both on fire. Is that what you fucking want to hear from me?”

“Well, at least you’re honest. Don’t bother anymore, I’m done,” Charles got up from the couch and walked over the counter.

“No, you can’t do this. You can’t decide when to give me a piece of your mind and when to stop and call it quits,” Erik walked towards Charles. “You can’t decide when we’re talking and when we’re not, and you most definitely do not get to treat me like some lowlife who doesn’t know how to live, who needs your instructions to keep moving.”

“But yet I can.”

“You’re not alone in this relationship – if you can even call it that anymore,” Erik’s jaw stiffened. “You’re taking everything I’ve got and giving me nothing, absolutely nothing.”

“Stop giving then! This is my life, I do whatever the fuck I want!”

“But it isn’t just your life. It’s my life, too. When will you see that?”

“I can’t see a damn thing, Erik! And you want to know why? You want all your hovering and pouring out your heart and soul lead you somewhere? I can’t see anything because all I see are those days! The days he had me. I remember. I remember everything! And it’s like my mind is stuck back and every time I try to move forward, it spirals and brings me right back there. So no, I can’t see that it’s your life, too. I can’t see what it’s doing to you. I can barely see what it’s doing to me,” Charles quickly wiped away a fallen tear.

“Damn it, Charles,” Erik sighed. “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. You need help, and I can get you that help. Or God forbid be that help. I don’t understand why you kept it from me.”

“Because it’s consuming me! It’s everywhere, it’s everything, it’s everyone! Everywhere I look it’s there. No one can possibly help me with that. It’s over, it’s done. This is the reality. When will _you_ accept that?”

“Accept what? That this is the finish line and we’re done? That everything is gone? That _you’re_ gone? I won’t accept that.”

“I’m tired, I’m just…tired,” Charles sighed.

“Touch luck, then, because you don’t get to quit. You don’t get to destroy you, and me. I think enough damage has already been done.”

“Fucking hell, Erik. There is nothing to do about it, the damage is too much!”

Out of frustration and confusion, Charles grabbed his glass (which he intended to fill with whiskey but never did) and sent it flying to the ground. He didn’t flinch when the glass broke into infinite pieces, dispersing over the kitchen floor.

Erik and Charles were so caught up in their heated argument and crash of the glass, they didn’t hear the front door being pushed open and someone rushing in.

“What was that?”

Erik stole a glimpse at the man at the door. Logan.

He heard the yelling and the glass and used his spare key.

“It slipped,” Charles shrugged.

“Yeah, it _slipped_ ,” Erik rolled his eyes.

Logan sighed and walked over to the two men, and began guiding Erik towards the door.

“What are you doing?” Erik frowned.

“Leave.”

“What? I’m not going anywhere,” Erik tried fighting Logan’s grip. “We’re not done.”

“You are – for now.”

“Logan!”

“Erik, take a walk. Go,” Logan gave Erik one final push towards the door.

Erik blew out an angry puff of hot air and grabbed his phone, wallet and jacket. He gave Logan and Charles one final look before marching out, slamming the door behind him.

Once Erik was out of sigh, Logan turned and faced Charles, his hands resting on his hips.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?”

“Not particularly,” Charles grabbed another glass from the cupboard.

“Well, too bad, because I’m not going anywhere until you speak,” Logan took the glass out of the professor’s hand and placed it back where it belongs.

“I’m gonna use that,” Charles protested.

“No, you’re not. Because you’re going to tell me what’s going on. While being sober.”

Charles sighed, making his way to the couch and sitting down. He felt the weight shift next to him when the muscular man joined.

\---

When Erik walked out of the apartment building, he contemplated going back upstairs and finish his yelled at Charles. But, since Logan was upstairs and he knew his best friend wouldn’t take any shit from him, Erik decided against it. Instead, he decided to roam around the chilly streets of the city and try to hold on to the old days, trying to keep himself from completely falling apart. He looked up and found himself standing in front of his favorite bar.

He glanced left and right quickly, not quite sure who he was looking for. Maybe Logan or Charles, telling him not to walk into that bar. He knew if he took that step, he would not be going back home tonight.

 _Fuck it_ , Erik thought and moved his feet forward.

He spotted Marty, his favorite bartender, standing behind the counter. _Well, I guess the night won’t be a complete waste after all_ , Erik nodded to himself.

The bar wasn’t that crowded, probably because of the time of the day, but Marty spotted Erik and waved.

“Hey, Erik,” he greeted once the actor fell into one of the stools by the bar. “Haven’t seen you or Logan around much lately.”

“House calls,” Erik replied groggily.

“Ah, will it be the usual?”

“Yes, please,” Erik nodded.

Erik’s usual whiskey on the rocks glass was in front of him thirty seconds later. He grabbed the glass and swallowed the entire drink in one go. He watched Marty’s eyes go wide as he gestured for more alcohol. Marty poured him another.

“Whoa, whoa, take it slow, buddy. The night is still young,” Marty spoke when he witnessed Erik drink the second glass just as fast as he did the first.

“Life is short, Mart.”

“Is sure is.”

Erik had slowed down the drinking and was now halfway through his fourth glass, peeking at the television dangling from the ceiling right above the bar and hazily watched the game. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and hit the home button, making the screen shine in his face. Two missed calls and one text message. All from Logan.

Erik sighed, sliding his finger over the text to open it properly.

-       _Where are you?_ Erik read.

Erik dimmed his phone, not replying to Logan’s text. He finished his drink and gestured Marty for another.

“Is everything okay, Erik?”

“Nope,” Erik sang, gulping down the fiery liquid, wincing as it ran down his throat.

\---

Back at the apartment, Logan was able to take some talk out of Charles, but the professor still wasn’t addressing the real problem.

“He wants to go back to what it was before, Logan, but there is no going back. I keep telling him that but he doesn’t want to get it.”

“It’s not that he doesn’t want to get it, it’s that he doesn’t want to believe it. He doesn’t want to believe that what you two had is gone. Because if he did believe, he’d really lose everything. He’s trying to hold onto something.”

“I just,” Charles sighed, “I hate myself from not being able to give him what he needs. I knew this was going to happen, eventually, I mean. I thought it would happen in a year or two, not this fast. I guess I was wrong, he should have walked out when I told him to.”

“Hold on a second,” Logan drew in a breath, “you told him to leave?”

“Yeah, back in the hospital. I knew I was going to drag him down, I knew I was going to destroy him. It’s what I do. He said it, Logan, he said that I set us both on fire, and I don’t blame him because he’s right.”

“That was just a moment of frustration and you know it.”

“Do I?” Charles scoffed.

“Charles, you have to see that he’s been sticking with you through everything, and he always told you he would, right? I can tell you why he didn’t walk out, even though I guarantee everything in him was telling him to run. But his heart told him to stay. And he’d rather burn with you than survive alone.”

“Why?” Charles groaned with frustration.

“Because he loves you,” Logan answered simply.

“I’m not sure there is anything left to love,” Charles shook his head.

“Now that is something Erik would disagree with. He still see you, the man he fell in love with, under all that crap you’re pulling, he still sees _you_. You can’t see you, which is why you need him. You need him to remind you of who you were because you’re too overwhelmed to do it. And there’s nothing wrong with that, what you went through, I know it changes a person. Usually to the worst, but that’s why you hold on to the people around you, they won’t let you turn into that worst, they will grab your arm and yank you to the bright side. You just need to let them do that.”

“He deserves something better than that,” Charles wiped away a salty tear staining his cheek. “I love him so much, I do, but I can’t do that to him.”

“Listen to me, he knew what happened to you, he knew it, and he stayed, and he did that because he wanted to. He wanted you. You make him the happiest, Charles. I’ve known Erik for a very long time, and the happiest I ever saw him was when you became a part of his life. His face lit up, he found his purpose. In the beginning, it was all about his career, he didn’t think about anything else. That was it for him. But now, I know for a fact that he would give up everything, including his career, for you.”

Charles buried his face in his hands, his body shaking slightly with each sob.

Logan’s hand rested on Charles’s back, rubbing it soothingly up and down.

“It’s not fair,” Charles mumbled. “Nothing is fair.”

Logan looked around and spotted a familiar small box sitting near the front door. He got up and retrieved it, making up his mind whether to do what he was about to do or not. He ran his fingers over the velvet box, nodding. He returned back to this seat next to Charles.

“Erik will probably kill me for doing this, but I have to do it,” Logan spoke.

Charles sniffed, lifting his face and looking at the actor.

“The day—the day you were taken, he was going to make you dinner and give you this,” Logan handed Charles the box.

Charles’s heart began beating fasting, the possibility that it was a ring pulsating through his body. They did say how they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Well, before everything went to shit, that is.

He took a deep breath and opened the box. It was a key.

Charles found his heartbeat slowing down as he swallowed. Under the silver key was a tiny folded piece of paper. Charles took the key into his hand and opened the paper, his eyes moving over the words written in Erik’s messy handwriting. He’d recognize his boyfriend’s handwriting anywhere.

 

_To Charles,_

_Here’s to the beginning of the rest of our lives. A life to share with you, in this home. Our home. A life for you. I vow to dedicate my every breathing second to making you the happiest person alive._

_Yours,_

_Erik_

This time, Charles couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. He took in some breaths through his mouth, holding the note tightly between his fingers. It’s the closest he could be to Erik in this very moment. He closed his eyes, a tear landed on the paper and dissolving away.

“Erik lost himself, too,” Logan spoke softly. “You’re his everything and he thought he lost you, it almost demolished him. I was there, I saw what it did to him. All I’m saying is that you two can use your pain to heal each other.”

Charles looked up with red, puffy eyes.

“The man who wrote that letter has been buried, but I know you can bring him back, and he can bring you back,” Logan nodded.

Charles cleared his throat, looking down at the key.

Something inside him was a little disappointed that the key wasn’t a ring. Deep down, he wanted it to be a ring. Regardless of everything that happened, he still wants to spend the rest of his life with Erik, he realized.

“I need to find him,” Charles dried his wet cheeks.

\---

Erik stumbled as he rang the doorbell and waited for someone to open the door for him. He wore a ridiculous drunken smile on his face.

Less than a minute later, the door open and Raven raised her eyebrows at the actor, demanding a silent explanation as to why he was knocking on the mansion’s door at…three in the morning, she checked her watch.

“Erik, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I, uh,” Erik let out a small liquor-filled giggle, “I need to—to talk to Ch—Charles. Where’s Charles? I want to speak to him.”

“He’s not here,” Raven spoke slowly so the drunken man can understand her. “He’s with you, remember? You live together.”

“Yeah—wait,” Erik narrowed his eyes and looked around, then up at the bricks of the mansion. He had no idea how he got there. “I thou—thought I was,” another laugh, “but I’m here!” Erik exclaimed, a big smile on his face.

“Yeah, I see what’s going on. You thought you were at your place,” Raven nodded.

“I—” Erik took a step backwards, threatening his balance.

“Whoa, whoa,” Raven quickly held onto Erik’s shoulders, keeping him from falling to the cold ground.

“Your—your brother, he’s, he’s sleeping on the couch,” Erik managed to say before combusting into loud laughter.

“Let’s get you inside,” Raven guided Erik through the door and into the living room, where she slowly helped him down onto the couch.

“He’s sleeping on the couch,” Erik repeated.

“Yeah, I heard you.”

“Everything was good but then it wasn’t and everything is fucked up and he’s sleeping on the couch and he won’t talk to me and I’m so tired,” Erik slurred.

“Yeah, I bet you are.”

Raven wanted some answers from Erik. They had been texting over the past week, small texts here and there that were basically just a few words long. She felt something was off about Erik and the way he spoke, well, wrote, but she dismissed it. Now, seeing Erik in this state, something was definitely up. And she knew she wouldn’t get anything out of Erik in his state right now, anything that makes sense, anyway.

“You should get some sleep, we’ll talk tomorrow,” Raven promised, lifting Erik’s legs and straightening them out on the couch. She grabbed a blanket that was sitting nearby and covered Erik’s body with it.

“I want Charles,” Erik whispered, his eyes drooping shut.

“You’ll see him tomorrow,” Raven soothed, watching as the actor drifted off and didn’t move a muscle. After making sure he was fast asleep, she switched off the lights and walked up the stairs to her room.

That was definitely a weird turn of events.

\---

Erik groaned, turning his body away from the sunbeams hitting his closed eyelids, but found that he was restricted by a barrier. Confused, he opened his eyes and found himself sleeping on a couch, facing a bunch of cushions with half the blanket dangling off him and resting on the ground. He creased his eyebrows, confused as to where exactly he is.

“Morning,” he heard a voice speak from behind him.

Erik jumped at that, abruptly turning his head to face the source, which didn’t really help with the killer headache he’s got going on.

Wait, Raven? Why is Raven in his apartment…he looked around and realized he wasn’t even in his apartment. He was in the mansion. The Xavier mansion.

Erik rubbed his forehead tiredly as he sat up, trying to erase the sleepiness from his eyes. He saw a cup filled with water and a pill sitting on the table in front of him.

“Aspirin. Take it,” Raven gestured to the pill.

Erik nodded, swallowing down the pill and gulping down the rest of the water.

“Breakfast?”

“God no,” Erik said with his hoarse voice. “I don’t even remember getting here. Or how I got here.”

“That tends to happen when you’re drunk,” Raven shrugged, taking a seat next to him.

“Sorry, about anything I did,” he looked at Raven.

“You didn’t do anything,” Raven shook her head. “I’m actually glad you came here instead of going to a random house,” she tried to lighten the mood with a small smile.

“Thank you…legs?” Erik chuckled.

“You did say something, though, repeatedly. You said Charles was sleeping on the couch.”

“Ah, of course I did,” Erik sighed. “Well, he is.”

“Why?”

“Beats me,” Erik shrugged. “Nothing is the same anymore. He’s not the same, I’m not the same, and we’re not the same. He doesn’t talk to me, he’s not sleeping but he won’t let me in. So, I’m helpless. He’s not giving me anything, so I don’t know how to help him. I don’t even think he wants my help.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Raven tried.

“Well, he yelled it in my face so I’m not so sure about that. I keep trying to convince myself that we’re not passed saving, but to tell you the truth, I’m not so sure about that anymore,” Erik sighed.

“You can’t give up, Erik.”

“Charles did, and I’m trying _so_ hard not to, but it’s not working. I’m pushing this huge stone all by myself and I’m getting tired.”

“Erik, don’t give up on him, please. It will be the end if you do. You two have been through so much to just throw it all away.”

“Tell Charles that,” Erik scoffed.

“I will.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Raven wrapped her arm around Erik’s shoulder. “All that I know is that you gave me my brother back, he’s still here because of you.”

Erik nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. His headache was beginning to fade away.

\---

Erik managed to keep a sandwich down and gratefully took a small bottle of water Raven offered him to stay hydrated. (Thank you, hangover.) He hailed a cab and got out in front of his apartment building. He stood outside for a few minutes, gathering his thoughts and strength before finally walking in and calling the elevator.

He had no idea what happened after he was kicked out the night before, but he was about to find out. He slid his key into the keyhole and pushed the door open, he was greeted by an empty living room.

“About time you showed up,” Logan appeared, leaning against a wall with his hands crossed over his shoulder. He wore an unimpressed look.

Erik looked at the couch and spotted a pillow and a blanket, same scene as the one at the mansion. “You slept here?”

“Didn’t have much of a choice, you being AWOL and all.”

“Right,” Erik dropped his keys on the table and walked into the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of much needed coffee.

“Where the hell did you go?”

“Bar. Then Raven’s. Don’t know how I got there,” Erik took a sip of the warm liquid. “Thank you for staying.”

“So, you were drunk?” Logan asked, dismissing Erik’s thank you note.

“Yes, I was,” Erik grabbed his cup and walked into the living room.

“Jesus Christ, Erik, what the fuck are you doing?”

“The only thing I know how to do, apparently. Disappoint everyone around me.”

“Now you’re just talking crap,” Logan scoffed.

“I don’t think so,” Erik shook his head.

“This entire situation is too heavy for one person to carry alone, Erik. Just like Charles needs help, you need help, too.”

“I’m not supposed to need help, Logan! He said it himself, what he went through was different than what I went through and all that pain and helplessness I felt compares nothing to what he went through. I get it now.”

“You’re wrong,” Logan shook his head. “Both of you suffered, both of you went through unimaginable things. But guess what? You both survived and you found your way back to each other, no matter how short it lasted. What happened, Erik?”

“Somewhere along the line, he let go and,” Erik sighed, shrugging. “And it all crashed down.”

“He came around, you know.”

“What?”

“I,” Logan sighed, “I showed him the key.”

Erik’s face fell at his best friend’s statement, his eyes going wild. “What? Why? Why would you do that?” Erik’s voice rose. “That was none of your business, you should have stayed the hell away from that,” Erik grinned his teeth.

“I was out of options! What was I supposed to do, huh? I’m watching him drown, and I’m watching you wallow away in misery, I didn’t have any choice!”

Erik sighed, running his hand through his chaotic mess of hair.

“It worked,” Logan reminded Erik. “He didn’t say anything, but I could see it in his eyes. He’s ready.”

Something clicked within Erik.

“Where’s Charles?”

“Taking a shower.”

“Okay, I, I need to go do something. Tell him I was here and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Okay,” Logan nodded. “But where are you going?”

“I need to be ready, too,” Erik said before walking out the door.

A few minutes later, Logan was joined by Charles, his brown hair still damp from the shower.

“Erik?” Charles asked, something telling him the actor was there.

Logan nodded.

“I thought I heard his voice,” Charles sighed, a hint of disappointment in his tone.

“He said he needed to go do something and he’ll be back as soon as he can.”

“You don’t have to stay, you sleeping over is more than enough.”

“Are you sure? I don’t have anywhere to be.”

“I’m sure,” Charles nodded. “Erik and I have done enough in driving you mad,” he chuckled.

“All with love,” Logan smiled. “You’ll be okay?”

“Eventually. We’ll figure it out.”

“You and Erik have an incredibly strong bond, and the love you both have for each other…there’s no words. I know you’ll make it.”

Charles wrapped his arms around Logan’s strong body, feeling Logan’s arms go around his small form instantly. Charles squeezed his eyes shut and stayed silent for a few moments.

“Thank you, for everything.”

“Anything for family,” Logan patted Charles’s back, still holding the professor close.

\---

Erik walked through the sliding doors of the Trinity General Hospital ER. He scanned the semi-filled room for a familiar face but saw none. He made his way towards a nearby nurses station, hoping to get some help.

“Hi, how can I help you?” A nurse looked up for the computer.

“Hi, I uh, my boyfriend was a patient here a while back, I was wondering if you can tell me where I can find Doctor Hunt?”

“He was your doctor?”

“Yes, he was.”

“Is he expecting you?”

“No, he’s not,” Erik shook his head.

“You can go ahead and wait in the waiting room and I’ll page him for you,” the nurse smiled.

“Thank you.”

Ten minutes later, Erik turned his head towards the waiting room entrance when he heard his name being called. He stood up and extended his hand to the ginger doctor.

“Doctor Hunt,” Erik nodded.

“How’s everything going?” Hunt asked, shaking Erik’s hand.

“Well, that’s why I’m here. Things aren’t the best,” Erik sighed.

“I hope I’ll be able to help. Let’s go somewhere more private, shall we?” Hunt guided Erik towards the elevator.

They got off on the surgery floor and entered an empty sitting room.

“What’s up?”

“The whole thing about Charles getting better and that we shouldn’t need to worry until there’s something to worry about…”

Hunt nodded.

“I think there is something to worry about,” Erik sighed.

“What do you mean?”

Erik spent the next couple of minutes briefing the doctor on Charles; not sleeping, not eating, anger outbursts, talking about quitting teaching, no communication, avoiding talking about what happened to him.

“And then he just yells at me that he remembers everything, but he still doesn’t want to talk to me about it.”

“Those are classic symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,” Hunt said.

“PTSD?” Erik repeated.

“Yeah, it’s not uncommon. And the symptoms may show weeks or months after the event, but with Charles, it seems like it happened right away.”

“What can I do about it?” Erik asked with desperation. “I can do something, right?”

“Yes, you can. There are treatments, but you’ll have to bring him here for a full psychological evaluation.”

“Why?”

“Because we need to confirm that it is indeed PTSD. I mean, it sounds a whole lot like it, but for him to be able to get the counseling sessions and the medication, it needs to be documented in his file,” Hunt explained.

“Therapy?”

“Therapy,” Hunt nodded. “For both of you. I would recommend individual and couple. Start off with the individual and once both of you are making improvement, you can begin the couple therapy.”

Erik exhaled and nodded, taking in the information.

“When can I bring him by?”

“I’m on from nine in the morning till nine at night every day till the end of the week. I won’t be giving him the psych eval, but I’ll be there as his doctor.”

All Erik had to figure out now was how to tell Charles that he is suffering from PTSD and needs therapy. That both of them need therapy.

\---

When Erik got home the place was entirely empty, no Logan and no Charles. He quickly cleaned up the living room and thought about calling Charles. Deciding against that, he walked into the kitchen instead. He successfully located the two remaining whiskey bottles in the house, he unscrewed the top of each bottle and watched as the alcohol drained down the sink. If he and Charles will get better, they can’t have liquor laying around the house for them to take a sip whenever they felt like it or if things got hard. Things will get hard, Erik knew that, but this time, the pain won’t be a suffering pain, it will be a healing pain. And he’d be damned if he gave up again. Charles won’t give up again, either. Erik will make sure of that.

With nothing else to occupy his mind, Erik found Logan’s words echoing in his head.

 _This entire situation is too heavy for one person to carry alone_.

Taking in a deep breath, Erik found his cell phone and dialed a number. Putting the phone to his ear, he waited for an answer.

“Hey, mom. Yeah, it’s me.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Charles begin to move forward once again, with more promises, actions and progress. They get a visitor and a bump in the road leaves them both shaken up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, yes, hi! This took me years, dear God. And I think we can all collectively blame university for that. It's just as if all professors suddenly realized that oh look, the semester is almost over! Let's bombard these students with papers and exams and projects! Yeah, that is what's been happening to me for the past 20 days now. And it's still not over. Sigh. I honestly didn't remember what happens in the beginning of the chapter when I was finally done and rereading it before I post. So, I apologize for the wait! But it's finally here! And it's lengthy. I hope you guys enjoy this one and feedback is always greatly appreciated! (Tiny time jump towards the end.)

Erik was seated on the couch, kneeling forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his chin propped up on his intertwined knuckles when he heard a key being pushed into the keyhole from the other side of the front door. He sighed, not paying much attention, thinking it’s probably Logan. He must have forgotten something and came back to fetch whatever that was. That’s the only explanation because, well, Logan is the only one, besides himself, who has a key to his place. Unless…Erik’s eyes went wide at the realization, whipping his head to face the man standing in front of the wide opened door.

“Charles,” Erik breathed, immediately getting up to his feet but not walking towards the shorter man yet.

Charles looked down for a brief moment, pushing the door to close with an extended arm and looked up, nervously scratching the back of his neck. This reminded him of the first time he felt butterflies in his stomach because of Erik. When they didn’t know a thing about each other. In more ways than one, this moment was very much like that one. They knew each other, but now, they’re completely different people.

“Hey,” Charles cleared his throat. “I was just taking care of a few things while you were out,” he gestured to the door.

Erik nodded, his eyes watching carefully as Charles approached, coming to a stop a couple of feet in front of him.

“So,” Charles stuck his hand into his pants pockets, his eyes not leaving Erik’s face.

“I’m sorry, I was being the world’s biggest jerk and I shouldn’t have,” Erik said quickly.

“Not the _world’s_ biggest jerk,” a small smile crept on Charles’s face. “We were both jerks.”

“No, but you, I mean you had the right to be a jerk, I should have been there, I shouldn’t have cracked,” Erik shook his head.

“We’re human, Erik. And no, I shouldn’t have been a jerk to the extent of dragging us both down – I know what you’ll say but that’s the truth. I hope we can move past it.”

“We can, and we will,” Erik smiled.

Charles pulled his hands out of his pockets and took Erik’s hand into his own, playing with it. He turned the actor’s hand in his hand, noticing a thin, barely visible scar running across his palm. He made a mental note to ask Erik about it later.

Erik wrapped his fingers around Charles’s palm, feeling the warmth of the man seeping into his own skin. He closed his eyes, relishing at feeling of finally being connected with his boyfriend again. Until Charles’s words brought him back to reality.

“The whiskey,” Charles remarked, having seen the empty bottles on the kitchen counter.

“Yeah,” Erik nodded, “all gone.”

“Good,” Charles approved.

Erik smiled, leaning in to rest his forehead against the shorter man’s. He felt Charles relax against him and placed his hands on his shoulders, keeping him steady in place. He breathed in everything that is Charles, and felt his heart slowly beginning to heal again.

“Look, um, about what you said—” Erik began, pulling away.

“Erik, I—”

“Just hear me out,” Erik took a deep breath. “You were right, when you said I want to go back to the way it was before it happened. I want to because, because back then I knew I wasn’t losing you, I knew that nothing could come between us and I felt safe, secure but after what happened, all that changed. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I’m just trying to explain. So, when I felt like I was losing everything, I wanted to go back so I’d forget that I was losing everything. It somehow made things easier. But I was back there and you were here and it all—we were in different worlds. But now, now I see that we don’t have to go back. We can start from scratch, on the surface we’re not the same people we were but deep down, I know we’re still the same. A little altered, a little different but still the same. And we can make it work, we can build a new life, one that we’re both comfortable with. One that fits who we are now.”

Charles now had tears in his eyes, mirroring Erik’s. He swallowed down and took in some air. “No, we don’t have to.”

“What?”

“We don’t have to start from scratch, I know that we’re not quite the same people, I agree, but that doesn’t mean we erase everything,” Charles reached into his pocket and pulled out the silver key. He held it silently for a few moments, looking at it and tossing is around in his hand. He lifted his eyes again to Erik’s and continued. “I was lost, I don’t need to tell you that, you were here, you saw, but I was very confused. Part of me liked being lost, while another part was quite terrified. But this key, this key reminded me of who I am. Who I was before any of this happened, when I was completely and utterly happy and heads over heals with you. You did that,” Charles rested his hand against Erik’s chest, feeling his heartbeat against his palm. “You brought me back, and I want to be that person again,” more tears gathered in his eyes.

Erik’s eyes softened, piercing into Charles’s. He could see Charles’s soul through his blue irises, and it was beautiful. Breathtaking. Erik slowly leaned down, capturing Charles’s lips with his own. Feeling the man tense, Erik remained completely still, giving Charles time to adjust. As soon as felt Charles relaxing and kissing back, Erik deepened it, pouring everything he had into this man.

Charles wasn’t expected Erik to do that, but found that he was grateful he did that. His hands went up to cover Erik’s cheeks, his fingers running through the actor’s hair. He gave and took just as much as Erik did.

Once they pulled away, Charles immediately wrapped his arms around Erik’s body, tucking his head into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck.

“I love you, I’ll always love you,” Erik whispered, his strong arms going around the small body.

“I love you,” Charles whispered back.

It seemed that, quite miraculously, that what these two men shared isn’t entirely gone.

They remained tangled for a couple of silent minutes before Erik’s moved, signaling to Charles for them to change their position.

“Come on,” Erik prompted.

“Nooo,” Charles whined, tightening his grip on Erik.

“We’re just moving to sit properly on the couch,” Erik chuckled.

“Fine,” Charles sighed, letting go of Erik.

Within ten seconds, Charles was warmly engulfed in Erik’s arms once again.

“Raven called,” Charles spoke.

“Ah, she said she would.”

“You knew?” Charles frowned.

“Yeah,” Erik nodded. “Last night, I kind of ended up at the mansion.”

“Kind of?”

“A few too many drinks,” Erik shrugged.

“I’m glad you went there, instead of some serial killer’s house.”

Erik chuckled at that.

“What?”

“Nothing, just that Raven said the same thing. What did she say to you?”

“ _Stop being an ass_ , I believe it was,” Charles chuckled. “I guess I was one,” he sighed.

“The most beautiful ass,” Erik wiggled his eyebrows.

“Do me a favor, and never say that again,” Charles smacked Erik’s chest playfully.

“I called my mom,” Erik ran his hand up and down Charles’s arm.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I mean, I told her I’d call when we were home from the hospital, but I didn’t really find it in me with everything that was happening. I don’t know, I felt like her being here would have made things…harder, I guess. But I think we need her now. I need her. She’s strong-willed and she cares deeply for everyone she loves. She did explode in my ear in German when I told her why I didn’t call earlier, but she eventually came around,” Erik chuckled.

“What did she say?” Charles wondered, his hand playing with Erik’s clothes. 

“That she’ll be here tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow as in _tomorrow_ or as in soon?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“No, as in tomorrow. But I’m glad she’s coming. I think neither of us would have accepted her here before.”

“Yeah,” Charles nodded.

“Besides, it’s been a while since she visited me. And she loves you like a son now, too, so there’s no place she’d rather be.”

“Really? But she met me once.”

“And that one time was all she needed. I mean, aside from all the things I told her about you before you actually met, but yeah, from the moment she saw you I know she knew that you were the one, and she was already looking forward to seeing you for the rest of her life,” Erik pressed a kiss into Charles’s hair.

Charles responded by tightening his arm around Erik, closing his eyes and exhaling deeply, enjoying the sensation of being somewhat safe again.

“There’s something we need to talk about. I mean, there’s a lot we need to talk about but if we talk about this and get it on the road then everything else will be all that easier to talk about,” Erik said in practically one breath.

“You’re adorable when you’re stammering and rambling, did I ever tell you?” Charles teased.

“Shut up, I’m serious,” a light blush colored Erik’s cheeks.

“So am I,” Charles defended. “Alright, what is it?”

“It first started when you were in the hospital, when I began to feel like something wasn’t right,” Erik took in a deep breath, “I talked to Doctor Hunt about what was going on with you, and he said that it was normal and not uncommon. That you were trying to wrap your mind around what had happened and the effects of the surgery on the body was tough. He said there shouldn’t be a reason to worry, until there’s a reason to worry. So when we came back home, I hoped that would make things better for you and that you’d start being more like yourself…but then, you know the rest. Anyway, I, uh, that’s where I went today.”

“What happened?”

“I told him about what’s been happening and all that, and he said that you were showing classic symptoms of PTSD,” Erik said carefully.

“I guessed as much,” Charles sighed. “I kind of went through the same thing last time, but it wasn’t this severe.”

Erik planted another kiss on Charles’s head in support.

“So, what do we do about it?”

“He said to take you to the hospital were you can get a psychological evaluation.”

“But why? I mean, they’re classic symptoms.”

“Because they need to confirm it, and it has to be in your file so you can get the medication and the counseling sessions,” Erik explained.

Charles pulled himself out of Erik’s arms and sat up, turning his body sideways to face Erik. “Counseling sessions.”

“For both of us,” Erik nodded.

“Together or?”

“Individual at first, and when the time is right, yeah, together.”

Erik watched Charles’s face, as the man digested what he was just told.

“Look,” Erik took Charles’s hand into his own, “I know this could be a lot for you to take in, but it’s the first step in getting better, for both of us. It’s gonna be bumpy, but we’re not going to let go this time.”

Charles took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I guess we’re going to therapy.”

“I’m proud of you,” Erik beamed.

“Why? I haven’t done anything yet,” Charles shrugged.

“ _Yet_. I was actually terrified how to tell you and how you’d take it but I’m impressed. The change between you yesterday and you now…”

“Well, I had someone to guide me back,” Charles smiled.

“I’m glad, because I would have been lost without you.”

Charles leaned in, brushing his lips against Erik’s in the most gentle and composed way. It lingered for a few seconds, neither man turned it into anything more as they both drowned in the feeling of their touching lips.

“I know how therapy works,” Charles said after they broke apart. “I partly know how it works I mean, and I’m all in, I am but some days…I would expect some days to be hell and when those days come by, I don’t want you to worry. That’s how it helps, or so they say,” Charles shrugged. “I’ll find out. If I need help, I’ll let you know. I’ve done enough in pushing you away, I promise.”

“Okay,” Erik nodded, pulling Charles back into his body.

\---

Erik and Charles walked through the now familiar ER glass doors, hand in hand, directly towards the first nurses’ station they found.

“Hey,” Erik smiled at a nurse sitting behind a computer screen. “Can you page Doctor Hunt for us, please? He knows us.”

“I was a patient of his a while back,” Charles added.

“I believe he’s currently in surgery, but he should be done shortly,” the nurse read off the computer screen. “Who should I say is here?”

“Charles Xavier.”

“Alright,” the nurse nodded, “you can go ahead and have a seat and he’ll be down here as soon as he’s done,” she smiled, picking up the phone to call the operating room.

“Thank you,” Erik smiled and lead Charles into the waiting area.

Twenty minutes later, Hunt walked into the ER as soon as the elevator doors opened, finding Grey in his path.

“Grey,” he greeted.

“Hunt, weren’t you in surgery?”

“Just finished, got some visitors,” Hunt gestured to the men sitting the waiting room, already spotting them the moment he stepped foot into the ER.

“Isn’t that…?”

“Yeah,” Hunt nodded. “PTSD, he’s here for a psych eval.”

“That’s never easy,” Grey sighed.

“Yeah, you’re telling me.”

“Good luck,” Grey nodded, making her way towards an occupied bed with a tablet in her hand.

Hunt quickly made his way towards the men, not wanting to keep them waiting for much longer. They shook each other’s hands and began walking towards the elevator. Once inside, Hunt pushed the button for the psychiatric floor and they waited.

“So, how’s this done?” Charles asked, leaning back against the elevator wall.

“The doctor will ask you some questions, gather information about how you’re feeling, how you’re acting, daily habits. This isn’t the first session, it’s just simply getting to know you and what you went through to get to the sessions,” Hunt explained.

“Are they good, the doctor?” Erik crossed his arms over his chest.

“The best,” Hunt reassured them.

The elevator dinged and the door slid open, allowing the men to get off on their desired floor. They took a few turns and finally reached a desk. Before Hunt can ask the nurse for anything, he heard his name being called.

“Hunt!” A fairly tall, fairly white woman with long blonde hair walked towards them, opening her arms wide.

“Hi,” Hunt smiled, giving this very excited woman a perfectly timed hug. “Gentlemen, this is Doctor Emma Frost, Head of Psychiatry,” he introduced when they pulled apart. “Emma, this is Charles and Erik.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Charles extended his hand.

“Likewise,” Frost smiled, shaking it.

They spent the next couple of minutes standing in the hallway, making small talk here and there.

“Let’s do this?” Emma looked over at Charles.

“Sure,” he nodded, moving towards her.

“I’ll be in there with him,” Hunt assured Erik.

Erik nodded. “I’ll wait out here,” he pressed a kiss to Charles’s cheek before watching his boyfriend and doctors walk into an exam room and close the door behind him.

\---

Erik had no idea how much time had passed as he was sitting in a chair, aimlessly going through a magazine just to keep himself occupied. He looked up when he heard a door being opened, and tossed the magazine on the table once Charles was out of the room. Erik got to his feet and walked towards his boyfriend.

“How was it?” Erik wrapped a supportive arm around Charles’s shoulder.

“Good,” Charles nodded.

“I would recommend starting immediately with the sessions in order to get the maximum out of them,” Emma spoke. “And when I mean immediately, I mean we should start tomorrow.”

“Your mom’s coming tomorrow,” Charles looked at Erik, who nodded. “Can we start after tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Emma agreed. “We’ll start with three sessions a week and take it from there.”

“When will you start, Erik?” Hunt asked.

“With Doctor Frost or?”

“I can recommend someone else just as qualified, if you’d like,” Emma said.

“No, I think I’ll be fine with you. And uh, I guess I can start after Charles is settled in.”

“We can figure out the timing when you’re ready,” Emma smiled.

After agreeing on the days and times Frost and Charles would be meeting, Erik and Charles thanked both doctors and walked out the same way they came in.

A cold, steady breeze collided with their faces, sending shivers down both their bodies. They stared at the empty street for a few moments before Erik started pulling Charles towards his parked car.

“No,” Charles tightened his grip on Erik’s hand, keeping him in place and simultaneously keeping himself warm.

“What?” Erik chuckled.

“Let’s take a walk,” Charles suggested.

“We can’t just leave the car here.”

“We won’t, we’ll come back for it,” Charles promised.

“All right, Mister I’ve-Got-Everything-Figured-Out,” Erik teased.

“Shut up,” Charles smacked Erik’s arm with his free hand.

“How much I’ve missed you,” Erik wrapped both arms around Charles’s small body, engulfing him inside his own. He ran his hand up and down Charles’s back, keeping him cozy.

“I missed you, too,” Charles said against Erik’s clothes. He then turned his face sideways, pushing his ear into the taller man’s chest, his heartbeat evident and alive, running through Charles’s being. He closed his eyes, focusing on the proof that even after everything that happened, Erik was still here, with him, his heart beating for the sole purpose of making Charles alive, once again. He drained out everything else, didn’t care about anything else, except to memorize the rhythm of this thumping heart.

Charles breathed in the scent that is all _Erik_ and exhaled slowly, locking his fingers together behind Erik’s back and looked up, resting his chin against the man’s strong chest.

Erik looked down, gazing into Charles’s blue eyes, his own eyes running all over the smaller man’s features. He noticed how tired and worn out he looked, but he also noticed that the pain he had seen before had subsided a bit. Sure, it was still there and most probably will be there for a while, but it wasn’t the dominating emotion. Erik dared to say that Charles looked hopeful, for the first time in what felt like ages.

A small smile formed on Erik’s lips, his eyes full with tenderness and affection, and love.

“What?” Charles asked shyly.

“A spark,” Erik answered simply, remembering the first time he spent time with this man.

Charles chuckled, shaking his head.

“You remember?”

“How can I forget?”

“Still don’t believe in fate?”

Charles wiggled his eyebrows, not answering Erik. Instead, he pulled away and took a few steps to the right, pulling Erik along with him. “I feel like pizza.”

“Pizza sounds perfect,” Erik agreed and allowed himself to be dragged off by the professor.

A spark and pizza. Seems like everything will turn out all right in the end. Might turn out great, even.

\---

“When’s your mom arriving?” Charles asked from the kitchen, pouring some coffee into his favorite mug.

“Her flight gets in at five, so we should be at the airport around four forty-five or so,” Erik answered, remembering the text he received from his mom just as her flight was about to take off from Germany.

“Will she be staying here or?”

“That is yet to be discussed, I’d rather have that conversation face to face, actually,” Erik chuckled.

“Makes sense,” Charles nodded, joining Erik on the couch. “You nervous?”

“No. Why? Should I be?”

Charles shrugged.

“Things are different than the last time we saw her but I know she’ll adapt quickly and it will be good for us, having her here.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Charles smiled.

“It’ll be fine,” Erik threw his arm over Charles’s shoulder. He realized that he was convincing himself rather than his boyfriend. And he was nervous, he had no idea why the hell he was, but he definitely was nervous.

As the clock ticked four, both men found themselves getting on the elevator and heading for the airport. They’d rather be there early than late – Erik knowing his mother has this tendency to make people’s lives bad if they were late, making Erik almost always either early or precisely on time. However, those minimal times when he was, indeed, late, she’d attribute it to him simply being a man. So, having that in the back of his head, Erik wanted to be there early.

They pulled the car into the airport parking space a little over thirty minutes later, switching off the ignition and pulling out the key, Charles jumped out of the passenger seat as Erik hopped out of the driver’s. They tangled their hands and walked towards the airport exit where Edie would be walking out.

“Mom, over here!” Erik waved his arms in the air twenty minutes later, spotting his mom before she spotted them.

Edie looked around for a couple of seconds before her eyes landed on her son and his boyfriend. She smiled widely, quickly dragging her suitcase behind her as Erik met her halfway. She lovingly threw her arms around her muscular son’s waist as he shielded her body inside of his own, holding her close.

Charles watched the reunion with a small smile tugging on his face, slowly walking up and standing beside Erik.

“Thank you for coming, mom,” Erik smiled once they separated.

“Erik Lehnsherr, there’s no other place I’d rather be,” she patted Erik’s stubbly cheek and turned to Charles. “Charles, it’s so good to see you again.”

“Hi, Edie,” Charles walked into the old woman’s opened arms, giving her a gentle yet meaningful hug.

She pulled away and eyed both men for a few moments, Erik and Charles exchanging confused looks in the meantime, after reaching whatever Edie wanted to reach, she nodded.

“Now, will you take me to a grocery store around here?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Grocery store?” Erik repeated.

“Yes, dear, you know, where you shop for groceries. You two are looking way too thin for my liking. You haven’t had a decent thing to eat, either of you, have you?”

“We’ll explain on the way,” Erik chuckled, dragging her bag as the three of them walked towards the parking.

“And do explain what is the deal with your sister, too.”

“I don’t know, we’ve been texting. Haven’t spoken in a while, but she knows you’re coming.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen that girl. And Logan, how’s he?”

“Logan’s good, mom. He can’t wait to see you,” Erik chuckled.

\---

They made it back home in a reasonable amount of time, traffic taken into consideration. As soon as Erik pushed the door open and allowed his mother to walk in before him or Charles, she immediately set for the kitchen, not batting an eye at her son’s apartment.

“Someone’s in a hurry,” Erik teased, allowing Charles into the space before he walked in, pulling his mom’s bag behind him.

“Someone is terrified that you two will drop at any second,” Edie shot back, not looking up at Erik.

“We’re fine,” Erik defended.

This time, Edie looked up, glaring at her son. “No, you’re not, neither of you. Now shut up and get over here, give me a hand,” her eyes moving back to the groceries she was pulling out of the plastic bags.

Erik nodded, making his way into the kitchen. He caught Charles giggling silently from the corner of his eye. He face his boyfriend is mouthed, ‘what are you laughing at?’

Charles shrugged and stuck his tongue out at Erik.

Erik sighed, and began helping his mom get everything ready for the mystery meal.

“So, what are we having?” Charles leaned against the kitchen counter.

“Meat,” Erik answered, noticing several pieces of round steak.

“You guys like your meat, don’t you?” Charles chuckled.

“Yes, we do,” Erik smiled proudly.

Charles walked to the fridge, opening it and grabbed a water bottle. He quickly glanced over to Edie, seeing that she was busy cutting some onions, he took the chance and gave Erik’s ass a little slap, with enough pressure for the actor to feel it through his pants but not for his mother to hear it.

Erik jumped at the sudden action, quickly turning to face the smaller man, his cheeks already smearing with bright red blobs. He stared at Charles before shaking his head and stifling a soft chuckle.

A little under an hour later, Edie announced that dinner was ready. Erik and Charles had already set the table, which Erik couldn’t quite remember when the last time it was used, and were currently placing dishes that were passed to them in the middle of the table. Once everyone was settled down and their plates were full, they began making small talk.

“This looks amazing,” Charles commented, the delicious aroma of the freshly cooked meal lingering in his nostrils.

“Is it, out of experience,” Erik chuckled. “Mom’s food is the best.”

“I’m starting to get that. It’s a shame, you know. Your mother is an amazing cook and all you make is fried Mac ‘N’ Cheese,” Charles teased.

“That’s not _all_ I make,” Erik defended.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Charles took a bite from the meat.

Edie was silently smiling at the interaction between her son and his boyfriend, watching them bicker like an old married couple. “He’s right, you know. It all takes practice, which you lack.”

“ _Mom_. Wait a second,” Erik narrowed his eyes at Charles and his mother suspiciously, “is there some kind of arrangement going on here that I’m unaware of?”

“No arrangement at all,” Charles smiled innocently.

“First my boyfriend, now my mother—how wonderful,” Erik said with a sigh.

“So,” Edie cleared her throat, “what’s happening with you boys?”

“Well,” Erik stalled, giving a Charles a quick glimpse to make sure he didn’t show any signs of discomfort. Seeing none, he continued. “We went to the hospital yesterday and Charles got his evaluation. He starts his sessions tomorrow, and I’m gonna start mine in a little while.”

“That’s good, that’s good,” Edie nodded. “I’m proud of you, both of you.”

A shy smile tugged on Charles’s lips. He was going to be all right.

“Since Charles starts tomorrow, how about we drop him off at the hospital and then have lunch with that long-lost sister of mine?” Erik suggested.

“You sure?” Edie frowned. “Won’t Charles need you?”

“No, that’s actually a really good idea. You guys should do that,” Charles answered genuinely.

“Okay then,” Edie nodded.

They spend the rest of their dinner in each other’s comfortable presence, talking about different things here and there. And they felt like nothing had changed.

\---

The hours of the night rolled by, all of them unaware. Erik moved towards the staircase, ready to take his mom’s suitcase upstairs but was abruptly stopped by her voice.

“What are you doing?”

“Um, taking your bag upstairs?” Erik replied with confusion.

“That won’t be necessary, sweetheart.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not staying here.”

“What? Mom, why?”

“I made a hotel reservation, I don’t want to be a bother.”

“A bother?” Erik repeated. “You’re not a bother, we want you here. And remember, I called and asked you to come.”

“Well, I would have been here a few days from now even if you hadn’t called,” Edie’s eyebrows shot up.

“Why go to a hotel?” Erik tried. “There’s a perfectly good bedroom upstairs.”

“I know, I don’t recall how many days I slept in that bed but it’s different now,” Edie got up and walked towards her son. “You two need your space, you still need to figure some things out and what good is it going to do if I’m hovering over your heads?” She reached out, covering Erik’s stubbly cheek with her hand. “Besides, I like hotels. They give you free chocolate.”

“Mom, we’re from Germany, we made some of the best chocolate in the world,” Erik chuckled.

“Well, close enough,” Edie shrugged. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I still have that key you gave me, so I’ll sneak in early morning. I probably won’t get much sleep, thank you, jet lag.”

“Okay,” Erik nodded, wrapping his arms around his mother’s small body, taking her into his protective arms. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, baby,” she responded, moving her hand up and down Erik’s lean back.

As promised, when Erik and Charles woke up the following morning, walking down the stairs both in light cotton shirts and sweats, they found breakfast waiting for them on the table and Edie standing in the kitchen, wearing a wide smile.

Charles started therapy later that day.

\---

Three weeks and nine sessions later, Charles was slowly beginning to feel like himself again. He woke up with a new attitude, an attitude of getting better and moving forward. Of course, not all days were sunshine and rainbows, some days Charles would come home from a session and throw himself on the couch, not uttering a word to Erik. But Erik had understood, Charles had a hard time in therapy. And that was to be expected. Charles didn’t share too many details about what had gone down during the sessions with Erik, still having to build up the courage to completely open up to the man. The first two sessions were the hardest on Charles, he was uncomfortable and agitated, and yes, he wanted to be there but it wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be. Yet again, nothing about this was easy. But luckily for him, Frost was very welcoming and understanding, Charles grew confident around her in no time. He even began liking her.

Not because Charles was having a good few weeks meant that the worst is behind him, Frost made sure Charles understood that, simply because something like what he went through doesn’t disappear, not completely. It’s there for the rest of his life, however, step by step, he will eventually learn to control it and the effects it has on him. And for that to happen, Charles had to face it and not run away, he had to accept what has happened and begin moving forward.

Charles has been doing well, really well, lately. His mood swings decreased, his face was almost back to its normal color, he was eating again, he felt like _Charles_. The Old Charles he had claimed was gone was fighting his way back to the surface, and he was winning. Erik was right, the Old Charles was never really gone. Knowing all that, Charles never expected for it to fall apart again.

Charles pushed the apartment door open and walked in, scanning the living room for Erik. He had gone out to buy some groceries and left Erik sitting on the couch. The empty couch seemed to be staring back at him.

“Erik?” Charles called out, walking into the kitchen.

“Upstairs. I’ll be down in a second,” Erik called back.

Just as Charles placed the plastic bags on the counter, he felt as if he was suddenly whipped in his mind, a flash of bright light momentarily blinding him. He blinked rapidly, squeezing his eyes shut and opening them a few times, taking in deep equal breaths. He stood still, his hand clutching the marble counter, balancing himself. Then another hit, and another, and another. Images began rolling in front of his eyes, blurring his vision. He closed his eyes again, trying to take control but failed, hearing his heart beating in his ears.

“I was just fixing up the—” Erik trailed off once he stepped into the kitchen. He couldn’t see Charles. “Charles?”

Charles could hear Erik, just beyond his reach. He couldn’t find his voice call out, but he prayed to God Erik would see him.

Erik narrowed his eyes, looking into the kitchen. His eyes caught the edge of Charles’s shoe and felt the air getting trapped in his lungs, suffocating him.

“Charles!” Erik lunged forward and was kneeling in front of his boyfriend in less than a second. His eyes roamed around the man, unable to touch his trembling body.

“Erik,” Charles yelped out. His knees were engulfed into his chest, his arms tightly wrapped around them. Beads of sweat were rolling down his face, his eyes wide and bloodshot.

Erik’s instincts took over and he found himself taking Charles’s face into his hands, his thumbs running over the damp cheeks slowly. “Charles, hey,” Erik soothed. “Look at me, I’m right here, look at me. That’s it, that’s is,” Erik breathed when Charles’s eyes looked into his own. “Focus on me, listen to my voice. Whatever you’re seeing right now is not real. You’re here with me, you’re safe.”

Erik waited for a few moments, praying that Charles would snap out of it but realized that the professor’s eyes remained unfocused. They were looking at him but he wasn’t really seeing him. Erik removed his hands from Charles’s face, keeping one hand on his arm to assure him he was still there and used his other hand to reach above. He felt Charles’s hand tighten around his arm.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here,” Erik promised, and managed to grab a towel from the counter above. His palm went back to Charles’s face, supporting the back of his neck as Erik gently ran the towel over Charles’s face, wiping away the sticky sweat.

“There you go, everything’s going to be just fine,” Erik said softly.

“I—I..” Charles stuttered.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything, you’re okay.”

“It all just came back, I don’t know why but it was all there, everywhere,” Charles mumbled, more to himself than to Erik. “Make it stop, please, make it stop,” he pleaded.

“Charles, Charles, listen to me,” Erik said a little harshly, wanting to get the man’s attention. “You can control this, this is just your mind playing tricks on you, it’s not real. You’re home, you’re safe, and you made it. You can beat this, you’re the only one who can.”

“N—no, make it stop, please,” Charles creaked, holding Erik’s arm tightly.

Erik was sure he’d have red nail marks embedded into his skin, but he wasn’t even half concerned about that. He was more concerned about making Charles pass through whatever this is in one piece, intact.

“I can’t do that,” Erik repeated, trying to calm Charles down. “Take deep slow breaths and concentrate, I know it’s hard and I know it’s scary but you do have to do this. I would stop it if I could but there’s nothing I can do. Charles, look at me,” Erik encouraged.

Reluctantly, Charles finally managed to grasp enough control to look into Erik’s eyes. His striking blues were blown with fear and confusion and pain. He didn’t say anything, he just tried to muster enough energy to not go into another fit.

Erik’s throat suddenly went completely dry when his eyes met Charles’s, he felt his heart shatter a little in his chest. It was physically painful to see Charles in this state, and yet, it comes nothing near to what Charles actually went through. Erik attempted to moisturize his sandy throat with a swallow, but failed. His hands went to bracket Charles’s shaken face once again, keep it in place, keeping their eyes connected.

“You’re okay, you’re safe. It’s over,” Erik said gently, nodding at Charles.

“E—Erik?”

“Yeah, babe, it’s me. I’m right here.”

“Wh—what happened?” Charles squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head a little to the side.

“You don’t remember?”

“Bits and pieces, but not everything. I remember coming home and walking into the kitchen and then it’s just broken images and your voice, it was distorted and far away, I tried to hold on to your voice but it kept slipping away, getting further and further and then was just me and I couldn’t stop it and—”

“Charles, take a deep breath, slowly. That’s it, that’s it. I came down and found you on the ground, and…” Erik trailed off, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter, come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“Okay,” Charles nodded, and allowed Erik to help him up. Feeling numbness in his feet, he tightened his grip on Erik’s arm.

Erik took the hint and wrapped an arm around Charles’s waist, practically taking the majority of the professor’s weight on his arm.

“Just one foot in front of the other,” Erik guided Charles up the stairs and into their bedroom.

Once Erik lowered Charles on the bed, the smaller man curled his body and wrapped his arms around his chest. Erik eased his shoes off his feet and got rid of his own, kicking them aside. He pulled the blanket from under Charles’s body and crawled into the bed, settling himself behind Charles and draping their bodies with the blanket.

Erik threw his arm around Charles’s waist, feeling him shiver again his touch.

“You cold?” Erik asked.

“A bit.”

“Hang on,” Erik said and quickly got out of bed, fetching another blanket and covering Charles with it. He returned to his position and drew Charles’s body closer into his own in an attempt to warm him further. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Charles nodded against the pillow, his arm covering Erik’s.

“Good,” Erik whispered, pressing a kiss into Charles’s neck. “Just close your eyes, I’m not going anywhere.”

Twenty minutes pasted by and Erik’s eyes were still opened, watching over Charles from behind. He could still feel Charles tense under his touch, his breathing uneven. Charles hadn’t fallen asleep.

“Can’t sleep?”

“I thought you were asleep,” Charles whispered.

“No.”

“I can’t,” Charles sighed. “I’m trying, but whenever I close my eyes…”

“You’re thinking about it too much,” Erik pointed out. “Just close your eyes and relax, block everything out.”

“I can’t.”

“Charles.”

“I’m scared,” Charles admitted, turning on his back.

“It’s okay, you’re safe, I’m right here.”

“I know, I know,” Charles nodded. “It’s not—it’s not when I’m awake, I can see you when I’m awake. It’s when I close my eyes. I feel like everything is slipping away and it scares me.”

“What can I do?” Erik whispered, running his thumb over Charles’s hand.

“Just…can you stay awake? With me? Can you stay with me?”

“Of course, whatever you need,” Erik managed to slide his arm underneath Charles’s body and pull him into his chest.

Charles snuggled into Erik’s side, his head relaxed on the larger man’s chest. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing his eyes momentarily. When he opened them and looked up at Erik, Erik was already looking down at Charles, a small smile on his face.

“Whatever you need, I’m always here,” Erik reminded Charles and brushed his lips against Charles’s forehead.

\---

The last thing Erik remembered was watching the digital clock on the nightstand turn to five and eight minutes in the morning. By that time, he was sure Charles had dozed off, but he didn’t know when exactly it happened. When his eyes opened, he saw Charles wrapped in his arms, close to his body. Erik squeezed his eyes and opened them a few times and attempted to untangle his boyfriend’s body for his own. It took him a few minutes, he was slow as ever, trying to not wake up the sleeping man, when he successfully managed to replace himself with a pillow. He got out of bed and kept an eye on Charles, making sure the man didn’t wake up. Once he was satisfied, Erik walked out of the bedroom, closing the door gently behind him and trotted down the stairs. He saw his mom standing in the kitchen.

“Morning, sweetheart,” she smiled at her son.

“Morning,” Erik mumbled tiredly, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand.

“Rough night?” Edie frowned.

“I didn’t sleep. Well, I slept for…” Erik checked the clock on the wall, “…two hours, it seems. You’re here early.”

“Jet lag is still a little annoying,” Edie chuckled. “Why didn’t you sleep?”

“I was up with Charles all night. He, uh, he had an episode last night and couldn’t sleep,” Erik fell onto the couch.

“Is he okay?” Edie asked with concern, joining Erik on the couch.

“He is now,” Erik nodded. “I think,” he sighed. “It was scary. I mean, one second he was calling out for me and the next…when I walked downstairs, he was curled up on the floor and I think he was having flashbacks.”

Edie took Erik’s hand into her own, squeezing it reassuringly.

“He’s been doing really well, and I can see him getting better and then yesterday happens…I just don’t understand. It looked like it was rough, he couldn’t control it, he couldn’t snap out of it. It was so hard to just sit there and watch. He begged me to make it stop, he kept begging me but I couldn’t stop it,” Erik’s voice broke.

“You were there for him, that’s all he needs.”

“He needs these flashbacks to stop. He needs to be able to move on. He deserves to be happy again and go on without getting random attacks.”

“It takes time, sweetheart. It won’t go away over night. You two just keep fighting together and you will beat it. You have to believe that.”

“I do, I do,” Erik nodded. “It was just hard, that’s all. When he finally managed to kick it, we went upstairs but he was scared to sleep. He’s scared to sleep now and there’s nothing I can do. I stayed awake with him, making sure he’s okay and making sure that he doesn’t have another episode.”

“Did you start your therapy sessions yet?”

“No, not yet,” Erik shook his head.

“Well, maybe it’s time. You can’t handle another episode like that on your own. I think it’s time.”

Erik took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, nodding. “Yeah, it is.”

Erik started therapy two days later.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Charles reach a new level in their relationship. Charles manages to do something he's been meaning to do for a while. They have a discuss that makes everything seem like things are really getting better, and Erik offers a change for their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Okay, it's been a wild time since I updated. This chapter took me two weeks to write, thanks to exams and papers. Fortunately though, I was able to finish it! Also, word count has passed 100k! Don't know when that happened. And there are two more chapters left for this story to be complete. It's such a bittersweet feeling. I do have two new Cherik fics in the making that will be started after this one. I want to thank everyone who takes the time to read this - it truly means so much to me! Fluff ahead, so enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated!

It had been a month since Charles’s attack, and the beginning of Erik’s therapy sessions. It had been a relatively calm month, both men managing to sleep through the night the majority of days. Of course some nights, Charles would sudden sit up, beads of sweat rolling down his face, his eyes red and puffy. Erik was no longer a heavy sleeper, unconsciously matching himself with his boyfriend. Whenever Charles would wake in the middle of the night, panicked, Erik would sit up a minute or so later, and he’d hold Charles. He’d comfort the smaller man, either staying up with him or soothing him back to sleep. Either way, as time went by, it gradually decreased and they were getting better.

Erik didn’t know how much he needed the therapy sessions until he actually started them. His doctor was Emma Frost, and strangely, he didn’t find that weird or condescending in any way. It was actually comforting, since she was also Charles’s doctor. She keeps an eye on both men, and it was definitely soothing one way or another. Erik had thought he’d go in there, spill out his guts and emotions and walk out, having gained nothing. But he was wrong. He found that Emma would actually speak to him, they’d talk and discuss and reach the core of his soul and body. They’d keep searching and searching until it would click, and each time Erik would walk out of her office, he’d feel lighter. She never dictated, never told him how he should feel, instead she’d tell him why he feels it, and she’d help him understand how to cope with what he and Charles went through.

If you’d explain Erik and Charles’s situation to a stranger, they’d probably immediately sympathize with Charles and understand why he feels as he feels and why he acts as he acts. They wouldn’t think about Erik, though, because well, he didn’t go through what Charles went through. They’d compare their situations and that was so incredibly naïve, Emma had told Erik. What Erik went through shouldn’t be downplayed or dismissed because he went through _something_ , and something traumatic. Something that almost destroyed him. Yes, maybe he wasn’t the one getting beaten up but his heart was just as broken as Charles’s. In a way, both men went through the same thing, but through different routes. Erik thought he had lost the love of his life, and that should never be taken lightly. And that was just the beginning of the things the actor was put through.

Emma didn’t bother telling Erik the conventional words, _you’re doing everything you can, being there for him is all he needs,_ and so forth, simply because it’s crap. It’s true, but it’s crap. You see, those things don’t help, they just add pressure and that causes tension and tension is never good. Instead, Emma would talk about how to move forward, things that can actually be done. Actions that can be taken and their effect can be felt and seen. Things that give hope and strength to wake up the next morning.

“Morning,” Charles walked into the kitchen, spotting Erik sitting on the dinning table, holding the newspaper.

“Morning, babe.”

“Anything interesting?” Charles asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Nah,” Erik shook his head, slapping the paper down on the table and getting up. He walked over to Charles, wrapping his arms around him and pushing his body into the smaller man’s. He breathed in everything that was Charles.

Charles giggled when Erik pressed a soft kiss to his neck.

“Emma texted, she has a conference in Seattle. We’re free for a week,” Erik smiled.

“Lucky us,” Charles giggled, which turned into a gasp. He maneuvered his body between Erik’s and the counter, managing to face the taller man. “Let’s throw a dinner party.”

Erik stared at Charles for a few minutes, not saying a word. His eyebrows shot up when he realized that the man wasn’t joking. “Because between the two of us, we can make amazing Mac ‘N’ Cheese, right?”

“Seriously! Everything’s been going good, we should celebrate.”

Erik smiled at the excitement in Charles’s voice.

“It’s going to be a small thing, Raven, Logan, Moira, your mom, your sister,”

“My sister is out of town.”

“Then everyone else!”

Now that Erik is thinking about it, it isn’t the worst idea in the world. It would be their family, and Charles was right in the sense that they were going good, great even, given the circumstances. They should celebrate.

“We can order in,” Charles suggested.

“Oh, God, no,” Erik shook his head. “That’s a recipe for disaster, literally. And the first rule in the **_NO_** section for dinner parties.”

“You speaking out of experience, or?”

“Yes, kind of. I’m an actor, I get invited to a lot of those things. I’ve seen pretty much everything.”

“Then what?” Charles sighed.

“I guess I can ask my mom to cook. She does love any excuse to get into the kitchen. At some point, I was a fat kid.”

“No!” Charles’s face suddenly lit up.

“Why are you thrilled to hear that?”

“Thrilled? No, just trying to imagine it. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. Just, surprised perhaps. You were a fat kid?”

“For some time,” Erik emphasized. “Late elementary, early middle school.”

“I have got to see that,” Charles teased.

“No, you’re never seeing that.”

“We’ll see.”

“Yes, we will. I should call mom. When do you think we should throw this party?” Erik asked, walking into the living room to grab his phone.

“After tomorrow? And Erik, it’s not even ten yet.”

“I know, but my mom is usually awake before the sun,” Erik dialed his mom’s number, bringing the phone up to his ear.

A few seconds later, the line came to life.

“Morning, mom.”

“Hi, sweetheart. How are you and Charles?” Edie asked.

“We’re good. In fact, Charles just had a stellar idea.”

“What is it?”

“He wants to throw a dinner party.”

“Oh, Erik! That sounds like a wonderful idea.”

“Well, since you’re just as excited as he is, it escapes me why, but that’s not the point. Dinner parties require food, and since neither Charles nor I have the skills to make magic happen in the kitchen, I was wondering—”

“Leave the food to me, Erik. I’ll handle that. Tell me, how many people will be there?” Edie interrupted her son.

“It’s going to be me, Charles, you, Logan, Raven and Moira. We haven’t asked them yet, but I can’t think of a reason either of them would decline.”

“And when is this party happening?”

“We were thinking after tomorrow? If that gives you enough time, of course.”

“Yes, dear. That is more than enough time.”

“Great! When should we expect you?”

“I’ll do some shopping and be right over.”

“Well, it’s happening,” Erik turned to Charles after hanging up with Edie. “It would be a good idea to tell the others.”

“Smartass,” Charles smirked.

\---

“How are you doing on meds?” Erik asked Charles, who was sitting on the couch, curled up with a book in his hands. Erik knew it was nearing the end of Charles’s dose and wanted to make sure the professor’s cycle isn’t disturbed. It was one of the things they were both made aware of. The slightest disruption to the medical schedule can cause a serious set back.

“I’m alright till the end of the week,” Charles answered, his eyes moving over the words. He could somehow talk and read at the same time, one of the many talents that Charles Xavier possesses.

Charles’s back was leaning into the ninety-degree angle between the couch armrest and backrest, his knees pulled into his chest with the book resting in his lap. Erik joined him on the couch, holding a filled soda glass.

“What are you reading?” Erik asked, wrapping his arm around Charles’s knees.

Charles didn’t answer, he lifted the book for Erik to read the title.

“ _Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ ,” Erik nodded. “Don’t you have this one memorized?”

“I do,” Charles nodded. “I usually read it to let off some steam.”

“Some steam? I can think of a few other ways to make that happen.”

Charles sighed, closing the book and tossing it on the table in front of him. He flexed his legs and sat up, facing Erik. “I know—I know I’ve denied you some things, and I know it isn’t easy, but I just,” he took a deep breath, “I’m not ready, yet. I will be, but I don’t know when. I’m sorry for…for not being able to give you what you need and want but I just can’t do it right now.”

Erik knew exactly what Charles was referring to: sex. They hadn’t had sex since, well, since the first time they had sex. And Erik hated himself for making Charles feel like that.

“Hey, no,” Erik shook his head. “I didn’t mean anything, I was just—you don’t need to apologize for anything. I’m sorry that I implied it. Truth is, I haven’t thought about it much to be honest. I mean, I do sometimes but it’s almost never on my mind. Sex is not what I care about and it’s not why I’m here. I’m here for you, I care about _you_ and that’s it. I understand, of course I understand. When we were together, it was the most connected I felt to anyone,” Erik took Charles’s hand into his own, “and I only want our next time together to be better, and more perfect, if that’s even possible. I wouldn’t want to rush anything. I don’t want you to push yourself for my sake, please don’t do that. I want you to get better, and I will be here no matter what, that’s a promise. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

Charles gripped Erik’s hand tighter, pulling it towards his lips and pressing a kiss on the man’s knuckles. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Charles pushed himself into Erik’s chest, wrapping his arm around the larger man’s waist. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and allowed himself to melt into his boyfriend, as they became one. He knew this is exactly where he belongs. Maybe Charles did believe in fate after all.

“It was like a nightmare, a long, dark, cold nightmare that seemed to last forever,” Charles’s voice was small.

Erik creased his eyebrows, not quite understanding what Charles was talking about. But he remained silent, his hand wordlessly supporting the man.

“Everything blended together, it was all mixed up, and it was scary. And the worst thing was that it reminded me of my parents. I hadn’t thought about them for a long time, and when everything goes to hell and it’s so dark, I immediately remember them. Messed up, isn’t it? I never wanted to associate my own father and mother with pain and loneliness, but that’s how it turned out. When I realized that Shaw had taken me, I remembered my parents. Maybe it was how I was raised, or how they treated me.”

Erik nuzzled his nose into Charles’s hair, closing his eyes, focusing on the words leaving Charles’s lips.

“I know it happened. I had known it was going to happen at some point. But he was locked away and by time, I thought maybe…maybe it was all behind me. But it happened, I accepted it. But my heart and body…Erik, my heart and body still hurt, they still ache, constantly and I want it to be over, so badly. I want to be able to move forward, I want to leave it behind. But there is no forgetting, there is no running away from it. At some point, I didn’t fight it. I remember…I was about to text you, and I felt something wasn’t right. Somehow, I felt him there but I didn’t react. Maybe I wanted to tear it away from me that I convinced myself I was imagining things. They say you have to believe, I wanted to believe that I was finally free, but it was a lie. I wasn’t free, I’m never going to be free. I’m trapped, and there’s no getting out. Just like I was trapped in that black, windowless, icy room. Chained like a rabid animal gone wild. I remember every pull, every effort to break lose from the cuffs, and feeling the pain spike like fire. Part of me was convinced that I belonged there, I steal everything that is good about a person and consume all of it, I return nothing but pain and betrayal. I thought I had my share of happiness – with you and it was over. It was gone. I gave up.”

Erik felt tears building in his eyes, his grip on Charles tightened.

“Then I came face to face with Sebastian. His face, his eyes, the smug look he wore, they all reminded me that this man wasn’t a person, he was a monster. He shouldn’t get to win, he couldn’t get to win. Not after everything. He reminded me of everything I hate, everything I despise. I realized this is my fight. And I remembered you. I closed my eyes and I saw you there, with all your beauty, and strength and determination and I drew my own courage from that, from you. I decided this…monster wasn’t going to keep me from seeing you again, keep me from telling you that I love you. I wasn’t going to surrender.”

“You’re so strong, Charles, so strong,” Erik whispered.

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“Losing you would have destroyed me.”

Charles nodded, his eyes closing and sending a trail of tears down his cheek. “It felt like all the good and all the light had been sucked out of the world, leaving nothing but cruelty and darkness.”

“I love you, so much.”

“I love you,” Charles breathed.

“It will get better, together we’ll get better, both of us. I wasn’t all that in control, either.”

“No?”

“I was a mess,” Erik sighed. He lifted his palm, placing it in Charles’s line of sight. “You see that? The thin scar?”

Charles nodded. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. I don’t think I’ve seen it before.”

“Because it wasn’t there before. I mean, before it happened. I wasn’t staying here, Logan’s orders, so we stopped by for a few minutes so I’d gather some stuff. I went into the bathroom and went all hulk on the poor sink. I saw your toothbrush and it just…set me off. I was at the crime scene, I saw the blood and your phone, and I bottled it up, I was numb. It worked, until your toothbrush happened. Everything went flying around and broke on the ground, I leaned down to pick up the pieces but I crushed a shard in my fist, which gave me this. I wanted to feel anything.”

Charles brought Erik’s palm towards his lips, and planted the softest of kisses on the faint scar. “We both have scars.”

“We do,” Erik nodded.

“They’ll remind us what’s worth fighting for.”

Erik ran his hand steadily through Charles’s hair. He believed in fate all that more, now.

\---

Erik’s eyes fluttered open, feeling Charles against his side. They didn’t move an inch since they drifted to sleep. Erik swallowed, his throat dry and his lips chapped. He licked his lips, bringing them back to life. He took in a deep breath and let it out steadily, his eyes landing on Charles. One of his legs was tucked between Erik’s, his head resting on Erik’s broad chest, and he looked peaceful. For the first time in a long time, Erik noticed the wrinkly lines on his boyfriend’s forehead were starting to disappear.

He didn’t know what to do with the conversation he had with Charles the previous night. It left him confused, but he also felt like Charles was finally, truly opening up to him. Yet, he didn’t know whether to ask for more information, for Charles to elaborate, or to leave it at that. Erik had questions, but he feared bombarding Charles with them would lead to nothing good. Charles seemed like he was talking to himself, he was completely aware of what he was saying and to who he was saying it, but it felt to Erik as if Charles was rambling, trying to get it out so it no longer occupied his mind, his emotions, his soul. He unloaded, and Erik was happy to take it, all of it. Erik had a much better understanding of what Charles went through, but that moment didn’t signify what he had excepted it to. It somehow didn’t accomplish the goal it held. All Erik had ever wanted was to understand what went on inside Charles’s head, and now, he felt like he was closer, like he took a step forward, but still, he was miles and miles away.

“You’re straining yourself,” a raspy voice tore Erik from his thoughts.

Erik looked down, and saw blue eyes looking back at him. Charles’s face was framed with sleep, but not exhaustion. They both needed a good night’s sleep, and they got it.

“Morning,” Erik smiled, kissing Charles’s forehead.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Last night,” Erik replied honestly.

Charles nodded, playing with Erik’s cotton shirt.

Erik decided to let it go for now, there’s no need to rush.

“Do you smell that?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“I do,” Erik nodded slowly.

The room suddenly filled with the aroma of a freshly cooked breakfast. Erik and Charles’s stomachs gurgled with excitement, or hunger.

“Come on,” Erik got out of bed, pulling Charles up with him. They walked down the stairs, and Erik spotted a suitcase at the bottom of the staircase.

“Mom?”

“Good morning, you two,” Edie appeared in front of the stairs, holding her arms out.

“Morning,” Erik smiled, walking into his mother’s embrace.

“Did you sleep all right?” Edie asked, pulling away from Erik.

“Great,” Charles nodded, and smiled when Edie pulled him into a hug.

“Are you staying with us?”

“I’m going home,” Edie gave her son a sad smile.

“Mom, why?” Erik’s face fell.

“My work here is done. I was here when you two needed me the most, and now you don’t need me anymore.”

“We do need you, Edie,” Charles insisted.

“Aw, sweetheart,” Edie took Charles’s hand, “no you don’t. You need each other, and you’re both better, I can see it, I can feel it. The damage might not be completely healed yet but you’re getting closer. You two look healthier and happier than when I got here. I do credit myself, but sometimes, over-crediting is not the best. I was here to guide you, and you’re on the right path. You’ll be fine without me. More than fine,” she ran her hand over Charles cheek.

“Can’t you stay for a few more days?” Erik tried.

“Who would have ever thought this day would come, Erik Lehnsherr? The day you ask your mother to extend her stay,” Edie teased.

“What’s that about?” Charles narrowed his eyes.

“When he first moved here to start his acting career, I would come visit and stay for two, maybe three weeks. And he’d be over the moon when I was leaving,” Edie chuckled.

“It was different back then,” Erik spoke. “I do regret the times I had the chance to spend with but I was too stupid to take them.”

“We’ll be spending more time together, all of us. I expect you to bring Charles back to Germany. Or for him to bring you to Germany.”

“This is why you can’t leave,” Charles sighed. “I need more stories about this one,” he pointed to Erik. “And I need some pictures, specifically early middle school. I can’t stop thinking about how adorable chubby Erik must have been.”

“No, no,” Erik shook his head. “No pictures for you, ever, no.”

“I have them all, don’t worry, Charles.”

“Mom!”

Edie shrugged her shoulders and walked towards the kitchen.

“You’re never seeing those pictures,” Erik turned to Charles.

“We’ll see,” Charles winked, following Edie.

Erik’s face was as bright as a tomato.

\---

“Erik, hi!” a very excited Emma Frost picked up the phone the next day.

“Emma, how’s it going?”

“Great, great! How about you? How’s Charles?”

“Good, and very good. That’s why I’m calling. I think it’s time to start couples therapy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Erik nodded. “He just opened up a couple days ago, out of nowhere, really.”

“That’s wonderful improvement!” Erik could hear the smile in Emma’s voice.

“Yeah,” Erik smiled. “So, how does this work?”

“Well, instead of having two different time slots for either of you, we merge you both together in the same time slot. The procedure is fairly similar to individual therapy, but there might be some discomfort and uneasy for a first two or three sessions. It’s not that because you two are there, it’s because what you’re there about and you’ll be talking about it. Which time slot would you prefer to use, yours or Charles’s?”

Erik remembered that Charles had told him he’d be going to the mansion tomorrow and Logan was coming over to watch the game, so his slot was out of the game.

“Charles’s,” Erik replied.

“Alright, great!” Emma made sure to write down the change. “Oh, Erik?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you feel about what Charles told you?”

A therapy session on the phone? Erik hoped it wouldn’t go that far.

“Confused. I mean, I’m glad he opened up and I feel like I understand what he went through all that more, but I don’t know what to do with it. What do you do with it?”

“You take it into consideration. You digest it. There’s nothing necessarily to be done with it, but it was the next step in recovering, for both of you. Charles needed to completely open up about it and put his guard down, and you needed to hear it.”

Erik nodded along the way, starting to feel a little better towards what he heard. “Yeah, okay.”

“I just wanted to get a sense of what’s going on in your head until I see you after tomorrow.”

“That’s about it.”

“I’ll see you both after tomorrow then.”

\---

Roughly ten minutes later, Erik heard the front door pushing open and Charles walked in, holding a couple plastic bags in his hand.

“Hey,” Erik smiled from his place on the couch.

“Hi,” Charles returned the smile, walking into the kitchen.

“I just got off the phone with Emma,” Erik got up, following Charles.

“Yeah?”

“Yup, she’ll see both of us together after tomorrow.”

“Good,” Charles nodded.

“I’m proud of you, I’m proud of us,” Erik hugged Charles from behind, nuzzling his nose in the back of the shorter man’s neck.

“Me too,” Charles breathed, relaxing against Erik. “At some point, I thought we wouldn’t make it.”

“But we did,” Erik whispered, his lips closing in on the exposed skin.

Charles hummed, Erik’s hot breath scattering goosebumps all over his body. He leaned back, allowing Erik’s body to completely support his own.

They stayed tangled for a few minutes, breathing in each other’s scents. They never wanted to be apart again. No, they belonged in each other’s arms.

“What did you get?” Erik asked in a low voice, remembering the bags Charles brought in.

Charles smiled, regained his posture and began unpacking. Flour, apples, cinnamon, nutmeg and butter. Still, it didn’t answer Erik’s desired question.

Erik frowned.

“We’re baking, you idiot,” Charles wiggled his eyebrows.

“Baking?”

“Yeah, it’s a therapy thing – Emma suggested it a while back, and I never thought about trying it out. But then I found this recipe–”

“You were surfing the web for recipes?” Erik’s eyes widened.

“Not the point. Wait, look,” Charles dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He opened Safari and brought the screen up to Erik’s line of sight.

“It’s called ‘Sugar-Kissed Apple Pie’?”

“Sounds delicious, doesn’t it?”

“Sounds like food poisoning.” 

“I appreciate the support,” Charles shot.

“Have you ever even baked before?”

“There’s a first time for everything. Come on, it’s gonna be fun!”

“I fail to see how this has anything to do with therapy but,” Erik sighed, “if I die of food poisoning, at least my last moments will be with you.”

“That’s the spirit! Besides, your mom will want to try it.”

“And then disown me as her son right after, gotcha.”

Edie had agreed to stay for a few more days, as to her son’s request.

“She leaves tomorrow morning, she’s passing by tonight. Is this ‘Sugar-Kissed Apple Pie’ gonna be ready by then?”

“And rearing.”

“Let’s get to work, then.”

Charles scrolled down the page until he got to the directions. He read the first step and grabbed a measuring cup and a mixing bowl from the cupboard and then reached for the flour. He opened the bag and poured two cups into the bowl. He turned around, locating the saltshaker and when he turned back, he was greeted by a handful of flour getting blown in his face. Erik.

“You said it was gonna be fun,” Erik teased.

“Oh you’re on!” Charles took a handful of flour in his palm and dropped it on Erik’s hair, earning him a glare.

They’ll get the pie baked…eventually. That is if they don’t finish the flour on each other first.

\---

Erik and Charles made it a point to be awake before his mother the next morning. It was tricky, but they managed to walk downstairs to a quiet atmosphere. She was leaving in a couple of hours and they wanted to make her breakfast, instead of her making them breakfast for the millionth time. They worked together in silence, yet coordinated together like they’ve done this a dozen times before. They were in sync. An hour later, they were looking at the meal they made from scratch and bobbed their heads, satisfied.

Edie was over the moon. She even might have teared up.

\---

Erik and Charles drove to the mansion in silence. They had just dropped Edie off at the airport and promised to visit her soon. Erik had quickly wiped away a fallen tear from his cheek. The weather was getting better, the sun filled the world with warmth, an occasional nice breeze would flutter by. Erik never cried when he would say goodbye to his mother at an airport. He’d left home a long time ago, and with countless visits over the years, he’d never been emotional when they parted ways. Today, thought, today was different. He just wanted his mother to stay. Or he wanted to go with her. He just didn’t want to be away. Possibly because of what he and Charles went through, and she was there at their darkest and hopeless times. They had come to depend on her. It was going to be weird waking up next morning, knowing the possibility of breakfast being ready had flown away.

“You sure you’ll be fine?” Charles asked from the passenger seat, tearing Erik from his thoughts.

“Hmm?” Erik stole a glance at Charles then back on the road his eyes went.

“About me staying at the mansion tonight.”

“Yeah, no, don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” Erik nodded.

Charles studied Erik for a few moments then stretched out his arm, taking the free hand sitting on Erik’s lap into his own. “What is it?” Charles ran his thumb over Erik’s skin. He sensed something wasn’t right with Erik ever since…well, ever since they woke up.

Erik sighed. “It was never this hard saying goodbye to mom before.”

Charles squeezed Erik’s hand. He didn’t understand Erik completely; after all, Charles never had what Erik and Edie have. His mother never cared, never supported him, never took the time to drive him to the airport. Charles had always wondered how that would have felt like, and seeing Erik and Edie together, it made his heart ache. And then he realized that he felt the same way Erik did. Sure, he had nothing to compare it to but he, too, found saying goodbye to Edie hard.

“It was hard,” Charles nodded. “I had biological people who I was tied to through just that, genes, but I never had parents. I don’t know how that feels like, didn’t know how that feels like. Up until I met your mother.”

Erik connected his eyes with Charles for a second.

“For the first time in my life, the moment I saw your mother, I knew how it felt to have a mother. She became my mother,” Charles smiled.

Erik brought Charles’s hand up to his lips and kissed it.

They sat in comfortable silence, watching the world roll by until they reached the mansion some twenty minutes later.

“Charles!” Raven jumped into her brother’s arms when she opened the door and saw him and Erik.

“Raven,” Charles chuckled, returning the hug.

Once they were inside, Erik gave Raven a one-armed hug, holding a container with his other.

“What’s that?” Raven asked.

“Apple pie, we baked it,” Charles answered.

“You two baked?”

“And we’re still alive. So rest assured, no poisoning,” Erik handed Raven the container.

“There you are!” Moira’s voice filled the room, making her way towards her best friend.

“Moira, it’s so good to see you,” Charles held her tighter.

“Erik,” Moira turned to Erik, also giving him a hug.

“How’ve you been?” Erik reciprocated.

“Good,” Moira smiled, pulling back.

“Try the apple pie.”

“I will,” Moira turned, looking at Raven who was opening the container.

“You two really did bake this?” Raven looked up.

“God’s honest truth,” Erik chuckled. “I should get going.”

“Already?” Charles frowned.

“Logan’s coming over later, and you know the mess at home. I have to clean up a little.”

“It’s Logan, he won’t care.”

“Sometime yesterday the ceramic kitchen floor was replaced by a flour-based one.”

“You started that!” Charles poked Erik’s chest.

“You dumped flour on my head!”

“Details,” Charles huffed.

“Well, I have to go home clean up the _details_ ,” Erik shrugged.

Charles sighed. “Fine. I miss these ladies anyway.”

“I would imagine.”

“Say hello to Logan for me.”

“I will,” Erik promised, closing the distance between them and leaned down, capturing Charles’s rosy lips with his.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Charles gave him a small smile.

\---

Cleaning up the ‘flour-based’ floor wasn’t as easy as Erik had thought. He gathered up all the utensils they used and washed them in the sink. Once that was out of the way, he turned his attention to the floor, and that one took ages. His back was aching by the time he was done and not five minutes had passed since he fell backwards on the couch when he heard the doorbell chime. Logan.

Erik huffed and managed to push himself to his feet, taking agonizingly slow steps towards the door. He was greeted with a pizza box and a six-pack of beer. He made way for the bigger man to pass him into the apartment.

“Am I on time?”

“I just switched on the tv.”

Logan set down the pizza and beer on the table and paused. He turned to face Erik who was standing close but not too close. He narrowed his eyes, looking up and down Erik’s body.

“What?”

“You smell like flour,” Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Because I was cleaning the kitchen? Charles and I baked a pie.”

“You baked? A pie?”

“Why does everyone keep asking when I clearly said we baked a damn pie?”

“Because you baked a pie, Erik.”

“Well, yes, we did. And it turned out good. Saved you a piece,” Erik pointed to the fridge.

“How lovely of you.”

“We’re all alive, so don’t worry. Even though I think food poisoning never works on you.”

“Haven’t tried that yet, and hopefully I never will,” Logan shook his head.

They heard the game start on the television, they quickly sat down on the couch, and Erik opened the pizza box.

“Is beer okay?” Logan asked, remembering the no drinking rule Erik and Charles had.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Erik nodded. “We’re passed it.”

Logan separated a slice and handed it to Erik. They both sat in silence, eating and drinking and occasionally yelling at the screen.

\---

Raven stayed with Charles and Moira for a while but had to take care of a few things so she left the two best friends alone. Charles and Moira needed some ‘them’ time.

“I really missed you,” Moira said, snuggling against Charles’s side.

Charles’s arm went around Moira’s shoulder, pulling her in. He kissed the top of her head gently. “I missed you, too.”

“How are you? And Erik?”

“We’re great.”

Moira stayed silent.

“Really, we are. I, uh, I opened up to him about those days and I could tell he didn’t expect it and it took a toll on him but he recovered quickly, and God, Moira, it felt so good to tell him everything, and to just, let everything off my chest,” he sighed. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell him, I just…didn’t know how to do it. How do you do that? I hadn’t a clue. But somehow, it just rolled off the tip of my tongue. I didn’t rehearse it, it came naturally.”

Moira looked up at Charles and smiled. “I’m proud of you.”

Charles smiled back. “He also told me what he went through during those days. I knew it wasn’t easy for him, but I didn’t imagine he’d get a scar from those days. A literal scar, on his palm.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh,” Charles nodded. “He broke some things and it cut his skin. I noticed it and he was completely honest with me about it. It’s very faint though, you wouldn’t see if you don’t know it’s there, but it somehow made me feel even closer to him. We both have scars. I know that it sounds sadistic but we do, and I’m really hoping we can both move past this and accept the scars, the literal and metaphoric ones. I feel like I really understand what was going on with him, I never imagined he would hurt as badly as I did but now, I think he did.”

“You two are connected, of course he hurt as badly, Charles. Maybe not in the same way, but definitely on the same level.”

“Yeah,” Charles breathed. “We’re not tip-toeing around each other anymore, we’re talking about things and we’re sleeping through the night.”

“You two deserve to move past this, once and for all. God knows the things you’ve been through, I’m so happy you two are finding your feet again.”

“Me too, Moira, me too.”

“Speaking of getting better,” Moira pulled away from Charles and turned her body sideways, her entire body now facing Charles. She approached the subject with utmost caution. “Have you thought about going back to teaching? I’m not rushing you but I was passing by your class the other day and it came to mind. And it still is your class, Charles.”

Charles sighed, choosing his next words carefully. “It had come up in my mind once or twice to tell you the truth, and I miss it. And I miss the kids. I want to go back, I can’t believe I said I was going to give it up.”

“That wasn’t you, though.”

“Part of it was. Yes, it was traumatized me but I can still hear myself saying it. I would like to go back to it at some point, yes, but I’m not entirely sure when.”

Moira nodded, watching Charles nervously.

“How are the kids doing?” A small smile spread on Charles’s face.

“Driving everyone mad as usual. I dropped in a few times, they keep asking about you. I can tell they miss you.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but I miss them, too,” Charles chuckled.

“I don’t need to tell you this but there is no rush for you to come back so quickly. It’s an adjustment you have to do, I get it. And the administration gets it. You’ll have your job whenever you decide to go back.”

“I think I just need to talk about it with Erik first, before making any decisions. He got offered a role but he turned it down so it’s only fair that if I go back to work so does he. But I don’t know if I can handle being away from him for extended time periods to be honest. If he accepts a role it would mean he’d have to travel to shoot wherever, and he’d be away for God knows how long. I don’t want to cripple his career, I love his career and I love watching him grow but I think right now I need him by my side.”

“That’s completely understandable. And if I know anything about Erik, I know for a fact that he would rather be next to you than on any film set anywhere in the world.”

“We’ll see, we can reach some kind of middle ground, I’m sure.”

Moira leaned in, placing a kiss on Charles’s cheek.

\---

It was a little after ten in the morning when Charles went back to the apartment. He didn’t know if Erik was asleep or awake or even home. Yet he was as silent as he could. He walked in, closing the door gently behind him and spotted Erik.

He was asleep. On the armchair.

A small smile spread on Charles’s face and he placed his keys on the table. He walked until he was close enough to hear Erik’s soft breathing, his chest rising and falling. Charles extended his hand, running his fingers through Erik’s hair and leaned down, brushing his lips against the cool skin.

Erik momentarily stirred, taking in a deep breath.

“Hi, love,” Charles whispered.

Erik opened one eye halfway and looked at Charles. “Hey,” he gave him a sleepy smile.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

Erik stifled a yawn and stretched his arms. “Time’s ‘t?”

“A little after ten,” Charles continued moving his hand through Erik’s hair. And then he noticed the book sitting in Erik’s lap, over the mess of a blanket. “Really?” He chuckled.

“What?”

Charles pointed to the book.

“Oh,” Erik picked up Charles’s copy of _Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ and looked back at Charles. “I found it last night and Logan was gone and there was nothing interesting on TV.”

Charles chuckled.

“I wanted to know what the fuss was about,” Erik teased.

“And did you figure that out?”

“Nope,” Erik shook his head, “I don’t even remember where I stopped. I wanted to be closer to you.”

“Aw, you could’ve called me, you know,” Charles pressed another kiss to Erik’s forehead.

“At two in the morning? Not the best idea,” Erik chuckled.

Erik was right. Charles probably wouldn’t have even heard his phone ring at two in the bloody morning.

“How’s your back treating you?”

“We’ll find out in an hour. It’ll be fine, I think. Me and this chair are pretty well acquainted,” Erik joked.

“Should I be jealous?” Charles raised an eyebrow.

“Never,” Erik pecked his lips against Charles’s.

“Come on,” Charles straightened his body, linking his hand with Erik. “Time to get you some breakfast.”

\---

Erik was sitting at the head of dinning table, Charles to his right and a mug of hot coffee in his hands. He was nursing the cup, they’ve been sitting in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s company. Charles was the first to break the silence.

“Hey, there’s something I want to talk to you about,” he cleared his throat.

“Yeah?”

“Hmm,” Charles nodded.

“Okay.”

“I’ve been thinking about it but, uh, there hasn’t been a proper time to discuss it, I guess.”

“I’m listening,” Erik encouraged.

“Teaching, going back to the university,” Charles watched Erik’s face. “I’ve thought about it, and I want to do it, I just don’t know when…yet.”

“I think you should go back whenever you’re ready.”

“You’re…okay with it?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Erik frowned.

“If I go back to work, it means it’s only fair you go back, too. And you’ve already turned down one role and I don’t want to stop your career. But if you accept a role that means you’ll start shooting God knows where and you won’t be here and I don’t know if I can handle being alone so soon and I just, God,” Charles panted, suddenly nervous.

“Hey, hey, Charles, deep breath, okay?” Erik reached out for Charles’s hand. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t agree to leaving you, either. And no, you going back doesn’t mean I have to go back.”

“It’s selfish, if I work and you don’t. I know how much you love your work, and I can’t keep you chained next to me forever because I’m afraid,” Charles defended.

“I love you more than I love my work, that’s a fact. I can live without my work but I can’t live without you. And I’m afraid, too, Charles.”

“I just don’t want you to sacrifice anything on my behalf.”

“I turned down that role because we both needed it, we both needed to be here. If I had taken it, it would have destroyed us for good. If I had to choose between you and my job, I would pick you every time.”

“Erik…”

“Listen to me, Charles. You have no idea, no idea, how much I’m proud of you. I can’t wait to see you go back to teaching. And I’m thrilled that you’re considering it again, and rediscovering your passion. I was scared that was taken away from you. It’s one of many, many beautiful things about you, Charles Xavier, and I would do anything before I see that taken away from you.”

“Even if it means you stay right here?” Charles asked with tears in his eyes.

“Even if it means I stay right here,” Erik got closer to Charles, cupping his cheek in his hand.

Charles bit down on his bottom lip and closed his eyes, leaning into Erik’s touch. Everything felt lighter, brighter and the hope of a better tomorrow was restored in his soul.

“One second, keep your eyes closed,” Erik whispered and got up, fetched an old folded newspaper and returned to his seat. He unfolded the paper and turned to his desired page. He slid it in front of Charles. “Okay, open.”

Charles opened his eyes and read the title of the page: New York Real Estate

“What?” Charles looked up at Erik.

“Just how determined I am to stay right here,” Erik smiled.

“Really?”

Erik nodded.

“But this place, you love it.”

“I do, we can keep it. This will always be our place, but I want a place that’s _really_ ours. I want to live in the place you choose, I want you to add your touches all over the place, and I want you to be a part of it.”

Charles went back to the paper and noticed at Erik already had circled over a section in a red sharpie.

“I see you’ve already gotten to work,” Charles smirked.

“Ah, yes. Long Island. They have houses with a white picket fence,” Erik smiled.

Charles chuckled. “Okay, let’s see what we’ve got.”

“I know it’s a little far from the city—”

“It’s perfect,” Charles cut Erik.

“I do need to get out of the city,” Erik chuckled.

“Yes, you do,” Charles agreed. He got up and sat on Erik’s lap, running his eyes over the listed houses under Long Island. “We’re getting a house together,” he looked at Erik over his shoulder.

“We’re getting a house together,” Erik beamed.

Charles leaned in and kissed Erik with everything he’s got.

They’re building a whole new life together; a better one, a brighter one, a perfect one.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles goes back to teaching and Erik gets offered a new role. The men take a step forward and they reconnect. The world has been talking about them so Erik puts an end to the rumors, with heavy consequences. Erik takes a big decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Okay, this was so weird to write. I think I was purposely stalling because it’s coming to an end soon? As much as I’m happy to complete this story, I am most definitely going to miss it and this universe. One more chapter after this one! Winter break has been treating me nicely and I’m very satisfied with my final grades in uni, thank god all those hours and tears (crying on the inside) have paid off. Not to keep you guys waiting, please enjoy this long chapter! Feedback is greatly appreciated, and thank you all for reading!

Less than a week later, Charles’s alarm clock was once again set for six in the morning. Erik got up before him, making it a point to prepare a healthy breakfast for the professor to get him through his first day back at the university. Erik had felt Charles toss and turn in bed the night before, but he eventually drifted off. Now, Erik was standing in the kitchen, flipping the last of the pancakes onto the stack when Charles appeared, case in his hand and his tie hanging loosely around his neck.

“Smells good,” Charles smiled.

“It better, took me long enough,” Erik chuckled.

“Good morning,” Charles wrapped his arms around Erik’s waist, pushing himself up on his tiptoes and brushing his lips against Erik’s.

“Morning,” Erik whispered against Charles’s lips.

“American breakfast, huh?” Charles said once they broke apart.

“You need it.”

“Uh huh,” Charles sat down on a chair and served himself. One egg, two pancakes, a small bowl of cereal and a slice of toast covered in jam.

Erik took a sip of his coffee, watching Charles eat.

“You’re not having breakfast?” Charles arched an eyebrow.

“Later, I’m going back to bed when you leave.”

“And you can’t sleep with a heavy stomach,” Charles teased.

“You sure you don’t want me to drive you?”

“I’m sure,” Charles nodded. “I’ll be fine, really.”

Erik stayed silent.

“I promise.”

Erik sighed, nursing his cup of coffee. “Okay.”

“This is good,” Charles said between pancake bites.

“I’m glad I managed to present you with edible food,” Erik shrugged. “There are two open houses throughout the week for the houses we picked, they’re willing to give us a private showing. Faster and easier and not messy.”

Charles nodded. “When’s the first one?”

“Tomorrow.”

“It’s right after your classes end so I can pass by you and we can head over there?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Charles smiled.

Fifteen minutes later, Erik and Charles were standing by the door, Erik neatly tying Charles’s tie.

“Last chance before I take off my shirt and climb into bed,” Erik teased.

“You’re unbelievable,” Charles smacked Erik’s arm. “I’ll be fine.”

“I know,” Erik closed the distance between them with a kiss.

Charles chuckled through the kiss, resting his forehead against Erik’s.

“I’ll call you when I wake up.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Erik stood leaning against the door until Charles disappeared into the elevator. Erik retreated back into the apartment and put the breakfast away. He walked up the stairs and took off his shirt, crawling under the covers. The bed was much colder than he remembered.

\---

Erik’s eyes opened roughly four hours after Charles had left. He laid there for a couple of minutes, wiping away the sleep from his eyes. He got up and walked down the stairs, and retrieved the breakfast he stored away. He reached for his phone and dialed Charles’s number, pushing the phone into his ear.

“Morning, again,” Charles’s voice came to life.

“Morning,” Erik replied, his voice muffled with food.

“Having fun, are we?”

“You have no idea. I make good pancakes.”

“Yes you do, my love,” Charles leaned back into his desk chair.

“How’s your doing been so far?”

“Good, we decided not to tell the students I was coming back when I met with the administration a few days ago so you can imagine the look on their faces when I walked in.”

“Of course they were happy to see you, Charles.”

“They spent fifteen minutes hugging me, Erik.”

Erik chuckled, taking a sip of orange juice.

“And they have questions. Well, not really questions, as everything is more or less confirmed.”

“What’s more or less confirmed?”

“You and me,” Charles chuckled.

“Oh, right, that. They sniffed it out from the beginning, didn’t they?”

“They did.”

“I should stop by early tomorrow and say hi,” Erik suggested.

“So they’d all die from heart attacks? No, thank you. I like my students.”

“It isn’t that much, is it?”

“Oh it is.”

“Hmm,” Erik sighed. “Well, think about it.”

“Deal.”

“When’s your next class?”

“In seven minutes.”

“I should probably leave you to get ready then.”

“But I miss your voice,” Charles pouted.

“You’ll be home before you know it, and I’ll be here.”

“I’m already looking forward to it,” Charles smiled.

“Kick ass, professor. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

\---

Charles came home to the delicious smell of homemade Mac ‘N’ Cheese. He chuckled, closing the door behind him and dropping his case on the ground.

“Erik?”

“Welcome home!” Erik cried from the kitchen.

Charles followed Erik’s voice and stood behind the taller man. “Not fried?”

“Not this time. I know how to make other things, you know.”

“Do you?” Charles teased.

“What? You already forgot about the breakfast? I’m heartbroken,” Erik shook his head.

Charles’s arms went around Erik from behind, and he planted a kiss on the actor’s shoulder. “I could get used to coming home to this, you know? Be careful.”

“I’m exactly where I want to be,” Erik turned around, pulling Charles into his chest. “There is no where else I’d rather be.”

Charles smiled against Erik’s shirt and closed his eyes. The moment was interrupted by Charles’s growling stomach, making both men laugh.

“I’m starving.”

“I can hear that,” Erik smirked, turning back to the macaroni.

Erik served the food into two plates and grabbed two beers from the fridge and joined Charles at the table.

“It was better than I expected,” Charles took his plate and drink from Erik. “Actually, I don’t know what I expected. I thought it would be weird, awkward and plain hard to get through the day. But it was none of those. It was like nothing happened. I didn’t get any uncomfortable questions, I wasn’t treated differently that before, today reminded me why I loved teaching. The day went by so quickly.”

“I’m proud of you, Charles,” Erik reached out for Charles’s hand. “I knew you could do it, they wouldn’t put you in uncomfortable position, you know that.”

“I know,” Charles nodded, “but if you think about it, sometimes it’s inevitable. They wouldn’t mean to but after going through what I went through, they wouldn’t know what to say, how to act around me without fearing to trigger something or they’d be constantly worried about what to say. But it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t like I was gone for God knows how long. It was like I was just there yesterday.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I mean, something definitely happened and it changed me, and it’s taking its time but I’m also glad they aren’t seeing me differently. I’m grateful for that, they still see me as the old Professor X.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” Erik smiled.

“I’m not scared to go back anymore. Part of what was there before is still there, I felt it when I walked into the classroom. Remember that genes poster you looked at the first time you walked into the class?”

Erik nodded.

“When the first class was over, I stood in the same spot you did and I looked up at the poster and everything—all the memories came rushing back. It was jumbled up, good and bad, loud and quiet but I was left with one impression: love. And I’m starting to think that fate does exist.”

“Really?” Erik breathed.

“It came full circle. We were in the exact same spot a year apart. And it made me feel like everything we went through lead me to that moment. I wouldn’t have stood there today if it weren’t for you. I am who I am today because I met you.”

Erik felt tears gather in his eyes as he beamed. “Fate.”

Charles reached out and wiped a tear that just fell from Erik’s eyes. “I can’t explain it, but there’s this bubbly feeling inside me that makes me believe everything was a mess before I met you, and now, the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. We fought against the world, and we won. I love you, and that makes everything else make sense.”

“Falling in love with you made me believes in fate all that more,” Erik tightened his grip on Charles’s hand.

“We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be.”

“We are. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

Charles pulled Erik’s hand up and pressed a kiss to it.

\---

“That was a nice surprise,” Charles smiled at Erik the next day. They were both in the car, heading to Long Island.

“It was. I liked how you played the ‘you guys are in trouble’ card. But you’ve been back for a day, what on earth could they have possibly done?” Erik chuckled.

“I gave them the stern look, and they’re most definitely not used to it,” Charles shrugged. “But it worked.”

“It did, too well, I think. Jean was it? Yeah, I think she was trying to smell me?”

“I think she was,” Charles laughed. “They did ask if you small good in the very beginning.”

“What did you say?” Erik’s interest peaked.

“Well, I played the ‘my personal life is personal’ card, of course.”

“You party pooper,” Erik chuckled.

“I couldn’t confirm anything back then, could I?”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

“I know I’m right,” Charles leaned over, kissing Erik’s cheek.

“The pollution definitely decreases out here,” Erik observed the blue clear skies ahead.

“We both need to get out of the city,” Charles agreed.

Erik switched on the radio to a soft hum and they sat in silence until they reached their destination.

“Erik,” Charles breathed, looking at the house they were approaching. “It’s…wow.” The house was huge, built with chocolate brown bricks and some parts were painted white. It was elegant, simple and beautiful. And there was a chimney. The windows gave a soft blue reflection, which somehow matched perfectly with the greenery in front of the house.

“You haven’t seen the inside yet,” Erik chuckled, parking the car next to the sidewalk.

“I think I’m already in love with it.”

“Hold your horses, cowboy. We still have one more to look at,” Erik remarking, jumping out of the driver’s seat.

Charles joined him and they walked side by side into the house, seeing a man standing in the living room.

“Just on time,” the man smiled at Erik and Charles, extending his hand at Erik. “I’m Martin, we spoke on the phone, Mr. Lehnsherr.”

“Yes, how are you?” Erik shook his hand.

“Charles Xavier,” Charles shook Martin’s hand next. “Thank you for taking the time to do this.”

“Oh, it’s my pleasure,” Martin smiled. “Shall we begin?”

“Please,” Erik smiled.

Martin led the men into the kitchen, which was triple the size of their current kitchen. Then they moved on to the living room, which appeared to have an extension into a dinning room. The living room lay right behind the window that showed off the large garden behind the house.

“There are two bedrooms down here,” Martin walked into the first one. “This one has a bathroom of it’s own,” he opened a closed door, revealing a good-sized bathroom with a tub. “The second one,” Martin walked across the hall into the second bedroom, “It’s nearly as big as the first one, but it doesn’t have a bathroom. There is another separate bathroom right through here,” he walked out, and down the hallway to find another bedroom. “This one could be considered the guest bathroom.”

“What’s upstairs?” Charles asked, noticing a staircase.

“We have the master bedroom,” Martin walked up the stairs, Erik and Charles on his heels. He opened the bedroom door and stepped aside, giving way for the men to walk in.

Saying it was a humongous bedroom was an understatement. They could play a match of volleyball in that room. The golden sunlight shimmering through the window, viewing the gorgeous street ahead. The built-in closest was separated into many different compartments, clearly made for a couple. The bathroom was a different story; the silver and glass walls filled the place with white light.

Needless to say, Erik was in love now, as well.

\---

“I love this one even more!” Charles cried excitedly. “There’s a pool, Erik. There’s a pool!”

“Yeah, Charles, I can see,” Erik chuckled, walking around the massive garden two days later; they were going through the second house.

“We can throw pool parties! And have barbeques. We can get a dog!”

“Yes, we can,” Erik nodded.

“This is our house, I can feel it,” Charles caught his breath.

This house was even more stunning than the first one. It was bigger than the first one, the front was built with light grey bricks and painted off-white with a brown door. There was a storage room and a garage side by side, which were nicely sized. The yellow light shone off the walls and the outside of the house, giving it a magical feel and look. There was a front porch and a sitting room just inside, viewing the small garden in front of the house. An open kitchen and the dinning room were inside, leading into a huge living room. A guest bedroom and bathroom were locating near the back of the house, the bedroom window viewing the garden and pool. Upstairs were two more bedrooms with their own bathrooms and gorgeous views. And best of all, they had a white picket fence.

Charles had calmed down and went back to his down to earth self, looking at the house from the backyard. “This is huge, Erik. We’re only two.”

“We’ll fill it,” Erik wrapped his arms around Charles, pulling him into his body, resting his head on Charles’s shoulder. “We’ll invite everyone and we’ll get a dog and so much more.”

“Really?” Charles leaned into Erik.

“Really,” Erik whispered, kissing the side of Charles’s forehead. “We’ll have the life we always dreamt of.”

“I love you,” Charles held onto Erik’s arms.

“I love you.”

Erik and Charles put in an offer for the dream house at the end of the day.

\---

“Let me think about it,” Erik said into the phone.

Charles walked into the kitchen, having woken up ten minutes earlier. The look on Erik’s face wasn’t settling well with the professor.

“Yeah, I’ll let you know as soon as I can,” Erik nodded, his eyes connecting with Charles’s. “Yeah, I will, thanks Lenny.”

“Who was that?” Charles asked when Erik hung up, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Lenny Abrahamson, the director,” Erik sighed.

“You don’t sound too happy about that phone call.”

“I don’t know,” Erik shook his head. “He offered me a role.”

“Really?” Charles’s eye lit up, but when Erik showed no signs of happiness, Charles frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m thinking about turning it down,” Erik met Charles’s eyes.

“Erik, no. Why?”

“I literally just told you I’m staying here and I won’t take any roles, and I don’t want to break that promise. You need me here, and I will be here, I don’t care what I have to do.”

“Do you have any details?”

“Not yet, but there’s a meeting in a few days. I won’t go, probably.”

“I think you should take it,” Charles said.

“Charles…”

“I know what I said, alright? But I realized in this past week that it isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I do need you here, but I also need you to live our your life. Above all, that spirit that I love about you, and the dedication and passion you have for your work,” Charles took Erik’s hand, “I would never take that away from you. You miss it; I know you do. I was overwhelmed when I said those things, and yes they’re partially true, but I can’t allow you to turn down a role because of me, not another one.”

“I don’t even know if it’s a good role. And last time we both needed to be here, you know that. You can’t hang that decision on your shoulders.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t find out. We’re better now, Erik. You can see that, things have changed since then.”

“I don’t want to leave you, Charles. I promised you and I intend to keep that promise.”

“You’re not going to break it,” Charles gave Erik a small smile. “Get more details, go to the meeting. For me, Erik, please.”

Erik sighed, gripping Charles’s hand tighter.

“Look, just take the meeting, you don’t have to sign the contract. Just see what’s on the table and we can talk about it more. Don’t shut the door, Erik, please. I know you want to be here right now but I can’t shake this feeling that if you keep turning down roles you will regret it in the future, maybe not tomorrow or in a month, but at some point you’re going to wonder what if. And you will trace it back to me and you won’t be able to look at me.”

“Don’t say that, Charles. Nothing will ever change how I feel about you.”

“You’re as much an actor as you are my man. It is part of who you are and I won’t allow you to tear it away. You need it just as much as you need me. I can’t bring myself to think about the day you look at me and all you see is the man who deprived you of what you love, I won’t survive losing you, which is what will happen, Erik. We’ve come this far, you’ve helped me through so much and you helped me stand back on my feet. I’m teaching again. Now, please let me do the same for you.”

“I’m scared,” Erik breathed. “I’m scared to leave and if something happens—”

“We can’t live our lives like that, Erik. You told me that. This is much deeper than just a role, isn’t it?”

Erik nodded. “It feels like I’m losing control, like there’s nothing I can do. It feels like you’re slipping between my fingers again.”

“I’m right here,” Charles kissed Erik’s knuckles. “I’m right here, Erik. I will be here forever and nothing will change that. Okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

Erik watched Charles for a few moments and nodded slowly. “Okay, I’ll go to the meeting.”

“Okay,” Charles got up and kissed Erik’s forehead, hugging him from behind. “What is it called?”

“ _Frank_ , a man who lives in a papier-mâché head.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“I can’t wait to read the script myself,” Charles kissed the top of Erik’s head.

\---

The meeting with Lenny Abrahamson was four days later at Paramount Studio. Erik checked his watch as he walked through the glass doors, he was five minutes early. He spotted a few people he knew here and there and gave them the smile and hand wave, making his way towards the elevator. Being in that building again brought back memories rushing through Erik’s head; the very beginning of the road that is him and Charles. The elevator doors slid open and Erik walked out, finding the conference room he’d be meeting Lenny in. He could already see the Irishman sitting on one of the chairs through the glass window. Erik knocked and pushed the door.

“Hey, Lenny,” Erik smiled.

“Erik, I’m glad you agreed to this meeting. Have a seat,” Lenny gestured to a chair oppose his own.

Erik walked around the table and sat down, linking his hands together.

“The producers should be here too but I thought you’d be more comfortable if it were just me and you,” Lenny spoke.

“Thank you,” Erik nodded. “I’m not promising anything but I’m willing to take a look.”

“Before we start, I just want you to know that you’re not obligated to do anything or to say yes here. I don’t know what you went through, but from the words traveling around, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it was on you and on your partner. You have my full support, no matter what you settle on.”

“It means a lot,” Erik gave Lenny a small smile.

“Now that that’s said, let’s get to business,” Lenny pulled out a stack of paper, which Erik immediately knew to be the script. “This film is a comedy-drama, people might go as far as labeling it as a dark comedy, the people we already have on the project are Maggie Gyllenhaal and Domhnall Gleeson. It’s mostly inspired by the life of Frank Sidebottom,” Lenny went on to tell Erik about the film, referring to the script a couple of times here and there. By the time he was done, Erik had a good knowledge of the project and what would be expected of him if he were to accept the role.

“What about the shooting schedule and locations?” Erik asked.

“This script isn’t finalized yet, I’d say this is about eighty percent of what will be the final script. We’re still working on some things and the casting is still going on so roughly shooting would ideally start in the last month of summer, so August through mid-October or so. As for locations, the only ones we’ve got confirmations for right now are Ireland and Texas.”

“Alright,” Erik nodded, scratching his scruff. “It definitely peaked my interest, if I’m to be honest. It’s not every day you get offered to play a guy living in a head, literally.”

“No you don’t,” Lenny agreed.

“Would you mind if I took the script? To read it over?”

“Not at all,” Lenny shook his head.

“It a change of pace for me, that’s for sure. I’ll talk it over with Charles and I’ll let you know as soon as we’d decided,” Erik promised.

“Absolutely. Send my regards to Charles,” Lenny smiled.

Filming in Ireland wouldn’t be so bad, Erik thought as he left the building. He’s been meaning to go back to visit for a while now, he had visited the country quite a few times with his mom. Besides, Charles would love it there.

\---

“That smells good,” Erik announced, walking into the apartment. Hearing sizzling coming from the kitchen, he placed the script on the table in front of the television and walked into the kitchen to see Charles flipping over a burger.

“We’re having burgers for dinner!”

“I can see that,” Erik chuckled, pressing a kiss to the shorter man’s neck. “I didn’t know you made burgers.”

“I did raise my sister alone, you know,” Charles raised an eyebrow. “My burgers are like none you’ve ever had before.”

“I can’t wait,” Erik gave him another kiss and walked over to the fridge, grabbing a beer bottle and opening it.

“Hey, no, not before we eat,” Charles turned from the stove, snatching the cold bottle from Erik’s hand and taking a sip himself.

“No fair!”

“Food will be ready in ten minutes,” Charles pushed the bottle on the counter and set the heat on low, getting ready to fry the french fries.

“This better be one good burger,” Erik huffed, making his way into the living room and dropping on the couch.

“How was the meeting?”

“He gave me the script,” Erik grabbed the booklet, flipping it open.

“Don’t start reading it without me, you big doofus.”

“Okay, okay,” Erik chuckled, shaking his head.

Ten minutes later, Charles joined Erik on the couch, placing the big plate of french fries on the table in front of them and handed Erik his plate with the burger sitting on it.

“Just as you like it.”

“Thanks, babe,” Erik took the plate and placing it on the empty space next to him.

Charles wedged himself between Erik and the couch arm, throwing both his legs over Erik’s lap, careful of the plate next to Erik.

“Come on, then, start reading,” Charles encouraged, taking a bite from his sandwich.

Erik started reading the one hundred and forty something page script, pausing every now and then to take a bite of his burger or to bully Charles into feeding him a french fry. They didn’t feel the hours pass by when Erik turned to the last page and closed the script minutes later.

“He really does wear it everywhere, even the shower,” Charles shook his head, referring to Frank’s papier-mâché head.

“Apparently so,” Erik chuckled.

“So, what do you think?”

“I think wearing that head all the time is going to be suffocating.”

“New experience, though?” Charles cocked his head to the side.

“Well, yeah. And shooting locations are in Ireland and Texas so far.”

“Oh, Ireland, sounds fancy.”

“I thought you’d like it,” Erik smiled.

“When is it scheduled, shooting?”

“Late summer until mid-October.”

“Are you going to take it?”

“What do you think?”

“I’m in love with it,” Charles looked at Erik, his eyes full of sincerity. “I think it’s a great role, and not remotely like anything you’ve done before.”

Erik nodded, running it through his head.

“There is still a few more months before you start shooting, if you take it, so we can arrange everything accordingly. But I genuinely think it’s a great opportunity. And I’ve always wanted to visit Ireland.”

“I guess we’re visiting Ireland then,” Erik smiled.

“Really?” Charles’s smile matched Erik’s.

“Yeah, having your support is all I need.”

Charles moved his body so he was sitting in Erik’s lap, his arms wrapped around the larger man’s neck. Charles leaned down, connecting their lips.

Once they separated, their foreheads touched and Charles simply stared into Erik’s blue eyes, and everything ticked in place. He was reborn, stronger and happier and no matter what he had gone through before, Erik being here made up for it. Erik gave him a better life, made him a better person, someone he was proud of.

Charles managed to get to his feet and hold onto Erik’s hand.

“Where are you going?”

“Come on.”

“Charles.”

“Come on,” Charles tugged harder on Erik’s hand, pulling him up to his feet. Charles then walked up the stairs, not letting go of Erik’s hand and led the man into their bedroom. He stood in front of the bed, Erik facing him.

“Charles, wh—”

Erik was cut off by Charles mouth as it covered his own. He closed his eyes, drowning in Charles. Charles tasted beer and barbeque sauce on his tongue, his hands coming up to hold Erik’s face. Erik’s own hands found their way to Charles’s neck, tangling his fingers in the professor’s curly strands.

Both men pulled away breathless, their foreheads glued together.

“Are you sure?” Erik panted, his half-hard cock already uncomfortable against his boxers.

“I’m sure,” Charles nodded, his hands pulled at Erik’s shirt and freeing it over Erik’s head and throwing it aside. Charles immediately attacked Erik’s newly exposed skin, running his wet tongue all over and sucking as he went along.

Erik’s eyes closed, as he bit down on his lip, tightening his grip on Charles’s hair. “Charles,” his voice was desperate and needy.

Charles smiled against Erik’s skin as he continued working his magic.

In one move, Charles found his own shirt being rolled over his head and joining Erik’s on the ground. It wasn’t long before he found himself pinned between the mattress and Erik’s hot body, the favor being returned. Erik moved his entire body against Charles’s, the layers of fabric between their erections driving them even madder, increasing the static between them.

“Yes, Erik, yes,” Charles grumbled against Erik’s lips, sending shivers along Erik’s body.

“I missed you so much,” Erik quivered, already working to rid them of their pants.

Charles responded by crashing his lips against Erik’s, scratching his nails down Erik’s back.

Erik was sure he’d have red marks the next day but didn’t care. In fact, he loved it. It drove him crazy and above all, he had Charles back. His Charles was back.

They spent the rest of the night a tangled mess of a fiery euphoric haze as one, making them both ready for the rest of their lives.

\---

Charles squeezed his eyes a few times before opening them, giving himself a few seconds for the blurriness to subside. He stifled a yawn and looked up, his eys met already opened ones.

“Morning,” Charles smiled sheepishly.

“Morning,” Erik’s fingertip ran up and down Charles’s bare back.

“How long have you been up?”

“A while,” Erik shrugged. “You’re adorable when you sleep.”

“Uh huh,” Charles nodded, driving his head into Erik’s neck, draping an arm over his waist.

Erik ran his hand through Charles’s hair, planting a kiss on his forehead.

Thirty minutes later, they both walked down the stairs wearing nothing but their boxers and Charles immediately headed towards the coffeemaker.

“Guess I’m the popular choice of the month,” Erik spoke, scrolling on his phone.

“What’s up?”

“It’s a text from Ellen.”

“Ellen?”

“Ellen DeGeneres,” Erik clarified.

“Oh, I love her show. What’s it about?”

“Not sure, but she asked if I’d call.”

“Call then!”

“It’s probably for an interview.”

“Probably,” Charles chuckled.

Erik nodded, dialing Ellen’s number. A few seconds later, the line opened.

“Ellen, it’s Erik. Is this a bad time?”

“Hi, Erik! No, not at all. It’s good to hear your voice.”

“You, too,” Erik nodded. “I got your text.”

“I know you’ve been through a lot lately and that’s why I’m asking you this, if you’d like to clear the air?”

“Clear the air?” Erik frowned.

“There are rumors going around, and I can tell you didn’t hear them—I just think this is a very sensitive topic and I wanted to give you the chance to clear everything up. You don’t have to go into details, but just set the record straight.”

Erik sighed. “I didn’t think they were that bad. You’re right, I haven’t read anything, on purpose really, but they sound…bad.”

“And you were seen at the studio and more rumors started circling around. You know how much I love you and respect you, and I want to help you.”

“Thank you, Ellen, it means a lot.”

“So, what do you say?”

“I mean, yeah, of course, I wouldn’t want anything that isn’t true floating around. It would be the only interview I do regarding all this, though.”

“That’s understandable,” Ellen agreed. “Once and for all.”

“I’m glad it would be with you.”

“It would be different than my regular segments,” Ellen explained. “It would be around twenty minutes, only you.”

“What about audience?”

“That’s up to you.”

Erik thought about it for a moment or two before speaking. “I guess audience would be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“There’s no reason to hide, and they’re supportive, so I don’t see why not.”

“Alright, what does your schedule look like?”

“I’ve got nothing on my calendars.”

“Okay then, I’ll arrange it and I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you, Ellen.”

“One more thing, would Charles like to come with you to the studio?”

“I’m not sure, let me get back to you.”

“So?” Charles approached Erik, holding a steaming cup of coffee once the man hung up.

“I need to set the record straight.”

“What do you mean?”

“Us. What happened, there are rumors going around and the air needs to be cleared.”

“Oh,” Charles’s face fell.

“Hey,” Erik took Charles’s empty hand, “it’s a one-time deal. I won’t talk about it again. But we haven’t released anything and we’ve been seen in places were people would assume. They don’t have any information and they’re bored, that’s what they do, they make things up to talk about it. None of it is probably true, so we just need to put a stop to the non-sense and give them real information. It comes with being an actor, part of your life isn’t so private and I’m sorry you’re put in this position. I know you don’t want any of this.”

“Us?” Charles tightened his grip on Erik’s hand.

“Of course. I won’t do this if you’re not on board with it.”

“No, you’re right, we should—we should tell them. And no, you don’t have to apologize. I know how it works with actors, well, not really but I could imagine. Everyone wants to know everything. And I want you, and when I say that I mean I want everything.”

“I’m not going to go into details, I’ll give them the information but not too much. And I trust Ellen, she wouldn’t press or reach the point where it’s uncomfortable and tight, you know.”

Charles nodded.

“Okay, do you want to be there with me or stay home?”

“I think I’ll go with you, yeah. Wait backstage or something.”

“Okay,” Erik drew Charles in. “Everything is going to be fine.”

\---

A roaring applause filled the studio as soon as the light came on and Ellen appeared. She began speaking once the applause died down.

“This segment is unlike any I’ve done before, and any I’ll do in the future. It is one of a kind for a one-time deal. During the past few months, actor Erik Lehnsherr and his partner have gone through a terrible and unimaginable chain of events. But that’s all we know, and as there is a lot of word traveling around regarding this topic and no confirmation of any of it, I am happy to have the man himself, Erik Lehnsherr with me today to set the record straight for everyone. Please welcome the magnificent Erik Lehnsherr!”

Another loud boom of applause echoed as Erik walked on, wearing his favorite grey suit and a simple white shirt under. He gave Ellen a kiss and a hug and sat down on the armchair.

“Before we start, I just want to thank you Ellen for giving me and Charles this opportunity and this chance,” Erik smiled.

“I know this can’t be easy on either of you, but really, it’s the least I can do,” Ellen nodded, returning the smile. “First thing’s first, where did you two meet?”

Erik told Ellen the story of how he met Charles and their instant connection. He left out the part where they lost their balance and jumped right into the night he made him fried Mac ‘N’ Cheese.

“We were really happy and never for a second we thought it would end like that. Suddenly, and out of nowhere, our lives were flipped upside down because of that man.”

“Who was he? Did you know about him before?”

“He was a man from Charles’s past, he was young when he met him and the man turned out to be the worst kind imaginable. He had used Charles and Charles barely got away, but he did. But the man was released from prison and he was stalking Charles, you can say. I didn’t know about him before that night but I know Charles wanted to tell me about him and about his past, but life beat him to it, I guess.”

“And then what happened?”

Erik froze, the days coming back full force. He swallowed, continuing. “He took Charles, and we didn’t know where he was for days. I was broken, I don’t think I was ever that scared in my life before. The moment I saw Charles after that—nothing would compare. But he was severely hurt and injured, and had to have surgery and the recovery was rough, for both of us. We were trying to hold on but something like that, it really messes with your head. We slipped and,” Erik paused, shaking his head, “we lost sight of who we were, individually and together. It was a messy mess, really. But thankfully we have incredible people around us who helped us find our way back to each other. And once that happened, we vowed to never stop fighting for each other again.”

A series of ‘aww’s and sniffles were heard when Erik finished speaking, making him chuckle.

“Who helped you back together?” Ellen smiled.

“Logan, Logan Howlett and Raven, Charles’s sister.”

“Logan’s your best friend.”

“I wouldn’t have survived those days without Logan,” Erik nodded.

“What happened to the man?”

“Let’s just say he’s no longer a problem.”

“What about you and Charles? Any plans for the future? Children maybe?”

Erik giggled at that. “Me and Charles are doing great, we’ve both gone to therapy and we’re almost done with that. We’ve reconnected and fell in love even more, somehow. Maybe children someday, there’s nothing in the world I’d want more.”

“You and Charles give us hope, that no matter what life throws at you, you can always come out the other side, happy and strong. Love heals anything. Thank you, Erik, for sharing this with us and bringing us into your lives.”

Once the light dimmed, Erik thanked Ellen once again and made his way backstage as Charles welcomed him with open arms. He hugged the professor and they quickly made their way outside through the back door, wanting nothing more than to go back home. Erik stayed silent the entire trip back to their apartment, and Charles knew it was hard for Erik so he didn’t push. He simply took Erik’s hand into his own and watched as the world rolled by.

Erik walked up the stairs and changed into comfortable sweatpants and a light shirt when they arrived home. Charles joined him moments later, holding two cold beer bottles, his eyes landed on Erik who was sitting on the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his face buried in his hands. He placed the beer bottles on the nightstand and sat next to Erik.

“Erik?” Charles whispered.

Erik didn’t reply, he just nodded.

“Talk to me, babe,” Charles’s arm went around Erik’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

Erik sniffed, still remaining silent.

“Come on, Erik, don’t do this,” Charles moved and kneeled in front of Erik, trying to gently separate his face from his hands.

Erik didn’t fight it and quickly wiped away the tears from his cheek. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Erik said quickly.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Charles said gently, taking Erik’s face into his hands. “Tell me what’s going through your head.”

“It’s just…it just brought everything back,” more tears fell from Erik’s eyes that Charles wiped away himself.

“It’s okay, Erik, it’s all right. Everything is okay,” Charles soothed Erik.

“It’s still so clear and I remember it like it happened yesterday,” Erik sniffed, finally looking at Charles.

“I know, I know,” Charles nodded and tenderly brushed his lips against Erik’s, assuring him that he was right there and all the bad was behind them. “Come here,” Charles returned to his place next to Erik, pulling the larger man into his chest.

Erik sighed, closing his eyes against Charles’s chest, taking in deep breaths. “You’re here.”

“I’m right here.”

“Let’s lie down, okay?”

“Okay.”

Charles quickly sheds off his clothes and joins Erik under the covers, holding the man close. He kissed Erik’s forehead and ran his hand through his short hair calmly. They both drifted off a little while later, the beer bottles marking two pools of icy water on the nightstand.

\---

The next afternoon, Erik got a call that the house they put in an offer for was theirs and it was ready to be lived in whenever they want to move in.

“We got the house?” Charles beamed, his smile reaching his eyes.

“We got the house,” Erik nodded, smiling just as big.

“Yes, yes!” Charles shot up, and jumped on Erik, wrapping his legs around his waist.

Erik supported Charles’s body with his arms and chuckled, spinning them around carefully.

Charles captured Erik’s lips with his own, smiling through the kiss. “Best thing I heard all day.”

“Uh huh,” Erik nodded, his forehead against Charles.

“When are we moving in then?” Charles smirked.

Erik giggled, bringing Charles down to his feet. “We don’t have any furniture.”

“I don’t care, we can take our mattress and move in,” Charles wrapped an arm around Erik’s neck.

“Okay,” Erik nodded.

“We got the house!”

“We should get a dog.”

“We should!” Charles clasped his hands together.

“We’re getting a dog,” Erik smiled.

\---

True to his word, Erik and Charles found themselves standing in the middle of their massive newly bought house, empty rooms staring back at them.

“At least we won’t need food until tomorrow,” Charles looked over at Erik.

Erik nodded. “Water and beer are in the icebox,” he dropped the box on the ground.

“This is nice,” Charles took Erik’s hand and started wandering around the house. He then took off up the stairs, dragging Erik behind him. Charles pushed open their new bedroom door and walked in, Erik stopping next to him.

“You know,” Erik whispered lowly into Charles’s ear, “I have an idea of how we can christen this new house.”

“Oh, really?” Charles raised an eyebrow with a smirk.

“Uh huh,” Erik led Charles backwards, assaulting his mouth with his own and guided his body downwards towards the mattress.

Charles’s hands had already found Erik’s skin under his shirt and he violently ripped it over his head.

“I like this idea,” Charles spoke against Erik’s lips, their breaths colliding.

“Thought you would,” Erik supported Charles as he took off his shirt.

Soon enough, both men were tangled together, sharing their heartbeats and their bodies.

\---

Morning came, and the sunlight slipped through the clear windows, landing on Erik’s already opened eyes. His eyes shimmered, changing from blue to green then back to blue as he watched his boyfriend sleep next to him. Their naked bodies stuck together, and Charles’s head pillowed by Erik’s arm. Erik reached out his other arm, running his hand through the professor’s still damp chair, as he stirred slightly, blue eyes meeting blue.

“Morning,” Erik smiled.

“You watching me again?” Charles teased, his eyes halfway opened.

“Nothing else I’d rather do,” Erik kissed Charles’s forehead.

“This was a nice christening.”

“I could do this for the rest of my life,” Erik confessed.

“Yes, you can,” Charles playfully poked Erik’s bare chest with his finger. “I’ll go get us some…water,” Charles sat up, finding his boxers near the mattress and slide them on.

Erik watched as Charles walked out of the bedroom and quickly fumbled for his pants, finding his phone in one of the pockets. He opened a new text for Logan and typed.

_\- I’m gonna do it._

He’s gonna do it. Erik is going to ask Charles to marry him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you wanted to see the houses Erik and Charles looked at and eventually the one they bought, here they are. This is the first one: http://s21.postimg.org/3mctwc2br/longisland.jpg and this is the second one, the one they bought: http://s9.postimg.org/mzkzwt70e/longisland4.jpg :)


	25. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimpses into the following months of Erik and Charles’s life, with many changes that fall perfectly into place, completing the big picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! The final chapter has arrived. It’s pretty long so get comfortable. I can’t believe this is it, I’m so incredibly emotional yet very very grateful for everyone’s support during the course of writing this story. To everyone who took the time to read, leave kudos and comments, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, it means the absolute world to me. I’m going to miss these Erik and Charles so much, but they won’t leave us after all, will they? A little cheesy, but I think it’s called for. (But depending on the response to the ending, it was suggested that I write one shots as a continuation of this story, so I’ll think about that.) However, I am happy to say that I have a bunch of new Cherik stories coming soon, so do check back for those. I sincerely hope you all have enjoyed this story as much as I have loved writing it and thank you for sticking with it, and me, to the end.

Unlike the various methods leading to Erik waking up in the morning, from the sun streaming through the window to Charles’s light twist and turn to his unforgiving alarm clock, the way he was woken up this morning was a first. He felt a small weight jump on the bed next to him before his face was attacked with sloppy warm licks.

It had been a month since Erik took the decision of getting down on one knee, turning to Logan and Moira for support and advice and keeping him from losing his mind, and has been furiously shopping for the rings without raising Charles’s suspicion. He’d hit the city when Charles was at the university or in meetings and he’d even use the excuse of hanging out with Logan, but he’d really be out with Moira, finding the perfect pair or rings for them. Two days ago, his prayer had been heard and he found them. Moira wasn’t with him that day but he sent her a photo and her instant—literally instant—reply was “YES!!!!!!” so Erik bought them and has been cleverly hiding them in his underwear drawer. Out of experience, he knew Charles wouldn’t look through that particular drawer. His plan was near complete and he was getting too excited to not raise Charles’s eyebrows with interest at his recent behavior.

The heated breath on his face brought him back to reality, his hands started automatically going to work.

“Magneto, no,” Erik heard Charles’s exasperated whisper as he walked into their bedroom.

Erik chuckled, his eyes still closed but his hands scratching between the dog’s ears, a gesture that became sort of a habit about five hours after they adopted the German Shepherd. He was only three months old, which meant he was light but Erik and Charles knew that size wasn’t going to last, so they enjoyed it while it did.

Charles smiled, his eyes landing on his boyfriend who was lying on his back with the dog practically sitting on his bare chest. His small head was now tucked under Erik’s neck and the man’s hand landed on the dog’s stomach protectively.

“Should I be jealous?” Charles teased, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Maybe a little,” Erik opened his sleepy eyes, looking at Charles.

Charles slapped Erik’s legs playfully, got up and walked over to Erik’s side. “Morning,” he leaned down, kissing Erik’s hair.

“What? No good morning kiss?” Erik frowned.

“I think Magneto already gave you that,” Charles chuckled.

“Yeah, he did,” Erik nodded. “Come on, boy, let’s get you outside,” he moved slightly to sit up, sprawling the dog into action, and jumped off the bed.

“Come on,” Charles walked out of the bedroom, the dog trailing happily behind him.

Erik got up and walked into the bathroom, washing his face and teeth before joining Charles and Magneto downstairs.

Why ‘Magneto’, you ask? Simple. The dog was wearing a miniature metal bone on his collar—and still is—when Erik and Charles saw him in the shelter. Erik made it up as a joke but it stuck with Charles, and now he was named Magneto.

Before they got the dog, Erik made sure their white picket fence was complete, closing up their entire backyard and front yard, and they changed a part of the garden from grass to gravel for the little guy. They went shopping for an eternity in IKEA, buying everything from bedframes to spoons and forks. That’s when they saw the cutest dog house either of them had ever seen and soon enough, their entire house was complete.

Erik walked into the kitchen and opened the overhead cupboard, grabbing a cereal bowl and the cereal box on top of the counter. He found the milk in their messy fridge—mental note: clean up the fridge—and filled the bowl.

“The dog can get you up faster than I can,” Charles spoke leaning against the counter, holding a mug of coffee, and going through the newspaper.

“It’s the licking,” Erik said before eating a spoonful of cereal.

“Are you suggesting that I need to lick your face to get you up faster?”

“Am I?” Erik wiggled his eyebrows.

“You’re unbelievable,” Charles shook his head, walking past Erik.

“As you so gratefully keep reminding me,” Erik smacked Charles’s ass as he walked by.

“If we ever have children, you’re going to have to control yourself, babe. That wasn’t age appropriate,” Charles responded, dropping the mug into the sink.

“Uh huh,” Erik went back to his cereal. “What’s today?”

“Uh, Sunday.”

Sunday. Sunday is good. He can do Sunday. Sunday is great.

“Are you free tonight?”

“Yup,” Charles nodded.

“Good, seven o’clock. Be ready.”

“Be ready for what?”

“It’s a surprise,” Erik got up, his bowl joining Charles’s mug as he turned around and walked up to Charles. “You’ll like it,” he smiled, placing a kiss on the shorter man’s lips, the taste of coffee mingling with that of cereal.

“Okay,” Charles smiled.

The moment was interrupted by Magneto’s paws hitting the closed glass sliding door, leading to the garden. Charles chuckled, nodding at Erik.

“I’ll let him out.”

“I need to pop out for a bit,” Erik told Charles, making his way to the stairs.

“All right,” Charles opened the door for the dog and joining him outside.

Erik hurried up the stairs and changed into a light shirt and sweatpants. He grabbed the velvet box from his underwear drawer and slid it into his pocket. He unplugged his phone from the charger next and called Moira.

“Hey,” Moira’s voice came to life.

“Can you meet me there?” Erik talked in a low voice.

“Why are you whispering?”

“Habit,” Erik cleared his throat. “I told him to be ready at seven tonight.”

“It’s happening,” Moira beamed, excitement surging through her voice.

“If I don’t have a breakdown, yes.”

“You’ve been planning this for a month, Erik, you’ll be fine.”

“I made it seem so casual, but I don’t know if it worked,” Erik sighed. “Like it was spontaneous.”

“Deep breaths, okay? I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“Okay, yeah, okay. I’ll see you in a bit,” Erik hung up, composing himself.

Erik took a deep breath and walked down the stairs, spotting Charles sitting on one of the chairs outside, watching Magneto chase something in the garden.

“Frog?” Erik emerged behind Charles, dropping his hands on the man’s shoulders.

“I didn’t have a chance to see, but I think so,” Charles chuckled.

“I’m surprised we have any left. I thought he scared half of them to death and scared off the other half.”

“Evidently not.”

“Yeah.”

“You’ll be out for long?” Charles looked up at Erik.

“Won’t be long,” Erik leaned down, brushing his lips against Charles’s forehead.

“Love you,” Charles said when Erik walked away.

“Love you, too,” Erik echoed back.

“Magneto’s on your heels,” Charles shouted for Erik to hear, seeing the dog dash towards the front gate.

“I got him,” Erik shouted back, making sure the dog stayed inside the perimeter.

Erik got into his car and spotted Magneto sitting near the gate through the fence, looking kind of miserable. Erik turned on the ignition and reversed the car into the street and drove off. He knew the moment he was gone, Magneto would pick himself up and rush back to Charles. He always did that even when the men’s roles were reversed; Charles would leave and less thirty seconds after Erik would hear Charles’s car disappear into the distance, Magneto’s trot would resurface. There was no telling who the dog loved more.

\---

Thanks to traffic-less Sundays, Erik managed to make it in twenty-five minutes, seeing Moira already sitting on a bench, waiting for him. He parked his car in the first spot he saw and jogged over to the woman.

“Sorry I’m late,” Erik wrapped his arms around her when she stood up.

“I was here early, and you live in Long Island now,” Moira returned the embrace. “How’s Charles?”

“Oblivious,” Erik said, pulling away. “Thank God.”

They were sitting in front of the café where Erik and Charles first met, this place had brought them together or it was only fitting that this place would also bind them together for life. Erik knew that even if he hadn’t met Charles in this café when he did, if he hadn’t took the decision to get that cup of coffee, he would have still met Charles. But when exactly, that was the question and Erik couldn’t bear to think about that. Would he have met Charles after the whole Shaw thing? Or right before it happened? Would he be standing in this very moment if he hadn’t met Charles exactly when he met him? No, he met Charles exactly when he was supposed to meet him and everything that unraveled led to this moment. And for that, Erik was grateful. Fate had drawn them together, and he was beyond happy that Charles had agreed that it was arranged, not a coincidence. Not even an arranged coincidence.

The café was closed on this particular Sunday, for reasons Erik didn’t know. But there was sign plastered on the door, apologizing for any inconvenience caused. One man’s inconvenience is another man’s golden chance, or so Erik believed. He dug his hand into his pocket and grabbed the velvet box, handing it to Moira. She opened the box and her jaw dropped upon seeing the two rings propped up inside.

“Erik,” she breathed, “they’re even more stunning in real life.”

Erik smiled, ecstatic that he found _the_ rings for him and Charles.

“I can’t wait to see them on your fingers.”

 _Neither can I_ , Erik thought.

\---

Erik was back home long before seven o’clock. He and Charles settled for homemade pasta and went through the film list on Netflix with Magneto sitting at their feet. They ended up watching two films by the time the clock struck six o’clock.

“Look at the time,” Charles began getting up. “We need to get ready.”

“We do,” Erik nodded, but remained unmoving on the couch.

“I’ll hop in the shower,” Charles looked at Erik.

“I’ll be right there,” Erik answered absentmindedly, his nerves suddenly flaring up again.

When he managed to snap himself out of his anxious haze, Charles and Magneto were nowhere to be found. He pushed himself to his feet and walked up the stairs, hearing the shower in their bedroom. He shed off his clothes and joined Charles.

Each man was busy fidgeting to find their clothes in their messy closest—mental note number two: organize closet—to really look at each other. Charles settled for his favorite navy suit and a simple shirt underneath, where Erik chose his grey suit. Erik took the chance when Charles disappeared into bathroom to push the velvet box and a blindfold into his suit pocket.

“You look gorgeous,” Erik’s eyes traveled up and down Charles’s body, his eyes lighting up. This was in fact, Erik’s favorite suit of Charles’s as well, it hugs his body perfectly and Charles is a true gem, needing to be shown off to the world and nothing makes Erik happier than knowing that Charles is his gem.

“Look who’s talking,” Charles smiled, stretching up to kiss Erik.

“What do you think?” Erik turned to their dog, who was sitting on the carpet looking up at both men.

Magneto’s ears shot up and his tail began wiggling from side to side, clearly approving of the looks but didn’t advance towards them. The dog might be young, but he’s learned not to come near them when they were in suits. They had been wearing a lot of suits since they took Magneto in and he was a smart dog.

“Well, our dog has a brilliant sense of fashion,” Charles chuckled.

“Of course he does, he’s our dog,” Erik winked.

Ten minutes later, Erik and Charles were driving off and Magneto was sitting by the gate. They knew he wouldn’t move until they came back home.

“So, where are we going?”

“I told you it’s a surprise,” Erik replied, his eyes on the road.

“I’m too excited,” Charles smiled.

“With good cause, I’m sure,” Erik teased.

“You won’t tell me?”

“Nope,” Erik shook his head but took Charles’s hand, resting his arm on the armrest between their seats.

“In that case, you wouldn’t mind if I did this, right?” Charles extended his arm, turning on the radio.

“I don’t mind,” Erik chuckled.

They drove for twenty more minutes when Erik parked the car, turning off the ignition.

“We’re there?”

“Not quite, we’ll walk.”

“Okay,” Charles moved to open to passenger seat.

“Wait,” Erik reached into his pocket and retrieved the blindfold, holding it out to Charles to take.

Charles’s eyes flickered from the blindfold to Erik’s face. “This is becoming a pattern with you. Is there anything you aren’t telling me?”

Erik shrugged. “Nothing, just, put it on, please. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“The things I do for love,” Charles sighed dramatically and took the blindfold, carefully tying it around his eyes. “If my hair gets messed up because of this, you’ll pay,” he warned Erik.

“Agreed. I’ll get you,” Erik jumped out of the driver’s seat and walked around the car to get Charles. “I even open the door for you,” Erik’s hand latched onto Charles’s arm, helping him out of the car.

“I can’t see the bloody door, Erik,” Charles huffed, leaving himself to Erik completely.

They walked in silence for three minutes, Erik’s face already heating up and his stomach doing flips in all directions. It seemed like it took forever until they were standing in front of the café, the lighting exactly how Erik had planned. He managed to somehow close off this part of the block so they wouldn’t be interrupted. Perks of being an actor, you know a lot of people. Erik wasn’t one to use the power of fame but he thought this certain moment called for it. He took in a deep breath and let it out silently. _This is it_ , Erik thought. He reached out for the velvet box and opened it to face Charles, dropping down on one knee.

“Okay,” Erik whispered. “You can take it off now.”

Charles undid the blindfold and slowly opened his eyes. His jaw dropped when his eyes met Erik, his eyes fully blown. He quickly looked around and recognized the spot, his heart warming up. He swallowed and turned back to Erik, noticing how the light around them reflected off the ground and onto the man’s face, turning him into an angel, the light glowing into his eyes, making them even bluer and softer. Charles could already see traces of tears in the eyes looking straight into his own.

“From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one,” Erik began. “I know it took you a little longer to figure it out but I believe without a single doubt that we are meant to be. We fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle. My life was messy before I met you, my life was missing something—something I couldn’t quite put my finger on and I went on living. But then I realized that my life was missing love, real love and a person, someone I’d dedicate my everything to. Someone who would give meaning to my life and I’d give that person everything I had to offer and live every day to make him the happiest man in the world. And then I realized it was you, you were that person. The first time we sat down together, you told me you didn’t believe in fate but now I know you do because I can see it in your eyes. We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be. Life has thrown a lot at us but we survived it, we made it, together and we can survive that, we can survive anything. I mean it when I say you’re everything I ever wanted and everything I ever needed. You saved my life, over and over and I’m here today because of you. You’re one of a kind, your spirit and your heart and your soul, there are no words to describe how pure and beautiful they are. You make me stronger and wiser and happier and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Charles, from the moment I saw you and I will love you till the end of time. Will you do me the honor of being my husband?”

By now, tears were uncontrollably streaming down Charles’s face, he could hardly see Erik beyond the blur. Not trusting to find his voice, he nodded, over and over again and over again.

“Yes, yes, a million times yes,” Charles managed to croak out, pulling Erik up for a kiss.

A tear slipped down Erik’s cheek as he pulled the ring out of the padding and slid it on Charles’s finger, a perfect fit. He held out his own ring for Charles to take.

With shaky hands, Charles took the identical ring from Erik’s palm and slipped it on his fiancé’s finger. Charles threw his arms around Erik’s neck and sank his head into the larger man’s neck, closing his eyes.

Erik’s arms immediately went around Charles’s figure, holding him close and pushing his face against Charles’s head. He picked him up and twirled them around a few times, a chuckle escaping from Charles’s lips.

Their foreheads connected when Erik lowered Charles back on the ground, his hands going up to hold Charles’s face and wiped away the tears.

“About time,” Charles whispered.

“I’ve been planning this a while,” Erik chuckled.

“I love you so much,” Charles said and claimed Erik’s mouth before the man could respond, passion and electricity moving through them. He didn’t need Erik to say anything, getting down on one knee said everything.

Charles’s eyes went over their rings, their absolutely breathtaking rings. They were simple silver bands, with rounded edges, and they’d cast off a silver-black reflection whenever the light hit them. They were elegant, shinny and just right. Charles vowed to never take it off. But their shine wasn’t as bright as Erik and Charles’s eyes.

“Was it worth the blindfold and the secret?” Erik asked, his face practically stuck to Charles’s.

“Yes, yes it was,” Charles smiled at him. “Fate,” he said, biting his lower lip.

“Not arranged coincidence?” Erik teased.

“Fate,” Charles repeated, his hands slipping through Erik’s suit jacket, linking his fingers behind Erik’s back.

“Damn right,” Erik chuckled, managing to pull Charles even closer into his body. “Shall we celebrate?”

They have forever to look forward to.

\---

The moment Erik’s mom heard that her son had popped the question and Charles said yes, she was on the first flight back to New York City. Erik and Charles had already filled out an online Marriage License application to get legally married, yet they decided to wait for Edie to arrive to finalize it at the City Clerk’s office. They arranged for Logan, Moira and Raven to also be with them at that day, both for support and as witnesses. When they were filling out the application, they crossed the question of surnames and whether they’d keep their own or change them. After a brief discussion, since they were both on the same page, they happily decided to take on each other’s surnames: Erik Xavier-Lehnsherr and Charles Xavier-Lehnsherr and celebrated it with a kiss.

Four days later, the Marriage License was signed by Erik and Charles and their witnesses. Two days after that, a civil ceremony was held for Erik and Charles, who vowed to stay together or better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do them part and they tied it off with a kiss. They were ambushed by hugs and kisses from their family, some of them were crying, not to mention names (Edie and Moira) and Charles might have had a little something in his eyes, making him tear up. Thanks to Logan’s connections and his love for the husbands, he managed to get them all a table at The NoMad restaurant, which happens to be one of Charles’s favorite places to dine in. They ate and drank and shared stories from their childhoods together, feeling like a real, strong family. Erik and Charles held hands the entire time, showering each other with cheek kisses every moment they got, hope and happiness surging through their souls and beating hearts, beating for each other.

Later that night, after Edie settled in the guest bedroom to sleep (and after falling in love with Magneto), Erik and Charles retreated into their room, the smiles never leaving their faces. Once they arrived back home, somehow Magneto sensed to high levels of joy and passion in the air that he dismissed the don’t-touch-when-wearing-suits rule and jumped on Erik, who let him. He allowed the dog to sloppily lick his face and handed him over to Charles, who received the same treatment. Now, Charles was curled up against Erik’s chest, his hand relaxing on top of Erik’s arm that hung loosely over his stomach. They could feel Magneto stretching and sighing on the edge of the bed near their feet, making them both smile wider.

Charles brought up Erik’s hand to his lips and kissed the new ring. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, so much,” Erik whispered, dropping a kiss on the back of Charles’s neck.

They already started their small family.

\---

One Tuesday afternoon three weeks later, Charles made sure to clear both his and Erik’s schedule, it was his turn to give Erik a little something in return for all the wonderful things the man has done for him. He had talked to Raven and Moira about it a week early, just to make sure he wasn’t losing his mind or has completely gone mental, and they both reassured him that no, he did not losing his mind and he wasn’t going mental; he was simply in love. Charles went home unable to control his excitement and ended up pushing Erik into the pool with his clothes on. He joined his husband a minute later when Erik pulled the classic help-me-out-of-the-pool trick and pulled Charles right into the water with him, splashing water all over Magneto—who was growing like a weed—after he came running towards the pool when he heard the men’s laughter. It was a warm night anyway.

“Why are you so jumpy today?” Erik raised an eyebrow at Charles from the couch.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, dear,” Charles stuffed his mouth with his sandwich.

Charles had planned for Edie to go out with Raven and Moira for some shopping—it was actually for them to get him some more scoop on Erik’s embarrassing moments, or pictures from his childhood he had hid away or something since he, himself, could get so much—but Edie had been all over the women and they knew they’d have a good time. He made Moira promise to have Edie back by five, which is the time he estimated they’d be back from his…surprise.

“Is this payback?” Erik narrowed his eyes.

“For?”

“Oh, I don’t know, every time I’ve blindfolded you. Every time I had a surprise, just a thought,” Erik shrugged.

Charles chuckled, shaking is head. “Don’t worry, I loved your last surprise so trust me when I tell you that I will not disappoint you.”

Erik didn’t say anything.

“We leave at two-thirty,” Charles threw at Erik and dashed up the stairs.

Erik sighed, looking down towards the dog sitting by his feet. “Is it me or is Charles weird lately?”

Magneto cocked his head to the side.

“I thought as much,” Erik nodded and grabbed the remote control, flipping through the channels to find something to watch until it was time.

\---

Out of experience, Charles knew that Erik didn’t pay much attention to his surroundings when he was walking on the sidewalk. At least he didn’t focus on the buildings, even though a hot dog stand would catch his undivided attention. That fact made this all the better and easier for Charles, he didn’t need to blindfold Erik to get there. In fact, when they did stop walking, Erik was rather confused.

“Why are you stopping?”

“Because we’re there, doofus.”

Erik looked around and raised his eyebrows at Charles, clearly still not getting it.

Charles turned Erik to face and building and left the rest to the man.

Erik’s eyes ran over the words stuck to the brick: New York Adoption Agency

He turned to face Charles, his mouth hanging open and his eyes blown wide. His face went between the building and Charles until he was able to put two damn words together.

“Really?” Erik breathed.

Charles nodded, a smile on his face. “You said how we’d fill our very big house.”

“Really?”

“Yes, babe, really,” Charles chuckled.

“Charles…”

“I never thought about having a family because, well, I thought I’d never be able to have that with anyone so why think about something that is beyond your reach? But then all that changed when I met you, and even after everything that happened, I realized that I can have that, that I want to have that, all of it, with you. Back in the hospital when you said that we’d get a white picket fence, and a dog, and go to ballet recitals and coach soccer…it gave me strength to think about that, it helped me get up every morning. We’re strong, we’re so strong, I know without a doubt that having a family would make us even stronger and happier and it will complete us, even more than we’re already complete. And I know how much you want a family and I want to give you that. You’ve given me so much, so much and I want to do this for you. And for me, and for us. We have the house and the fence and the dog, all that’s missing now is the laughter of the kids to fill echo off the walls and to run around playing fetch with Magneto.”

“Kids?” Erik managed to speak with his quivering tone.

“We can probably handle it. And if we can’t, well, we have Logan and Raven and Moira,” Charles chuckled.

Erik chuckled and sniffed, a tear falling from his watery eyes. “No, we don’t have Logan when it comes to this. Logan is going to be the cool godfather who would scare the shit out of the first boyfriend that comes home.”

“I thought you were doing that,” Charles teased.

“Me and Logan are a good team,” Erik chuckled and wiped away the tears from his face. He closed the distance between him and his husband with a kiss. “A boy and a girl.”

“A boy and a girl,” Charles smiled against Erik’s lips, the smile reaching his blue sparkly eyes.

“There’s nothing I want more than to have a family with you,” Erik took Charles’s hand and they walked into the building.

Erik and Charles left the building an hour later with a social worker and they headed towards the orphanage to find their children.

It took around thirty minutes when they arrived and walked through the huge glass doors. The place was bright and clean and goodness, so many children. Erik and Charles exchanged baffled looks before turning back to the children running around.

“You said the age range you wanted was around one year, correct?” The social worked asked them as she went through the big folder.

“Yes, that’s correct,” Charles tore his eyes from the children to look at her.

“We should head that way,” she—Sarah—pointed to the elevator.

The elevator dinged and they all got off, walking through a huge nursery filled with cribs and boxes of formula milk.

“Take your time,” Sarah stood to the side.

“There’s a lot of children,” Erik whispered to Charles.

“I know,” Charles chuckled lowly. “Rely on your heart, alright? Just walk around and let it do its thing.”

Erik nodded and started walking around, peeking in silently at the sleeping children in the cribs or the ones playing with toilet papers or stacking up blocks. He spotted Charles kneeling next to a little boy, smiling at the finger painting the boy made. Erik walked passed a room with two cribs and then stopped, his heart fluttering in his chest. Something told him to walk into that room.

He took a few steps backwards and did just that. He looked into the first crib and found a sleeping girl but when he turned to the second one, the little boy was wide awake and looking straight into Erik’s eyes. And that’s when he felt it, the instant connection with the child and suddenly, Erik couldn’t imagine taking home any other one in this entire place. It seemed like the boy felt it too because he smiled up at Erik, reaching out his tiny little arms to the man.

“You’re a handsome little guy, aren’t you?” Erik sang, his hand rubbing the boy’s stomach gently.

The little guy responded by wiggling his legs in the air with excitement, his smile somehow getting bigger.

Erik smiled down at the boy, already in love with him. This is what Charles meant by following his heart. Charles, right, Charles. Erik managed to grab Charles’s attention and gestured for him to come over to the room.

“This little guy just stole my heart,” Erik beamed at his husband.

“He is precious,” Charles looked down at the boy, and Erik saw the connection through Charles’s eyes.

By now the little girl in the neighboring crib had woken up and looked to her side. Charles redirected his eyes towards her and his heart leaped in his chest.

“Erik, oh my God, Erik, look at her. She’s a princess,” Charles cooed, running his hand softly over her hair.

“You feel it too?”

“I do,” Charles smiled. “These are our children.”

They couldn’t explain it really. When they both saw the children, something clicked inside of them, something shone brighter and made them feel lighter. A sensation beyond any words and description, but it felt good and pure. It felt right. If you’d ask Charles what this felt like, he’s say it felt like fate.

Sarah joined Erik and Charles when she noticed that the men had been in that particular room for a while.

“I see you’ve met the twins,” she spoke. “Wanda and Pietro.”

“They’re beautiful,” Charles marveled at the babies.

“They are, and they’re very calm and playful, too. Easy to sooth and well-tempered.”

“How long have they been here?” Erik asked.

Sarah checked the folder and looked at Erik. “A little under two months.”

“And their biological parents?”

“They’re children of the state, their biological parents signed them over and they were brought here.”

Erik nodded and gestured to Pietro. “May I?”

“Of course,” Sarah nodded with a smile.

With that, Erik extended his arms and picked up the little boy, drawing him into his chest and settling him against his hip.

“Hello _liebling_ ,” Erik smiled at the child in his arms.

Pietro’s eyes wandering all over Erik’s face as he stretched up his hand and ran his fingers over Erik’s cheek, something about the texture making him giggle.

“Oh, is that German?” Sarah observed.

“Yes, it is,” Charles nodded. “I have a feeling he’ll be teaching these two German and they’ll start speaking behind my back,” he chuckled.

Erik fake-gasped. “I would never.”

“No, but you might,” Charles narrowed his eyes at Erik.

Wanda had managed to stand up in her crib and started squirming, possibly because her brother was being carried and she wasn’t.

“Oh, one more thing,” Sarah spoke. “She gets jealous.”

“He doesn’t?” Erik asked.

“Not as much as her.”

“Alright, love, come here,” Charles turned to the little girl and picked her up in his arms and she immediately calmed down and started playing with his shirt. “You’re a little feisty one, aren’t you? Don’t relax until you get what you want. Determination, I like it,” Charles kissed Wanda’s forehead.

“You already look like a family,” Sarah smiled. “I already know the answer, but by law I am bound to ask you this. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”

“Aside from asking this one to marry me, this is the easier decision I ever made. I absolutely want to do this,” Erik nodded, tightening his hold on the little boy.

“Same here,” Charles agreed. “Between you and me, though, I think this is a little easier than saying yes to him.”

“Wait until they become teenagers and then we can compare,” Erik teased.

An hour later, Erik and Charles barely made it through the glass doors, wanting nothing more than to turn around and walk back inside. They promised the little ones to see them tomorrow and sharing their disappointment of leaving, the smiles on both Pietro and Wanda’s faces dropped when the men disappeared.

Sarah gave Erik and Charles a copy of Wanda and Pietro’s files, alongside a stack of paperwork to be filled out to mark the beginning of the adoption process.

\---

Just as they had imagined, the paperwork was a nightmare. The checklist in the beginning of the packet ran about five pages long and three and a half of those pages were to see if the men were eligible to be considered fit to adopt the twins. This is much, much more complicated than either of them had thought. But visiting Wanda and Pietro every day as they promised gave them the motivation to get through the paperwork and speed up the process as much as they could so they’d take those angels home with them.

Everyone was over the moon when Erik and Charles gave them the news of the adoption, and Raven even squealed when she went through the children’s files and saw their pictures. Charles had assured her that they were much cuter in reality. They would have taken everyone with them to visit the babies, but Sarah didn’t advise it, given that it could very possibly confuse the infants. With heavy hearts, Erik and Charles agreed, and promised to get them home as soon as they possibly could. Already falling into their roles as parents, both Erik and Charles’s camera rolls have been clustered with endless pictures of Wanda and Pietro, and they seemed to already be growing up too fast for the men’s liking.

To say Edie was delighted and her spirits were floating above the clouds might be the understatement of the year. The woman had clutched her hands in front of her heart and pulled her son and his husband into her arms, and tried to keep the tears at bay. She immediately fell in love with the kids as soon as she saw their pictures, one of her biggest dreams was finally coming true. She was about to be a grandmother. Edie had always feared that she’d never get to hold Erik’s children since he was gay and she wasn’t very sure about his willingness towards the subject of raising kids on his own but once she heard about Charles, she knew it in her heart that Erik would have children with that man. And that was confirmed even more when she actually saw her son with the professor. Edie is never wrong.

\---

Once the adoption process was making progress, Erik and Charles bought a booklet filled with different shades of color since they wanted to work on the nursery for the kids.

“I think a gender-neutral color would be best,” Erik suggested.

“Absolutely,” Charles agreed. “Maybe this shade of light grey?”

“That one with some white, and maybe part of the walls would be striped with both colors?”

“Ah, yes!” Charles smiled. “And we could have a hit on turquoise and some yellow.”

“The curtains would be white and have maybe two thin turquoise stripes on each side,” Erik’s eyes lit up.

“Oh my God, I love it. This is going to be so beautiful. Oh, and we can buy some of those big letters for each of their names and hang them above their beds!”

“You’re already an amazing father,” Erik leaned in and kissed Charles.

“So are you,” Charles smiled against Erik’s lips.

Erik made sure to have the page marked so he’d go out later to buy the paint buckets of their desired shade. They had cleared out whatever furniture was in the room right next to theirs and covered the floor with thick plastic and bought the painting equipment. They couldn’t wait to get the room ready and buy the cribs and take the twins home. They couldn’t wait for their family to grow and give two angelic children better lives.

\---

The course of the following week was spent painting the now nursery room, with Logan, Moira and Raven lending a helping hand every now and then. Once the first layer or paint had dried, they had given it another layer, Erik claiming he had read it somewhere. Charles wasn’t entirely sure about the information and where his husband was getting it but he let it pass, knowing how much Erik had enjoyed painting the room and it was one of the many things he loved about him, his eagerness to create a perfect world for their children.

The semester at the university was nearing the end, the last couple of weeks filled with nothing but review sessions and student conferences if needed, which gave Charles the best opportunity to slip out and head home whenever his day was over, regardless of the time. He would set up all review sessions and meetings as early as the university would let him, much to his students’ dismay and grumpiness, but when he told them his little secret, their attitude had changed completely. He wasn’t doing all this to torture them, they realized, he’s doing all this because he’s starting a family. And honestly, who wouldn’t want to start a family with Erik Lehnsherr?

They took notice to his name change and congratulated him, but didn’t push too much for stories and what not. They had already gotten a nice surprise when Erik dropped by out of nowhere and they barely found their lungs to breathe.

They of course asked Charles if he’d still be teaching when the next semester rolls in, and even though they wouldn’t be his students anymore, he reassured them more than once that yes, he will back and he will continue teaching. They would bump into each other in the massive university somewhere, they knew.

“Do you think they’ll let them wear these?” Erik held up the newly bough clothes they couldn’t resist buying for the twins when they were out getting the cribs.

The room now was almost complete; the cribs were in place, the names were hung over them and the space was steadily getting filled with toys and stuffed animals. Every time any member of the family would go out, they’d bring back something for the kids. Two days ago, Logan walked through the door of the dream house carrying one big teddy bear, which honestly had scared the crap out of Charles when he turned around and faced it. They had agreed that the huge teddy bear would stay in the living room, too much stimuli for the kids.

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t,” Charles shrugged, slipping his shoes on. “It’s not like we’re giving them the clothes and then disappearing from their lives.”

“I know, I know,” Erik nodded.

Charles sat up and looked at Erik, the uneasy expression on his face made him frown a little. He stood up and walked over to his silent husband, taking his hands.

“What’s wrong, babe?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Erik shrugged it off.

“Erik,” Charles pressed.

“I’m just,” Erik sighed, “I’m just worried. Everything’s been going great and the room is ready and everyone is so excited that this is happening but what…what if something goes wrong? What if in the last moment they change their minds and decide not to give us Wanda and Pietro? Because that happens,” Erik laid the clothes on the bed. “What if it happens because of me?” He added in a low, hushed voice.

“Because of you? What do you mean?”

“I’m an actor,” Erik looked up at Charles. “I’m sure they’re not blind to that kind of lifestyle. My job requires me to move a lot, to stay away for months at a time and if they decide that I’m not fit to be a parent, odds are they won’t give you the kids, either. They’ll realize that the kids won’t have stability and that they’ll grow up away from me and it’s not supposed to be like that. And I’m so scared I ruin all of this, I’m so scared they take this away from us because of _me_ ,” tears begin to cloud Erik’s eyes.

Charles lets go of Erik’s hand and took his face into his hands, instead, forcing their eyes to connect. “They’re not going to do that, Erik. Yes, they’re aware of your job but they’re also aware of how much you’ve come to love and care about these two kids, and they aren’t blind to how the kids feel about you. They’re young, yes, but they can tell. No one is taking them away from us. They know the demand of your job, both of our jobs, but they know we’ll be dedicated parents. That we’re already dedicated parents. What you’re talking about, what you’re saying, it just shows that you’re already an amazing father, Erik. Besides, I would never let anyone take those two kids from us,” Charles connects his forehead with Erik.

Charles could feel Erik relaxing against him, closing his eyes and breathing evenly. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before nodding.

“Okay,” Charles straights his back with a smile. “Lets go see our children,” he leaned to the side, picking up the clothes.

They were two identical onesies, one red and one yellow, and both had “this is what adorable twins look like” written across. They were adorable twins, after all. Erik couldn’t resist buying them.

\---

Erik and Charles arrived thirty minutes later, the taller man had went ahead of his husband and left Charles to ask some questions that were lurking in the back of his head. Once on the floor, Erik walked towards the regular room where they kept the twins, but his heart fell into his knees when he saw that the room was empty.

Erik frantically looked around, thinking for a second that he had gotten the wrong room but soon realized he wasn’t wrong; this was in fact Wanda and Pietro’s room. And just like that, Erik’s worst nightmare was a show playing beyond his very eyes, and he’s got a front row seat.

Somehow, he could hear footsteps approaching over the sound of the thudding beats in his ears, he turned around and saw Charles approaching him.

“Where are they?” He met Charles halfway.

“What are you talking about?” Charles frowned.

“The kids, they’re not in their room,” Erik pointed a shaky finger to show Charles.

Charles’s eyesight followed and his frown deepened, feeling his own anxiety rise. “Are you sure they’re not in the play area?”

“I looked around, I can’t find them.”

Before either man could panic any longer, Sarah appeared through another door, an extension neither Erik nor Charles knew existed.

“Right this way,” Sarah grabbed their attention.

Both heads turned to face the voice and two pairs of eyes stared at her.

“They moved the twins to another room, it’s bigger and more private.”

Erik felt like he could breathe again, he leaned his head slightly forward and closed his eyes, letting out a long sigh and supporting his body with a hand resting on Charles’s shoulder.

Charles chuckled away the panic and held onto Erik’s waist. He got closer to Erik’s ear and whispered, “See? I told you no one is taking them away from us.”

Erik nodded and kept his grip on Charles as they walked through the new door and saw Wanda and Pietro sitting in their cribs at the end of the hallway.

Erik picked up his pace and a long sigh of relief escaped his lips as he entered the room, both twins turned their heads to face the tall man. Erik immediately picked up Wanda the second her tiny arms shot up in the air.

“Hey, liebling,” Erik rested her rosy warm cheek against his own and closed his eyes, holding her close. “You have your dad a scare, kid.”

Wanda responded by pushing her palm into Erik’s chin and looked up at him, a small smile on her face.

“Yeah, you laugh it off,” Erik chuckled, kissing the little girl’s forehead.

Charles joined Erik in the room with no sign of Sarah behind him. “You know why they moved them?” Charles went around the crib to pick up Pietro.

“I’m guessing you’re going to tell me,” Erik teased.

“It’s because the adoption is approximately eighty percent done, so they thought it would be nice to give us some privacy with these ones,” Charles ran his hand up and down the boy’s back.

“Seriously?” Erik beamed.

“Seriously,” Charles returned Erik’s smile. “And here you were thinking they’d take them away from us.”

“Oh my, God,” Erik clutched Wanda tighter in his chest and took two steps towards Charles, smashing his lips against his husband’s.

“We’re taking them home soon,” Charles’s forehead rested against Erik’s and he stretched his arm around the man and the baby.

They matched the twins in the outfits they had and then went home with a court hearing date to finalize the adoption and take them home.

\---

Come mid-July and the music was full blast in the dream house. Chatter, barks and water splashes coming from the garden. Moira and Raven were setting up the table on the porch, Edie was reading a book and Logan was getting out of the pool, combing his hair backwards with his hand. The twins were sitting on a thin mattress near Edie, occupying themselves with blocks and tiny cars.

“Where’s Erik?” Raven asked when Charles reappeared.

“He texted that he was on his way twenty minutes ago, he should be here any moment.”

Charles chuckled when Pietro began to bounce in his place at his answer, excitement radiating off his small body. From the moment they saw Wanda and Pietro, he knew that Erik was more bonded to Pietro, just as he was more bonded to Wanda. They both loved their children beyond words, both of them equally, but it was something neither of them could explain.

“Happy your dad will home soon?”

Pietro smiled.

“What about you, bee?” Charles looked at Wanda.

She looked up for a second then back down, clearly content that Charles was near.

Charles shook his head with a small chuckle and leaned down, kissing the top of her head. “You’ll be excited when he gets here.”

Less than five minutes later, Erik walked into the garden through the backyard, both children had their back to him. He caught Charles’s eyes and pressed his finger to his lips, Charles found it difficult to suppress his smirk. In two long strides, Erik was leaning next to his kids.

“Hello, you two monkeys,” Erik’s head was between the two small ones.

Pietro’s head immediately turned towards Erik’s face, bumping his wet lip against Erik’s cheek.

“That’s one sloppy kiss, buzz,” Erik chuckled, taking the kid into his arm. “Hi, bee,” he leaned down, kissing his daughter, earning him a small smile.

Erik looked up and saw Charles standing nearby, a content smile on his face. He extended his hand for Erik to take and helped him to his feet.

“Hi, love,” Charles pecked Erik’s lips.

“Hi,” Erik smiled.

Charles leaned down and picked up Wanda, who kept one of the building blocks in her tight grip. “Did you find everything?”

“Yeah, stuff is still in the car, I just wanted to come inside and see these two,” Erik pressed a kiss to the boy’s cheek.

“We’re starving, so move your pretty pretty behind, please,” Charles teased.

Erik chuckled. “Fine,” he passed down Pietro into his mother’s arm.

“I’ll help,” Moira spoke up.

“You’re also cooking,” Charles reminded Moira.

“And I’m helping,” Raven chirped.

“That gives me more time with the kids and Charles,” Erik lit up, handing the key over to Raven and taking the little girl from Charles.

“Don’t burn the food,” Charles kissed Raven’s cheek.

“The man has arrived,” Logan jogged towards Erik and Charles, dripping water into a puddle at his feet.

“I am,” Erik gave Logan a one-armed hug, feeling the water seep through his shirt.

“How do you get more adorable as each day passes?” Logan sang at Wanda.

“She’s our daughter, what do you expect?” Erik playfully nudged his best friend in his ribs with his elbow.

“Fair enough,” Logan chuckled, taking her from Erik.

Erik walked over to Charles and wrapped his arms around the man’s waist, pulling him close. “How are you?”

“I’m perfect,” Charles leaned into Erik’s chest, closing his eyes and letting his body meld into Erik’s.

“We should go for a swim,” Erik suggested.

“That sounds lovely, and the kids can join,” Charles nodded.

“I’ll go change, can you get them ready?”

“Absolutely.”

Erik kissed Charles’s neck and jogged into the house just as Raven and Moira emerged from the kitchen, holding plates of rounded meat.

“Should we start the grill?”

“Yeah, Logan will help,” Erik nodded.

Five minutes passed by when Erik walked back outside in his swimming suit and no shirt on, a towel hanging on his shoulder. He glanced around, and saw that Wanda and Pietro were already fitted into their floaters. They were sitting on the first step in the pool, playing with some water toys and hitting their small palms against the surface of the water, Charles kneeling next to them. Logan, Raven and Moira were gathered around the grill, flipping the burgers and his mother was sitting in the shade, observing the entire scene as it unfolds. Magneto came rushing towards Erik, his tail flying from side to side, his ears standing up and his mouth wide open, happy to see Erik. The man leaned down and scratched between the dog’s ears.

Charles spotted Erik and dipped his body into the water and waited for Erik to join him.

Erik walked over to the pool, Magneto walking beside him. He sat on the edge of the deep side and swiftly let his body slide into the water. He went up for air a few seconds later, riffling his hair. Magneto sat on the grass next to his family, watching over them. He had gotten quite big quite fast.

“Ready?” Erik looked at Charles, who nodded. “Alright, come on, kiddo,” he reached for Pietro and held the small body, keeping the boy’s head above the water and watched as Charles did the same for Wanda.

“You like that, don’t you?” Erik chuckled, feeling Pietro’s feet hit against his stomach. The boy started wiggling in his father’s grip, wanting to be freed and take control. Erik slowly loosened his arms, gradually letting Pietro drift into the water. It was much easier letting him go this time than it was the very first time he did it.

Wanda, however, was very relaxed and comfortable in Charles’s arms. Needless to say, she’s less adventurous than her brother.

Erik lingered near his son, not intervening yet close enough to jump in if something were to happen to the boy. He tried not to be very overprotective, something Charles had accused him of multiple times, but unlike Charles, Erik didn’t have much experience with children. Sure, he’d see his fellow actors and actress’s children from time to time but he was never left alone to care for a one year old before, so he was nervous. More nervous than he was willing to admit but Charles had noticed and eased Erik into it. He did his best, but he was still learning and Erik could not be more grateful to have Charles at his side, holding his hand and rubbing his back when he’d hover over their children with nothing but love and concern.

\---

The clouds began blocking the sun and the wind turned crisp and the children began to shiver. The food was almost ready so Erik and Charles got out of the pool and took the twins for quick showers, which had them soaked once again. They changed Wanda and Pietro into t-shirts and shorts and walked downstairs, happy to see the last of the burgers were being flipped onto the plate. Erik offered to dice up some fruits for the twins while Charles made him his sandwich, and they took turns feeding the little monkeys.

By nighttime, everyone was exhausted and ready to go home. Raven and Moira left a couple of minutes ago, leaving Logan and Edie, who were both sleeping over. Logan took on the kitchen chores, packing away any remaining food and watching the dishes. Edie had joined him in the kitchen, chitchatting and catching up with the man. Hearing nothing but the soft volume of the television coming from the living room, Edie curiously peeked into the area, and immediately smiled at the sight.

Erik and Charles were sitting side-by-side on the couch, Wanda sprawling her body across Charles’s lap and Pietro sitting in Erik’s, his back resting against the man’s chest. The kids looked fast asleep, but the men were awake, she could see their eyes blinking and the slow movement between them; their hands were intertwined together as they silently watched an animated film on the screen.

Edie was caught up in the view she didn’t hear Logan stand next to her until he began speaking.

“They did good,” he smiled.

“Yes, yes they did,” Edie nodded.

She couldn’t be prouder of her son and his husband.

\---

Even though he was tired beyond words, Erik couldn’t find it in him to sleep that night. Instead, he lay awake, his eyes wide open and fixed on the man sleeping soundly in his arms. Erik could hear the faint static of the baby monitor sitting on their nightstand, constantly lending an ear to the device. He ran his fingertips up and down Charles’s bare back as the smaller man nuzzled his head further into Erik’s neck. Erik smiled, his hand traveling up into Charles’s wavy hair and running his fingers through the smooth strands. His lips hovered over his husband’s forehead for a few seconds before closing the gap and gently brushing his lips against the warm skin. Erik found his mind going back to their first night together, which pulled the strings of the past; everything they’ve been through from the moment they met in that coffee shop. It was overwhelming, everything rushing back, the good times, the bad, the pain, the healing and it was in that moment that Erik realized this is what it feels like to be alive. This is what it means to belong to someone and cherish them until your last breath. This is what it means when you say that forever isn’t going to be enough. This is no arranged coincidence, this is what it means to be exactly where you belong. Erik believes that no matter what roads he and Charles would have taken, or which turns they would have gone through, they would have ended exactly where they are, a little different maybe, but still wrapped up in each other’s arms, feeling safe and happy and fulfilled.

Everything had worked out perfectly. Or in other words, or just one word: fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Magneto (I could not resist): http://s2.postimg.org/ygd5y6x2h/magnetodog.jpg  
> Here are the rings: http://s9.postimg.org/gfv69uajj/tiffany_gay_wedding_ring_cool_ideas_on_ring_desi.png  
> Here is the twins’ nursery: http://s30.postimg.org/rh9f8ejqp/DSC_0708_1024x685.jpg


End file.
